Tag: Spiritual Growth

7 Ways Pride Grows in Our Hearts

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In his excellent book, Humility, Andrew Murray states that “pride is the beginning of every sin.” The puritan Thomas Watson said of pride, “It is a spiritual drunkenness; it flies up like wine into the brain and intoxicates it. It is idolatry; a proud man is a self-worshiper.” The Bible states, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Pray that God will place the mi

Pride is universal—something we all deal with, ancient as Adam and relevant as the morning news. Yet we don’t always see it, for it grows like weeds around our lives.

Oh, we see it in the obvious ways, but we can be blind to its deceptive, subversive presence in our hearts. We know the disease, but we don’t recognize the symptoms. And that’s why we need the insight of our Great Physician to reveal its symptoms and release us from its grip.

Here are seven symptoms of pride I’ve been seeing in God’s Word as the Spirit works in my own life.

1. Fear

Pride is at the root of fear and anxiety when we refuse to humbly rest in God’s sovereign care. Fear simultaneously reveals our lack of trust and our poisonous self-reliance. We fear because we don’t have faith in the Lord, are enormously preoccupied with ourselves, and lack self-control.

When Peter stepped out on the stormy sea to come to Jesus, he was walking in humble faith. But when his gaze shifted to his circumstances and to self-preservation, he trusted in himself, became afraid, and began to sink. Jesus saved him while admonishing him: “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matt. 14:31).

2. Entitlement

Self-sacrifice stems from a humble heart. Entitlement is rooted in a prideful heart.

The core of the gospel is that we are not entitled to anything except just punishment for our sins (Rom. 3:23; 6:23). Yet we deceive ourselves into thinking we’re better than we are, and deserve better than we have. We think we deserve God’s mercy. We think we deserve people’s praise. We think we deserve love, success, comfort, accolades. We certainly don’t think we deserve suffering, heartbreak, or discipline.

But when we experience these things, we grow bitter, frustrated, and disturbed because we believe we’re entitled to more. We forget that apart from Jesus we are rebels who deserve only condemnation.

The disciples regularly wrestled with entitlement. On one occasion, they were arguing about who was the greatest. Jesus’s response was a rebuke: “Let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves” (Luke 22:26).

3. Ingratitude

Our proud hearts say that we’re good, that we should get what we want, and if we don’t, that we’re justified in our ingratitude. If we’re somehow uncomfortable or inconvenienced, we can complain. It’s our right. Humility, meanwhile, recognizes that God is good and gives us what we need, so we have no reason to be ungrateful. We lack nothing (Deut. 2:7; Ps. 34:9).

The Israelites grumbled in the wilderness, though God fed, clothed, and led them through it (Ex. 16:2; Deut. 8:2). Their stubborn hearts rejected God’s daily mercies out of self-idolization. But God’s Word rebukes our whining: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent” (Phil. 2:14–15).

4. People-Pleasing

Pride is self-worship and self-preservation at all costs—and people-pleasing is the direct result. Some think people-pleasing is a positive trait because they’re so clearly concerned with serving others. But that’s nothing more than a sneaky sheepskin we put over a wolfish habit. People-pleasing is all about self-satisfaction—fearing man more than God—and seeking the fleeting happiness that comes from man’s approval.

The apostle Paul knew human approval was a pointless and prideful pursuit. Thus he could say, “Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Gal. 1:10).

5. Prayerlessness

Pride deceives us into thinking we can “do life” on our own—we’re capable, independent, unstoppable, self-reliant. We think that we don’t need God every hour, that we don’t need his help, grace, mercy, courage, and hope. So, surely, we don’t need to pray.

But a humble heart submits itself to God in prayer because it knows it can do nothing without him.

When God called Jonah to go to Nineveh, Jonah’s response was not to go to God in prayer. Instead, he fled, his heart furiously and arrogantly silent (Jonah 1:3). Only when God humbled him in the fish’s belly did Jonah finally cry out in prayer (2:1).

6. Hypocrisy

When you’re proud, you elevate your status, forgetting the mercy God has shown you. You think you’re better than everyone else, so you easily find fault with others. Pride produces a hypocritical spirit.

The Pharisees’ hypocritical pride blinded them both to their sin and to God’s mercy—which made them cold-hearted and cruel toward others. Jesus had harsh words for them:

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. (Matt. 23:27)

7. Rebellion

Rebellion against God manifests itself in resistance to God’s Word and God-ordained spiritual leaders. It’s the reflex of a prideful heart. It also shows itself in a lack of submission—wives to husbands, children to parents, employees to bosses, citizens to government. Rebellion says, I know better than you, God, when I don’t.

