Trying to Control People Is A Lack of Faith

Key Quotes

“Our work is not manipulation and control, it’s prayer and trusting the Lord, and only to act because He’s leading us, not because we are trying to ‘fix’ somebody in our own power.”

“To be filled with the Holy Spirit is to have the Christian life that we are striving so much for just to “flow from us” in every area – having the clarity, the right word, the wisdom, boldness, peace, strength – every need just “flowing”.  We have to seek the Lord with all our heart above everything else, and seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit – everyday, because every day has new needs.”

“One of the best things we can do for our own peace is to lift expectations off everyone else, looking to God alone.”

“Trying to control other people like this is like trying to force open a flower before it is ready to bloom.  God’s way and His timing is better.”

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INTRODUCTION

I remember one time someone I knew was taking some very careless actions toward his own health, including disregarding doctor advice and refusing some important treatment. His wife was trying to convince him to change his mind, but he was resistant and set on following his own way, even though it was not good for him.

She was carrying a big weight of worry because he wouldn’t listen and she couldn’t convince him. But someone encouraged her with these words, “Don’t carry the guilt for this or his health, since he made his choice and is refusing, you are not responsible – you tried what you could. We are only called to peace. Now just pray, and leave it in God’s hands. That’s your job now, to pray.”

Later she said that this was the word that helped carry her through that situation.

And I was reminded that we have such burdens for others… and that means we want to help them, but we will find that we cannot control them. We can’t control others, but we can choose to lean on God, and pray, and place our trust for the others we are burdened for in His hands.

I see this attitude in Jesus and Paul and the apostles – they exhorted people, but after a certain point they left it to the Holy Spirit to do the work which they could not do in the flesh (John 16:12, Eph 1:15-18).

Jesus said to His disciples, “I have many more things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. But when He, the Spirit of truth, comes, He will guide you into all the truth…” (John 16:12-13)

Paul said to the Ephesians, “I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened” (Ephesians 1:18)

The example I gave was regarding physical matters.  But regarding spiritual matters, see how clearly Paul, and even Jesus didn’t think they could manipulate people and do a work in the hearts of others with their efforts and words apart from the Holy Spirit’s work.

Question: Why couldn’t Jesus and Paul just tell the disciples what they needed to hear?  Why couldn’t they just explain it to them?

It’s because it’s a matter of LIFE in the heart, not INFORMATION in the mind. Spiritual life is inward, a matter of the will – dying to self, and gaining life in Jesus. Not a matter of “knowing more.”  That’s why, for many, no matter how much truth is explained to them, they either don’t believe it or don’t care. Can you speak such great words that you can convince a dead person to get up and walk?! God has to do something that we can never do: give life; bring a change of heart to a person first.

In the parable of the sower the same seed was sown all over, but only on the good soil did it grow and endure (Mark 4:8).  So much frustration can be avoided for the “sower” when we see that we cannot do the work.  God Himself has to prepare a person’s heart (the soil) before any word can do any good.

Sometimes the work God does in a heart is through the breaking of a deep trial, sometimes through failure, sometimes through a revelation in some way, or witnessing the goodness of God and His love and kindness, or through the testimony of someone else’s life.  Sometimes it’s a long work (like God did in Nebuchadnezzar to break him for 7 years), and sometimes just in a moment (like the thief on the cross).  But either way – God has to do a work in the heart. It cannot be us.  In the beginning – the Spirit was there, and God spoke, and then light and life came (Genesis 1:2-25).  Where was man in all that?  Nowhere!

So do we do nothing?  No! We pray and TRUST GOD. And be patient.  Our work is not manipulation and control, it’s prayer and trusting the Lord, and only to act because He’s leading us, not because we are trying to ‘fix’ somebody in our own power.

How many problems come because we try to compel and force people? Forcing them to change how we think they should, in the way we think. But Jesus was so trusting in the Father.  He said that He preached to those who have “ears to hear” (Matthew 11:15). I believe Jesus emphasized that because He wasn’t trying in His own power (as a man) to do the work that He knew the Holy Spirit Himself had to do in the heart.

Hudson Taylor said: “I’ve learned to move man by prayer alone”.

We exhort people when needed, and urge people we care for, and plead with them – with love. But if they won’t receive it – we have to leave it in God’s hands rather than push and fight and control. God has called us to peace: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18)

A QUESTION

But I’ve found this question comes: “But what if I’m supposed to be doing something or saying something God wants me to do for their good? What if I’m missing something, or neglecting something?” And I’m frantic that I’m not doing things right – that they may miss out because I haven’t “done enough” to exhort them.

Here’s what the Lord has helped me with regarding this (I’ve struggled with this question a lot, personally):

The more we seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit and to put Him first and follow the Lord wholeheartedly – whatever I should speak or do for the sake of another one just flows out naturally, without any of the fretting and worrying “what should I do to move them?” “Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness [in your own personal life] and the rest will be added to you.”

