Category: forgiveness

How Satan Uses Offense To Trap You

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In life, we can’t avoid experiencing offense. However, the Bible does command us as believers to ensure we are not offending other people (Luke 17:1). How you deal with it when it comes–whether you take offense and let it become a demonic trap or use it as an opportunity to grow—is really up to you. 

What’s interesting is that the word “offense” used in the New Testament is scandalon. Scandalon was the trigger of a trap on which bait is placed. When an animal touched the trigger to eat the bait, the trap would spring shut and the animal would get caught. Offense works the same way. Whether the hurt was intentional or not makes no difference—the bait is laid, and if you take it, the trap springs shut, leading to unforgiveness and bitterness. Here is how offense looks and how to overcome it.

Offense is a stumbling block to your destiny. 

The Profile of an Offended Person

  1. Entitlement – An offended person feels like they are owed something. They value what they have in themselves and feel like they worked very hard and deserve to be elevated. When they don’t receive what they believe they deserve, they feel rejected and become offended.
  2. Pride – Pride makes people blind to their own flaws and causes them to blame others for their downfall. When corrected, they interpret it as, “I messed up again,” rather than seeing it as an opportunity for growth.
  3. Focus on Unfairness – Offended people often feel that church leaders and others treat them unfairly. They get hurt when their gifts are not recognized and build resentment. Many times, God allows perceived unfairness to test and refine our character.
  4. Control – Offended people often desire to control situations. When they cannot have things their way, they get offended and leave relationships or churches. If they had stayed under strong, anointed leadership that didn’t cater to their selfish ambitions, they would have received the healing they didn’t even realize they needed.

How to Overcome Offense

Offense focuses your attention on what people did rather than what God is doing. 

It blinds you to God’s timing and purpose, keeping you stuck in bitterness instead of moving forward in faith. Here’s how to overcome it.

1. When Your Heart is Hardened, Good Things Happening to You Will Not Change It

First off, it’s important to understand that people whose hearts are hardened by offense think that if their environment changes, they will no longer be offended. But, a hardened heart does not soften just because circumstances improve.

Psalm 95:7-11 and Hebrews repeat the warning: “When you hear my voice, do not harden your heart, as in the day of wilderness, when your fathers saw my works, yet they rebelled against me.” The Israelites saw miracles, yet they remained hardened in their hearts. Even with a great leader like Moses and supernatural provision, their offense remained.

2. Take God Very Seriously, and Stop Taking Yourself Too Seriously

Secondly, know that offended people are often obsessed with themselves. In many cases, they become overly sensitive to what others say but are not sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit. Instead of living in constant offense, we should humble ourselves, focus on God, and learn to live with a servant’s heart.

3. Keep Your Heart Right When Things Are Not Right

Another key step in overcoming offense is understanding that while justice, mercy, and humility are essential, the enemy uses injustice to create offense in our hearts. If things are not right around you, don’t let your heart become sick. You can advocate for change, but never let offense take root.

4. Never Grow Out of Repentance

Next, choose to offer forgiveness to those who have hurt you. I’ve noticed that if you wait too long to forgive, your hurt will turn into bitterness and offense. Unforgiveness will do more damage to you than what others did. Growth in God means constant repentance and humility.

Never outgrow your need for repentance.

5. Lean Into Awkward Conversations

And lastly, the Bible tells us in Matthew 5:23 that, “If you bring your gift to the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there and first be reconciled.”

In other words, if you know someone is offended at you, it is your responsibility to go to them. Instead of defending yourself, hear them out, affirm their feelings, and take responsibility where necessary. Many relationships have been healed through this approach. Unfortunately, instead of going to the person, people often gossip and build “us versus them” cultures, which only fuels division and offense.

Don’t let Satan trap you; instead, choose to walk away from offense, deny yourself, and follow Jesus. I pray this helps.

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**By Vlad Savchuk at Vladimir Savchuk Ministries / Photo by ClickerHappy at Pexels

Healing from Toxic Relationships: A Guide to Restoring Your Heart and Moving Forward – Part 4

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is the part 4 of the 5 part series. As a Christian woman, navigating relationships can be both fulfilling and challenging. When a relationship becomes toxic, it can leave emotional scars that hinder your ability to move forward. Whether you’ve experienced manipulation, emotional neglect, or disappointment, healing is not only possible but vital. With God’s guidance, a commitment to self-care, and support from others, you can heal and grow stronger in your faith and your sense of self-worth. Here’s a comprehensive guide for healing from toxic relationships.