Even though Adam and Eve had all they needed for life and joy, they pridefully rebelled against God’s good decree, thinking they knew better than him. And this ancient rebellion brought untold pain, suffering, and death—for them and us.

Humbled for Us

Yet there is hope for the proud heart in the incarnation of humility, Jesus Christ. Immanuel—God with us—condescended to live among us, die for us, and raise us to new life. He never had a shred of sinful pride—no fear, no entitlement, no ingratitude, no people-pleasing, no prayerlessness, no hypocrisy, no rebellion (Phil. 2:4–6).

The God-man emptied himself of all he deserved to save us from all we deserve. He who was entitled to the highest honor forfeited it for our eternal good.

Because of his humility, we can be forgiven of our pride. That’s both the sting and the joy of the gospel. It deals with our pride by destroying it, reminding us that life is not about us, and that we deserve only the wrath of God. Jesus also deals with our pride by taking the just punishment for it on himself, that we might be renewed in the image of our Creator (Col. 3:10) and made humble like our Savior.

Being humbled is not smooth or painless, but it’s the daily rescue we need. Hallelujah to the Redeemer we have.

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*** By Jaquelle Crowe at The Gospel Coalition + Missionary Rob Jackson / Photo at Pexels

7 Reasons Why They Left

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I believe that every person goes through a transitional season in life where joy, tears, pain, and even heartbreak can take place. This is especially true when relationships are broken, lost, or at times introduced. 

If you find yourself wondering why some people have been removed from your life, these are a few of the most common reasons.

Why They May Have Left

1. Your Season Has Changed

The Bible says that when Moses died and manna stopped, it was time for Joshua to step into the Promised Land (Joshua 1:2). In other words, sometimes a person leaving is God’s way of notifying us that we are stepping into a new season.

2. They (Place or People) Have Become Toxic

In Exodus 1:11, we see that Egypt was a place of provision for Israel at one time, but soon it became a place of pain and as a result, they needed to leave. Similarly, there are times when God will remove people out of your life because the connection you have with them is no longer helpful, or the place you are in is causing more harm than good.

3. You Are Being Pruned for More Fruit

John 15:2 says that we are pruned in order to bear more fruit. Sometimes relationships must be stripped away from us in order for us to be more effective in the area where God is leading us into.

4. They Block Your Vision

A great example of this is found in Genesis 13:14, when Lot separates from Abraham. The word “Lot” actually means veil, and I find it interesting that after the separation, Abraham is able to receive God’s direction clearly. Often, the same can happen with us after we lose certain relationships. 

5. They Have Become an Idol

Another reason for the loss of a relationship could be that you came to rely on them more than you relied on God, turning them into an idol in your heart. We see in Judges 7:2 that God didn’t use Gideon until people left.

Some people are like crutches we lean on them more than we do God.

When they leave, it’s time to advance, not retreat.

6. God Has Another Plan For Them

Another example is found in Exodus 4:18. Here we see that Moses left his father-in-law’s house because Moses had an assignment to fulfill that required him to leave the house of Jethro (Exodus 4:18).

Sometimes it is no other reason than God leading them in a different direction and we must be at peace with that.

7. God Wants to Bring Someone Else

Lastly, we see in Scripture that the disciples had become familiar and comfortable with Jesus. They loved being able to talk, walk, and eat with Him. However, in John 16:7 He tells them that it is necessary for Him to leave in order for the Holy Spirit to come.

In the same way, at times it is to our advantage that some people be removed so God can introduce others that are meant to take us further in our walk with Him.

Sometimes people are in our lives for a season, while others for a reason.

I hope these reasons brought some clarity to any questions that you may have been struggling with. May God usher you into your new season with grace and blessing.

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*** *** By Vladimir Savchuk © Copyright – Vladimir Savchuk. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at HungryGen

How to T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak and Not Put Your Foot in Your Mouth

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Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones ~ Proverbs 16:24

Do you remember all the situations where you said something you regretted deeply? All the times where you wished to have thought a little bit better before speaking and avoided the embarrassment you faced. I can surely make a long list for the same and I’m sure you have plenty of those just like me, right? To think before you speak is a much-needed skill and today in this blog, we’ll talk about just that along with tips on how to think before you speak. 

Read on because, by the end of this blog, you’ll know all my top tips and tricks on how to think before you speak and not put your foot in your mouth!