We often talk in the church of the necessity of being filled with the Holy Spirit, and it’s sometimes easy to feel like it’s some abstract, far off truth that we don’t understand and so we can’t imagine how it could change anything. This is so far from the truth! To be filled with the Holy Spirit is to have the Christian life that we are striving so much for just to “flow from us” in every area – having the clarity, the right word, the wisdom, boldness, peace, strength – every need just “flowing”.  We have to seek the Lord with all our heart above everything else, and seek to be filled with the Holy Spirit – everyday, because every day has new needs.

The alternative is to labor in our own efforts, for our own will. A lot of what we think is good for someone, how do we even know what is good for them?!  Constant badgering people is a form of trying to control them, nagging, complaining and arguing is a form of trying to control them, lashing in anger, giving a condescending look of disapproval and judgment, even sharing a Bible verse with the wrong spirit (condemnation, guilt, and threatening – rather than love) can be a form of trying to control them!

And all of this is the sin of unbelief on our part because we are trying to take situations into our own hands with others in our own way, rather than trusting God.

PERSONAL SITUATION – JUST TRUST GOD

One time I was talking to someone about the fear I had that another person would do something or cause something that would be very difficult.  I was wondering, “What more should I do besides pray?”  I asked a question to someone I trusted, “But what if this person does this?”  And they said to me, “You need to TRUST the Lord.”  It was so simple… but it was like my eyes were opened in 1 second – I saw that all of my thoughts and plans about all I needed to do and say, and fears of ‘What if’ were: a lack of faith.  It was plain and simple unbelief.

LOVE

One of the best things we can do for our own peace is to lift expectations off everyone else, looking to God alone.

We can’t decide how they act or treat us, but we can by God’s grace decide to love them and treat them right. Not even just for their sake but more importantly for the glory of God –

“…if anyone suffers as a Christian, he is not to be ashamed, but is to glorify God in this name.” (‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭4‬:‭16‬)

We are living before His face alone, our business is mainly that He will get glory from our own life… placing no expectations that others have to change at all, but maintaining a hope for others that in God’s time, He will do the work.  For those within the boundary of our authority (e.g. our children), we do have to labor to correct and guide them.  But we have to follow the Spirit regarding what to say and how to interact… without being frantic and ‘exasperating’ them (Col 3:21), or ‘Lording it over’ them (1 Pet 5:3).  This is not controlling people, this is a labor of love for their eternal good in Jesus.

MAYBE IT’S THE LORD’S WILL

Someone we know may be in sin or out of the Lord’s will. It may be affecting us, or others. Perhaps they won’t listen to anyone, and in that case we have to leave it.  But from our point of view, regarding ourselves and any affect it has on us, we have to consider: “Maybe it’s the Lord’s will to allow this.”

Shimei threw rocks at David.  David essentially said, “Maybe it’s the Lord’s will… so I will not fight” (2 Samuel 16:10).

For Shimei – definitely he was in sin. But for David – it was God’s will for him to endure that faithfully.  God didn’t cause all the mess, but He allowed it, and David accepted it because of His faith – “God must be allowing this for a reason.  Maybe it’s for me, that I need this.”

CONCLUSION

Whatever I write here I’m also working to encourage myself with God’s promises and His Word: Regarding the people we are burdened for (or burdened by!), we have to trust God.  We do what we can from our part, but our hope completely has to lean on His ability, and not in our own endless efforts to force other people.

Trying to control other people like this is like trying to force open a flower before it is ready to bloom.  God’s way and His timing is better.

And regarding the meantime, it’s a slavery to live life muddling through in discouragement and fear, concerning ourselves with what everyone else is doing or may do, feeling that we can never be happy in the Lord unless this other person changes.  God wants us free from that.  Seek the Lord to be delivered from that slavery!

One of the greatest lessons we can learn in this life before we leave this earth is that there is a fulfillment, joy and satisfaction in God and Christ alone, apart from anything else and anybody else (Psalm 73:25, Php 3:8) which is there for us to gain before Heaven.

Leave it to the Lord, and especially in His timing. Live before God’s face alone in humility, carrying your own cross and humbly accepting every person that He decides should be in your life, along with all the difficulties that may come through them, and patiently bearing the burdens you have for them (Eph 4:2).

Be patient.  Place it in God’s hands and rest.

Even when you feel that you can do nothing (like you are ‘asleep’ in the situation), remember that God is still working:

“It is vain for you to rise up early, To retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.” Psalms‬ ‭127‬:‭2‬

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**By Bobby MacDonald © Copyright – Bobby MacDonald. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at NCCF Church our website: http://nccf.church
Questions? Email elders@nccf.church

Life Gets Harder After Following God: How God Develops You in the Dark


You said yes to God, but doors closed and problems multiplied. When life gets harder after following God, you may wonder whether you missed His will. However, hardship does not always mean that God has rejected you or that His promise has failed.

Joseph received a dream from God, yet his path led through a pit, slavery, and prison before it reached the palace. Psalm 105:19 says, “Until the time that his word came to pass, the word of the Lord tested him.” Therefore, the promise revealed Joseph’s future while the process prepared him for it.

