What He Must Be…

In pastor and author Voddie Baucham’s book, “What He Must Be,” he states that the man must lead in the Word.  To do so, he himself must be deeply rooted in the Word before he can lead his wife in this area.  I have outlined this book for single women to use as a reference guide for choosing a Godly mate and for men to strive for as God’s standard for them to follow.

The information detailed in this outline is not written by me, but was extracted from the book “What He Must Be,” written by Voddie Baucham Jr.  There are also additional notes I have added from his video series “Love and Marriage” on Youtube, the links are below. 

I am adding this to my blog to help raise my sisters’ standards in the men they consider as future husbands.  And to set the standard for brothers to live by and strive for as they prepare to be husbands to my sisters in Christ!

Ephesians 5:25-31 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.  “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

Biblical Love

An act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of its object; not led by emotion, nor is it void of emotion, that demonstrates itself by actions on behalf of its object

Marriage is a Ministry

  1 – It was God’s first command, “Be fruitful and multiply…”

  2 – A Training Ground for Church Leaders

  3 – An Illustration for a Lost World

  4 – The Preferred State

          a)  Be Prepared

          b)  Two States, One Standard

          c)  Jesus-Our Ultimate Guide

“Marriage is the God–appointed and legitimate union of man and woman in the hope of having children or at least for the purpose of avoiding fornication and sin and living to the glory of God.  The ultimate purpose is to obey God, to find aid and counsel against sin; to call upon God; to seek, love, and educate children for the glory of God; to live with one’s wife in the fear of God and to bear the cross.”  — Martin Luther

1 – He Must Be a Follower of Christ

a)  A True Believer is Regenerate

a.      He must be born again

b.     There is an infallible connection between regeneration and salvation

b)     A True Believer is Repentant

a.      Repentance is at the core of the gospel message.  A man cannot claim regeneration if he shows no evidence of repentance.

b.     True repentance is the result of an accurate understanding of the significance and gravity of sin, coupled with an overwhelming desire for the remission of that sin through the person and work of Christ.

c)      A True Believer is Reformed

a.      Consistent, perpetual, undeniable, evidence proceeding from his mouth and life on a daily basis.

b. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister. (1 John 3:9-10)

2 – He Must Be Prepared to Lead

a)  He must lead like Christ

a.  Lead in Love

A man who loves like Christ will protect his heart

A man who loves like Christ will protect her heart

b.  Lead in the Word

Leading in the word requires personal time in the word

Leading in the word requires a grasp of the word

Leading in the word requires a Plan for Growth

Leading in the word requires patient instruction

VIDEO: If he is not a man who can mentor you in the scriptures, he not worthy of being your husband. 

Can he disciple and mentor you in the Word of God?

He has to be equipped to mentor and disciple your children in The Word.

He MUST be this before you even think about him!!

c.  Lead in Righteousness

He must be marked with an upright life

He must nurture holiness in his bride

He must influence his family in righteousness

Video:  A man who ensures your purity.

What he’s saying if he wants to get physical: “I want to use you and I want to dishonor you.”

He must be a man who desires for me to be Pure.

A guy who wants you to move in with him is saying, “I want all the benefits with none of the responsibilities.”

“Sex is like Fire.  You put fire in a fireplace and it warms the whole room.  You let fire out of the fireplace, it will consume and destroy everything in its path. It must be in the proper context…and biblically, the only proper context is Marriage.” — Voddie Baucham Jr.

d.   Lead in Selflessness

He will show restraint and patience throughout the courtship process

He must show Christlike selflessness

He must demonstrate his willingness and desire to put her needs above his own

VIDEO: He must be a man who understands what it means to put others before himself.  If he’s more interested in what he can take from you than what he can give to you, then he’s not the kind of man who leads in selflessness.  If he doesn’t treat you like a delicate flower, keep stepping.  Cause what you’re looking for biblically is a man who nourishes you as he would his own flesh.

e.  Lead in Intimacy

External Intimacy

Internal Intimacy

VIDEO: Intimacy happens when I let someone into a part my life that is not readily available to everyone.

Creates a hedge of protection around the marriage relationship that says this relationship is prioritized above all others.