How difficult can it be to think before you speak? 

Thinking before speaking isn’t rare; it’s almost human nature to feel the need to contribute to a conversation. Sometimes, you may feel emotional about a topic and may not think before you talk about it. Hence, it can be pretty hard to stop yourself from blurting out the first thing that pops into your head. There are a variety of reasons that can prevent you from thinking before speaking. So, don’t beat yourself about it if it happens to you. 

That being said, you do need to remember that we as humans are social beings and need to communicate effectively in our everyday lives. Communication is the key to happy and sorted relationships. Hence, it’s important to inculcate the habit of being able to think before you speak with anyone.

Why should you think before you speak?

A colleague once asked me why I should think before speaking? How does it even matter! 

Thinking before speaking is pretty much a life skill. Here are some basic reasons for you to think before you speak:

  • It’s essential for your credibility because if what you communicate isn’t credible or useful, people won’t respect you or your words. Imagine that you are in a group discussion around international relations and you mistakenly mention that the capital of Japan is Beijing in a hurry. If it wasn’t because you didn’t know that Japan’s capital is Tokyo but because you didn’t take the time to process or think before you speak. Such an incident will reduce your credibility but could’ve been easily avoided if you had taken a pause to think.
  • Another reason for you to think before you speak is that if you do not think before you speak, you might end up hurting someone. Sometimes when we get emotional, it’s easy to get carried away and react to everything negatively. This is pretty common when we are arguing with our loved ones and hence, can impact our relationships severely. Hence, the ability to think before you speak can be fruitful in such scenarios.
  • Thinking before speaking can also help you stay out of trouble in several ways.Let’s say you’re in a meeting and your boss asks for a volunteer to take over the operations for your company’s newly acquired venture in Yemen. You say yes, just to please your boss without understanding the whole deal and now, you don’t know how to refuse. Had you listened and thought before speaking, you’d save yourself from the trouble of explaining yourself. 

I hope you got enough reasons to think before you speak now? Great. Now, let’s move on to our next pertinent question. 

  • It’s essential for your credibility because if what you communicate isn’t credible or useful, people won’t respect you or your words. Imagine that you are in a group discussion around international relations and you mistakenly mention that the capital of Japan is Beijing in a hurry. If it wasn’t because you didn’t know that Japan’s capital is Tokyo but because you didn’t take the time to process or think before you speak. Such an incident will reduce your credibility but could’ve been easily avoided if you had taken a pause to think.
  • Another reason for you to think before you speak is that if you do not think before you speak, you might end up hurting someone. Sometimes when we get emotional, it’s easy to get carried away and react to everything negatively. This is pretty common when we are arguing with our loved ones and hence, can impact our relationships severely. Hence, the ability to think before you speak can be fruitful in such scenarios.
  • Thinking before speaking can also help you stay out of trouble in several ways. Let’s say you’re in a meeting and your boss asks for a volunteer to take over the operations for your company’s newly acquired venture in Yemen. You say yes, just to please your boss without understanding the whole deal and now, you don’t know how to refuse. Had you listened and thought before speaking, you’d save yourself from the trouble of explaining yourself. 

I hope you got enough reasons to think before you speak now? Great. Now, let’s move on to our next pertinent question. 

Why does it happen? Why is it so hard to think before you speak? 

The answer to this often has to do with impulse control or to be precise, the lack of it. Impulse control is simply the ability to control an urge to do something or control a reaction to anything. So, it’s possible that you can not think before you speak due to impulse control issues.

I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “Why can’t I think clearly when talking to people?” or “Why do I always end up saying the wrong things?” Trust me, because I have too. There are many reasons for this but in general, you don’t think before you speak: a lack of patience, the lack of listening skills, or due to impulsiveness.

The Lack of Patience

Talking about the lack of patience, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Our urge to contribute to a conversation or the urge to be an active part of a discussion can sometimes be problematic. The lack of patience in such scenarios can lead to you interrupting others before they’re done and saying something incorrectly. It’s not easy to be patient and take a pause especially while talking about something we’re passionate about and thus, can lead to speaking before thinking.

The Lack of Listening Skills

Listening skills are as important for effective communication, if not more, than speaking skills. It’s nearly impossible to add something of value to a discussion or carry a conversation forward without listening actively. A lack of listening skills can even negatively impact your relationships as you might end up saying something you don’t mean. Hence, listening is essential to think before you speak.

Being Impulsive

Being impulsive is another trait that can be the reason behind your inability to think before you speak. Impulsiveness (or impulsivity) is the tendency to act on a whim, displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences. So, being impulsive can lead to you not thinking before speaking too.

