Contrary to what some people think, being single is not a curse.
The time you spend single – which may be a temporary life stage, or could be your whole life – is actually a gift, if you treat it as such. It gives you the opportunity to do some things that would become more difficult after marriage, and properly prepare for marriage – if that is your goal.
So how do you get the most out of your singleness?
Use time wisely. You’ll never have more free time than you do right now, as a single person. If you’re tired of hearing that over and over from married people, it’s because it’s true. They’re all speaking from experience. So how will you use this time? (1 Timothy 4:12)
Go somewhere difficult. You can always travel, but you can’t always travel anywhere. Marriage, kids, and even older age can make many trips more difficult and complicated. But right now, you can travel pretty much anywhere that your car or an airline will take you. So see the world. Go somewhere that needs Jesus and share Him there. (Romans 10:15)
Work to learn, not just to earn. Having things like a family and a mortgage do cost money, requiring a reliable income and somewhat limiting your job options. If you’re single and relatively young, you can prepare for that now by learning the skills you’ll need to get the job you really want. Look for a job that will actually pay you to learn those skills – it may not pay much, but that’s OK, because you only have one mouth to feed. (Proverbs 22:29)
Get to know the Bible. Continuing on the “learning” topic, the best time to learn your Bible is now. Again, you’ll never have more time to study, and you’ll never have more years to benefit from learning it and putting it into practice. There’s no better “skill” to learn than to know how to navigate and utilize the Word of God. You’ll learn who God is and what He desires for you, and be able to give Godly counsel to others when they are in need. (2 Timothy 3:16)
Pursue purity. One of the greatest gifts you can give your future spouse is to limit the amount of baggage and bad habits you bring into the marriage. And there is no better time than now to learn how to be faithful in a relationship. If you practice blindly following your sexual urges, you’ll develop the habit of always following your sexual urges – even if they lead you outside your future marriage. (1 Corinthians 6:18)
Pray for your future spouse. Pray how? Well, you can start by praying this list for them. Pray that they would be using their singleness well and preparing for marriage. Pray that they would know God and walk faithfully with Him. Pray that you both would trust His timing and not get derailed by “shortcuts.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
Join a church and serve there. This seems like a no-brainer, but I had to put it in the list because for some crazy reason singles seem slow to join and get involved at a church. I don’t get it. If you’re a Christian and part of the body of Christ, you’re not meant to live outside the body – it would be like your pancreas trying to survive outside your own body. God made you to be alive in His church. So find some imperfect church that teaches the Bible and join there. Come under the elders’ authority. Serve and give there. Share your talents there so that you might experience life as it was given to you to experience. (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Get a roommate. Nothing will prepare you for marriage better than having a really dysfunctional roommate. I’m serious. Some single people say “I like living by myself.” Well, then you are going to HATE marriage. I’d practice living with roommates now. Work through conflict with them. Practice communicating well with them. (In case you think I am talking about someone of the opposite sex: I am not. Read this.) (Proverbs 27:17)
Build healthy habits. Taking care of your body gets more and more difficult. At some point in life your metabolism slams on the brakes, but your eating habits and exercise habits continue as before. So train them well now. Scripture says your body is a temple. It doesn’t need to be a chiseled temple that you stare at in the mirror, but it should remain a healthy temple. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Look for a spouse. Disregard this one if you don’t want to be married. If you do, however, you can be sure that a spouse will not fall through the ceiling into your lap. (If they did, go back to number 4.) To find a spouse, you need to be where future spouses are – see also number 7. (Proverbs 18:22)
What’s the best way you’ve spent your single years?
“Our identity in Christ is part of accepting His gift of eternal life through faith.”
Often we put our self-worth in the type of clothes that we wear, the type of car that we drive, our accomplishments, our financial status, our relationship status, our talents, our appearance, etc. If you do this you will end up feeling broken and depressed. You will feel like you’re in shackles until you realise that Christ has set you free. Yes Christ has saved us from sin, but He has also saved us from the brokenness of having the world’s mindset.
Don’t let sin take away your joy. Don’t let the world take away your joy. The world will not take away your joy if your joy doesn’t come from the world. Allow it to come from the perfect merit of Christ.
Christ is the answer to all self-worth issues that may arise in your life. You are more to God than you can ever imagine!
Quotes
“Not one drop of my self-worth depends on your acceptance of me.”
“If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your value.”
“Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.”
“Make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth even if they don’t.”
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
God created man in His own image.
