Tag: sin

Guidance for Women Facing Abuse in the Home: Finding Hope and Healing – Part 5

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Dear sister, if you find yourself facing abuse in your home—whether physical, emotional or verbal —know that you are not alone. The path you are walking may feel overwhelming and isolating, with your heart burdened by shame, fear, or a sense of failure. These emotions can feel especially heavy when your desire to honor God and uphold the sanctity of marriage seems to conflict with your need for safety and peace. You may feel as though seeking help is a betrayal of your faith or your marriage vows. But let me assure you of this powerful truth: You are deeply loved by God, and your safety matters deeply to Him.

Abuse is never part of God’s plan for your life. You were created to be cherished, respected, and loved. No woman should ever feel trapped in a situation where she or her children are in harm’s way. The weight of shame that you may feel is not from God—shame is a tool the enemy uses to isolate, manipulate, and keep you from seeking the help and healing that are available to you. Today, I want to remind you of God’s unfailing love, His justice, and His desire for you to find peace, safety, and healing.

This article is for those of you who have a support system and those who feel isolated or without help. Whether you have trusted family, friends, or church leaders, or if you feel completely alone, there is always hope and help available to you. You are not alone in this journey, and God has promised to guide and protect you.

1. God’s Heart for You: Safety and Justice

God is deeply concerned about those who are suffering, especially those who are oppressed and vulnerable. Psalm 82:3-4 says, “Defend the weak and the fatherless; uphold the cause of the poor and oppressed.” He is close to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and His heart breaks with yours as you face abuse.

Marriage is meant to reflect God’s love for His Church (Ephesians 5:25-29), and love is selfless, kind, and protective. Abuse distorts this beautiful design. God desires restoration, healing, and wholeness for you—not suffering or harm. You do not have to stay in a place of danger to prove your faithfulness or commitment to marriage. God calls us to protect the life He has entrusted to us, which includes ensuring our physical and emotional well-being.

If you or your children are in immediate danger, your first priority is to seek safety. Leaving the situation temporarily or permanently is not a sign of failure, but an act of love and self-care. God’s heart for you is to be safe, healthy, and protected.

2. Physical Safety: God Cares About Your Protection

If you are facing abuse, remember that God values your safety. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 reminds us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and it’s our responsibility to protect them. If you are in physical danger, taking steps to get to safety is not just a necessity, it is a reflection of your worth in God’s eyes.

Start by creating a safety plan:

• Emergency Bag: Pack essential items such as identification, cash, important documents, medications, and a change of clothes.

• Safe Places: Identify safe places like a trusted friend’s house, a shelter, or even a public space where you can go if necessary.

• Emergency Contacts: Memorize a domestic abuse hotline or the phone numbers of people you trust who can help.

These steps are not about abandoning your marriage—they are about protecting your life, which is precious to God. You deserve to be safe, to be loved, and to live in peace.

3. Shame Has No Place in Christ

The shame that abuse leaves behind can feel all-consuming. It may whisper lies like, “You must have done something wrong,” or “You are a failure as a wife and mother.” But these lies are not from God. You are not to blame for the abuse you are experiencing. Shame keeps you isolated and paralyzed, but God’s truth breaks those chains.

Romans 8:1 reminds us that, “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” You are not defined by what has happened to you, but by God’s great love for you. The Bible assures us that God sees your pain and invites you to find rest in Him. Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” His love is unconditional, and He will never abandon you.

4. Biblical Perspectives on Abuse and Separation

For many Christian women, the thought of leaving feels impossible, especially when they are committed to honoring their marriage vows. But it’s important to understand that the Bible does not require you to remain in a dangerous or abusive situation. In fact, 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 speaks of separation as an option when peace and safety are at risk. Separation for safety’s sake is not a failure; it is an act of wisdom and care for yourself and your family.

Separation is not a repudiation of your marriage—it is an opportunity for safety, healing, and, if possible, reconciliation. However, it is important to remember that genuine repentance and transformation must come from the abuser for true healing to occur.