For example, at 14, I received a prophetic word that God would use me to speak to my generation. At 16, I saw a vision of what the church could become. Then, for more than a decade, my circumstances moved in the opposite direction. Looking back, I can see that God was developing me in the dark.

Why Life Gets Harder After Following God

First, a calling can attract spiritual resistance. For example, Jesus spent about 30 years in Nazareth, but after His baptism, the Father publicly affirmed Him and the Spirit led Him into the wilderness. Mark 1:12-13 records that He faced Satan’s temptation there. Therefore, the declaration of His identity came before a season of direct confrontation.

Likewise, Moses obeyed God and told Pharaoh to release Israel. Instead, Pharaoh increased the people’s workload and forced them to make bricks without straw. As a result, obedience brought pressure before it brought deliverance.

Therefore, when life gets harder after following God, do not assume that every battle proves you are outside His will. In fact, your obedience threatens the plans of darkness. Let me challenge you here: do not allow resistance to make you retreat from what God told you to do.

Testing Reveals What Success Would Expose

Second, God uses testing to reveal what influence could later destroy. For example, Deuteronomy 8:2 says God led Israel through the wilderness to humble and test them. God knew their hearts, but the people needed to see what pressure uncovered.

A trial can uncover pride, insecurity, fear, jealousy, or a hunger for approval. In fact, 1 Peter 1:7 compares tested faith to gold refined by fire. Therefore, pressure reveals what your faith contains and burns away what cannot endure.

Saul looked impressive and received an anointing, but his character could not carry the crown. Under pressure, he became defensive and jealous. As a result, the throne exposed what the secret place had never settled.

If life gets harder after following God, ask what the pressure is revealing. Be honest with yourself. God may be dealing with something privately because He loves you too much to let it destroy you publicly.

God Removes What Cannot Enter Your Next Season

Third, preparation often includes separation. For example, Joseph lost his special coat when his brothers threw him into the pit. Their actions were evil, yet God used that painful departure to move Joseph toward Egypt, where his assignment would unfold. As a result, what felt like rejection became redirection in God’s hands.

God called Abraham to leave home before showing him the promised land. Likewise, Elijah obeyed God and later watched his brook dry up. However, that loss moved him toward provision in Zarephath.

Jesus said in John 15:2 that the Father prunes every fruitful branch so it can bear more fruit. In fact, pruning happens to living, productive branches. Therefore, a closed door, changed relationship, or lost position does not always mean the devil won. Sometimes the Gardener holds the shears.

This is where many people get stuck when life gets harder after following God. Do not chase every door that closes. Ask the Holy Spirit whether God is removing what cannot accompany you into your next season.

God Develops Your Calling in Hidden Seasons

Fourth, hidden seasons give God room to form you. Before digital photography, film carried an image from the moment the camera clicked, although nobody could see it yet. However, that film had to remain in a darkroom while the picture developed. Exposing it to light too early did not accelerate the process; it ruined the image.

When life gets harder after following God, the promise may be present while the evidence remains hidden. You see darkness, while God develops the character required to carry the calling. Premature exposure can damage what He intends to reveal.

For example, David was anointed as a teenager, but he did not move directly from the oil to the throne. He returned to the sheep and later hid in caves. Meanwhile, God formed a man whose roots could survive power, criticism, and success.

A seed also grows in darkness. Something breaks open underground before new life appears. Likewise, pride, selfish ambition, and dependence on applause may need to die before your calling can live with purity. Don’t ignore this: God cares about the person carrying the gift, not only the gift becoming visible.

The Test Has an Expiration Date

Finally, God’s process has an appointed end. Psalm 105:19 begins with “until.” Genesis 41 shows that after two more years in prison, Pharaoh had a dream, Joseph interpreted it, and one day moved him from confinement to leadership.

Joseph felt forgotten, but heaven had not lost track of him. Still, the cupbearer’s delay could not cancel God’s timing. When the appointed moment came, years of hidden preparation became visible within hours.

1 Peter 5:10 says that after suffering “a while,” the God of grace will perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. Likewise, Galatians 6:9 promises a harvest in due season to those who refuse to lose heart. So, when life gets harder after following God, do not treat a temporary test as a permanent address. Your trial has boundaries, even when you cannot see them.

What to Do When Life Gets Harder After Following God

You cannot control the length of the process, but you can choose your response. Stay close to God in prayer and remain faithful in today’s assignment. Let correction change you, and refuse to build your identity on visible progress.

When life gets harder after following God, do not force yourself into the light or quit in the darkroom. Joseph’s pit did not cancel his dream, and prison did not erase God’s presence. The promise remained in process.

Maybe your circumstances contradict the promise. Hear this clearly: development does not mean disqualification. The word that called you can test you, shape you, and still come to pass.

Stay in God’s hands until the picture is ready.

Prayer

Heavenly Father,

I pray for the person reading this right now. You know what they have been carrying, the disappointments they have experienced, and the questions they have struggled to answer. You know the parts of their story that nobody else sees. Meet them in this moment and let them become aware of Your presence. Where their heart has been troubled, bring peace, and where disappointment has left them discouraged, restore their hope.