1. Embrace God’s Love and Forgiveness

The Power of God’s Healing Love

When healing from a toxic relationship, one of the first steps is to embrace the overwhelming love of God. Often, toxic relationships leave us feeling rejected or unworthy. However, as a Christian, you can find solace in the truth that God’s love for you is unconditional and never wavers.

What the Bible Says:

• “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

• “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” — Jeremiah 31:3

These scriptures remind you that God sees your pain and is ready to heal your heart. It’s essential to remind yourself that your identity is not defined by past relationships or negative experiences. You are loved, valued, and cherished by your Creator.

The healing process:

• Spend time in prayer, asking God to heal your heart and restore your emotional well-being.

• Focus on affirming scriptures that remind you of God’s love and forgiveness.

• Reflect on how God’s love has always been constant, and allow that truth to replace feelings of insecurity or hurt.

2. Let Go of Unforgiveness

The Freedom of Forgiveness

A toxic relationship can sometimes leave you holding onto anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness toward the person who hurt you. These feelings can be like a weight on your heart, hindering your ability to heal. As difficult as it may seem, forgiveness is a powerful step toward emotional freedom and restoration.

What the Bible Says:

• “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32

• “Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.” — Luke 11:4

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the wrongs done to you, but it allows you to release control over the situation and surrender it to God. When you forgive, you free yourself from the toxic grip of the past and create space for God to work in your life.

The healing process:

• Ask God for the strength to forgive those who have hurt you, even when it feels impossible.

• Speak out loud or in your heart the words, “I forgive [name] for [hurt]. I release them to You, Lord.”

• Remember that forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. It’s okay to take time and revisit the act of forgiving as you heal.

3. Reconnect with Your Identity in Christ

Rediscovering Who You Are in Christ

Toxic relationships often distort your self-image and cause you to forget who you are in Christ. During the healing process, it’s crucial to reconnect with your true identity — one that is grounded in God’s love, grace, and purpose for your life.

What the Bible Says:

• “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” — Psalm 139:14

• “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” — 1 Peter 2:9

God has a unique purpose for your life, and it’s important to view yourself through His eyes. Healing involves reclaiming the truth of who you are as His beloved daughter, and understanding that your worth doesn’t depend on a relationship, but on God’s design for you.

The healing process:

• Spend time meditating on God’s Word to remind yourself of your identity and worth.

• Write down positive affirmations based on Scripture (e.g., “I am God’s masterpiece” or “I am worthy of love and respect”).

• Surround yourself with Christian community that encourages and reminds you of your value in Christ.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries Going Forward

Learning from the Past

One of the key lessons from a toxic relationship is understanding the importance of boundaries. Toxic relationships often occur when boundaries are not respected or established. As you heal, it’s essential to define and maintain healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being in the future.

What the Bible Says:

• “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” — Luke 6:31

• “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care and stewardship over your heart. They allow you to prioritize your emotional health and ensure that you’re interacting with people who respect you and your needs.

The healing process:

• Reflect on what boundaries were crossed in past relationships and commit to not allowing those behaviors again.

• Be clear with others about your personal limits, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual.

• Practice saying “no” when necessary and ensure that your boundaries align with God’s will for your life.

5. Seek Healing in Community

The Importance of Support

Healing from a toxic relationship doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. As a Christian, leaning on your community can provide the support, wisdom, and encouragement you need during this difficult time. Whether it’s through close friends, a mentor, or a support group, healing is often facilitated by shared experiences and God-centered conversations.

What the Bible Says:

• “Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

• “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” — Galatians 6:2

Your Christian community can offer love, encouragement, and accountability as you heal. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help — God created us for relationships and fellowship, and these connections can help you regain strength.

The healing process:

• Confide in trusted Christian friends, family, or a counselor about your feelings and experiences.

• Join a Bible study, prayer group, or therapy group that focuses on healing and emotional growth.

• Seek mentorship from a mature Christian woman who can offer guidance, wisdom, and support as you navigate the healing process.

6. Focus on Personal Growth and Spiritual Development

Growing in Your Faith and Purpose

While healing from a toxic relationship is important, this time also provides an opportunity for personal growth. Use this period to deepen your relationship with God, discover new passions, and strengthen your faith. Embrace this time of healing as a time to invest in your own spiritual, emotional, and physical growth.

What the Bible Says:

• “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” — Philippians 4:13

• “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” — Jeremiah 29:11

God has a purpose for your life that goes beyond relationships. Take this time to learn, grow, and pursue the calling He has placed on your heart. Your identity is in Christ, and He will guide you to become the woman He created you to be.

