Tag: Gender roles

Online Dating: Spotting Predators and Protecting Your Heart – Part 2

Published on by Editor

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 2 of a 5 part series. In recent times, online dating has become an increasingly popular avenue for meeting potential partners, including for Christian men and women seeking to honor God in their relationships. However, there’s a concerning trend among some men who profess to be Christians, yet their actions contradict the values of Christ. These individuals target virtuous Christian women, misleading them with facades of faith and manipulating them for selfish gain.

The Deception of “Christian” Men

Just because a man claims to be a Christian does not necessarily mean he is one in practice. As believers, we are taught to “test the spirits” (1 John 4:1) and to judge a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:16). When it comes to dating, it’s essential to recognize that some men who profess Christianity may not embody the character and integrity that genuine Christian faith demands. They might use their faith as a tool to gain the trust of unsuspecting women, but their actions may reveal their true intentions.

These characters often try to manipulate and control women by disguising themselves as faithful, virtuous Christians. They may even be skilled at convincing their victims that any objection or concern is overreacting, that it’s “old-fashioned,” or that “everyone is different” now. However, these men are often deeply rooted in sinful behavior, and their actions ultimately seek to exploit the women they pursue.

The Dangerous Pattern of Predatory Behavior

The most troubling aspect of these types of men is how they prey on young, trusting, and virtuous Christian women. Many of these men have a sordid past—filled with sin and indulgence—and after realizing that they may end up alone in middle age, they seek to find a woman who is naive and spiritually anchored in faith, believing she will not leave them, no matter how poorly they mistreat her.

As Christians, we are called to live in accordance with God’s commandments and to love one another with purity and respect. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” which means sacrificially, selflessly, and honorably. This principle contradicts the behavior of these predatory types of men who want to dominate, control, and ultimately abuse women. The idea that a woman will stay married to a man despite his neglect, abuse, or sinful behavior, because of the sacredness of marriage, is a tool these men exploit.

These types often claim to have “converted” to Christianity, or they may return to their faith after years of living recklessly. But in many cases, their motivations for converting or returning to Christianity are not born out of a genuine change of heart or love for Christ but rather out of a desire to find a woman they can manipulate. This situation underscores the need for caution, as it’s clear that not everyone who claims to be Christian truly follows Christ in their actions, and are ‘Christian’ in name only, this includes women.

Red Flags: How to Spot a Predatory Man

The Bible encourages us to be discerning, and when it comes to dating, that discernment is vital. Matthew 7:15-20 warns against false prophets, saying, “By their fruits you will recognize them.” Here are some red flags to look out for when considering a potential partner from a Christian dating site:

1. The “Perfect” Facade: At first, a predator may seem charming, kind, and deeply devout, going out of his way to appear virtuous. For example, he might say, “I’ve been praying for someone like you” or “I feel like God brought us together for a reason.” However, inconsistencies in his actions will reveal his true intentions. While he might talk about his faith and commitment to purity, his behavior might not align with what he says. For example, while he might insist on being a gentleman in public, his messages could become increasingly flirtatious, intrusive or inappropriate when you’re alone. These inconsistencies show that his outward charm and devotion are just a facade, designed to manipulate your emotions.

2. Inconsistent Faith: A man who claims to be Christian but never seems to want to talk about the faith, avoids conversations about God, or downplays the importance of living according to biblical principles should raise alarm bells. If he doesn’t truly value God’s teachings, his interest in you might be more about satisfying his own needs than honoring Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it states, we are not to be unequally yoked, stating the importance of sharing the same values, beliefs, and at least the same level of faith in a relationship, if you are devout Christian you don’t want to be with someone who is lukewarm.

3. Boundary Violations: A predator may test your boundaries early on, asking for inappropriate pictures, making lewd jokes, or reacting poorly when you establish limits. They often use manipulation tactics to break down your defences, by using false piety, acting hurt, questioning your faith, try to shame you or misuse Scripture to pressure you into lowering your defences, to make you feel guilty or obligated—clear red flags to watch for and disengage from immediately.

4. Victim Mentality: If a man constantly portrays himself as misunderstood or mistreated by others, it’s often a way to deflect attention from his own harmful behavior and avoid taking responsibility for his actions. For example, he might say, “Everyone always misunderstands me; they just don’t get how much I’ve been through.” He may even blame others for his problems, making it seem like he’s always the victim. This tactic is commonly used by abusers to manipulate your emotions, making you feel sorry for him and guilty for not being more supportive. By focusing on his supposed victimhood, he shifts the narrative away from his own harmful actions, creating an emotional bond that makes it harder for you to recognize or confront his behavior. This manipulation lowers your guard and makes you more likely to overlook red flags in the relationship.