God desires for marriages to be healed, but that healing cannot happen without accountability, safety, and change on the part of the abuser.

5. Reaching Out for Help

• If You Have Support: If you have trusted friends, family, or church leaders, reach out to them. Your church may have counseling services or women’s ministries that can offer guidance and help. Connecting with a Christian counselor who understands the complexities of abuse can also provide a safe space to heal.

• If You Have Been Isolated: If your abuser has intentionally isolated you from your support system, it may feel impossible to reach out. But please know that help is available.

• Hotlines and Shelters: Domestic abuse hotlines provide confidential support, legal advice, and information about safe shelters.

• In the U.S.: National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788)

• In the U.K.: Refuge Helpline (0808 2000 247)

• Technology: If it’s unsafe to make calls, some hotlines offer chat or email support. Be sure to use an incognito browser or a trusted device if necessary.

It might feel daunting, but take one step at a time. God will provide the right resources and people to help you navigate this difficult time.

6. Caring for Your Children

If you have children, their safety and emotional well-being are a top priority. Abuse can deeply affect children, even if they are not the direct targets. Proverbs 31:8-9 calls us to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. Protecting your children is both a biblical and a practical responsibility.

Here are some ways to care for them in this challenging time:

• Provide Stability: Create an environment that feels safe and secure for them, even if it’s temporary.

• Reassure Them: Speak to them about God’s love and remind them that the abuse is not their fault.

• Seek Support: Reach out to professionals who can help address the emotional needs of your children.

God has entrusted your children to your care, and He will equip you with the strength and wisdom to protect and guide them through this difficult time.

7. Legal Protection and Support

Abuse is never acceptable, and it’s important to know that there are legal protections available to you. Romans 13:1-4 reminds us that governing authorities are servants of God, tasked with upholding justice. Reporting abuse and seeking legal protection is not only acceptable—it is necessary to ensure your safety and that of your children.

• Restraining Orders: A restraining order can legally prevent the abuser from coming near you or contacting you.

• Reporting Abuse: Report abuse to authorities so that they can investigate and take appropriate action.

Seeking legal protection does not mean you are abandoning your marriage—it is a step toward justice, safety, and the protection that God desires for you.

8. Trusting God Through the Pain

When you feel alone or uncertain, know that God is with you. He is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18) and will guide you as you seek His wisdom (James 1:5). He understands your pain and promises to work all things together for your good (Romans 8:28).

Pray for clarity and strength. Trust that God sees your suffering and will bring justice in His time. He will never leave you or forsake you.

9. Hope for the Future

Healing takes time, and the road ahead may seem uncertain, but with God, there is always hope. Isaiah 61:3 reminds us that God can bring beauty from ashes. No matter where you are in your journey, God’s love for you remains unwavering. Whether your path leads to reconciliation or long-term separation, God is with you, and He will work all things together for your good.

A Final Word

Sister, please hear this: You are not weak. You are not a failure. You are not alone. You are a beloved daughter of the King, created in His image and worthy of love, respect, and protection. Seeking help is not a betrayal of your faith—it is a step toward safety, healing, and honoring the God who loves you.

Take even the smallest step today—whether it’s reaching out to a trusted friend, contacting a hotline, or praying for strength. God is with you every step of the way, surrounding you with His grace, justice, and love. You are seen. You are cherished. And there is hope.

You are not weak. You are not a failure. You are not alone. You are deeply loved by the King of Kings. Seeking help is not a sign of weakness; it is an act of courage and faith. By doing so, you are stepping into the truth that God desires you to be safe, whole, and restored.