You know enough about why you can’t think before you speak normally now, right? 

But should you always think before speaking? 

I’d say you should mostly think before you speak, it’ll save you a lot of trouble, the Lord gave us two ears and one mouth, to talk less and listen more. But if you’re just hanging out with friends and not really discussing anything specific, it’s okay to just go with the flow as well. Overthinking everything just like underthinking can be problematic. 

So, yes always try to think enough before you speak but don’t venture into the territory of overthinking. 

Now that we’ve covered a bunch of questions about why we can’t think before speaking and why we should, let’s get into the ways to achieve it. I’m going to tell you actionable ways on how to think before you speak. 

The THINK Acronym

  1. The ultimate think before you speak trick is the word THINK itself, an acronym.

Before speaking anything, just THINK; this is to ask yourself five questions: Is what I’m saying True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, and is it Kind enough? 

  • T For True: Always make sure whatever you are saying is true. Don’t try to make something up or add fuel to gossip just to have something to say. Just be honest and your words will immediately be more impactful.
  • H For Helpful: Helpful words are usually appreciated by everyone. So, if you have something to say that can be of help to someone, go ahead. But if you think that your words might be hurtful or mocking, then avoid speaking.
  • I For Inspiring: Saying something that’s encouraging, motivational, or inspiring is always a good idea. It can be anything from giving someone a small compliment on someone’s presentation to inspiring others to achieve their goals with your story.
  • N For Necessary: Speak when necessary or try not to speak. Often we need to warn people before they do something they shouldn’t or even explain a necessary concept to someone. 
  • K For Kind: If you don’t have something positive and kind today, don’t say it. Humans are emotional beings and need reassurance from time to time. So, try not to be harsh with your words and don’t hurt others. It’s important to speak considerably and kind to everyone. 

This is the golden rule on thinking before you speak, once you ask yourself these questions and get yes as the answer. You’re good to go! Because if what you speak passes this method with flying colors, it’s undoubtedly worthy of being said. Also, you can even put up a THINK before you speak poster in your room if you’d like to remember this method.

Wait, that’s not all; we’ve got more tips to assist you.

 The Power of Mental Pause

  1. Next up, utilize the power of your mental pause. In the words of a wise man, “Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.” 

Simply put, take a breather and compose your thoughts before jumping on the speaking train. Hasty words can trouble you for a long time, even after they have left your mouth. So, learn to press the pause button. Imagine it as a pause button that you use to rewind your thoughts, think of the right response, and finally, press play.

We all have a mental pause button that we can learn to use over time. It’s the time we take to respond and it’s absolutely normal. So, make it a habit to utilize your mental pause button to master how to think before you speak. 

If you find the silence disturbing, just say, “I need a minute to ponder over this, thank you” before speaking. It’s always better to take some time to think before you speak. The pause helps you respond instead of reacting. You can also say, “I don’t think I know enough on this topic,” instead of forcing yourself to speak without knowledge. 

  1. Now on to the third tip, listen and listen carefully. A significant part of effective and thoughtful communication is listening. If you listen to others intently, you’ll be able to converse better and also partake in conversations without saying something awkward. 

To give you an example, once at a social gathering, I was talking to a bunch of vegans. One of them probably mentioned that they do not think it’s okay to eat animal products, but I was busy using my phone and misunderstood because I didn’t listen properly and blurted out “Of course, non-vegetarian food is great.” And went on to talk about non-vegetarian food. I didn’t realize right away but it got awkward pretty quickly. So, it’s better to just listen and avoid such a blunder. Make sure you listen with your ears open if you’d like to think before you speak.

How to get into the habit of thinking before I speak?

One way of honing this habit is to have practice conversations with friends or peers about some impromptu topics. This will challenge you to think on the spot and you can then think before you give each response. First, start by taking as much time as you need and measure each response time. After a while, you can start running an actual or mental timer of a few seconds to think of a proper response before the time runs out. This will not only help you practice how to think before you speak but will also help you hone the skill of quick thinking on the spot. Such skills are very helpful in personal and professional situations in which you are required to think on the spot and showcase your intelligence or responsiveness. There are other ways to become a better quick thinker as discussed below.