5. Control and Possession: True love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, is not about control but is patient, kind, and honors the freedom of the other person. In a healthy relationship, both individuals are free to make their own choices and grow in their faith, just as God respects our free will. If someone tries to limit your actions or control who you see, especially people who support your faith and care for your well-being, like family, it’s a red flag that their intentions are based on manipulation and possession. A predator might also try to convince you that they know what’s best for you, suggesting that you’re not smart enough to make your own decisions. They may even misquote Scripture to manipulate you into submitting to them, by saying things like, “The Bible says you should submit to your husband”—even though submission is specifically for marriage, not dating. This tactic is designed to make you feel inferior, drop boundaries and give up your independence, whilst they control the relationship.

6. Devaluation and Gaslighting: A common manipulative tactic used by predators is to devaluate and gaslight you, to make you question your worth and sense of reality. They may make you feel like you’re either “too much” or “not enough” by criticizing your appearance, past, or choices. For instance, they might say, “I can’t believe someone like you is still single,” suggesting there’s something wrong with you, or “You’ve been through a lot, huh? That probably explains why you act the way you do,” implying you’re damaged or flawed. These comments are designed to shake your confidence and make you feel insecure. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, making you more reliant on their approval. By planting seeds of doubt, they work to break down your boundaries and make you question your own worth, making it easier for them to control you.

7. Future-Faking: These individuals often string women along by promising an ideal future together, but their promises rarely materialise. This is a common trait of predators who manipulate women into staying in the relationship that serve their selfish interests, by painting an ideal, faith-based future that aligns with the woman’s values and hopes, making her believe that the relationship is part of God’s plan, hoping that you will overlook the bright red flags and your gut instinct with the smooth talk.

8. A Toxic Past: A predator may openly admit to having a troubled or sordid past but, at the same time, demand that the woman be perfect—expecting her to be “virginal” or without any past mistakes or experiences. This double standard is not only unfair, but it also reveals a deep hypocrisy. It shows that he is unwilling to offer the same grace and forgiveness to others that Christ offers to all of us. We are called to show compassion and understanding to others, acknowledging that we all have a past and have made mistakes. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, grace, and forgiveness, not on unrealistic expectations or judgment of one another’s history. If someone is unable to offer this grace, it’s a clear sign of manipulation and an inability to truly love in the way Christ teaches us.

Protecting Yourself: Trusting God and Your Instincts

While dating online can lead to genuine relationships, it’s essential to remain cautious and discerning. God has given us wisdom and the Holy Spirit to guide us, and one of the most important tools for protecting ourselves is our intuition. If something feels off or doesn’t sit right, trust it. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding—this applies to relationships as well.

Remember, you are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If a man displays significant red flags, it’s crucial to walk away. Your value is not determined by whether or not you are in a relationship. You are a daughter of the King, worthy of love, respect, and honor.

Lastly, as Christian women, we must avoid believing that we have to “fix” someone or change their character to fit our standards. Only God can change hearts. Your job is to discern wisely and protect your heart, keeping it pure for the right man who will love you as Christ loves the Church.

Biblical Principles of Dating and Marriage

Christian relationships should reflect the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A key part of evaluating a potential partner is looking at how they display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Some biblical principles that could guide you are:

• Ephesians 5:25-28: Men are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. This should be a benchmark for women to evaluate whether a man truly embodies Christ-like love.

• 2 Corinthians 6:14: Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It is vital that both partners share the same faith and commitment to Christ for a healthy relationship.

Importance of Community and Accountability

Christian dating should never happen in isolation. It’s essential to seek mentorship and accountability from trusted Christian leaders, elders, or friends who know both individuals well. Consider:

• Involving your church community: Let others in your church know about your relationship so they can offer wisdom and discernment.

• Consulting a pastor or mature Christian: A wise Christian mentor can help spot red flags you might miss.

Encouragement of Healthy Boundaries

Set practical boundaries in your relationship to safeguard your emotional, physical, and spiritual health:

• Physical Boundaries: Maintain purity by setting clear limits around physical contact.

• Emotional Boundaries: Respect each other’s emotional well-being, and allow space for personal growth and outside friendships.