Heal every wound that has come from rejection, loss, unanswered prayer, or broken expectations. Keep their heart from becoming bitter because of what they have experienced. Help them release what they cannot change and forgive where forgiveness is needed. Remind them that what has happened to them does not determine who they are or what You can still do through their life.

Give them discernment for the season they are in. Show them what belongs in their future and what needs to be left behind. Give them wisdom to recognize the doors You are opening and the humility to walk away from what You are closing. Help them resist the temptation to compare their journey with someone else’s, and teach them to value what You are doing in their life without needing it to look like anyone else’s.

Lord, use the quiet places to shape something lasting within them. Develop their character, deepen their faith, and teach them to live from conviction rather than approval. When there is no recognition and nothing seems to be happening, let their private life with You become more precious than public visibility. May they become the kind of person who can carry what they have prayed for without being changed by the attention that comes with it.

When they feel discouraged, remind them that this chapter is not the conclusion. Give them wisdom for today and courage for the decision in front of them. Help them surrender their need to know exactly how everything will unfold, and teach them to place their future in Your hands.

Father, when they eventually look back on this season, let them recognize that You were present throughout it. Let them see how You used what they could not understand to shape, redirect, and prepare them. May they come through this chapter with greater depth, greater humility, and a heart that knows You more intimately.

Until then, keep their eyes fixed on You. Let their faith remain genuine when nobody is watching, let their hope remain alive when circumstances are slow to change, and let their lives continue to reflect Your goodness.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen 🙏

If you are walking through delay, disappointment, or a hidden season, explore Developed in the Dark for biblical encouragement to remain faithful while God prepares you.

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** By Vladimir Savchuk Ministries / Photo by Ron Lach at Pexels

Why Is There So Much Suffering in the World?

Suffering is one of the most profound realities of life. Every person, at some point, experiences pain, loss, injustice, or heartbreak. Whether it comes from illness, natural disasters, the death of a loved one, or acts of human cruelty, suffering confronts us with questions that have echoed across time: Why does this happen? Is there any purpose to the pain we endure?

Suffering is not always the result of wrongdoing. Innocent children face disease, natural disasters devastate communities, and tragedies strike without warning. At the same time, human choices, including greed, pride, and cruelty, often magnify suffering. Wars, oppression, exploitation, and injustice are direct results of the freedom we have been given, yet sometimes misuse.

The Bible acknowledges these realities without minimizing them. The story of Job, a man righteous in every way, illustrates that suffering is not always punishment. He experienced immense pain as part of the larger complexities of life. In the midst of suffering, Job discovered that God’s purposes often extend far beyond human understanding.

“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” (Job 1:21)

Life’s Lessons Through Suffering

While suffering is painful, it can serve a higher purpose. Life’s trials challenge us to grow emotionally, spiritually, and morally. They reveal the fragility of existence, the value of compassion, and the importance of relationships. Difficult experiences can awaken empathy, motivate us to act justly, and deepen our reliance on God.

History and contemporary life are full of examples where suffering has produced resilience and courage. Communities rebuilt after disasters, individuals persevering through chronic illness, and movements for justice rising from oppression all testify that adversity can inspire profound human goodness.

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.” (Romans 5:3-4)

Free Will and the Choices We Make

God gave humanity free will, the ability to choose, love, and obey. But this gift also allows for mistakes and harm. Much of the suffering in the world stems from human actions. Wars, violence, inequality, and exploitation all reflect the misuse of freedom.

Yet free will is not solely the source of suffering. It also enables heroism, sacrifice, and love. Acts of kindness, generosity, and courage often emerge in response to suffering. Free will creates a world where both tragedy and triumph coexist, reminding us that human responsibility carries immense consequences.

The Spiritual Dimension

Suffering is rarely only physical or emotional. It touches the soul. Scripture reminds us that the world is engaged in a spiritual battle.

“For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness.” (Ephesians 6:12)

Recognizing this spiritual dimension helps us understand that the forces behind evil are real, but so is God’s presence. Prayer, faith, and spiritual community become tools not just for endurance but for hope, guidance, and alignment with God’s purposes.

Growth Through Trials

Pain can refine character. Enduring hardship teaches patience, fosters empathy, and cultivates trust in God. Individuals and communities shaped by suffering often develop greater resilience and a deeper appreciation for life’s blessings.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Real-World Reflections

Consider a child surviving a life-threatening illness, an entire city rebuilding after a hurricane, or individuals advocating for justice after oppression. These examples show that while suffering is real and often overwhelming, it can also spark hope, unity, and transformation.

Suffering invites us to act. It calls us to comfort, to serve, and to protect the vulnerable. It challenges us to live with courage and to witness love in action, transforming pain into purpose.

The Promise of Hope and Divine Presence

Amid life’s trials, one of the greatest sources of comfort is the assurance that we are not alone. God sent Jesus into the world as Savior to bring light into darkness, healing to the broken, and reconciliation between humanity and Himself. Jesus, as Lord, walks with us through our suffering, offering guidance, strength, and peace even when circumstances feel unbearable.