As a result of the fall we are all broken. God’s image has been perverted by sin. Through the first Adam the image of God was tarnished. Through the second Adam Jesus Christ believers have been redeemed. Adam’s disobedience resulted in brokenness. Christ’s perfection results in restoration. The gospel reveals your value. You are to die for! Christ bore our sins on the cross.
Though we struggle at times due to the effects of the fall. Through Christ we are being renewed daily. We were once a people plagued by that broken image, but through Christ we are being transformed to the perfect image of our Creator. For those struggling with self-esteem we must pray for the Lord to continue to conform us into His image. This takes our focus off of self and puts it on the Lord. We were made for God not the world.
The world says we need this, we need this, we need this. No! We were made for Him, we were made in His image, and we were made for His will. We have a purpose. We are fearfully and wonderfully made! It’s amazing that we get to be image bearers of a glorious God! The world teaches that we need to work on ourselves and that is the problem. How can the problem be the solution?
We don’t have the answers and all of these man made solutions are temporary, but the Lord is eternal! It’s either you create a temporary identity for yourself or you can choose the everlasting identity for yourself that is found and secure in Christ.
1. Genesis 1:26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
2. Romans 5:11-12 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ. We have now received this reconciliation through Him. Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, in this way death spread to all men, because all sinned.
3. 2 Corinthians 3:18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into His image with intensifying glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
4. Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
5. Romans 12:2 Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
You’re so loved and beautiful beyond imagination!
The world will never comprehend. Even you will never comprehend the great love that God has for you! That is why we must look to Him. You are not in the world for nothing. Your life is not meaningless. Before creation God created you for Himself. He wants you to experience His love, He wants to spend time with you, He wants to tell you the special things of His heart. He never intended for you to look for confidence in yourself.
God says, “I’m going to be your confidence.” It is important on our walk of faith that we get alone with God so we can allow God to work in us and through us. Before the world was created God looked forward to you. He anticipated to have time with you and to reveal Himself to you. He waited in anticipation!
The Bible tells us that God’s heart beats faster and faster for you. Christians are the bride of Christ. Christ is the bridegroom. On a bridegroom’s wedding night all it takes is one look at his bride and his heart beats faster and faster for the love of his life.
Now imagine the love of Christ! Our love grows dull, but the love of Christ never wavers.
Before creation the Lord had many plans for you. He wanted to share His love with you so you would love Him more, He wanted to remove your doubts, your feelings of worthlessness, your feelings of hopelessness, and more. We have to get alone with God!
We struggle with so many things, but the one thing we need we neglect!
We choose things that never wanted us, that want to alter us, and that never satisfy us over a God who died to be with us! We choose them over a God that says you are wonderfully made. Before the world looked at you and said you are not good enough God said I want him/her. He/she is going to be my treasure.
6. Ephesians 1:4-6 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will–to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
7. 1 Peter 2:9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession, to proclaim the virtues of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.
8. Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9. John 15:15-16 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.
10. Song of Solomon 4:9 “You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride; You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, With a single strand of your necklace.”
You don’t need to prove to anyone how valuable you are.
The cross speaks louder than your words, your doubts, your accomplishments, and your possessions. The Creator of the Universe died for you on the cross! Jesus shed His blood. Don’t you understand that the simple fact that you are alive right now shows that He knows you and He loves you? God has not forsaken you. He hears you! You feel forsaken, but on the cross Jesus felt forsaken. He has been in your position and He knows how to comfort you.
You are not your past mistakes, you are not your past sins. You have been redeemed by the blood. Keep on pressing on. God is working through your struggles. He knows! God knew you and I were going to be messy. God isn’t frustrated with you so take that out of your head. God hasn’t abandoned you. God’s love is not based on your performance. God’s mercy is not dependent on you. Christ has become our righteousness. He did what you and I could never do.
You were bought with the precious blood of Christ. Not only has God chosen you, not only has God saved you, but God is working in your struggles to make you more like Christ. Don’t let things like sin discourage you. You were bought with the blood of Christ. Now press on. Keep on fighting! Don’t give up. Go to the Lord, confess your sins, and press on! God is not done working yet! If you could have saved yourself by your performance, then you would have never needed a Savior! Jesus is our only claim.
He thought about you when He died on the cross! He saw you living in sin and He said I want him. “I’m dying for him!” You must be so valuable that the Creator would come down from His throne, live the life you couldn’t live, suffer for you, die for you, and rise again for you. He was forsaken so you could be forgiven. Even if you tried to run away from Him you would never be able to get away from Him!