3 – He Must Be Committed to Children

a)  Committed to having children

b)  Committed to investing in children

c)  Committed to supporting children

4 – He Must Practice the 4 P’s

He must be a Protector

He must possess personal strength, wisdom, and courage

He must be a Provider (Dependence on others is a perversion of biblical manhood)

He must have a job

He must have a work ethic

He must have a plan

He must be a Prophet/Priest

A man must Pray for his family

A man must Preach to his family

A Priest is an intercessor who represents his people before God

A Prophet is one who instructs his people in God’s truth

God has given husbands the responsibility of washing their wives in the water of the Word; Diligently teaching the Law to their children; and bringing them up in the discipline and instruction in the Lord

Love and Marriage Video Series, Voddie Baucham

Love and Marriage, Part 1 (sermon starts at 32min:50sec)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PnTCl6Dvr5U&feature=related

Love & Marriage (part 1 – In the Beginning).wmv – YouTube http://www.youtube.com* Sermon starts at – 32min:50sec A sermon series by Voddie Baucham spoken at the 7:22 service at the Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta in 2005

Love and Marriage, Part 2 (sermon starts at 29min)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CKGyFyW3-D4&feature=relmfu

Love & Marriage (part 2 – True Love).wmv – YouTubehttp://www.youtube.com* Sermon starts at 29min * A sermon series by Voddie Baucham spoken at the 7:22 service at the Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta in 2005

Love and Marriage, Part 3 (sermon starts at 29min:15sec)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wAdURL_qdQ&feature=relmfu

Love & Marriage (part 3 – The Other Half).wmv – YouTubehttp://www.youtube.com* Sermon starts at 29min:15sec * A sermon series by Voddie Baucham spoken at the 7:22 service at the Northpoint Community Church in Atlanta in 2005

Love and Marriage, Part 4 (sermon starts at 17min:50sec)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cybhnuvS1i0&feature=relmfu

——————————

***By Nina Andres author of the book, “God Ordained Relationship”

***More sermons to do with Christian relationships can be found HERE! Covering all stages of a Christian relationship for men and women: single, courting / dating, marriage, home, bringing up children and all the bits in-between.

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Lust Verses Love A Biblical Perspective

Most people know the difference between lust and love so what are they? What does the Bible define as love and as lust?

A Definition of Lust

Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body and it can take nearly any form such as the lust for knowledge, the lust for sex or the lust for power. It is an overwhelming self-absorbed desire or craving for an object, person, or experience that might be good but in most cases, is not. For example, a man or a woman can lust after their spouse and since they are legally married, there is no sin in this, however lusting after someone else’s spouse or someone who’s not married is sin, so clearly, lust and love aren’t the same at all and in many ways, they are actually opposites of one another, for example we can lust after riches, for drugs, for alcohol, and for any number of things that are detrimental to our wellbeing.

A Definition of Love

The way the world defines love and the way that God defines love are not even close to the same thing. As far as the world sees, love is a strong and warm affection that someone has for another or others or for something. It could be like that of a parent for a child or a spouse for their mate or it could be a love for reading, eating, drugs, alcohol, or even shopping. Some of these are good and well, but others can lead to ruin. Love can certainly be a strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising from a kinship or close friendship, which I have for my own spouse and children and grandchildren and even for my friends but from the biblical standpoint, love and lust are no co-equals since one can be good, while the other can lead to harm.

But-I-say-to-you-that

A Biblical Definition of Lust

I like what C.S. Lewis wrote many years ago. He wrote “If you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart.” This is a very good, biblical definition of lust in the heart. If you covet something or someone, that is lusting in the heart. Exodus 20:17 lists the tenth commandment as “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” so lust is not just about looking at someone of the opposite sex, or for some, looking at someone with lust of the same sex, it is coveting what you don’t have. It is a passionate desire to have what someone else has.

What Lust Can Lead To

David let his lust carry him away as “One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful” (2nd Sam 11:2) and so he lusted after her in his heart. This led to adultery and later, to the murder of Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah. This is why James wrote that “after desire (or lust) has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (1:15). The proverbs say “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes” (6:25). Jesus said that it was “out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander” (Matt 15:19). Solomon understood this connection, writing that as a man “thinks within himself, so he is” (23:7a). You can commit adultery without ever committing the physical act. Jesus said that “that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28) and of course the same thing applies to women.