Life on earth is brief and often unpredictable, but the eternal perspective reminds us that our struggles are temporary. Scripture assures us that Jesus will ultimately restore all things, wipe away every tear, and bring justice and healing where it is needed most. While our earthly journey may be marked by pain, hope in Him, His presence, and the promise of eternity give our lives profound meaning beyond what we can see today.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4)

Living with Hope

Knowing that suffering is temporary allows us to live courageously. While we cannot prevent all pain, we can respond with compassion, generosity, and faith. We can anchor our hope in Jesus, who overcame suffering and death, assuring us that ultimate victory belongs to God.

Life may be short, but eternity is long. The struggles we endure now are but a prelude to a life of restoration, joy, and peace in Christ. This eternal hope transforms our perspective, empowering us to face trials with courage, serve others with love, and walk faithfully even through darkness.

Conclusion

Suffering is an unavoidable aspect of human existence, arising from the imperfections of the world, human choice, and spiritual realities. Yet it is not meaningless. Through faith in Jesus, reflection, compassion, and resilience, our trials can shape character, deepen relationships, and inspire acts of love.

Life on earth may be fleeting, but in Christ, every tear, every struggle, and every hardship will ultimately find healing. Hope, guided by Jesus as Lord, ensures that suffering is temporary, and that eternal restoration, peace, and joy await all who trust in Him.

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*** Photo by Simon Hurry at Pexels

Is It a Sin for Christians to Curse

Have you ever been caught off guard by what came out of your mouth? You love Jesus, you worship, you’re trying to grow, and then pressure hits, frustration rises, and suddenly your words don’t sound like the person you want to be. If you’re honest, it doesn’t always happen in big moments. Sometimes it’s the small things that reveal what’s really going on inside.

This is why the question matters more than people think. Is cursing actually a sin, or is it just a cultural thing people make too big of a deal about? The Bible does not give us a list of forbidden syllables like God is offended by certain letters. God goes deeper than that. He looks at the heart, because what flows out of the mouth is always connected to what is happening within.

Jesus said that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. That means your words are not random. They are a reflection. Before you realize it, your speech begins to reveal what has been forming internally for a while. This is not just about behavior. This is about transformation.

What Cursing Really Is

Many people think cursing is just about using certain words, but Scripture paints a broader picture. Cursing is not only profanity. It is also speaking in a way that degrades, belittles, or wishes harm on someone. It is using your words to cut people down instead of building them up.

James addresses this tension when he says we bless God and curse people who are made in His image. That should not be normal for a believer. When you understand that every person carries the image of God, it changes how you speak to them, even when you are upset. I have had moments where I had to check myself on this, because it is easy to justify harsh words when emotions are high.

Profanity, careless speech, and disrespectful use of God’s name all fall into this category. The issue is not just vocabulary. It is the direction of your speech. Is it bringing life or is it bringing damage? That is the real question.

Why Your Words Matter So Much

The reason this is serious is because your words carry weight. Proverbs tells us that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Words may seem small in the moment, but they function like seeds. Over time, they grow into something you can actually see in your life and in the lives of others.

Your speech also reveals your heart. You can control behavior for a while, but eventually what is inside finds a way out. That is why Paul connects our speech to the old self and the new self. Transformation is not only seen in actions. It is heard in how we speak.

God Himself created the world through words, which tells us that words are not cheap in the kingdom. If you pay attention, you will notice how speech shapes environments. It can bring peace or tension, encouragement or discouragement. It can sneak up on you how quickly one sentence can shift the atmosphere in a room.

Another thing to consider is your witness. People may never open a Bible, but they listen to believers. When our speech sounds no different than the world, the distinction begins to fade. Not because we are trying to appear perfect, but because we are representing a holy King.

When It Looks Clean but Isn’t

Sometimes people say they no longer curse, but the heart behind their words has not changed. The language may sound cleaner, but the intention is still the same. It is possible to replace certain words while keeping the same frustration, contempt, or anger underneath.

One way to examine this is through simple filters. Does what I am saying build others up or tear them down? Am I using God’s name casually, without reverence? Am I speaking in a way that honors the image of God in people? These questions help expose what is really happening beneath the surface.

If you are just swapping out words to make things sound more acceptable, nothing truly changes. The goal is not to sanitize speech. The goal is to transform the heart so that the words flowing out of you carry grace. That kind of change takes time, but it is real.

How to Break the Habit

If this is something you struggle with, you are not alone. Many believers genuinely want to change but feel stuck in the cycle. The truth is, this is not something you overcome by willpower alone. It requires the Holy Spirit, renewal of the mind, and intentional practice.

It begins with honesty. Call it what it is and bring it before God without excuses. When Isaiah encountered the holiness of God, one of the first things he recognized was his unclean lips. There is something about God’s presence that exposes what we have tolerated.

Ask the Lord to guard your mouth. That is a biblical prayer. At the same time, pay attention to your triggers. Most speech issues are connected to deeper emotions like stress, anger, or frustration. When you address the root, the fruit begins to change.