His love would catch you, cover you, and bring you back! His love is going to keep you to the end. He sees every tear, He knows your name, He knows the number of hairs on your head, He knows your faults, He knows every detail about you. Hold on to Christ.
11. 1 Corinthians 6:20 You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
12. Romans 8:32-35 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died–more than that, who was raised to life–is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
13. Luke 12:7 In fact, even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Do not be afraid; you are more valuable than many sparrows.
14. Isaiah 43:1 But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.
15. Isaiah 43:4 Since you are precious in My sight, Since you are honored and I love you, I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.
This world teaches us to focus on self and that is the problem.
It’s all about self-help. Even in Christian bookstores you will find popular books titled “5 Steps For The New You!” We can’t fix ourselves. Until you realize you were not created for yourself you will always struggle with self-esteem issues. The world doesn’t revolve around me. It’s all about Him!
Rather than looking to the world to patch up spiritual wounds which it can never do, we should look to God to change our heart. When you take the focus off of self and put all of your focus on Christ you will be so consumed in His love. You will be so busy in loving Him that you will lose the doubt and the feeling of rejection.
You will genuinely love yourself. We always tell people to trust in the Lord, but we forget to tell people that it’s hard to trust in Him when we are not focused on Him. We need to work on our humility. Make that your goal. Think less of yourself and think more of Him.
16. Romans 12:3 For through the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think more highly of himself than he ought to think; but to think so as to have sound judgment, as God has allotted to each a measure of faith.
17. Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.
18. Isaiah 61:3 To grant those who mourn in Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
The world has us comparing ourselves to each other.
This is hurting us. We are not to be like the world. We are to be like Christ. Everyone wants to be like someone. The person who you compare yourself to is comparing himself/herself to someone else. It’s meaningless and it will make you weary. It’s time to say enough is enough.
When you compare yourself to the world you allow Satan to plant seeds of doubt, insecurity, rejection, loneliness, etc. Nothing in this world will satisfy. Find satisfaction and joy in Christ which remains forever. You can’t try to substitute the joy found in Christ. All other joy is only temporary.
19. Ecclesiastes 4:4 Then I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbours. But this, too, is meaningless–like chasing the wind.
20. Philippians 4:12-13 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
21. 2 Corinthians 10:12 We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.
Setbacks bring down our self-esteem.
Throughout life we make expectations for ourselves. I do it all the time in my mind. I expect to accomplish this at this time. I expect this to be a certain way. I don’t expect setbacks or roadblocks, but sometimes we need a reality check. We are not to trust in our expectations. We are to trust in the Lord because when our expectations prove to be unfaithful we know that the Lord is faithful. We trust our future with our Almighty Father.
Proverbs 3 tells us to not trust in our thoughts. Expectations are dangerous because once you don’t meet your expectations you start to struggle in different areas. You start to struggle with your identity in Christ. You become disappointed in who you are. You start to lose the love of God. “God doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t hear my prayers. I am not fit to do this.”
Maybe you struggle with self-esteem and self-worth because you have encountered a few setbacks. I’ve been there before so I know how it feels. Satan starts spreading lies. “You’re worthless, God has too much to worry about, you’re not one of His special people, you’re not smart enough.”
We have to understand. We don’t need a title. We don’t need to be big and be well known. God loves us! Sometimes setbacks are because the love of God is so great. He is working in broken people and He is making diamonds out of us. Don’t trust in your setbacks. Allow God to work everything out. You can trust in Him. Pray for more joy in Him.
22. Philippians 3:13-14 Brothers, I do not consider myself to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and reaching forward to what is ahead, I pursue as my goal the prize promised by God’s heavenly call in Christ Jesus.
23. Isaiah 43:18-19 Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.
24. Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Read Psalms
One thing about my church that I love is that church members take turns reading different chapters in Psalms. Whatever you are struggling with whether it is self-worth, anxiety, fear, etc. take the time to read different Psalms especially Psalm 34. I love that chapter. Psalms will help you with putting your confidence back in the Lord instead of yourself. God hears you! Trust Him even when you see no changes in your situation.
25. Psalm 34:3-7 Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together. I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
We all struggle with self-worth to some degree. However, the more we learn to take the focus off of self and put it on Christ, the more we realize where our true identity lies. God’s love is so profound it’s difficult to understand. Leonard Ravenhill once said, “it’s not about how much you have to give to Him. It’s about how much He has to give to you.”
God bless!
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**By Fritz Chery at Bible Reasons / Picture by Amine M’Siouri at pexels
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