The healing process:

• Spend regular time in prayer, seeking God’s direction for your life.

• Read books, take courses, or engage in activities that will help you grow spiritually and emotionally.

• Consider joining ministry opportunities that align with your passions and give you purpose.

Prayer for Healing and Restoration

“Dear Heavenly Father,

I come before You with a heart that has been wounded and a spirit in need of Your healing touch. You know the pain I carry from relationships that have left me feeling unworthy, uncertain, and broken. I ask You to renew my heart and restore my sense of worth, reminding me that I am deeply loved and valued as Your child. Help me to release any bitterness, anger, or guilt that may hold me back from fully experiencing Your peace.

Lord, grant me the wisdom to see relationships as You see them. Help me recognize what is good, pure, and worthy, and give me the strength to walk away from anything that draws me away from Your love and truth. Heal the scars of my past, and lead me toward a future that aligns with the plans You have for me—plans of hope, joy, and purpose.

Surround me with friends and mentors who will support me on this journey of healing and growth. Fill my heart with Your love, so I may extend forgiveness, release what is not mine to carry, and grow in compassion and grace. Thank You for being my refuge and my healer. I place my future in Your hands, trusting that You are guiding me toward wholeness and preparing me for the blessings You have in store.

In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

Conclusion

Healing from a toxic relationship takes time, prayer, and a commitment to self-care. As a Christian woman, you have the ultimate support of God, who promises to restore and strengthen you. Lean into His love, forgive those who have hurt you, and focus on rebuilding your life with a firm foundation in Christ. With time, you’ll not only heal but grow stronger and more equipped for the healthy, fulfilling relationships God has planned for you.

Remember, God’s love for you is unwavering, and He is with you every step of the way in your journey to healing.

Article: 10 Things To Do Whilst Your Single

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*** Photo by Pixabay at Pexels

Victor Marx “A Warrior for Christ” From Victim to Victory

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Video – Victor Mark’s testimony is one of the redemptive power of God

Nothing is impossible for God! He is the restorer and healer of all things, if you give it to Him.

Victor Marx is a remarkable figure who has dedicated his life to humanitarian efforts and helping those trapped in devastating circumstances, including victims of human trafficking. Overcoming his own traumatic childhood of serious abuse and neglect, he transformed his pain into a mission to bring hope and restoration to others.

Through his organisation, All Things Possible Ministries, Victor works in high-risk areas, including war zones and regions plagued by human trafficking, to rescue and rehabilitate those in need. His ministry has impacted tens of thousands of lives, including children and survivors of abuse, as well as prisoners through his outreach programmes. His work exemplifies courage, faith, and perseverance.

Victor Marx is also a devoted family man with over 34 years of marriage, five children, and five grandchildren. He shares his wisdom and experiences to inspire others, blending his military discipline, faith, and compassionate outlook to build successful relationships and empower individuals to thrive despite life’s challenges.

Notable Quotes by Victor Marx:

“Kids who are born in the fire , will not be burned by the heat of life”

“Forgiveness is giving up your right to hurt someone back for hurting you.”

“Forgiving: gaining real estate in your heart to both give and receive love”

Support

To support Victor Marx’s ministry and his mission to bring hope, freedom, and restoration to those in desperate need, consider contributing to All Things Possible Ministries: Support

Outstanding interviews with Victor Marx at the Shaun Ryan show

Part 1 – How Victor became the Guinness book of records fastest gun disarmer in the world

Part 2 – Overcoming childhood terror

Part 3 – How big tech and AI influence child predators

Helpful Posts:

Trusting God to Heal the Scars of Sexual Abuse

8 Steps to Forgiveness and Learning How to Forgive

Who I am in Christ

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*** By Lori McPherson / Photo: Outreach magazine / YouTube Video Victor Marx / Victor Marx book: The Dangerous Gentlemen

I Identify As…

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I identify as a born again Bible believing Christian, spirit filled, Bible reading, tongue talking, doer of the Word, who has accepted Jesus as their Lord and Saviour, and soon coming King – this is my reality.

It hasn’t gone unnoticed that people of the Christian faith are not included in treating people with dignity, respect and inclusion. We are all equal as human beings, regardless of age, sexual orientation, mental health and faith, and what is pertained for one individual should be across the board for all people, not just the chosen few, who are in vogue. Like everyone else, we should be able to express who we are, which is a huge part of our identity too, and should not be ostracised and mocked because of it, the ‘safe space’ is for everyone. The hypocrisy is astounding.