You also need replacement, not just removal. When pressure comes, have words ready that align with who you want to become. It may feel unnatural at first. That is normal. Growth often feels awkward before it becomes natural.

Guarding Your Environment and Your Thoughts

One thing people underestimate is the influence of their environment. What you listen to, who you spend time around, and what you allow into your life will shape your speech more than you realize. Over time, you begin to echo what you hear consistently.

I have seen this in different settings where certain kinds of speech become normal, and before long, people start picking it up without even noticing. If you are serious about change, you may need to set boundaries or limit certain inputs. This is not about isolation. It is about stewardship.

At the same time, learn to take your thoughts captive. Words do not start in the mouth. They start in the mind. If you catch the thought early, you can stop it before it turns into speech. This takes practice, but it is one of the most effective ways to grow.

When You Slip, Don’t Stay Down

There will be moments when you miss it. Maybe something comes out before you can stop it. In those moments, do not let shame define you. Conviction calls you forward. Shame tries to keep you stuck.

Correct it quickly. If needed, apologize. Replace what was spoken with something that brings life. Then keep moving. Growth is not about perfection. It is about direction. Over time, you will notice that what once felt automatic begins to lose its grip.

Your mouth was not created to be a weapon. It was created to be a well of life. The question is not whether you can clean up your vocabulary for a moment. The question is whether your heart is being transformed so that your words reflect the life of Christ in you.

If you stay committed to this process, it does not happen overnight, but it does happen. Your speech begins to change. Your reactions begin to shift. And before you realize it, the same situations that used to trigger you no longer produce the same response.

God cares about your words because He cares about you. And when your heart changes, your mouth will follow.

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*** By Vladimir Savchuk Ministries / Photo by medium photoclub at Pexels

The Hannah Era: A Season of Surrender, Waiting, and Answered Prayer

The Hannah era, drawn from the story in the Book of Samuel (1 Samuel 1–2), is often understood as a season of deep longing, honest prayer, and waiting on God when answers feel delayed. It is a season that does not begin with ease, but with a painful desire. Hannah’s story reflects what it feels like to carry something in your heart that you cannot yet see in your hands. It is the experience of wanting something so badly, praying about it repeatedly, and having to continue with everyday life while the answer has not yet come.

Hannah was married to Elkanah, but she was unable to have children. Each year, Elkanah would take his household to Shiloh to worship and offer sacrifices to the Lord. What should have been a time of worship and family became another reminder of Hannah’s deepest pain. She was returning to the same place year after year with the same unanswered desire.

Her situation was made even more difficult by Peninnah, Elkanah’s other wife, who had children and would provoke Hannah because the Lord had closed her womb. This was not an occasional source of tension. Scripture says that Peninnah provoked her year after year, particularly when they went up to the house of the Lord. Hannah therefore had to live with a painful reality that was constantly being placed in front of her. She did not simply know that she was without children; she was repeatedly reminded of it by someone in her own household every day.

That detail matters because Hannah’s adversary was not outside her home. She was dealing with this in the very place that should have been a safe haven from the pressures of the world. Home is normally where you expect to be able to let your guard down, but Hannah had to live alongside someone who knew exactly where she was vulnerable and repeatedly pressed on that wound. She could not simply leave the situation behind at the end of the day. She had to wake up and live in it again.

There are people who find themselves in similar seasons. Sometimes the person who causes the most emotional strain is not a stranger but someone within your family, someone you work with, someone you have to see regularly, or someone who is simply too close to your life to avoid. Sometimes you are already carrying a private disappointment, and someone else’s comments, behaviour, or circumstances continually bring it back to the surface. That can make an already difficult season feel much heavier.

Hannah was also living in a culture where a woman not having children carried significant social shame. Her inability to conceive was not simply a private disappointment; it could be viewed as a disgrace and a source of humiliation. Peninnah’s behaviour made that burden worse because she used Hannah’s situation to provoke her. Hannah was therefore carrying both the personal grief of wanting a child and the social weight attached to not having one.

Yet Scripture does not record Hannah responding to Peninnah by retaliating or trying to hurt her in return. We are told that Hannah was deeply distressed, that she wept, and that she would not eat. Her response appears to have been to carry the pain to God rather than turning it into a fight with Peninnah. That does not mean Hannah was unaffected by what was happening. She clearly was. It means that Scripture gives us no indication that she allowed her hurt to become an excuse to wound someone else.

There is something worth learning from that. Grace does not mean pretending that what someone is doing does not hurt. It does not mean allowing people to mistreat you without boundaries. It means that another person’s behaviour does not have to determine the kind of person you become. Hannah had every reason to be angry, but she took her anguish somewhere more productive.

Interestingly, Hannah’s name is traditionally understood to mean “grace” or “favour.” We should not build a whole theology around a person’s name, but it is a meaningful reflection when we consider her story. Hannah was living in a situation that could easily have made her bitter, yet the biblical account does not focus on her retaliating against Peninnah. Instead, we see her eventually taking the full weight of her pain into the presence of God.