Please note: More support networks and their contact details can be found in this article: Single Mothers Beware: Not Every Man is a Father

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*** Photo by Chalo Garcia at Pexels

Obedience Is Better Than Sacrifice

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Key Quotes

“If we have a terrible angry heart, God would rather have us focus on being delivered from anger than to set ourselves to read the Bible an hour every day”

“It’s better to pursue humility, than to be a proud evangelist”

“In God’s eyes a pure hearted widow’s penny is worth more, than a proud Pharisee’s bag of money”

“We can joyfully live in the freedom knowing that God is not pressing all these things on us – always telling us “do more, do more, do more, not good enough, not good enough.”  He wants us to spend our energy and our thoughts on obedience in the inward life.”

Full Article

1 Samuel 15:22 “Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams”

SAUL

1 Samuel 15 explains why the first king of Israel (king Saul) lost his kingdom.  God told him to defeat the Amalekites and “utterly destroy them and all they have” (v3).  He didn’t do that.  Instead, he defeated the Amalekites but spared their king, and spared many nice goods that they had with a plan to sacrifice them to the Lord.  The worst part was, he thought that he was pleasing God by doing this! (v17).  He must have felt so proud with an intention to sacrifice all those nice things to God.  But then Samuel the prophet came along with a surprising rebuke – “obedience is better than sacrifice” (v22).  We go on to read that this is when God decided to take away the kingdom from Saul.

A MISCONCEPTION OF WHAT IT IS TO PLEASE GOD

Like Saul, it’s possible that we can have a wrong concept of what’s pleasing to God and what isn’t.  It’s possible that we are laboring in this Christian life to live for God in a way that isn’t the best and may even be disobedient altogether.  In this Christian “race” we are running, we should be sure we are running toward the right goal.  We should be much more focused on the goal of obeying God (inwardly from the heart), rather than sacrificing many things to Him (externally with many works).

EXAMPLES

Inward obedience is what God wants us to focus on.  If we have a terribly angry heart, God would rather have us focus on being delivered from anger than to set ourselves to read the Bible an hour every day.  How many Christians set themselves to be delivered from anger?  I don’t know the number but I’m pretty sure it’s far less than the number who commit to reading the Bible daily!  There’s no command from God to read the Bible daily, but Ephesians 4:30 tells us to put away all wrath.  That’s an example of God desiring inward obedience over outward sacrifice.

If we have been living this Christian life for any period of time, chances are we’ve attempted to please God in many different ways like this.  And we may have felt for a time that we were pleasing Him by doing many works.  We may have felt very “productive” evangelizing and spreading the gospel, proving unbelievers wrong, tithing, serving five days a week in church, sticking to a prayer list… and many other external things.  And not all these things are bad.  Many of them are good.  But what a pity if for so many years we’ve been most excited about those things and missed the thing that God wants us to focus on most; inward obedience of the heart – where we are progressing in the Christian life and our hearts are becoming more and more to be like Jesus’ heart.  (1 John 3:3). “And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.”

It’s better to pursue humility, than to be a proud evangelist.  It’s better to seek God for deliverance of a hateful heart toward some brothers and sisters in church than to serve them with a hidden bitterness.  It’s better to give only a little money to the church, but be ‘rejoicing in the Lord always’ than to give a large bag of money every month, but at the same time have constant dissatisfaction with God and the Christian life.

DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN INWARD OBEDIENCE AND OUTER SACRIFICE

I’m not sure why I have so often in the past had a wrong conception of what really pleases God.  The Bible makes it very clear that God is not focused on the external but the internal:

(Romans 14:17) “The kingdom of God is not meat and drink, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost.”

(1 Samuel 16:7) “God does not look on the outward appearance but on the heart.”

(Matthew 23:26) “First clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.”

(Hosea 6:6) “I desire mercy, not sacrifice”

(1 Samuel 15:22) “To obey is better than sacrifice”

(Psalm 51:16-17) “For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”

I suppose that for myself it has been very easy to miss it, because in the past I have judged a successful Christian life by what looks ‘productive’ and the concrete results I could see.  But as I am growing in the Lord and getting to know His heart, I am seeing more that what is admirable in His eyes is not what is admirable in the eyes of men (Isaiah 55:8-9).  Men look at ‘results’ (sacrifice), but God looks on the heart (inward obedience).