• Time and Energy Boundaries: Avoid relationships that drain you or demand excessive control.

The Role of Patience and Discernment in Relationships

Patience is essential in Christian relationships. Psalm 27:14 encourages waiting on God’s timing. Trust in God’s plan and do not rush into relationships based on emotions alone.

Encouragement to Walk in Confidence and Worth

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Embrace your identity in Christ and remember that your value is not tied to your relationship status (Ephesians 2:10). Walk confidently in the truth that God has a purpose for you, regardless of your current relational situation.

Clearer Conclusion with Practical Steps

If you are considering an online relationship or already in one, take these practical steps:

• Pray for discernment.

• Set boundaries early.

• Seek counsel from trusted individuals in your church.

• Maintain purity, both emotionally and physically.

• Walk away if you spot red flags—don’t feel obligated to continue a relationship that doesn’t honor God.

In conclusion, while there are many genuine Christian men on dating websites, the rise of predators masquerading as Christians is a growing concern. Stay vigilant, trust in the Lord’s guidance, and above all, never forget that your value comes from God alone. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, as Christ would treat His Church.

——————-

*** Photo by Cottonbro Studios

When God’s Truth Gets Compromised

Published on by Editor

Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, And clever in their own sight! ~ Isaiah 5:20-24

The connection between rejecting God’s revealed truth and the widespread moral and spiritual failures within the Church is profound. This issue goes beyond cases of abuse or leadership compromise; it strikes at the heart of how the Church perceives and proclaims the authority of God.

The Importance of God’s Design for Marriage

Marriage is not merely a social construct; it is a sacred institution established by God to symbolize the relationship between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31–32). This covenant reflects God’s character, His faithfulness, and His love for humanity. When leaders reject or distort God’s design for marriage, they are not only undermining biblical teaching—they are denying the authority of the Creator Himself.

When a leader aligns with ideologies that contradict God’s revealed pattern for life and sexuality, they are no longer serving the God they are ordained to represent. By accepting cultural redefinitions of marriage and affirming practices contrary to Scripture, they openly reject God’s authority over creation and dismiss His character as good, wise, and loving.

The Assumption:

• If God’s design for marriage is no longer ‘good,’ then God Himself cannot be good, but that is a lie. Psalm 145:9 states, “The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.”

• If God’s definition of marriage is labeled ‘offensive’ or ‘homophobic,’ then God is cast as a dictator rather than a loving Creator, but that is a lie. John 3:16 states, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

• If God’s Word is dismissed as irrelevant in modern society, the Church does not lose its foundation or witness, as this claim is a lie. The gates of hell will not prevail against the true Church, which is not confined to manmade denominations but is the community of faithful believers (Matthew 16:18). Scripture, such as Hebrews 4:12, affirms that God’s Word is alive, active, and transformative, reaching the depths of human nature and exposing truth.

When Church leaders publicly reject the biblical definition of marriage, they reject Christ Himself. This is not a small error; it is a profound act of betrayal. Leadership in the Church requires not just personal faith but a commitment to defend and proclaim the truth of God’s Word, no matter the cultural pressures.

The Connection to Abuse and Cover-Ups

This rejection of God’s authority is deeply connected to the Church’s failure to address abuse. The same leaders who abandon biblical teaching on marriage and sexuality are often the ones who prioritize institutional reputation over justice and truth. Both failures stem from a desire to appease societal trends or maintain power rather than honor God and protect His flock.

The many abuse cases demonstrates the disastrous consequences of this approach. When leaders fail to bring sin into the light, they betray victims, misrepresent Christ, and erode trust in the Church. The attempt to cover up abuse is not merely a failure of human judgment—it is a rejection of the gospel’s call to repentance, justice, and restoration.

Cultural Capitulation Harms the Gospel

The broader cultural capitulation to ideologies around marriage, gender, and sexuality has only deepened the Church’s crisis. By aligning itself with these movements, the Church sends a message that God’s Word is outdated or incorrect. This not only leads Christians astray but gives secular ideologies the power to infiltrate and reshape the Church’s teaching.

For instance, under compromised leadership:

• Children are taught unbiblical ideologies in schools, often endorsed by Church policies.

• Faithful Christians are ostracized for upholding Scripture, losing jobs and reputations.

• Sinful behaviors are affirmed, leaving many under the false impression that they are in right standing with God.

These failures have eternal consequences. Scripture warns that those who live unrepentantly in sin will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9). Leaders who affirm sin or fail to call for repentance are complicit in leading others away from salvation.