A Biblical Definition of Love

There are so many places that define love in the Bible that it will be hard to select only a few. Paul writes that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1st Cor 13:4-7). The love of God is not about feelings or words but “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). Love is a verb; it is what you do more than what you say or what you think. We know that Jesus did not feel like taking on all of the sins of humanity, but His great love for us on the cross proved what the love of God is like. He died for us while we were still wicked sinners and His enemies (Rom 5:8, 10).

Conclusion

The differences between love and lust are that we don’t covet what we don’t have. We shouldn’t covet (lust after) our neighbor’s spouse or their goods (Ex 20:17). Love, on the other hand, “does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom 13:10) and this means “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 19:19) but above all “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matt 22:37). The difference for believers is that we are told “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt 5:44). The greatest display of love was not what Jesus felt or what God feels but it was revealed at Calvary. Jesus said “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13) and that’s just what He did. Lust harms, love sacrifices.

—————-

**By Jack Wellman at what Christians wat to know / Photo by Mark Stebnicki at Pexels

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How to Get and Keep a Good Conscience

I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man. (Acts 24:16)

Conscience gives you the ability to evaluate your own thoughts and desires, to discern what is right and wrong, and to distinguish between what is good and what is best. 

To help us get a handle on conscience and how it functions, I want you to think about an alarm clock. A good alarm clock does two things: It stays quiet when you should be asleep, and it makes a noise when you need to wake up! 

That’s how your conscience is supposed to work. When you are on the right path, a good conscience will be at peace (Colossians 3:15). But when you are tempted towards the wrong path, a good conscience will sound the alarm. The problem with the conscience is that, like every other part of your soul, it has been disordered by sin. 

Like an alarm clock, conscience can malfunction and stay silent when it should go off.

My Alarm Didn’t Go Off! 

The corrupt conscience 

To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted. (Titus 1:15) 

Acting against your conscience will bring a change in your inner life. It will change how your conscience functions. A corrupt conscience approves the wrong things. 

An easy way to see this is to picture a teenager using drugs for the first time. He knows that drugs are addictive and destructive, and his conscience tells him that taking them is wrong. But his friends are encouraging him to try them. He wants his friends to like him. So he over-rides his conscience.

In over-ruling his conscience, he diminishes its power. His conscience is weakened. It is less sensitive, and therefore less effective. Next time, the decision to take the drug will be much easier. If the boy repeats this choice again, the boy’s conscience changes. After a while he will feel that there is nothing wrong with what he is doing.

The important point to grasp here is that the conscience is corrupted whenever a person acts against it over time. When a person’s conscience is corrupted over time, it can become seared.

The seared conscience 

Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. (1 Timothy 4:2) 

In the ancient world, doctors would use a hot iron to cauterize a wound. It hardly bears thinking about what this must have been like before anesthetic, but if you had a wound and the bleeding could not be stopped, your best hope was the hot iron pressed on your flesh.

Once you recovered from the pain, you would discover that the bleeding had stopped, but you would also find that you had lost all feeling in the area that had been seared. The hot iron killed off the nerves so that you no longer had feeling where the iron had been applied. 

Paul says, “That’s how it is with some people’s conscience.” They have been “seared as with a hot iron” (Ephesians 4:19). Their conscience has lost all sensitivity. When that happens, a person can lie, cheat, or steal without their conscience raising any objection. They feel no guilt because their conscience is seared.

As he was on the road to Damascus, that’s exactly what Saul of Tarsus thought. Do you think he was worried about doing something wrong? The seared conscience calls evil “good” and good “evil” (Isaiah 5:20). 

How to Get and Keep a Good Conscience

I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man. (Acts 24:16) 

If a conscience has become corrupt, so that it is no longer functioning correctly, how can it become pure? If a conscience has become seared, it has become insensitive, like thick skin. How can it be made sensitive again? 

A good conscience is powered by the Spirit: If I take the batteries out of my alarm clock, it will not work. It is also set by the Word and cleansed by the blood of Jesus Christ. 