Going back to the example of king Saul – if we read the chapter carefully we can see that the problems of his inward heart were the cause of his downfall:

(1 Samuel 15:17) Samuel said, “Is it not true, though you were little in your own eyes, you were made the head of the tribes of Israel

(1 Samuel 15:24) Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned; I have indeed transgressed the command of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and listened to their voice.

Verse 17 makes it clear that king Saul once had humility (he once was little in his own eyes), but then lost it and became proud.  Verse 24 makes it clear that he was a slave to the fear of men.  His inward sins of the heart (pride, and the fear of men) were ultimately caused his downfall.  No outward sacrifice could make up for this.  He would have done much better to judge himself inwardly and work with God on that first, rather than focusing on doing so many things for God.  And we would too.

FREEDOM FROM GUILT

A wonderful benefit I have gained from this truth which has brought much joy to my walk with the Lord is that since God is not as concerned about these outward things, that I don’t have to feel guilty if I am not able to keep them up as I’d like.  I don’t have to condemn myself if I’ve missed my morning time in the Word, or if I forgot to pray for a brother or sister.  What a joy to see that God is so easy on us!  This freedom from guilt and condemnation in these areas helps me to focus with more joy on cleansing myself inwardly.  Unlike Martha, we don’t have to feel like we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders so that we can be “productive” for the Lord (Luke 10:40-42).  We can joyfully live in the freedom that God is not pressing all these things on us – always telling us “do more, do more, do more, not good enough, not good enough.”  He wants us to spend our energy and our thoughts on obedience in the inward life.

To clarify – it’s not that we should be undisciplined in our devotional time with the Lord, or be unproductive for the Lord.  But in His eyes, if we focus more on cleansing ourselves inwardly then we will actually be much more productive for Him!  How is that possible?  It’s possible because in God’s eyes a pure widow’s penny is worth much more than a proud Pharisee’s bag of money (Luke 21:1-4).  Our small works done for God with the right heart are worth much more to Him than many works done with inward sins – wrong attitudes, pride and such things.

Do your best, but don’t compare yourself to anybody, and don’t see God as looking down on you with disappointment over these things if you fall short.  Jesus came to “set the captives free.” (Luke 4:18)  God meant to set us free from sin, but He also meant to set us free from guilt!  Don’t forget to claim God’s promise of freedom from sin without also claiming freedom from guilt, or you may find the Christian life very burdensome and discouraging.  Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).  If your walk with God is not restful, then you must be carrying some false weight which God does not want you to carry.

THE CHURCH GOAL

I am thankful that I have been blessed with many brothers and sisters who I believe have this same goal (of cleansing ourselves inwardly), who are in my church.  It helps me to keep focused on this same goal.  And I really didn’t get this goal until I was in fellowship with such people.

I’m not sure if our church family considers ourselves to have a list of ‘church verses’ which define us, but if we did, it would definitely contain Romans 8:29 – “For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son.”

The goal which we are aiming to run toward is cleansing ourselves inwardly so that we will be conformed to the image of Jesus.  We believe that evangelism is good, and helping the poor is good, and serving the church is good, and giving money is good… But we are most excited about inward purity and obedience to God in our hearts.  I believe this is what it means to focus on obedience rather than sacrifice.  I encourage everyone to fellowship with the people who have a passion for this same goal, and not primarily on external things which many churches these days can be occupied with.

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**By Bobby McDonald © Copyright – Bobby McDonald. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at NCCF Church / Photo by Soulwinners at Pexels

How to Protect Your Heart from Emotional Manipulation in Relationships – Part 3

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 3 of a 5-part series on guarding your heart in relationships. As women, we are nurturing by nature and referred to in the Bible as the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). This isn’t a reflection of value but a design that calls us to be helpers to men, wired to bring support and care into relationships. Men instinctively know this about us, and while this dynamic can bring balance and beauty, it also leaves room for misuse when not approached with God’s wisdom and guidance.