Rejecting Christ Through Compromise

The rejection of God’s design for marriage is not a mere doctrinal misstep; it is a rejection of Christ Himself. The Archbishop of Canterbury, and leaders like him, disqualify themselves from spiritual leadership by their blatant denial of foundational truths.

The Bible makes clear that leaders will be judged more strictly by God because their actions and words influence others, they have a big responsibility. They’re supposed to guide others toward God and live as good examples. If they lead people the wrong way, they’re held accountable for that (James 3:1). Matthew 7:15–20 warns us to watch out for leaders who seem good on the outside but don’t actually live in a way that honors God. Jesus says you can tell who they really are by their “fruit.”

If a leader’s actions show compromise, dishonesty and cause spiritual harm, they’re not following Jesus faithfully. In fact, they’re going against Him, no matter what they claim. This kind of behavior is “anti-Christ,” opposing what Jesus stands for. When the fruit of leadership is compromise, deceit and confusion, it is evidence of a failure to remain faithful to Christ.

In short: Leaders have a heavy responsibility to lead well. If their actions don’t match their words and they cause harm instead of helping, again, it shows they aren’t being faithful to Christ. That’s why we need to be careful and pay attention to what kind of “fruit” their leadership produces.

This is not a minor issue. Leaders who reject biblical truth about marriage, sexuality, or holiness cannot effectively shepherd God’s people. They have aligned themselves with a worldview that is “at enmity with God” (James 4:4).

A Call to Repentance and Reform

The solution to these intertwined issues—abuse cover-ups and doctrinal compromise—lies in repentance and a return to biblical faithfulness. The Church must:

1. Appoint leaders who are born-again, Spirit-filled, and uncompromising in their commitment to Scripture.

2. Hold leaders accountable to God’s standards, not human traditions or cultural pressures.

3. Confront sin openly and pursue justice for victims, trusting in God’s power to restore and heal.

The Church must reject the temptation to conform to societal ideologies and instead boldly proclaim the truth of the gospel. As Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31–32).

True freedom—freedom from sin, deception, and spiritual harm—comes only through faithfulness to Christ. Leaders who reject this truth and lead others astray bring judgment upon themselves and harm the Church’s witness.

Let us pray for a revival of truth and faithfulness within the Church. May God raise up leaders who will honor His Word, protect His people, and restore the Church’s commitment to the gospel. Only through His grace can the Church be cleansed and renewed.

————————-

***Based on CEO Andrea Williams article at Christian Concern / Photo by Lil Artsy at Pexels

The Need for Revelation and Power

Published on by Editor

In Ephesians 1:17, 18, Paul had prayed that the Christians at Ephesus might receive revelation from the Holy Spirit. At the end of this first half of Ephesians, in chapter 3:16, Paul prays that they might receive power from the Holy Spirit. These are our two greatest needs – revelation and power. The Holy Spirit alone can give us both. The entire Christian life is dependent on the Holy Spirit. First of all, the Spirit gives us revelation on what God has done for us in Christ. Then, He gives us power to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, obeying all that the Lord has taught us.

In Ephesians 3: 18 & 19, we see that we can experience the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ (there are four dimensions there and that itself goes beyond human knowledge!!) – only along with ALL the saints. We can never grasp the love of Christ all by ourselves. We need the other members of Christ’s Body. And further, we need ALL the members of Christ’s Body, not just those in our own little group. That is why our hearts should always be open to ALL believers, even to those who don’t agree with us, and even to those whom we would consider a bit extreme. We may not be able to work with all of them, and we certainly will not be able to meet all of them on this earth. But our hearts should be open to all of God’s children. Our hearts must have room for as many brothers and sisters as God has children – both barbarian and cultured.

That is why we need to be open to read the writings of ALL godly people – and not just to the writings of our favourite authors. Let me warn you, in advance, that in my lifetime, I have found very, very few believers who have such an open heart. But those are the few who are truly spiritually wealthy. The remainder carry on with their poverty-stricken, sectarian attitudes and live and die as Pharisees, missing out on the wealth that could have been theirs if they had been humble enough to accept all whom God had accepted.

Let us meditate carefully on the first three chapters of Ephesians and ask the Holy Spirit to give us revelation on these glorious truths. Once you have got revelation, you will be ready to seek the Spirit for His power to live an overcoming life, full of purity, humility and love. Then we will be able to put away ALL unwholesome words from our speech, and ALL anger and ALL bitterness from our hearts (Eph.4:29, 31).

