Paul speaks about “the holiness which is no illusion” (Ephesians 4:24 – J.B. Philips translation). This does not come through understanding doctrine but through Jesus Himself living His life through us. The secret of godliness mentioned in 1 Timothy 3:16 is not the doctrine of Jesus having come in our flesh, but Jesus Himself Who came in our flesh. It is by looking unto Jesus and not at any doctrine that we are going to be transformed into His likeness (2 Corinthians 3:18). Remember this all your life.“Church is like a hospital, where the worst cases are welcome. They can all be cured. No-one need feel that he or she is too wretched to be helped.”
Every doctrine can lead you astray: (1) if you don’t keep your eyes on the Lord Himself, and (2) if you do not love all who love Him, whichever group they are in, and whatever doctrine they may hold. Jesus Himself is the Head of the church which is His Body. But if a doctrine becomes the Head, then people will become Pharisees – and the purer the doctrine, the greater the Pharisees that will be produced! Remember the words of the hymn: “Once it was the blessing, now it is the Lord”.
The image we present as a church must be consistent with the image Jesus presented of the Father – especially what we see in John 8:1-12, where He was on the side of the repentant adulteress against the religious Pharisees. Jesus preached the highest standard of holiness ever preached on earth, and yet He mingled with the worst of sinners (e.g., Mary Magdalene, who was given the privilege to be the first to see the risen Lord). He never once criticised such sinners or reminded them about their past. This is our calling as a church too – to preach the same standard of holiness that Jesus preached, and yet to be warm to the worst of sinners and backsliders, to draw them to Him.
Our church is like a hospital, where the worst cases are welcome. They can all be cured. No-one need feel that he or she is too wretched to be helped. Some churches are like clubs where the rich and the self-satisfied meet together. But we want to be a hospital for the worst of sinners.
Seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness first at all times (Matthew 6:33). Then you will prosper in everything you do, and God will work on your behalf like a Mighty Champion (Jeremiah 20:11). This is what I have experienced all through my life.
Seeking God’s kingdom does not refer primarily to evangelism or missionary work. It means to make God the Ruler of your life, to live at all times under God’s authority, and to allow His heavenly values to take precedence over the pull of money, earthly pleasures, and man’s honour.
To seek God’s righteousness first means to long for His nature to be manifested in your inner life and in every part of your external behaviour.
May this truth grip you all your days! And when you have children, you must teach your children also this truth, so that they too can find the same result in their lives. Thus, generation after generation the Lord will have a witness on earth until He returns.
“Lord, bend that proud and stiffnecked “I,” Help me to bow the neck and die, Beholding Him on Calvary, Who bowed His Head for me.”
The following are some of the features and manifestations of the self-life. The Holy Spirit alone can interpret and apply this to your individual case. As you read, examine yourself in the very presence of God. Are you ever conscious of:
A secret spirit of pride-an exalted feeling in view of your success or position; because of your good training or appearance; because of your natural gifts and abilities. An important, independent spirit?
Love of human praise; a secret fondness to be noticed; love of supremacy, drawing attention to self in conversation; a swelling out of self when you have had a free time in speaking or praying?
The stirrings of anger or impatience, which, worst of all, you call nervousness or holy indignation; a touchy, sensitive spirit; a disposition to resent and retaliate when disapproved of or contradicted; a desire to throw sharp, heated flings at another?
Self-will; a stubborn, unteachable spirit; an arguing, talkative spirit; harsh, sarcastic expression; an unyielding, headstrong disposition; a driving, commanding spirit; a disposition to criticize and pick flaws when set aside and unnoticed; a peevish, fretful spirit; a disposition that loves to be coaxed and humored?
Carnal fear; a man-fearing spirit; a shrinking from reproach and duty; reasoning around your cross; a shrinking from doing your whole duty by those of wealth or position; a fearfulness that someone will offend and drive some prominent person away; a compromising spirit?
A jealous disposition, a secret spirit of envy shut up in your heart; an unpleasant sensation in view of the great prosperity and success of another; a disposition to speak of the faults and failings, rather than the gifts and virtues of those more talented and appreciated than yourself?
A dishonest, deceitful disposition; the evading and covering of the truth; the covering up of your real faults; leaving a better impression of yourself than is strictly true; false humility; exaggeration; straining the truth?