A good conscience is powered by the Holy Spirit 

When he comes, he will convict the world of guilt in regard to sin and righteousness and judgment. (John 16:8)

Jesus is speaking about the Holy Spirit. When he comes, when he begins working in your life, what you can expect is that he awakens your conscience. When the Holy Spirit comes, he wakens you up to reality. Jesus describes that reality in three ways—sin, righteousness, and judgment: 

The Holy Spirit convicts of guilt in regard to sin

The first work of the Holy Spirit is deeply disturbing—he activates your conscience. He brings you to a place where you see your own sin.

The Holy Spirit convicts of guilt in regard to righteousness

You don’t know what righteousness is until you know Jesus. When you get to know him, you see that his righteousness is so far beyond what you have at your best that you haven’t a hope of getting near him.

The Holy Spirit convicts of guilt in regard to judgment

The Holy Spirit convinces of sin and righteousness and judgment. A true Christian wants more of this, not less, because that is what authentic godliness is looking for.

It wants to know more of its own sin and more of God’s righteousness, so that it might embrace God’s mercy even more. 

A good conscience is set by the Word of God 

I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. (Psalm 119:11) 

If the alarm clock is to function, it has to be powered, but it also has to be set. A good conscience is powered by the Spirit and set by the Word. Hiding God’s Word in your heart will train your conscience to sound the alarm and keep you from sin. 

Are you, like David, hiding God’s word in your heart? Or is it just flitting across your brain? When You hide God’s Word in your heart that Word shapes and strengthens your conscience. And a good conscience is your best defense against sin and temptation.

A good conscience is cleansed by the blood of Christ 

How much more, then, will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself unblemished to God, cleanse our consciences from acts that lead to death, so that we may serve the living God! (Hebrews 9:14) 

This is an amazing promise! Christ cleansing our consciences from acts that lead to death! 

How does he do it? By the blood of Christ, because on the cross he offered himself unblemished to God! He offered himself—his unblemished, perfect life—as a sacrifice to God for us on account of our sins. Therefore, he alone is able to cleanse our consciences through his blood. 

Your conscience may have been corrupted, even seared. Christ can make it good. That’s what redemption is all about. It is powered by the Spirit, set by the Word, and cleansed by the blood.

————-

*** By Colin Smith at Unlocking the Bible / Picture by Chandra Elancher

Shall We Sin So Grace May Abound?

Sin. It’s something most of us would rather not think about. For the unsaved person, sin is something that separates them from God, due to his perfect holiness. Yet for the Christian, their sin has been paid for. When God looks at them, he doesn’t see their sin, but instead righteousness.

How can that be? The answer is Jesus.

Jesus took the place of us on the cross. He paid the price of our sins with his very life and his holiness was accounted to us (2 Corinthians 5:21). God made it possible for us to be with him through the blood of his holy Son. Instead of condemnation, we receive grace. Instead of rightful punishment for our sins, God sees us as his sons and daughters. Indeed, this is the miracle of the Christian faith for all who believe.

But this brings up an important question. If our sin is already paid for, why should we stop sinning? In fact, doesn’t the vastness of our sin just make his grace more beautiful? Shall we sin that grace may abound?

Shall We Continue in Sin?

Paul demolished this dangerous line of thought in Romans 6. Christ died to free us from sin, not enable us to sin. When Jesus died, he was releasing us from our bondage to sin, because that is what sin is — slavery. Sin is what separates us from God. It’s damaging, and for the unredeemed, it is damning (Romans 6:23).

 

“For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin — because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.” – Romans 6:6-7 

So, shall we then continue in sin that grace may abound? Paul replies with a resounding “God forbid” (Romans 6:2). To desire to continue in sin shows a misunderstanding of this abundant grace and a contempt for Jesus’ sacrifice. Either we believe what God says is true or we don’t. Either we take him at his word when he equates sin to death, or we do not believe him at all (Ephesians 2:1).

What is the point of the Christian faith if we get to pick and choose what we want to believe? Do we think God is that small, insignificant or somehow uninformed? Do we trifle with the very thing that God sent his Son to save us for? Do we misuse the grace that he gifted us with in his death and resurrection? Surely not.