Then wives will be able to submit to their husbands as the church is to Christ, and husbands will be able to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph.5:22, 25). Then we will be able to overcome Satan at all times (Eph.6:11-13). And then we will have the power to “become imitators of God” (Eph.5:1).

God is able to do far more in us and through us than we can ask or think.

To Him alone be all the glory (Eph.3:20, 21).

———

** Copyright – Zac Poonen. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at CFC India.com / Photo by Avery Nielsen-Webb at Pexels

How Can A Wife Support And Help Her Husband?

Published on by Editor
Proverbs 12:4 – “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones.”

Defining a woman’s role for the marriage relationship can be a very confusing thing. Why is this true? The first and most obvious reason is that many women are simply listening to the multitude of opinions in the media without going to the Scripture to see exactly what God has declared. Popular opinion is not where a wife should look to find direction for her life and marriage. The second reason the role of a wife is so confusing is that some women simply do not want to hear or do what God has commanded. These women think that their way is better than God’s plan. However, if you will seek God’s view on this subject and ask Him to help you become the woman that He has called you to be, the joy He has promised will be yours. Therefore, consider what God has to say about your role as a wife.

How does God want you to fulfill your responsibility?

1. Recognize your calling. If you are to become the support to your husband that God has designed then you must first understand His divine calling upon your life. Do you realize that you were created specifically to be your husband’s helper? Moses declared: “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him’ ” (Gen. 2:18). The word helper means one who aids another. Thus the woman was created because the man needed help from someone that could aid him in his responsibilities.

Now if you are thinking, This sounds so demeaning to me, that I’m just someone’s helper, then think about this for a moment. The idea of a wife being her husband’s helper does not demean her in any way. This same word helper is used in reference to the Lord Himself. David said concerning God: “The helpless commits himself to You; You are the helper of the fatherless” (Ps. 10:14). Jesus also called the Holy Spirit our Helper who would be sent to aid us in our service to the Father (John 14:16). Therefore, since the Lord desired to aid us in every way possible, He created woman to be a helper and aid to man.

In addition, note that the helper God created was to be comparable to Adam. The word comparable means one who is a counterpart or the matching mate of the other. The idea is much like a pair of gloves or shoes which has a mate that is different but comparable to and a counterpart of the other. Just as a right hand glove can not be worn on the left hand or visa-versa, so men and women are different but still a compliment for and equal to each other. The right hand glove was not created for the left hand. Likewise, a woman is not the same as a man but is the counterpart to him which enables the two to function together. Both Adam and Eve were created with a specific divine purpose in mind.

Knowing God has a stated plan for you as a wife, are you willing to agree and yield to His desire? Are you willing to be your husband’s helper and counterpart? The reason I ask this is because some wives I have spoken to do not want to be the helper; they want to be the head. If you are trying to be the head then you will not be a helper to your husband. Why? Your striving to be the head will only create conflict and tension between you and your husband. This is the first decision that you must make. Do you truly want to be a wife that will support and help her husband?

2. Becoming an excellent wife. The next step in becoming a helper to your husband will be that you become a woman of virtue and of excellent moral character. Solomon taught: “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones” (Prov. 12:4). What does it mean to be an excellent wife? The word excellent is the same Hebrew word translated virtuous found in Solomon’s instruction to wives in Proverbs 31:10-31. The meaning of this word excellent essentially refers to the moral character and strength of an individual and is used of both men and women (Ex. 18:21; Ruth 3:11).

If you desire to be the greatest aid and help to your husband then you need godly character and moral strength that can only come from your personal relationship with the Lord. The prophet Habakkuk taught that God was the one who gave him this moral strength in the midst of his trials: “The Lord God is my strength; He will make my feet like deer’s feet, and He will make me walk on my high hills” (Habakkuk 3:19). The word strength in this passage is the same Hebrew word translated virtuous.

Do you have such a close fellowship with the Lord so that you can go to Him and receive His strength and virtue in the midst of your struggles? Only by yielding to your calling as a helper and experiencing God’s power in your life will you truly be able to find joy in being the counterpart to your husband. I encourage you today with the words of Solomon: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised” (Prov. 31:30). As you reverence the Lord in your life you will experience the strength to be the helpmate God has called you to be.