Unbelief; a spirit of discouragement in times of pressure and opposition; lack of quietness and confidence in God; lack of faith and trust in God; a disposition to worry and complain in the midst of pain, poverty, or at the dispensations of Divine Providence; an overanxious feeling whether everything will come out all right?
Formality and deadness; lack of concern for lost souls; dryness and indifference?
Selfishness; love of ease; love of money?
These are some of the traits which generally indicate carnality in the heart. By prayer, hold your heart open to the searchlight of God. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me” (Psalms 139:23-24).
The Holy Spirit will enable you, by confession and faith, to bring your “self-life” to the death (Romans 8:12-13). Do not patch over, but go to the bottom. It alone will pay.
Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord, Oh, to be lost in Thee; Oh, that it might be no more I, But Christ that lives in me. “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).
~ Poem by Roy Hession author of ‘The Calvary Road’
A New Year prayer: “Teach us Lord, to number our days, so that we can present to Thee a heart full of wisdom” (Psalms 90:12)
Spiritual growth and transformation into Christlikeness do not happen overnight. It happens slowly – day by day and little by little. As we sing in the chorus: “Little by little and day by day; little by little in every way, my Jesus is changing me; I am not the same as I was last year; and though the picture is not quite clear, I know He is changing me; Although it’s slow going, this I am knowing – that one day like Him I shall be”. So, let us yield ourselves to the Lord every day this year, so that He can do that work of transformation in us.
Transformed by the Holy Spirit and God’s Word
When the Holy Spirit is allowed to be Lord in our lives, He will liberate us first of all (2 Corinthians 3:17) – freeing us from the power of sin, from the love of money, from the traditions of men that are contrary to the Word of God, and from being enslaved to the opinions of people. The Holy Spirit will then show us the glory of Jesus in the Scriptures and seek to transform us slowly into that likeness, by changing our way of thinking so that we begin to think the way Jesus thought (2 Corinthians 3:18; Romans 12:2). The Holy Spirit wants to do that work in us this year. So, submit to Him.
Transformed by Praise and Thanksgiving
“Be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs (Ephesians 5:18-20). The Holy Spirit wants to give us a spirit of thankfulness that frees us from all gossip, slander, bitterness, and anger. In the seven glimpses of heaven that we see in the book of Revelation, we find that the inhabitants of heaven are constantly praising God. The atmosphere of heaven is one of constant praise, without any complaining or grumbling. The Holy Spirit wants to bring this atmosphere into our hearts and into our homes this year. So, submit to Him.
Transformed by the Grace of God
“The grace of God enables us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live in a righteous, godly way in this evil world” Titus 2:11-12. God wants to transform our thought-life through His grace and make our speech so gracious that it blesses everyone we meet this year (Colossians 4:6). God’s grace also wants to transform the way husbands and wives behave towards each other this year (1 Peter 3:7). And in every trial that we face this year, God can give us grace that is sufficient to meet the need (2 Corinthians 12:9). So, humble yourself in every situation this year – for God gives His grace only to the humble (1 Peter 5:5).
Transformed by Obedience
We are told that Jesus “learned obedience through the things He suffered” (Hebrews 5:8). Anything that His Father said “No” to, Jesus also said, “No” to. That involved the suffering of denying His own will always. After years of such self-denial, “Jesus was made perfect” (Hebrews 5:9). “Perfect” here means “complete”. In other words, Jesus graduated from the school of obedience and got His degree. This is the degree the Holy Spirit wants us to get too. So, He will take us through many tests. If we fail in any test, He will give us a chance to do it again! He wants us to get the same “degree” that Jesus got and to make us overcomers (Revelation 3:21)! This is the most important degree that we can ever get. So, this year, let us say “No” to our own will and “Yes” to God’s will in every situation, by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Transformed by Encouragement from God
“God wants to encourage us in all our trials, so that we can encourage others with the same encouragement that He gives us in our trials” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). We are surrounded by people who are facing many trials and problems. If we want to help them to overcome, we have to go through many trials and problems ourselves first and overcome. The strength and encouragement that God gives us to overcome in our trials will then be what we can offer to others. God wants to make us a blessing to every person and every family that we meet this year (See Galatians 3:8-9, 14). He wants us to encourage someone or the other every day of this year (Read Hebrews 3:13). May it be so.