Even her husband, Elkanah, did not fully understand what she was experiencing. Scripture makes it clear that he loved Hannah and gave her a special portion because of his love for her. He tried to comfort her and asked why she was crying and why she would not eat. From his perspective, he was trying to reassure the woman he loved. But his love could not remove the particular pain she was carrying.

This is another difficult reality of a Hannah season: sometimes the people who love you most cannot fully understand why something hurts you as deeply as it does. Elkanah could love Hannah, provide for her, and reassure her, but he could not give her the child she wanted. There are some places in our hearts that only God can reach. It does not mean the people around us do not care. It means that some prayers are between us and God.

Eventually, Hannah went to the temple and prayed. She was deeply distressed and poured out her soul before the Lord. Her prayer was so intense that Eli, the priest, initially thought she was drunk. Hannah explained that she was not drunk; she was a woman who was deeply troubled and was bringing her anguish before God.

This is important because Hannah did not approach God with a polished version of herself. She was not pretending to be strong. She did not hide the fact that she was hurting. She brought the actual condition of her heart before God.

There is nothing wrong with bringing your desires to God. Hannah wanted a child, and she asked God for one. Her initial prayer was very personal. She was asking God to meet a need that had become deeply painful for her. In that sense, her prayer was focused on what she wanted and what she needed God to change.

But as Hannah prayed, something deeper happened. She made a vow that if the Lord gave her a son, she would give him back to the Lord.

That is a significant shift.

Hannah was not simply asking God to give her something so that she could finally have what she wanted. She was saying that if God answered her prayer, the answer would be dedicated to Him. She was willing to surrender the very thing she was asking for before she had even received it.

This is one of the deeper lessons in her story. Sometimes we begin by asking God to change our circumstances, and there is nothing wrong with that. But as we pray, God can also begin to change our perspective. We move from simply asking, “Lord, will You give me this?” to asking, “Lord, if You give me this, what will I do with it? How will I honour You with it? Am I willing to give it back to You?”

Hannah wanted a son. God knew the purpose that son would carry. She was thinking about the emptiness in her own home. God knew Samuel would become a prophet and play a significant role in the history of Israel.

This does not mean Hannah’s desire was wrong or that she somehow had to stop wanting a child before God would answer her. It means that what began as a deeply personal prayer became connected to a much greater purpose than she could see at the time.

That is something worth considering in our own Hannah seasons. We often know what we want God to give us, but we do not always know what will be required of us if He gives it. We may be praying for a marriage without thinking about the character required to sustain one. We may be praying for children without considering the patience and responsibility parenting will require. We may be asking for financial increase without considering whether we are ready to steward it wisely. We may be asking for influence, an opportunity, a business, or a platform without considering the responsibility that will come with it.

Sometimes we are asking God for the promise while He is preparing us for the responsibility. That may be part of what was happening in Hannah’s waiting. God was not simply preparing her to receive Samuel. He was preparing her for what it would mean to release Samuel into God’s purpose.

After Hannah prayed, something changed before her circumstances changed. Samuel had not yet been born. She had no evidence that her prayer had been answered. Yet Scripture tells us that she went away, ate, and her face was no longer downcast.

The situation had not changed, but Hannah had.

She had taken the burden she had been carrying and placed it before God. She still had to wait, but she was no longer waiting as someone who was trying to carry the entire situation herself. This is an important part of prayer. Sometimes God changes the circumstances, and sometimes the first thing that changes is our ability to walk through the circumstances with Him.

Waiting is therefore not passive. Hannah continued to live, worship, and trust while she waited. She did not know when the answer would come, but she continued with what was in front of her. Eventually, God answered Hannah’s prayer. She conceived and gave birth to Samuel. But this is where her faithfulness becomes particularly important.

Hannah honoured what she had promised.

She did not spend years asking God for a child and then forget the vow once the child was finally in her arms. She gave Samuel to the Lord, just as she had said she would. The answer did not cause her to forget the God who answered her.

That is a challenge for all of us because it is often easier to surrender something before we have it than after we have received it. When you are praying for something, it can feel easy to say, “Lord, if You give me this, I will use it for You.” But when the answer finally comes, attachment can take over. We can begin to see the blessing as ours rather than something God has entrusted to us. Hannah did not do that. She remembered what she had said in the place of desperation and followed through when the circumstances had changed.

Samuel was then given to the service of the Lord. He would go on to become a prophet and play a major role in Israel’s history. What Hannah had initially experienced as a deeply personal longing became part of something much larger.

And there is another part of the story that is important to include. After Hannah gave Samuel to the Lord, God blessed her with more children. Scripture tells us that she had three sons and two daughters.

This should not be turned into a formula that says, “If you surrender something to God, He will give you more.” God is not a transaction, and Hannah’s story is not teaching us how to manipulate God into blessing us. What it does show us is that surrender did not leave Hannah forgotten. She gave God what she had promised, and God continued to bless her.

That matters because sometimes we are afraid of surrender. We think that if we give something completely to God, we will lose it. We hold tightly because we are afraid that releasing it means it will disappear.

Hannah’s story gives us another perspective. What she surrendered was not wasted. Samuel’s life had purpose, and Hannah’s own story continued. She was not left empty because she trusted God with what He had given her.