Navigating relationships as a woman is both rewarding and challenging. The desire for meaningful connection is God-given, but it is essential to protect your heart from those who might exploit your trust and affection. This article will help you recognize emotional manipulation, safeguard your heart, and keep your relationships aligned with God’s design.

Understanding the Issue

In Christian communities, marriage is often emphasized as the goal of relationships. Traditionally, men are seen as leaders in pursuing this commitment. However, some misuse this dynamic, taking advantage of women’s nurturing nature to gain emotional support, companionship or even material benefits without the intention of genuine commitment, dodging the responsibility and accountability God places on the man.

This behavior distorts the biblical model of relationships, which calls for love, mutual respect, and service. Scripture, especially passages like 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5:25, reminds us that relationships should reflect Christ-like love. When someone enjoys the benefits of a relationship—such as emotional support or marital privileges—without accountability, it can leave women feeling devalued and disrespected.

How Women Can Protect Themselves

Guarding your heart requires awareness, boundaries, and trust in God’s plan for your life. Below are practical steps to help you stay vigilant and protect yourself from emotional manipulation.

1. Recognize Red Flags Early On

Understanding warning signs can save you from heartache.

Signs to Watch For:

• He avoids discussing long-term plans or commitment.

• He benefits emotionally, practically, or financially but does not reciprocate.

• He dodges conversations about defining the relationship or its future.

What to Do:

• Trust patterns, not promises. Actions speak louder than words.

• If he consistently avoids clarity, prayerfully consider whether the relationship is aligned with God’s will.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for protecting your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Practical Steps:

• Define your boundaries early and communicate them clearly.

• Avoid giving “marital privileges” without a commitment, such as deep emotional investment, financial support, or physical intimacy.

• Stand firm when someone pressures you to compromise your values.

3. Avoid Rushing into Emotional Investment

Deep emotional connections should develop gradually, based on proven sincerity.

Suggestion:

• Take time to assess his character and intentions.

• Observe his response to your boundaries. Respect is a crucial indicator of genuine love.

• Trust God’s timing and allow relationships to grow organically.

4. Seek Accountability and Godly Counsel

Sometimes emotions can cloud judgment. Trusted counsel can help you see clearly.

Why It’s Important:

• Trusted friends, mentors, or spiritual leaders provide objective insights.

• A godly community helps you stay grounded in biblical principles.

5. Embrace Your Value and Worth in Christ

Your identity is rooted in Christ, not in a relationship or another person’s validation.

Reminders:

• Reflect on Psalm 139:14: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

• When you know your worth in God’s eyes, you won’t settle for less than His best for you.

What to Look for in a Healthy Relationship

A godly relationship should reflect the principles of love, respect, and mutual commitment. Seek these qualities in a potential partner:

• Respect: He honors your boundaries and values your emotions.

• Clear Intentions: He communicates openly and aligns his actions with his words.

• Sacrificial Love: He demonstrates Christ-like love through selflessness and support.

• Accountability: He welcomes godly counsel and community oversight.

Taking Control of the Situation

If you notice red flags or feel uncertain about someone’s intentions, take proactive steps to protect your heart:

1. Clarify Your Own Needs: Align your relationship expectations with God’s principles.

2. Evaluate Actions Over Words: Look for consistency between what he says and does.

3. Have a Direct Conversation: Express your concerns openly and see how he responds.

4. Be Willing to Walk Away: If he doesn’t respect your boundaries or intentions, trust God’s plan and let go.

Conclusion

Relationships are designed to reflect God’s love—honest, sacrificial, and committed. Emotional manipulation undermines this purpose and can leave women feeling used and devalued. By staying vigilant, setting boundaries, and seeking godly counsel, you can protect your heart and honor both God and yourself in your relationships.