3. Submission is vital. The word submission for many women is completely abhorrent to them when used in reference to a wife’s role in marriage. Many women have told me they believe this teaching of submission is a tool used by many men to manipulate and control their wives. I tell these women that in some cases I would have to agree with them. However, if submission is understood biblically it can never be used in this manner. Why do I say this? Consider this fact. We all must submit in a multitude of ways throughout our lives where we don’t think submission is evil or manipulative. We all must submit to traffic laws or we get a ticket. We must submit to the laws of our nation or we go to jail. We must submit to our employers or we risk getting fired from our jobs. We all must be submissive and respectful with our friends so as not to offend them or we will not have them as friends for long. Finally, we are all called to submit to the Lord in all things. In other words, everyone submits to someone in some way. We do so to be obedient, to keep harmony, to show love, and to keep order in life.

The Bible also declares concerning marriage: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:22-24). Why is submission of a wife to her husband so important to the marriage relationship? Understanding this truth is just as important as learning submission in the other areas we have already considered.

Submission creates a chain of command, harmony, and order to any organization, including the family. God has even ordained submission between the three persons of the Godhead. Paul made this clear when he taught: “I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Cor. 11:3). There is one head in our government. There is one head in most businesses. Therefore, it stands to reason that there should be one head in the family. Becoming submissive to your own husband eliminates the power struggle between the two of you and brings great harmony to the relationship.

I know that some of you are thinking, But, my husband is a terrible leader and I don’t want to submit to him. If you think this, then it does make it difficult to submit, but you are still called to do it.

4. Take a servant’s position. Becoming a helper to anyone requires that you serve them in some capacity. Even Jesus became a servant to all mankind in order to free us from our servitude to sin. He laid down His life so we could be free. Jesus said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many” (Matt. 20:28). Likewise Jesus told His disciples: “A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master” (Matt. 10:24). “Whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant” (Matt. 20:26). In the same manner, a wife must become a servant to her husband if she ever desires to help him to fulfill his responsibilities as the head of the household. Yes, the husband is also called to be a servant in his home, but he must take the servant leader position. If both husband and wife will commit themselves to serving in their specific arenas this will create the best marriage possible. Two people will be serving each other and as a team serving the Lord and their family. This is what Scripture clearly intends for a couple.

Therefore, how and where can you be a better helper to your husband? What has he asked you to do for him? Where does he need help? Do you put these things at the top of your priority list or at the bottom? Answering these questions will determine how well you are a support and help to your spouse.

5. Become his companion. To truly help anyone you must become their friend and companion. Without true friendship and companionship a person will not trust you to help them especially with their deepest needs. Do you see your marriage as a covenant that you have made to be his companion? The Prophet Malachi warned men to treat their spouse in a righteous and loving manner, “Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously; yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant” (Mal. 2:14). Do you realize that God is witness to the way husbands and wives treat one another? God has called you to come together as a team to love and build up each other and to encourage and train your children. You cannot fulfill either of these duties if you are your husband’s adversary. Only as you become his loving companion and friend can your relationship function as God intended.

How can you become his companion? The word companion means one with whom you are knit together. Therefore, you must find ways that you can be knit together with your husband spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, verbally, recreationally, parentally, and sexually. As this knitting together occurs your marriage becomes stronger and stronger.

6. Be a responsible homemaker. One of the greatest conflicts that is constantly brought up in marriage counseling is the resentment that men have toward their wives over their failure to take care of the home. This is one of the primary responsibilities of a wife according to Scripture. Paul encouraged the older women to: “Admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed” (Titus 2:4-5). The word homemakers in this passage means to work at caring and managing the home. Just as a husband is to work to provide for his family so a wife is to work at caring for her home. This can be especially challenging when a wife works outside the home. She must still take care of her responsibilities within the home realizing that her family is her first priority and her job second. In such circumstances it will be necessary for a husband to help his wife with household chores to lessen her burden. This balancing act of dividing responsibilities and helping one another as servants will be vital to a happy home.

I believe that a reading of Proverbs 31:10-31 will give you a clearer understanding of how this balancing act is accomplished. This section of Scripture is so valuable because it addresses the many aspects of a wife’s responsibility. It is important to note that this virtuous wife had interests and activities outside the home, but kept them in the proper order. She was very industrious in her ability to work with her hands, but she first provided food for her household (Prov. 31:15). Solomon declared that she then, “considers a field and buys it,” “plants a vineyard,” “extends her hand to the poor,” “she makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies sashes for the merchants” (Prov. 31:16; 20; 24). These references reveal that both keeping your home and working outside the home can be done if your priorities are correct.

