In pastor and author Voddie Baucham’s book, “What He Must Be,” he states that the man must lead in the Word. To do so, he himself must be deeply rooted in the Word before he can lead his wife in this area. I have outlined this book for single women to use as a reference guide for choosing a Godly mate and for men to strive for as God’s standard for them to follow.
The information detailed in this outline is not written by me, but was extracted from the book “What He Must Be,” written by Voddie Baucham Jr. There are also additional notes I have added from his video series “Love and Marriage” on Youtube, the links are below.
I am adding this to my blog to help raise my sisters’ standards in the men they consider as future husbands. And to set the standard for brothers to live by and strive for as they prepare to be husbands to my sisters in Christ!
Ephesians 5:25-31 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
An act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of its object; not led by emotion, nor is it void of emotion, that demonstrates itself by actions on behalf of its object
Marriage is a Ministry
1 – It was God’s first command, “Be fruitful and multiply…”
2 – A Training Ground for Church Leaders
3 – An Illustration for a Lost World
4 – The Preferred State
a) Be Prepared
b) Two States, One Standard
c) Jesus-Our Ultimate Guide
“Marriage is the God–appointed and legitimate union of man and woman in the hope of having children or at least for the purpose of avoiding fornication and sin and living to the glory of God. The ultimate purpose is to obey God, to find aid and counsel against sin; to call upon God; to seek, love, and educate children for the glory of God; to live with one’s wife in the fear of God and to bear the cross.” — Martin Luther
1 – He Must Be a Follower of Christ
a) A True Believer is Regenerate
a. He must be born again
b. There is an infallible connection between regeneration and salvation
b) A True Believer is Repentant
a. Repentance is at the core of the gospel message. A man cannot claim regeneration if he shows no evidence of repentance.
b. True repentance is the result of an accurate understanding of the significance and gravity of sin, coupled with an overwhelming desire for the remission of that sin through the person and work of Christ.
c) A True Believer is Reformed
a. Consistent, perpetual, undeniable, evidence proceeding from his mouth and life on a daily basis.
b. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister. (1 John 3:9-10)
2 – He Must Be Prepared to Lead
a) He must lead like Christ
a. Lead in Love
A man who loves like Christ will protect his heart
A man who loves like Christ will protect her heart
b. Lead in the Word
Leading in the word requires personal time in the word
Leading in the word requires a grasp of the word
Leading in the word requires a Plan for Growth
Leading in the word requires patient instruction
VIDEO: If he is not a man who can mentor you in the scriptures, he not worthy of being your husband.
Can he disciple and mentor you in the Word of God?
He has to be equipped to mentor and disciple your children in The Word.
He MUST be this before you even think about him!!
c. Lead in Righteousness
He must be marked with an upright life
He must nurture holiness in his bride
He must influence his family in righteousness
Video: A man who ensures your purity.
What he’s saying if he wants to get physical: “I want to use you and I want to dishonor you.”
He must be a man who desires for me to be Pure.
A guy who wants you to move in with him is saying, “I want all the benefits with none of the responsibilities.”
“Sex is like Fire. You put fire in a fireplace and it warms the whole room. You let fire out of the fireplace, it will consume and destroy everything in its path. It must be in the proper context…and biblically, the only proper context is Marriage.” — Voddie Baucham Jr.
d. Lead in Selflessness
He will show restraint and patience throughout the courtship process
He must show Christlike selflessness
He must demonstrate his willingness and desire to put her needs above his own
VIDEO: He must be a man who understands what it means to put others before himself. If he’s more interested in what he can take from you than what he can give to you, then he’s not the kind of man who leads in selflessness. If he doesn’t treat you like a delicate flower, keep stepping. Cause what you’re looking for biblically is a man who nourishes you as he would his own flesh.
e. Lead in Intimacy
VIDEO: Intimacy happens when I let someone into a part my life that is not readily available to everyone.
Creates a hedge of protection around the marriage relationship that says this relationship is prioritized above all others.
3 – He Must Be Committed to Children
a) Committed to having children
b) Committed to investing in children
c) Committed to supporting children
4 – He Must Practice the 4 P’s
He must be a Protector
He must possess personal strength, wisdom, and courage
He must be a Provider (Dependence on others is a perversion of biblical manhood)
He must have a job
He must have a work ethic
He must have a plan
He must be a Prophet/Priest
A man must Pray for his family
A man must Preach to his family
A Priest is an intercessor who represents his people before God
A Prophet is one who instructs his people in God’s truth
God has given husbands the responsibility of washing their wives in the water of the Word; Diligently teaching the Law to their children; and bringing them up in the discipline and instruction in the Lord
Love and Marriage Video Series, Voddie Baucham
Love and Marriage, Part 1 (sermon starts at 32min:50sec)
|Love & Marriage (part 1 – In the Beginning).wmv – YouTube http://www.youtube.com* Sermon starts at – 32min:50sec A sermon series by Voddie Baucham spoken at the 7:22 service at the Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta in 2005|
Love and Marriage, Part 2 (sermon starts at 29min)
|Love & Marriage (part 2 – True Love).wmv – YouTubehttp://www.youtube.com* Sermon starts at 29min * A sermon series by Voddie Baucham spoken at the 7:22 service at the Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta in 2005|
Love and Marriage, Part 3 (sermon starts at 29min:15sec)
|Love & Marriage (part 3 – The Other Half).wmv – YouTubehttp://www.youtube.com* Sermon starts at 29min:15sec * A sermon series by Voddie Baucham spoken at the 7:22 service at the Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta in 2005|
Love and Marriage, Part 4 (sermon starts at 17min:50sec)
***By Nina Andres author of the book, “God Ordained Relationship”
***More sermons to do with Christian relationships can be found HERE! Covering all stages of a Christian relationship for men and women: single, courting / dating, marriage, home, bringing up children and all the bits in-between.