One of the most common things that couples say to me is, “My wife and I just can’t seem to have a normal conversation anymore with each other. Our words seem so superficial and only about the facts of the day. We just never get to those heart-to-heart times of fellowship we used to have before we got married.” Have you ever thought or said these words? If you have, then this article is for you.
Why does conversation seem to turn in this superficial direction within a marriage? Once you understand why the communication has deteriorated between you, then you will see how to change it.
Why does communication deteriorate over time?
1. Holding resentment from past unresolved conflicts. This is one of the most common and obvious reasons why communication deteriorates in a relationship. If a prior conflict is not fully resolved, the heart becomes closed and the walls will go up and communication will shut down. This is why Solomon told his son, “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.” (Proverbs 18:19). If you have been fortifying your heart with bars, you have unresolved issues. If you want the superficiality to be removed then you must identify and deal with these conflicts.
2. Hardening your heart. When you refuse to resolve your conflicts, a hardened heart will always be the natural result. Why is this true? Paul equated hardness of heart with an unwillingness to repent of your sin. He warned the Romans that, “because of your“hardness and your impenitent heart you are treasuring up for yourself wrath in the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God” (Romans 2:5). If you are hard-hearted today, there will not be any heart-to-heart fellowship between you. It is an impossibility!
3. Allowing pride to control you.When pride controls your heart, you will relate to each other in one of two ways. First, you can be verbally harsh, authoritarian, and speak to your spouse with a superior attitude. Or secondly, pride can also make you indifferent to your mate’s requests to talk, and cause you to be unwilling to confess your own faults. These attitudes will only result in the walls being fortified between you. Remember, “By pride comes nothing but strife” (Proverbs 13:10). Pride is the death-nail to heart-to-heart fellowship.
4. An unwillingness to talk. When one or both of you stops being willing to talk, your hearts only grow harder, and the walls are strengthened (Acts 7:57). This refusal to talk things through is another sign of the pride and hardness of your hearts. You are, in reality, moving further backwards and not forward in your relationship.
5. Dominating the conversation. If you dominate a conversation by the number of words you use, to attempt to overpower your mate’s point of view, this will only further drive you apart. You should never think that you “will be heard” by the number of words you use (Matthew 6:7). If you say the same thing over and over again but just in different ways, and you don’t allow your spouse to respond, nothing will get accomplished. This again only reveals more pride within your heart.
6. Trying to control and force. When one or both spouses attempt to dominate the conversation, this is a controlling and forcing technique that only assures there will not be a true heart-to-heart conversation. Trying to control a person or a conversation is not love! Controlling behavior is also another form of pride.
7. Not being a good listener.Listening is a vital part of good communication. But, do you want to be heard more than you want to listen? Do you interrupt your spouse and not allow them to complete their thought before you begin your rebuttal? Solomon declared this behavior as folly. “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him” (Proverbs 18:13). The word folly means stupid or to be without wisdom. This unwise practice will guarantee that there will be no heart-to-heart fellowship.
8. Lying and deceitfulness. When there is dishonesty between two people there will be no trust. Lying to one another is a rejection of your marital oneness with each other. Paul said, “Therefore, putting away lying, ‘Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,’ for we are members of one another” (Ephesians 4:25). If Paul taught this truth concerning Christians in general, how much more would it hinder your marital oneness (Genesis 2:24)? Lying and deceitfulness calls into question your entire relationship together.
9. Harsh and condemning words. Harsh words are like small knife wounds or razor blade cuts that slowly drain the life out of your love relationship. David said of his enemies who constantly pursued him, “Your tongue devises destruction, like a sharp razor, working deceitfully”(Psalms 52:2). When harsh and condemning words are allowed to thrive in a relationship, they will bring destruction to every marriage. Be assured, there will be no heart-to-heart conversation within this marriage!
10. You don’t want to reveal anything that might be used against you in the next conflict. If you are afraid to be honest about what you are thinking, feeling, or what you have done, there can be no real intimacy in your conversations. This kind of fear will shut down any real heart-to-heart discussion, because there is no trust. If you are afraid to open your heart to your spouse, it reveals that there are several basic needs missing in your marriage.
11. Not spending time together. Sometimes the distance grows between a couple not because they have a major communication problem, but simply because they just don’t spend much one-on-one time together. When you don’t take the time to date each other, pray with one another, or recreate together, the closeness and friendship between you will die. Before you were married, as you dated, you spent plenty of one-on-one time together, which is why the communication was so much better. Don’t allow all of the distractions of life to keep you from the one person you are to be one flesh with.