This is why the Hannah era is about more than waiting for an answer. It is about learning what to do with the desire, the disappointment, the waiting, and eventually the answer itself.

Perhaps you are in a season where the hardest part is not simply what you are waiting for, but the environment in which you are waiting. Perhaps there is someone close to you who continually reminds you of what you do not have. Perhaps you are surrounded by people who do not understand your pain. Perhaps you have to smile and carry on while privately asking God when your situation will change.

Hannah’s story gives you permission to acknowledge that it hurts. You do not have to pretend that you are unaffected. But you also do not have to let the pain change your character.

You can take it to God.

If you are being provoked, ask God for grace and wisdom. Grace does not mean having no boundaries, and forgiveness does not mean remaining in an unhealthy situation without seeking help. But you can refuse to let someone else’s behaviour turn you into someone you are not.

If the people closest to you do not understand your anguish, remember that God does. Elkanah loved Hannah, but he could not fully understand her particular pain. Sometimes you will have to accept that even good people may not know how to carry what you are carrying. That does not mean you are alone.

If you are watching other people receive what you have been praying for, guard your heart from comparison. Peninnah’s children were a constant reminder to Hannah of what she did not have, but Hannah’s story did not end with Peninnah. Her life was not defined by what another woman had.

And if you have been praying for something for a long time, do not assume that the length of the wait means that God has forgotten you. Hannah’s story shows us a woman who had to return to the same place year after year before she saw the answer. But when the answer came, she was ready to honour the commitment she had made.

That is perhaps one of the most important questions to ask during a Hannah season: Am I preparing only to receive the answer, or am I preparing to steward it?

If God gives you what you are praying for, will you still put Him first?

If He opens the door, will you honour Him on the other side of it?

If He gives you the relationship, will you build it according to His principles?

If He gives you the child, will you raise that child with the understanding that they ultimately belong to Him?

If He gives you the financial increase, will you steward it wisely?

If He gives you influence, will you remain humble?

If He gives you the opportunity, will you remember the God who opened the door?

Hannah’s story teaches us that the answer to prayer is not the end of faithfulness. Sometimes it is where another level of faithfulness begins.

She prayed from a place of need, but her prayer eventually included surrender. God answered her prayer, and she honoured what she had promised. Then God continued to bless her.

So if you are in your own Hannah season, bring God the honest prayer. Tell Him what you want. Tell Him what hurts. Tell Him what you are tired of carrying. You do not have to pretend that the waiting is easy.

But allow God to take you deeper than simply asking for the thing.

Ask Him to prepare you for it.

Ask Him to refine your motives.

Ask Him to build your character.

Ask Him to teach you how to steward what you are asking Him to place in your hands.

And most importantly, ask Him to help you surrender it before you receive it, so that when the answer comes, you will not forget the One who gave it.

Hannah’s story begins with a woman carrying a painful desire and ends with a woman who had learned how to trust God with both the prayer and the answer. Her waiting was not wasted. Her tears were not meaningless. Her surrender was not the end of her blessing.

There may be things you cannot control in this season. You cannot control other people’s behaviour. You cannot control their timing. You cannot control when God will answer. But you can choose where you take your pain, how you respond to what is happening around you, and what you do with whatever God eventually places in your hands.

That is the heart of the Hannah era.

It is learning to trust God with the thing you want, the season you are in, and the answer when it comes.

A Prayer for the Hannah Season

Heavenly Father,

Thank You that You are present in every season, including seasons of waiting, longing, disappointment, and unanswered questions. Thank You that You are not distant in silence, but near even when I cannot yet see change.

Lord, in this Hannah season, teach me to bring my whole heart before You without hiding or pretending. Where there is pain, give me honesty. Where there is disappointment, give me trust. Where there are burdens I cannot carry alone, give me the courage to pour them out before You.

Strengthen me to wait patiently without becoming discouraged or bitter. When I am misunderstood, provoked, or reminded of what I am still waiting for, guard my heart. Help me respond with grace and wisdom rather than from hurt. Keep me from comparison, frustration, and resentment, and help me remain secure in You.

Lord, shape my prayers so they are not performances, but true encounters with You. Let my tears become prayers that You understand, and let my vulnerability become a place where You meet me deeply.

Teach me not only to ask You for what I desire, but to surrender it to You. Help me trust You with the things I long for, knowing that what You give me is ultimately Yours. Prepare my heart to receive Your blessings with gratitude and to honour You with whatever You place in my hands.

While I wait outwardly, do a deep work within me. Refine my desires, strengthen my faith, develop my character, and prepare me for what You are bringing forth. Help me trust Your timing even when I cannot understand it.

And Lord, when the time is right, answer according to Your perfect will. Remind me that You have not forgotten me. Let this season produce maturity, deeper faith, and a greater dependence on You.

Teach me to trust You not only for the answer, but through the waiting. Give me grace to remain faithful when I cannot see what You are doing, and when the answer comes, help me never to forget the One who carried me through the waiting.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

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*** Photo by Maycon Marmo at Pexels