It’s essential to remember that you cannot change a person—only God can transform hearts. Men are not “build-a-bear” projects, and it’s not your responsibility to fix or mold someone into who you hope they could be. Trying to do so often leads to frustration and heartache.

The fear of being alone or not finding someone can make it tempting to settle for less than God’s best. But settling out of fear compromises your values and leads to unfulfilling relationships. Trust God’s timing, knowing that He has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11).

Never forget: your worth is found in Christ, not in a man’s approval. True love reflects God’s design, where respect, integrity, and godliness thrive. Stay rooted in His Word, embrace your identity in Him, and let Him guide you toward relationships that bring joy, growth, and lasting love.

When God’s Truth Gets Compromised

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Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil; Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness; Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter! Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, And clever in their own sight! ~ Isaiah 5:20-24

The connection between rejecting God’s revealed truth and the widespread moral and spiritual failures within the Church is profound. This issue goes beyond cases of abuse or leadership compromise; it strikes at the heart of how the Church perceives and proclaims the authority of God.

The Importance of God’s Design for Marriage

Marriage is not merely a social construct; it is a sacred institution established by God to symbolize the relationship between Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:31–32). This covenant reflects God’s character, His faithfulness, and His love for humanity. When leaders reject or distort God’s design for marriage, they are not only undermining biblical teaching—they are denying the authority of the Creator Himself.

When a leader aligns with ideologies that contradict God’s revealed pattern for life and sexuality, they are no longer serving the God they are ordained to represent. By accepting cultural redefinitions of marriage and affirming practices contrary to Scripture, they openly reject God’s authority over creation and dismiss His character as good, wise, and loving.

The Assumption:

• If God’s design for marriage is no longer ‘good,’ then God Himself cannot be good, but that is a lie. Psalm 145:9 states, “The Lord is good to all, and his mercy is over all that he has made.”

• If God’s definition of marriage is labeled ‘offensive’ or ‘homophobic,’ then God is cast as a dictator rather than a loving Creator, but that is a lie. John 3:16 states, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”

• If God’s Word is dismissed as irrelevant in modern society, the Church does not lose its foundation or witness, as this claim is a lie. The gates of hell will not prevail against the true Church, which is not confined to manmade denominations but is the community of faithful believers (Matthew 16:18). Scripture, such as Hebrews 4:12, affirms that God’s Word is alive, active, and transformative, reaching the depths of human nature and exposing truth.

When Church leaders publicly reject the biblical definition of marriage, they reject Christ Himself. This is not a small error; it is a profound act of betrayal. Leadership in the Church requires not just personal faith but a commitment to defend and proclaim the truth of God’s Word, no matter the cultural pressures.

The Connection to Abuse and Cover-Ups

This rejection of God’s authority is deeply connected to the Church’s failure to address abuse. The same leaders who abandon biblical teaching on marriage and sexuality are often the ones who prioritize institutional reputation over justice and truth. Both failures stem from a desire to appease societal trends or maintain power rather than honor God and protect His flock.

The many abuse cases demonstrates the disastrous consequences of this approach. When leaders fail to bring sin into the light, they betray victims, misrepresent Christ, and erode trust in the Church. The attempt to cover up abuse is not merely a failure of human judgment—it is a rejection of the gospel’s call to repentance, justice, and restoration.

Cultural Capitulation Harms the Gospel

The broader cultural capitulation to ideologies around marriage, gender, and sexuality has only deepened the Church’s crisis. By aligning itself with these movements, the Church sends a message that God’s Word is outdated or incorrect. This not only leads Christians astray but gives secular ideologies the power to infiltrate and reshape the Church’s teaching.

For instance, under compromised leadership:

• Children are taught unbiblical ideologies in schools, often endorsed by Church policies.

• Faithful Christians are ostracized for upholding Scripture, losing jobs and reputations.

• Sinful behaviors are affirmed, leaving many under the false impression that they are in right standing with God.