These are just a few of the hindrances to heart-to-heart communication. If you recognize yourself in any of the above issues, you must realize that this is the reason the communication has deteriorated in your marriage. I would suggest asking God to forgive you, and then turning to your spouse and doing the same. Then take the steps in the next few paragraphs.
How to change the way you communicate, and get back to heart-to-heart fellowship.
1. You need to confront the problem. Many times, when couples struggle and they sense the distance growing between them, they beat around the bush with their mate, and don’t specifically address the problem. This is a major mistake. When this happens the problem only gets worse. If your car was running roughly or wouldn’t start, you wouldn’t just hope that the engine trouble would resolve itself. You would take the car into the mechanic to get the problem resolved. If you chose not to do this, one morning you would go out to start your car, and it wouldn’t run. So, don’t let the lack of heart-to-heart fellowship in your marriage get any worse. Resolve to talk to your spouse about it today.
How should you bring up this problem with your mate? Choose a weekend day, when you and your mate are not tired, and there are no distractions. Find a time when you can be alone, with the children playing outside, or at a friend’s house. Ask your spouse to sit down to talk, and express that you believe that you are drifting apart. Express your love and desire to change things between you. Don’t blame your spouse, but express that both of you are at fault, and that both of you need to make some changes. Go through the following steps.
2. Reconcile past issues. If you regularly fight about specific issues with your spouse, or you have past issues that have never been resolved, make a list of these conflicts and begin a discussion about how you can resolve them. Without a truly reconciled relationship with your spouse, your communication will never be heart-to-heart. Unresolved conflicts are what caused you to drift away from each other, and resolving them is the first step back. To help, I have two worksheets that would be very helpful for you to begin the process. Go to www.covenantkeepers.org and click on “Articles” and then “Worksheets” and print “How to Resolve Conflicts” and “How to Solve Conflicts.” Work through these together with your spouse to begin the reconciliation process.
Jesus made it absolutely clear that resolving conflicts with anyone was one of His top priorities. He said, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother” (Matthew 18:15). In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus also said, “If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift” (Matthew 5:23-24). So, if you have resentment toward your mate, or you know your spouse is upset with you, you have the responsibility to go to them and try to reconcile the issue. Keep talking and praying until it is resolved. When you take this step, you are removing one of the greatest impediments to having a heart-to-heart relationship again.
3. Admit your communication failures. Humility concerning your faults and your communicative abilities, is absolutely essential to opening up a new and deeper fellowship with your spouse. God has explained in many places throughout the Scripture that if you want revival and awakening in your souls, you must humble yourself. God spoke through Isaiah the Prophet and said, “For thus says the High and Lofty One Who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: ‘I dwell in the high and holy place, with him who has a contrite and humble spirit, to revive the spirit of the humble, and to revive the heart of the contrite ones’” (Isaiah 57:15). Jesus spoke heart-to-heart with anyone who would listen to Him, and He was “gentle and lowly at heart” (Matthew 11:29). Humility is a fundamental key to this entire process.
Go back and look at the list of communication failures that I gave at the beginning of this article and consider if any of these are yours. Do you do any of these behaviors? If you do, turn from these today!
4. Be vulnerable. How does vulnerability affect your ability to communicate with your spouse? It reveals your willingness to be honest and open with your mate. Vulnerability allows you to admit your faults, ask forgiveness, and listen to your wife or husband’s thoughts, and speak heart-to-heart. This is why Jesus taught His disciples to, “First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5). What is Jesus encouraging in this verse? He wanted His disciple’s to be honest with themselves about their own sins before they ever tried to tell others about their faults. Honesty with yourself is an absolute necessity if you want to become vulnerable with your mate.
King David revealed his own vulnerability throughout the Psalms. What an example for all of us to follow. He could talk about his failures and sins, his fears, his personal struggles, and his hopes (Psalm 51:3; Ps. 34:4; Ps. 119:81; Ps. 42:5). But the question is, will you be vulnerable like this with your mate? If you won’t, then don’t expect your spouse to be vulnerable with you. If you want heart-to-heart communication with your mate, then vulnerability is essential!