It is also important to understand why Solomon trusted his virtuous wife as stated in Proverbs 31:11. He concluded his description of his wife by praising her spiritual relationship and her reverence for God. Clearly Solomon believed that his wife’s spiritual virtue affected her lifestyle and every aspect of her home. She was not only a woman who feared God but was able to correctly balance her responsibilities of the home with all her activities outside the home. Does your husband trust you in this way? Are your priorities in order? Your home can only become orderly, peaceful, and pleasing to both you and your husband when your priorities are according to God’s will.

7. Respect your husband. When Paul the apostle summarized his commands to husbands and wives he declared: “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Eph. 5:33). Respect for your husband is vital if you truly desire to be your husband’s helper.

How do you show this respect? Respecting your husband is first something that must be rendered simply because of his position in the family. He is your head and therefore should be acknowledged as such. You should show respect for your husband’s position just as you show respect for the position of anyone in authority. For instance, you have no personal knowledge of a policeman that stops you on the highway, but you show respect to this individual. Why? You show respect for the position of authority the policeman holds. Likewise you should do the same for your husband because he is the head of your family. Your respect will also cause you to defer to him in decision making, cause you to speak respectfully to him in public, and enable you to be encouraging to him in private as you verbally support his leadership. To fail in these areas is to be disrespectful.

Now you may be thinking, But, I have a non-Christian or a spiritually carnal man as my husband. I can’t respect and defer to him. Notice what Peter teaches in such cases: “Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear” (1 Peter 3:1-2). The word fear in this context means to show respect and reverence to your husband. This reverence is shown by your speech and conduct as you submit to his leadership. Are you attempting to win your husband by your respectful conduct? If you want to be a helpmate that will encourage your husband’s spiritual development then show respect for him. Berating, scolding, and shouting at him will do nothing to encourage his leadership in the home. Rather, listen to his ideas first and then explain yours. If you truly want to give good counsel to your husband use reason and encouragement as you share your ideas. Speak gently and respectfully without demanding or commanding him. Remember, it is not unsubmissive to disagree or voice your opinion, just do it in a respectful way.

8. Meet his sexual needs. Many times in marriage counseling I have found that wives attempt to control and manipulate their husbands by withholding sexual relations. I have seen some wives use sex in such a way as to control their husbands in order that they can become the head of their homes. This reasoning and behavior is unchristian and unbiblical. Why? If you use sex in this manner you have taken what God intended to be an expression of love and affection and made it a weapon of control. Behavior like this will only cause your husband to lose respect for you and will drive him away.

Notice what Paul taught concerning your responsibility in the bedroom: “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” (1 Cor. 7:3-5). God’s Word is clear. Sex is to be a means of expressing the affection that is in your heart and the love that is due your husband. Do you realize that you do not have the right to refuse your husband access to your body? You gave him the right to your body the day you got married. Husbands and wives can only refuse one another when the other spouse consents or agrees to the refusal. This is the meaning of the word consent in this passage, which means agreement. Therefore, you must find an agreement over this very intimate issue. In addition, Paul warns that if you deny your husband sexually you are actually exposing him to greater temptation by Satan.

Now some of you are thinking I can’t meet his sexual needs because his drive is so much higher than mine. How can you address this issue? Love will always find an agreement on frequency of sexual relations. Note that Paul taught in the above passage that husbands and wives could not dictate to each other but must find a loving compromise. If you truly love each other you will always find a way to give – which is always the solution. Love will help one partner to restrain their desires, and love motivates the other to initiate when there is no desire. Therefore, meet one another’s needs.

You may also struggle in your mind with meeting his needs because you do not think that he meets your needs emotionally or sexually. How can you resolve this issue? If you refuse to meet his sexual needs what will happen? Your relationship will only worsen because of the tension and his sense of rejection. Instead, you should meet his sexual needs and then lovingly discuss how he can meet your needs as well. The biblical principle here is simply the Golden Rule: “Whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them” (Matt. 7:12). When Jesus said whatever that means no matter what the issue might be. You must do for your husband the very thing you want him to do for you. Therefore, how do you want your spouse to treat you emotionally or sexually? Are you treating him this way? If not, do not expect much to change in your relationship. In fact, why not use the Golden Rule in all the areas I have discussed with you in this publication? If you do then you will become the best support and helpmate you could possibly be to him.