Becoming A Quick Thinker

The sure-shot way of mastering thinking before speaking is becoming a quick thinker and improving your responses over time. Becoming a quick thinker makes your impression on people around you better and helps you perform well in unpredictable situations when you are required to speak. Many times you might have come across situations in your personal and professional life where you had to think on your feet but you could not come up with a proper response because you spent too much time thinking before you speak. Here are a few tips on how you can tackle such situations better:

1. Note down some responses you would like to give in these situations in the future.

2. Plan some generic positive remarks, comments, or stories you can use when asked to speak up without notice.

3. Think of some questions you can ask to change the conversation topic or deflect the conversation to another person.

These handy tips can help you go a long way in saving time when thinking before speaking and make you come off as intelligent and quick but still thoughtful. 

So, I’m sure you understand how important it is to think before we speak. It’s a life skill that can help us grab opportunities and excel professionally and personally. Refer to the above table to get a quick glance at everything we’ve discussed and worked on your mental pause. I hope that I could help you with some useful tips! 

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**By Prageet Goel at Orai / Photo at Pexels

What God Hates

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May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer ~ Psalm 19:14

In the book of Proverbs we have a very stark statement as to what God hates.  So let us take a look… 

1.  Haughty eyes: Haughty eyes deals with pride and God hates pride.  The eyes are the windows into pride.  The phrase, “That person looks down on me!”  That’s the haughty eye and its full of pride.  Pride is the original sin that goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden.  Man wanted to be like God (notice the pride) more than he wanted to be with God.  He looked down on God.

2.  A lying tongue:  A lying tongue is a reminder that all words count.  All words have consequences and that all our words will be judged by God.  This is why in Proverbs 18:21 we are warned: life and death are in the power of the tongue.  When we lie, we trample on the greatness and dignity that God has placed in all humans. 

3.  Hands that shed innocent blood:  Innocence does not imply sinlessness.  But to shed innocent blood is to take the life of one who has done nothing worthy of death.  God loves and wants us to protect the innocent. 

4.  A heart that devises wicked schemes:  Throughout Scripture, God reminds us that He alone searches the heart.  God knows what we think and he sees the plans and purposes that are conceived in the souls of all people. 

5.  Feet that are quick to rush into evil:  To rush into evil is to demonstrate a great delight and enjoyment of evil and an eagerness to participate in it.  God hates the enjoyment of evil.  A lot of people like to witness evil and yet they would never think of doing it themselves.  God says no.

6.  A false witness who pours out lies:  This deals with perjury.  But when the Proverbs writes about a false witness, the principle is so much deeper than the mere avoidance of lying.  This is talking about making right confession.  The word confession is a word that literally means to speak truth that is revealed by God. 

7.  A person who stirs up conflict in the community:  The climax of wickedness is the one who purposefully causes division.  It is the kind of conflict that is done in secret and done by one who won’t appeal through proper channels and who does not submit to proper authority.  It is someone who stirs up conflict for the sole purpose of stirring up conflict.

Now, if God hates these things in this passage (and He does!), then it stands to reason He loves just the opposite. In other words, if God hates haughty eyes that means He loves the eyes of humility. If God hates a lying tongue what does He love? A tongue of integrity. If God hates those who shed innocent blood, He loves those who defend the innocent. If He hates the heart that devises wicked schemes, how much more does He love the one who works towards virtue? If God hates feet that rush to evil, how much does He love feet that run towards goodness? If He hates a false witness, He must love a true witness! If He hates those who sow discord, how much more does He love those who sow unity and peace? At the end of the day, the Proverbs writer is asking us to consider: What kind of people are we striving to be? May we strive to be those who practice what God loves!

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***By Dr Dave Lescalleet at Pruit Cares Foundation

8 Steps To True Forgiveness and Learning How to Forgive

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“But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~ Matthew 6:15

What is forgiveness?

The definition of forgiveness is essentially the act of pardoning an offender. In the Bible, the Greek word translated “forgiveness” literally means “to let go”, as when a person does not demand payment for a debt. Jesus used this comparison in his parable of the unmerciful slave (Matthew 18:23-35) as well as when he taught his followers to pray “Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is in debt to us” (Luke 11:4).

The Bible teaches that unselfish love is the basis for true forgiveness, since “it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Forgiving others means letting go of resentment and giving up any claim to be compensated for the hurt or loss we have suffered.

Why do we need to forgive?

Forgiveness is at the very heart of the gospel. Colossians 3:13 states, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” We were born sinners against God, but He loved us enough to send Christ, His Son to die for us.