5. Vulnerability also requires that you walk in humility. The essence of vulnerability is humility. You know your own struggles and faults; therefore, you are not quick to judge your spouse for his or her faults. You can admit your needs before your mate. You can give and receive encouragement and correction from your spouse. Note how open Paul the Apostle was with the elders of the church of Ephesus. He said to them, “You know, from the first day that I came to Asia, in what manner I always lived among you, serving the Lord with all humility, with many tears and trials which happened to me by the plotting of the Jews” (Acts 20:18-19). Can you talk about your struggles with your spouse? If your husband or wife has some helpful encouragement or correction, will you listen to it and not get angry?
Humility also enables a mutual submissiveness with your mate that further enables this openness and vulnerability. Peter clearly commanded this kind of fellowship with others when he said, “Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble’” (1 Peter 5:5). Humility is the key to this submissive attitude that can listen to the other. In addition, without this vulnerability and humility, you will forfeit the great grace God wants to bestow upon your marriage relationship.
6. Choose your words carefully. One of the most critical requirements for heart-to-heart fellowship with your spouse will be the words that you choose to use. As Solomon said, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). The word soft in this verse means tender or gentle words. The word harsh means to speak offensive and hurtful words. So, which takes place with your spouse on a regular basis, tender and gentle words, or offensive and hurtful ones?
Only you have the ability to choose how you will speak with your mate. You are the only one who can change the words you speak. Don’t blame-shift and excuse your own responsibility by saying, “I wouldn’t talk the way I do, if he or she didn’t come off so harsh toward me.” Being honest with yourself is vital in changing this part of your communication. You have the choice as to how you will respond! God has made it clear what He wants, He said, “choose what pleases Me” (Isaiah 56:4). This is your responsibility!
You can say things several different ways if you choose. When your spouse fails to do what you have asked them to do, you can say, “This is the fifth time I’ve told you that this bothers me. What is your problem? Are you deaf, or are you just dumb?” Or, you can say, “Honey did you forget about this or that issue? This is really important to me.” Then explain the reason why this issue is so important to you. Which response would create a conflict, and which would help you get to a solution? The answer is obvious!
7. Become a better listener. In most marriages one person is more verbal that the other. The person who is more verbal usually dominates the conversations which hinders the less verbal person from taking. Consequently, the less verbal spouse begins to believe their mate does not value their thoughts and opinions. This causes the less verbal person to retreat and not share equally, which destroys the ability to have a heart-to-heart fellowship together. This is why James taught the church, “My beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath”(James 1:19).
How can you change this imbalance? It is just a choice. The more verbal spouse must learn to use less words, and the less verbal person needs to use more words. For couples that just can’t seem to do it, I recommend using a kitchen timer. Set it for one minute, and say whatever you need to say. Then reset it for your spouse, and allow them to talk without interruption. This ensures equal time. Eventually people learn to discipline themselves to give this equal time to each other. Remember, you can’t have heart-to-heart talks when only one person is allowed to talk.
8. It takes two to tango. The tango is the most intimate dance that two people can enjoy. Each must move and step in a precise manner, or the couple will step all over each other, or fall to the floor. My point is that communication is like the tango. Both partners must participate and work together to enable heart-to-heart fellowship. It can’t be done alone. You need a willing heart, and your spouse also must be willing. You both must deal with your own personal faults, and you both must choose to be vulnerable with one another. Each of you must listen and give equal time to the other to respond.
Therefore, I encourage you to respond to the Lord in your personal life, and allow Him to work within you to change the way you communicate. Focus on getting to the place of heart-to-heart communication with each other. It will take work, but the work will bring the rewarding relationship you desire.
All of the steps I have just outlined in this article must be obeyed by both partners. It can’t be done by just one spouse alone. One of you must choose to start to speak heart-to-heart with the other. Trust that God will soften your spouse to respond. Remember, not even God Himself with all His power and authority, can by Himself fix the relationship with mankind. Ultimately, reconciliation requires men to respond to Him in repentance. This is why Jesus commanded those who heard Him to, “Repent and believe in the Gospel” (Mark 1:15). So, I am asking you to repent of your side of the problem as it relates to communication, and humble yourself before God and your spouse. You take the step to start the conversation. You won’t regret it!
There are a few theories out there on why women over a certain age are not married. Many of these may be stereotypical while others hold some truth.
I will be focusing on one of the most important reasons for why some single women are not married.