————-

** By COVENANT KEEPERS © 2007 / Photo by Unveiled Wife

10 Things You Should Know about the Bible’s Teaching on Men and Women

Published on by Editor
So God created man in His own image; in the image of He created him; male and female He created them. ~ Genesis 1:27

1. We were created male and female by divine design

According to the Genesis creation account, God created humanity male and female (Genesis 1:26-28). Maleness and femaleness are creational, not contractual. They are divinely instituted rather than socially defined. Thus our gender identity cannot simply be renegotiated the way in which we refinance a mortgage or reschedule an appointment. God created us, and we are his creatures, both men and women.

2. We were created male and female in God’s image

Humanity’s binary gender design as male and female reflects in some mysterious way the nature of God. While sharing a common humanity, the man and the woman are unique and complementary rather than identical. This complementarity, in turn, reflects a facet of God’s own nature. God, too, is a unity within diversity (three in one, equal in personhood, distinct in role). This unity in diversity is beautifully reflected in human marriage, where the two become one flesh (Genesis 2:24-25).

3. The man was created first and given the responsibility to lead

Scripture teaches that first the man was created by a direct divine act of creation and given the responsibility to lead; subsequently, the woman was created by God from the man (Gen 2:5–9) and for the man (Gen 2:18–20). He is to subdue the earth and is given the name “Adam,” which also serves as the name of the entire human race. God calls the man to account and holds him responsible for the fall.

4. The man and the woman are partners in exercising dominion over God’s creation

The man and the woman jointly receive God’s mandate to multiply and fill the earth, and to subdue it, exercising dominion. God creates the two as genuine partners, and this partnership envelops the man’s leadership and the woman’s support and participation in such a way that the two work in tandem, with complementarity. This genuine partnership can be fully reflected today where men exercise godly leadership without domination and encourage women’s robust participation within biblical boundaries.

5. Who we are as men and women defines the core of our existence, not merely its periphery

Having been created male and female, we are husbands and wives, fathers and mothers, sons and daughters, brothers and sisters. Thus the way in which we live our lives is in and through our divinely created gender identities. These gender identities, in turn, are not merely superficial but run deep, affecting who we are as persons, family members, church members, and citizens. While the gospel extends to all of us, we do not cease to exist as men and women.

6. The fall distorted, corrupted, and confused who we are as men and women

Men and women are meant to live out gender diversity in unity. The fall destroys this prospect. Male and/or female domination are some of the extremes resulting from fractured gender relationships. It is only those redeemed in Christ who can hope to recover and live out God’s intended design. We should remember that the ultimate problem is sin, not a faulty gender design or a corruption of a perfect original. That said, even in its fallen state humanity still displays glimpses of the divine design.

7. God’s design is best

God’s design of humanity as male and female cannot be improved upon! God’s ways are far superior to our own. God’s design for man and woman—expressed in male leadership with male-female partnership—is an expression of his beauty, wisdom, and goodness. Through faith, and faith alone, we can appropriate God’s power to live out this design individually and in relation to each other.

8. The Bible’s teaching on God’s design for man and woman is consistent and coherent

From Genesis to Revelation, the Bible paints a unified picture of what it means to be a man or a woman. The dual pattern of male leadership and male-female partnership pervades all of Scripture: from creation to the fall to redemption in Christ and to the final consummation.

9. Every generation must model and explain God’s design for man and woman to the next

God’s way is for men to lead their families, fathers to mentor their sons in biblical, God-honoring masculinity, and for mothers to mentor their daughters in biblical, God-honoring femininity. Not only is this to happen in the natural family, it is also to take place in God’s family, the church (e.g., Titus 2), especially where family structures are broken. How are you and I preparing our sons and daughters for living out their God-given design as men and women? How are our churches equipping those without role models?

10. Current cultural trends reflect humanity’s brokenness and deep-seated rebellion against the Creator and his design for men and women

Current cultural trends such as same-sex marriage or transgenderism are only symptoms—the result of humanity’s rejection of its Creator (Romans 1). Autonomous, libertarian human reason insists on its right to define itself in opposition to and rebellion toward God. Sadly, this root rebellion will incur eternal judgment unless people trust in Christ. As believers, by grace and through faith, we have the privilege to point to God through living out his wise and beautiful design before a world that languishes in sin and desperately needs salvation.

————

**By Andreas J Köstenberger and Margaret E Köstenberger at Crossway.org / Photo the 12th-13th century Mosaic Cathedral of the Assumption, Monreale, Sicily