Sin and Grace

Grace is a gift. Forgiveness of sins and his salvation are gifts. Grace is not, however, a license to sin. Throughout the Bible, fathers of our faith are seen distressed, tormented by their sin.

Consider David after his adultery with Bathsheba or Peter after denying Christ (Psalms 51:17 and Matthew 26:75). They did not discount their sin as simply something atoned for. Just because the Christian’s sin is paid for by Jesus, sin is still damaging to the believer and their relationship with God.

When David tried to ignore his sin, his “bones wasted away through my groaning all day long” (Psalms 32:3). He did, however, find freedom in confession.

 

“Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the LORD’ – and you forgave the guilt of my sin.” – Psalms 32:5 

A Christian who pursues sin despite claiming Christ as their Savior is living outside the blessing and fullness of the relationship that comes with an obedient life. We cannot equate grace with freedom to sin. Instead, we should be thankful that grace provides freedom from sin and its eternal consequences.

Doesn’t that kind of grace make you want to obey the one who set you free?

What Is Sanctification?

 

“If you love me, you will obey my commandments. I will ask the Father, and he will give you another helper who will be with you forever. That helper is the Spirit of Truth. The world cannot accept him, because it doesn’t see or know him. You know him, because he lives with you and will be in you.” – John 14:5-17

The Christian’s spiritual journey doesn’t begin and end at a one-time prayer of confession. When we truly see our need for God, his grace and Christ’s sacrifice for us, we will want to obey him. Why? Because we will overflow with love and gratitude that the God of all creation cares enough to save us from ourselves. And if we love him, we trust him when he calls us to higher things. This pursuit toward Christ, and refining of our faith, is sanctification. Sanctification is progressing toward Christlikeness. A Christian cannot pursue both Christlikeness and sin.

So Christians, remember his abounding grace toward you. Turn from sin and embrace your new life as a vessel of light. You are dead to sin, alive in Christ.

Now go live it.

———

***By Lizzie Hoover at Grand Canyon University: gcu.edu / Photo by Mike Waters at Joyful Toons

How to Start a House Group Fellowship

The really good news is that, to start a house church, you can lay down the burdens of planning how to cope with buildings, programs, and outreach strategies. You don’t have to be an impressive leader (though you probably will have some leadership gifts). To start a house church, you simply need to open your home to friends and neighbours and take things one step at a time.

Pray First!

The first step to starting a house church is to pray. House-church ministry must be birthed in prayer. Though it is a simple step, without prayer and God’s leading, we invite trouble. Starting a house church cannot be just a good idea; it must be a God idea. If you feel that you are called to start a house church, gather a few like-minded people together and begin to pray so that you can receive a strategy from God. Many house churches have false starts that are directly linked to a lack of prayer.

Taking time to pray gives God the opportunity to work in our hearts and purify our motives. When house churches start up because of a reaction to something we don’t like about the established church, the house church’s identity is built from rebellion and discord. Healthy house churches, on the contrary, must begin with God’s leading and a desire to reach those who don’t know Jesus. What a person sows, the Bible teaches us, he also reaps. Therefore, if you begin a house church because of an offense toward an existing church or leader, you will sow the seeds of fault-finding and pride in the church you are creating.

Along with prayer, it is also important to look to the local Christian community’s leaders for spiritual guidance and advice as you launch a new church. From day one of the Lancaster Micro-Church Network, we have cultivated relationships with established believers in our local community and beyond to answer questions and explain to them the concept of micro-church. A wise Bible teacher once said, “Lone rangers get shot out of the saddle.” We agree. Healthy house-church movements are not exclusive groups who refuse to be accountable. Vibrant micro-church networks are spiritually connected to leadership in the Body of Christ.

Know Whom You Are Called to Reach

Every micro-church should know whom they are called to reach. Here’s a great suggestion from Tony and Felicity Dale, who together started a successful network of house churches in Texas:

Draw together people from your circle of influence. We had a number of business associates who were not Christian, but whom we had come to know pretty well over a period of months or years. We asked a dozen of them to join us in a study of business principles while enjoying pizza in our home, using the book of proverbs as our textbook.
There were no rules to our discussion; everybody’s opinion was valid and there was no such thing as a wrong answer. Gradually we introduced prayer and worship and over the course of a year, every one of them became a Christian. They formed the nucleus of our original house church.