These failures have eternal consequences. Scripture warns that those who live unrepentantly in sin will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9). Leaders who affirm sin or fail to call for repentance are complicit in leading others away from salvation.

Rejecting Christ Through Compromise

The rejection of God’s design for marriage is not a mere doctrinal misstep; it is a rejection of Christ Himself. The Archbishop of Canterbury, and leaders like him, disqualify themselves from spiritual leadership by their blatant denial of foundational truths.

The Bible makes clear that leaders will be judged more strictly by God because their actions and words influence others, they have a big responsibility. They’re supposed to guide others toward God and live as good examples. If they lead people the wrong way, they’re held accountable for that (James 3:1). Matthew 7:15–20 warns us to watch out for leaders who seem good on the outside but don’t actually live in a way that honors God. Jesus says you can tell who they really are by their “fruit.”

If a leader’s actions show compromise, dishonesty and cause spiritual harm, they’re not following Jesus faithfully. In fact, they’re going against Him, no matter what they claim. This kind of behavior is “anti-Christ,” opposing what Jesus stands for. When the fruit of leadership is compromise, deceit and confusion, it is evidence of a failure to remain faithful to Christ.

In short: Leaders have a heavy responsibility to lead well. If their actions don’t match their words and they cause harm instead of helping, again, it shows they aren’t being faithful to Christ. That’s why we need to be careful and pay attention to what kind of “fruit” their leadership produces.

This is not a minor issue. Leaders who reject biblical truth about marriage, sexuality, or holiness cannot effectively shepherd God’s people. They have aligned themselves with a worldview that is “at enmity with God” (James 4:4).

A Call to Repentance and Reform

The solution to these intertwined issues—abuse cover-ups and doctrinal compromise—lies in repentance and a return to biblical faithfulness. The Church must:

1. Appoint leaders who are born-again, Spirit-filled, and uncompromising in their commitment to Scripture.

2. Hold leaders accountable to God’s standards, not human traditions or cultural pressures.

3. Confront sin openly and pursue justice for victims, trusting in God’s power to restore and heal.

The Church must reject the temptation to conform to societal ideologies and instead boldly proclaim the truth of the gospel. As Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:31–32).

True freedom—freedom from sin, deception, and spiritual harm—comes only through faithfulness to Christ. Leaders who reject this truth and lead others astray bring judgment upon themselves and harm the Church’s witness.

Let us pray for a revival of truth and faithfulness within the Church. May God raise up leaders who will honor His Word, protect His people, and restore the Church’s commitment to the gospel. Only through His grace can the Church be cleansed and renewed.

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***Based on CEO Andrea Williams article at Christian Concern / Photo by Lil Artsy at Pexels

When He Wants Sex Before Marriage – Part 1

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 1 of a 5 part series. One of the significant struggles for many single Christian women today is dealing with sexual temptation, especially in relationships. In a world that bombards us with messages about sex, it can be incredibly difficult to stand firm in biblical principles. Maybe you’ve been in a situation where your boyfriend has pressured you for sex, or you’ve felt overwhelmed by your own desires. The chemistry between you is undeniable, and the longing for intimacy is natural—but what should guide your decisions: your feelings or God’s Word?

As Christian women, we are called to live according to God’s standards, not the world’s. While culture changes and continues to blur the lines around sexual purity, God remains the same: yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). His Word is the foundation for how we are to live, and this includes our relationships, and no child of God lives in open rebellion.

Dating vs. Courting: God’s Design

Before we discuss sexual pressure, it’s essential to understand that God’s plan for relationships is different from the world’s. Christian women are called not to date casually but to enter into relationships with intentionality—what we call courting. The Bible teaches us that we are to pursue relationships with fellow believers who share our faith. “Do not be unequally bound with non believers. For what partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). If you are dating someone who doesn’t follow Christ, the pressures to compromise your faith will be much greater.