In the same way, we are commanded to forgive those who do wrong to us, not just those who are asking for forgiveness, or those who are first-time offenders or whose wrongs seem forgivable. Jesus famously told Peter in Matthew 18 to forgive someone “seventy times seven” times and he makes the sobering statement that if we do not forgive others, our Father in Heaven will not forgive us (Matthew 6:15).

First and foremost, forgiving others is obedience, however, we also need to forgive others so that we don’t grow bitter. Resentment is a very unhealthy emotion; it hurts us far more than those who have affronted us or anyone else.

The Bible states this in Hebrews 12:15, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it, many become defiled.” As we release unforgiveness and all the bitterness and anger that comes with it, we are freed to live and serve with real peace and joy and to grow in spiritual maturity.

What forgiveness isn’t

A well-known pastor explained that many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don’t understand the difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiving others must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it.

Trust, on the other hand, has to do with future behavior and it will likely take time to build or rebuild. Warren  explains, “If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you.”

Forgiveness isn’t sweeping things under the rug and saying what the other person did or said was okay. Forgiveness is also not necessarily forgetting what happened. Depending on the situation, it may require a time of healing.

But if you hold on to the transgression like a trump card and play it every chance you get, you can be sure that unforgiveness is still present. This goes against Jesus’ command to forgive “seventy times seven” times.  After all, remember that God has forgiven you more times than you will ever have the opportunity to forgive someone else.

How to forgive

How then do we achieve this “letting go,” which can feel like an impossible task? Even if we desire it; our emotions can rise up at the least expected time and overwhelm us with anger and pain.

In our own strength, forgiving others in the way we have received God’s forgiveness is impossible, but with God, nothing is impossible, and with His Spirit inside us we can go through a process that leads to true forgiveness.

Here are eight steps to help you truly forgive and have freedom in your life. If you have been significantly hurt by someone’s actions or words, working through these stages with a Christian counselor can be immensely helpful. Having someone to whom you can reveal your internal feelings and who will gently nudge you towards God’s word, can guard against stagnation, and those bitter roots which Hebrews 12 warns about.

8 Steps to True Forgiveness

1. Acknowledge the pain.

Working through pain can only happen once you admit you’ve been hurt. And acknowledging this can intensify the feelings. Tears, feelings of resentment and ruminating thoughts are a good indicator that something’s wrong. Don’t numb yourself or “stuff” the emotion down, as that cuts off the process of forgiving others before it’s even begun.

2. Think through things.

Try writing down what happened in a journal, or share with a trusted friend. Admit that what happened makes you feel sad or angry, and be honest about what emotions are rising up in you, even if it epitomizes unforgiveness and you think you shouldn’t feel that way.

3. Imagine being on the other side.

Think about a time when you have had to ask for forgiveness; how did it make you feel? When have you wronged another person, and did they extend forgiveness to you, or withhold it? The Bible directs us to do to others what we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12) and so it can be helpful to put ourselves in their shoes for a moment.

4. Remember God’s forgiveness.

Reminding ourselves of the debt that God forgave us in Christ when we certainly didn’t deserve it, can help us forgive others. If we have been forgiven so much, how then can we hold onto grievances committed against us? This is another step in the process and doesn’t mean that you must be ready at this point to voice your forgiveness to your offender. This may not ever be possible, as the person may no longer be living. You can still forgive someone without that forgiveness being accepted.

5. Reflect on our Biblical command.

Jesus stressed the importance of forgiving others on many occasions and even included it in the Lord’s prayer, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Pray that this would hit home in your heart and that your decision to obey would force your emotions to catch up.

6. Let go of the hurt.

The devil is an expert at getting a foothold when we have made a choice to forgive but the wound is still sensitive. Don’t allow yourself to replay the offense over and over; let go of the pain and determine that you are going to choose to move forward. This is where prayer is essential as on our own we are tempted to wander back to unforgiveness.

7. Continue to forgive.

Forgiveness is more than just saying a prayer and moving on. It’s a serious decision that you make over and over again. The process will most likely be uncomfortable and painful, but it will always be worth it in the end.

8. Pray for the person who hurt you.

In Matthew 5:44 Jesus commands us “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Ask God to reveal his love to your offender in your heart, and for him to dissolve negative emotions. Is there any more powerful witness of God’s transforming grace than someone who can display true forgiveness to the “unforgivable”?

With promises found in Scriptures like Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength”) and Romans 12:21 (“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”), we know that we can depend on God to give us the grace to live out forgiveness. Make the right choice – start a journey of forgiveness today, praying for the Lord to equip you for this difficult but eternally rewarding task.

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**By Jessica Oberreuter at LA Christian Counselling