When the first micro-church in the Lancaster Micro-Church Network started in our (Larry’s) home a few years ago, we asked God for pre-Christians or new believers to join us—we also asked for labourers to help in the endeavour. However, we ran into some immediate problems. First of all, lots of believers wanted to come and check it out. Some of these Christians were looking for the latest Christian fad. They liked the idea that the micro-church met on a Wednesday, not a Sunday, and that it met in a living room, not a sanctuary.

But we were not starting something new for the sake of starting something new! Since we had a mandate from the Lord to reach new believers, we asked inquiring Christians not to come to our meetings. Having too many older Christians in the group would make the pre-Christians feel uncomfortable.

Jim Petersen, in his book Church Without Walls, clearly describes what can happen if a “migratory flock from neighbouring churches” invades a new church simply because they are curious:

I have a friend who was a part of a team that set out to start a church. The congregation was divided into house churches, each of which was assigned an elder who helped shepherd the members of that house church. Centralised activities were kept at a minimum for the sake of keeping people free to minister to their families and unbelieving friends.

The weekly meetings were dynamic. I will never forget the first one I visited. People of all sorts were there, from men in business suits to ponytails. Many were new believers. The Bible teaching was down to earth, aimed at people’s needs. I loved it.

So did most everyone else who visited. The word got around and soon the migratory flock from neighbouring churches came pouring in. Their needs consumed the energies of the leaders of this young church. Their wants gradually set the agenda. The inertia of the traditions of these migrants engulfed this very creative effort and shaped it accordingly.

So what’s the problem, we ask? The problem is that the vision that original team had for taking the church into society through the efforts of every believer was frustrated.

My wife and I knew that the vision the Lord had given to us to reach a new generation had to be safeguarded in the early days of our new micro-church network, and the young leaders of our network wisely set clear perimeters. They asked God to bring pre-Christians, new believers, and labourers—and the Lord honoured their request.

The Size of the House Church Matters

Quite soon, my wife and I had a second problem in our home-based micro-church. The pre-Christians attending invited their friends, and within 6 months of starting, we had 50 people in our living room on a given night. It was way too large!

It is wise to keep the number of people to between 6 and 12. From my experience, groups less than 6 strong tend to dwindle and be lacklustre because of the decreased number of relationships and interactions possible. However, groups over 12 tend to lose intimacy and every-member participation. It is perhaps not surprising, then, that rapid church planting movements today reproduce small house churches numbering between 10 and 30 people.

Frequency of Meeting

House churches should meet at least once a week to maintain a sense of connectedness. Again, though, we must emphasise the importance of flexibility. Some micro-churches meet at the same location every week, while others move the meeting place by rotating turns in members’ houses. Some groups meet more frequently, others less often. Some house churches meet during the week, others on weekends.

It is crucial that meeting together is an expression of the members’ desire to build community together—not just a religious duty to add more meetings to their already busy lives. If gathering together is done around food and for the purpose of fellow-shipping, it is more natural. Choose times that are convenient for everyone involved and then make an effort to connect with the other members (even just by phone or e-mail) outside of official meeting times. Building a spiritual family takes more than an hour or two one night a week!

Meeting Components

One thing is certain about house-church meetings: they should not be a smaller scale duplicate of a typical Sunday morning meeting. A house-church gathering should not look like an “escaped meeting captured by a living-room,” as one young man described house churches that do little more than replicate and repeat the traditional church service format: worship, teaching, prayer.

Instead, we have learned that there are often four basic components to a micro-church gathering: eating, meeting, small groups, and “the meeting after the meeting.

Although eating (usually a meal) is one of the elements of a house-church gathering, sometimes there may not be food. One week the house church may help someone trim their shrubs and have a time of prayer afterwards, and the next week they may come together for a whole smorgasbord of worship, prayer, teaching, and fellowship. Every week should be fresh and informal as people meet to discuss the life of Jesus and life with Jesus.

—Larry Kreider and Floyd McClung; excerpted from their book Starting a House Church (Regal Publishers, 2007) / Picture by Fauxes at pexels / By Small Groups