Before I go ahead, I want you to know this was hard to write, not because it’s not true but because of the magnitude of truth. I had touched on it in a previous post but had felt the burden in my spirit to focus squarely on it.
I know God wants me to speak about this and to do so in clear terms.
Here it is:
We are not married because we will forget God. Because getting married will take us away from God.
We have knowingly or unknowingly replaced God with marriage where our true service and our true love is not God but marriage or what we believe marriage will give us.
Our prayers for a good man have been unanswered and heaven has been silent not because God wants to deny us the good gifts he has for us but because he knows that this very thing we want will take us away from him.
We may promise or vow that we will be closer to him when we get married but is that really the truth?
We have to realise that God sees through our words. He is the only one that knows the true state of our hearts and our intentions.
Which means we can’t pay lip service to loving him.
WHERE IS GOD IN YOUR LIFE?
What are the things that matter to you? The things you focus all of your time and energy on. Many of us are so consumed with the need to get married and have children that every other thing takes second place.
Marriage becomes an idol in our lives and this idol will only grow bigger when we’re married to include the very husband and children we have desperately desired.
When we do this, we miss out on the most important relationship we could ever have.
One thing about idols is that we often don’t even realize what they are. We don’t realise how our identity, our happiness and our successes are tied to these idols.
Dear friend, it’s time for some honest introspection. Have you placed marriage on a pedestal? Do you believe your life will only make sense when you’re married and have children?
Do you equate your marriage with finding your purpose?
Well, I’m here to tell you that it will not happen. Should you force God’s hand or marry without recourse to him, you may find that your marriage becomes a den of problems rather than a haven of peace.
These words may seem harsh and hard but it wouldn’t be the first time. A look at the Bible will show how God feels when we demote him from his rightful place in our lives. The first and everlasting commandment is that we love God and that he remains number one in our lives.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind.”
Luke 10:27(NKJV)
“You shall fear the Lord your God and him only shall you serve…”
Deutronomy 6:13 (para.)
GOD MUST COME BEFORE MARRIAGE
Nothing and no one should take his place.
If you know you may have unknowingly done this, I know God is calling you to repent and come back to him.
“Repent then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,”
Acts 3:19(NIV)
Never forget that God gave us marriage as a gift and for a purpose – for companionship, for his glory and propagation of his kingdom. We cannot misuse this gift.
Similarly, God is not a trader neither is he Santa Clause. Be careful that your worship is not a trade by barter where you believe you should be rewarded with a good husband for serving God.
We are to serve him and love him because his is God and is worthy of all our praise.
GOD LOVES YOU AND WANTS THE BEST FOR YOU
Here’s another truth, repenting and changing our ways does not mean we will get married. Even if we were to love God without pretence or expectation, we have to realise this is not an automatic opening for marriage.
Marriage is not a reward for being good
Why? Because God’s plan for your life may mean that you will get married now, later or not at all.
I know this is hard to read much more accept but it doesn’t change the truth. God knows the path he has for you, trust him to bring it to pass. I promise you that it will be the best for you.
We need to remember that Our time on earth is merely a blip in eternity.
According to Rick Warren of The Purpose Driven Life “Measured against eternity, our time on earth is just a blink of an eye, but the consequences of it will last forever. The deeds of this life are the destiny of the next.”
Which means we have to be careful how we spend it since it is this temporary life that determines our permanent location (heaven or hell, life or death).
I hope looking at your life this way gives you perspective and helps you prioritize the permanent things over the temporary.
GET MARRIED FOR THE RIGHT REASONS
Dear friend, please don’t get married for marriage’s sake. Do it because you believe it is the right time and the right person.
Don’t scheme, pretend, lie or sin to get married, your life and identity in Christ is worth more than that.
I am always comforted knowing that God knows what’s best for us. You might not understand why it’s taken this long, you might even think he’s forgotten you, but know that he hasn’t.
He wants us to trust that he will give us what is right for us. Even if you’re feeling the pressures, even if everyone around you is getting married (and did it on their own terms, without God), realise that you’re different. No two lives are the same, so stop focusing on the lives of others.
As God’s child, you’re working under heaven’s rules not earth’s rules. This means you cannot live according to the precepts of the world even though you’re in the world.
Be encouraged! Remember that with God, it will all work out for your good and will definitely be better than anything you could have imagined for yourself.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
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