Please note that Jesus our Saviour, will be returning soon and we all will need to give an account of our lives: the thoughts, deeds, actions, words and motives done in the flesh, and who can stand before God? If you did not know, Jesus is our redeemer who came to save us from our fallen and sinful nature. If you don’t know Jesus yet and how He came to restore our relationship with God in heaven, who loves you and wants you to be reconciled to Him, I say to you today: Jesus is the way, the truth and the life, no one comes unto the Father but by Him, Jesus is the only one mediator between God and man, and only God can forgive sins.

What is sin? It is knowing the right thing to do and not doing it. Sin includes things like sexual immorality, addictions, drunkenness, drugs, watching porn, lying, stealing, unforgiveness, hate, anger, gossiping, and much more. These separate us from God, who is holy and righteous and just. He weighs the motives of our hearts and all of us have missed the mark.

The call to salvation is for everyone. Regardless of your wealth, status, sexual orientation or religious background, Jesus invites you to turn from sin and accept His gift of salvation. No amount of money, social standing, or religious observance can save you. It’s not about comparing yourself to others; the only comparison that matters is with God, and we all fall short, we all have sinned. God doesn’t want our religion; He wants a relationship with us. Good works cannot save you; there is nothing you can do to earn salvation. It’s by grace alone, so no one can boast. Our works are like filthy rags to a holy God. The Bible says the wages of sin is death, eternal separation from God in hell—a fate you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. We are created with a God-shaped vacuum that nothing else can fill but Him.

Jesus Christ paid the price for our sins on the Cross so we can be restored to God, our heavenly Father. There needed to be a sacrifice, and God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, Jesus, who was sinless, to take our place. It’s like a mother giving away her new-born baby or you giving away your only child to pay someone else’s debt, someone who couldn’t care less about you or love you back. God was willing to do that for you and me.

Jesus Christ was crucified, with nails driven through His hands and feet and a crown of thorns pressed onto His head. He was whipped until His skin was torn off, becoming unrecognizable. As He hung on that Cross, He did it for your sins. He took our sins upon Himself, including the very sins that have destroyed our lives. He was destroyed for those sins on that Cross. He bled and died for our sins, which were buried with Him in the grave. Three days later, Jesus Christ was raised from the dead. Jesus is alive!

Now is the time to respond. Romans 10:9 says, “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.” This declaration and belief bring salvation. John 3:36 warns, “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on them.”

Embrace this good news today and pray: “Dear God, thank you for loving me. I confess that I have sinned against you. I believe that Jesus, Your Son, died on the cross to pay for my sins. I believe that Jesus was raised from the dead. I ask that you forgive all my sins. I confess that Jesus is my Lord and Savior. Thank you for Your gift of eternal life! I pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.”

Remember, it’s not the prayer that saves you; it’s the heartfelt belief and confession, repentance and choosing to trust in Jesus for a righteous life, from now on. Now is the time for salvation. Turn from darkness to light, from sin to salvation, and follow Jesus.

Ask God for forgiveness of the wrong things you have done, repent (turn from them) and leave your old sinful ways behind, and begin a new and righteous life trusting in Christ Jesus, every single day, ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit to help you, and read your Bible and obey it, repent to God daily, connect to God through prayer and ask the Holy Spirit for revelation, guidance, wisdom and discernment.

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** By Lori McPherson / Photo by Patricia McCarty

8 Steps To True Forgiveness and Learning How to Forgive

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“But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~ Matthew 6:15

What is forgiveness?

The definition of forgiveness is essentially the act of pardoning an offender. In the Bible, the Greek word translated “forgiveness” literally means “to let go”, as when a person does not demand payment for a debt. Jesus used this comparison in his parable of the unmerciful slave (Matthew 18:23-35) as well as when he taught his followers to pray “Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is in debt to us” (Luke 11:4).

The Bible teaches that unselfish love is the basis for true forgiveness, since “it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Forgiving others means letting go of resentment and giving up any claim to be compensated for the hurt or loss we have suffered.

Why do we need to forgive?

Forgiveness is at the very heart of the gospel. Colossians 3:13 states, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” We were born sinners against God, but He loved us enough to send Christ, His Son to die for us.

In the same way, we are commanded to forgive those who do wrong to us, not just those who are asking for forgiveness, or those who are first-time offenders or whose wrongs seem forgivable. Jesus famously told Peter in Matthew 18 to forgive someone “seventy times seven” times and he makes the sobering statement that if we do not forgive others, our Father in Heaven will not forgive us (Matthew 6:15).