When we court, we seek to glorify God in our relationships. This means we’re not driven by the desires of the flesh but by the desire to honor Him. Courting, unlike the worldly concept of dating, is not about casual romance or sexual exploration; it’s about seeking a godly partner with the ultimate goal of marriage.

God’s Word is clear about abstaining from sexual immorality. As followers of Christ, we must strive to live according to His commands. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, NIV).

Common Excuses: The World’s Lies

In relationships, some men—even Christian men—may attempt to rationalize why sex before marriage is acceptable. But these arguments are grounded in the world’s way of thinking, not God’s. Let’s examine two common excuses you might hear:

1. “God Understands”

Some men may say, “God understands our struggles,” implying that His grace will cover their desire for premarital sex. Yes, God is merciful and forgiving, but His Word does not change based on our circumstances or struggles. While God understands our temptations, He also provides a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). We are called to resist temptation and remain holy, as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). God’s standard for purity has not changed, and His grace is meant to empower us to overcome sin, not justify it.

2. “We’re Going to Get Married Anyway”

Another argument you might hear is that sex before marriage is acceptable because you’re planning to get married. The logic is that since you’re committed to each other, you can test your sexual compatibility. But this thinking is rooted in worldly values, not biblical truth. Marriage is a covenant made before God, and sex is a sacred gift that belongs within the confines of that covenant. Engaging in premarital sex is not a test of compatibility—it’s disobedience to God’s Word. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure” (Hebrews 13:4, NIV).

God’s Call to Purity

Sex before marriage is still fornication, no matter how society tries to redefine or excuse it. God’s command to flee from sexual immorality is as relevant today as it was when Paul wrote to the early churches. In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NKJV), Paul reminds us: “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

We cannot afford to compromise on sexual purity. The world may tell us that times have changed and that everyone is doing it, but as believers, we are not called to follow the world. Romans 12:2 (NIV) tells us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” God’s Word is eternal and unchanging. His design for sex within marriage was established from the beginning, and we are called to honor that.

What to Do When He Wants Sex

If the man you’re courting pressures you to have sex, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Remember Joseph in Genesis 39—he literally ran from temptation. You may not need to run physically, but you need to create distance emotionally and mentally. Establish boundaries to protect yourself from compromising your purity.

Before you act, have an honest conversation with him. Make it clear that you are committed to honoring God’s standards, and if he truly loves you, he will respect your boundaries. If he continues to push for sex or tries to manipulate you into thinking it’s not a big deal, it may be time to end the relationship. A man who truly seeks God will also seek to honor you by protecting your purity.

Love Isn’t Manipulation

True love, as defined by Scripture, is patient, kind, and selfless (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). It’s not manipulative or coercive. If a man is using love as an excuse to pressure you into sex, then that love is counterfeit. Real love respects boundaries, honors God, and seeks the best for the other person. Love does not force someone to go against their convictions.

Letting Go When Necessary

Letting go of a relationship is hard, especially when you’ve invested time, energy, and emotions. But no relationship is worth compromising your walk with God. Continuing in sin for the sake of keeping a relationship intact is a sign of misplaced priorities. Trust that God knows what’s best for you, and He will provide the right person in His time.

For the Woman Already Engaging in Premarital Sex

If you’re already having sex in your relationship, it’s not too late to change course. God’s mercy is always available to those who repent. Stop, set new boundaries, and ask God for the strength to remain pure moving forward. Acts 3:19 (NIV) encourages us: “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” It may be difficult, but God will bless your obedience. His forgiveness and grace are always available to those who turn back to Him.

You’re Not Alone

The journey toward sexual purity in a relationship is not easy, but you’re not alone. God is faithful, and He will give you the strength to stand firm. Surround yourself with a community of believers who can encourage and hold you accountable. Pray for wisdom and strength as you navigate your relationships, always keeping in mind that God’s ways are higher than the world’s ways.

There is hope, healing, and freedom in Christ, and together, we can walk this path of purity for God’s glory.

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*** Part 1 by Chioma Oparadike / Photo by Pexels