First and foremost, forgiving others is obedience, however, we also need to forgive others so that we don’t grow bitter. Resentment is a very unhealthy emotion; it hurts us far more than those who have affronted us or anyone else.

The Bible states this in Hebrews 12:15, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it, many become defiled.” As we release unforgiveness and all the bitterness and anger that comes with it, we are freed to live and serve with real peace and joy and to grow in spiritual maturity.

What forgiveness isn’t

A well-known pastor explained that many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don’t understand the difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiving others must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it.

Trust, on the other hand, has to do with future behavior and it will likely take time to build or rebuild. Warren  explains, “If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you.”

Forgiveness isn’t sweeping things under the rug and saying what the other person did or said was okay. Forgiveness is also not necessarily forgetting what happened. Depending on the situation, it may require a time of healing.

But if you hold on to the transgression like a trump card and play it every chance you get, you can be sure that unforgiveness is still present. This goes against Jesus’ command to forgive “seventy times seven” times.  After all, remember that God has forgiven you more times than you will ever have the opportunity to forgive someone else.

How to forgive

How then do we achieve this “letting go,” which can feel like an impossible task? Even if we desire it; our emotions can rise up at the least expected time and overwhelm us with anger and pain.

In our own strength, forgiving others in the way we have received God’s forgiveness is impossible, but with God, nothing is impossible, and with His Spirit inside us we can go through a process that leads to true forgiveness.

Here are eight steps to help you truly forgive and have freedom in your life. If you have been significantly hurt by someone’s actions or words, working through these stages with a Christian counselor can be immensely helpful. Having someone to whom you can reveal your internal feelings and who will gently nudge you towards God’s word, can guard against stagnation, and those bitter roots which Hebrews 12 warns about.

8 Steps to True Forgiveness

1. Acknowledge the pain.

Working through pain can only happen once you admit you’ve been hurt. And acknowledging this can intensify the feelings. Tears, feelings of resentment and ruminating thoughts are a good indicator that something’s wrong. Don’t numb yourself or “stuff” the emotion down, as that cuts off the process of forgiving others before it’s even begun.

2. Think through things.

Try writing down what happened in a journal, or share with a trusted friend. Admit that what happened makes you feel sad or angry, and be honest about what emotions are rising up in you, even if it epitomizes unforgiveness and you think you shouldn’t feel that way.

3. Imagine being on the other side.

Think about a time when you have had to ask for forgiveness; how did it make you feel? When have you wronged another person, and did they extend forgiveness to you, or withhold it? The Bible directs us to do to others what we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12) and so it can be helpful to put ourselves in their shoes for a moment.

4. Remember God’s forgiveness.

Reminding ourselves of the debt that God forgave us in Christ when we certainly didn’t deserve it, can help us forgive others. If we have been forgiven so much, how then can we hold onto grievances committed against us? This is another step in the process and doesn’t mean that you must be ready at this point to voice your forgiveness to your offender. This may not ever be possible, as the person may no longer be living. You can still forgive someone without that forgiveness being accepted.

5. Reflect on our Biblical command.

Jesus stressed the importance of forgiving others on many occasions and even included it in the Lord’s prayer, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Pray that this would hit home in your heart and that your decision to obey would force your emotions to catch up.

6. Let go of the hurt.

The devil is an expert at getting a foothold when we have made a choice to forgive but the wound is still sensitive. Don’t allow yourself to replay the offense over and over; let go of the pain and determine that you are going to choose to move forward. This is where prayer is essential as on our own we are tempted to wander back to unforgiveness.

7. Continue to forgive.

Forgiveness is more than just saying a prayer and moving on. It’s a serious decision that you make over and over again. The process will most likely be uncomfortable and painful, but it will always be worth it in the end.

8. Pray for the person who hurt you.

In Matthew 5:44 Jesus commands us “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Ask God to reveal his love to your offender in your heart, and for him to dissolve negative emotions. Is there any more powerful witness of God’s transforming grace than someone who can display true forgiveness to the “unforgivable”?

With promises found in Scriptures like Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength”) and Romans 12:21 (“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”), we know that we can depend on God to give us the grace to live out forgiveness. Make the right choice – start a journey of forgiveness today, praying for the Lord to equip you for this difficult but eternally rewarding task.

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**By Jessica Oberreuter at LA Christian Counselling