Tag: Spiritual Growth

Online Dating: Spotting Predators and Protecting Your Heart – Part 2

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 2 of a 5 part series. In recent times, online dating has become an increasingly popular avenue for meeting potential partners, including for Christian men and women seeking to honor God in their relationships. However, there’s a concerning trend among some men who profess to be Christians, yet their actions contradict the values of Christ. These individuals target virtuous Christian women, misleading them with facades of faith and manipulating them for selfish gain.

The Deception of “Christian” Men

Just because a man claims to be a Christian does not necessarily mean he is one in practice. As believers, we are taught to “test the spirits” (1 John 4:1) and to judge a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:16). When it comes to dating, it’s essential to recognize that some men who profess Christianity may not embody the character and integrity that genuine Christian faith demands. They might use their faith as a tool to gain the trust of unsuspecting women, but their actions may reveal their true intentions.

These characters often try to manipulate and control women by disguising themselves as faithful, virtuous Christians. They may even be skilled at convincing their victims that any objection or concern is overreacting, that it’s “old-fashioned,” or that “everyone is different” now. However, these men are often deeply rooted in sinful behavior, and their actions ultimately seek to exploit the women they pursue.

The Dangerous Pattern of Predatory Behavior

The most troubling aspect of these types of men is how they prey on young, trusting, and virtuous Christian women. Many of these men have a sordid past—filled with sin and indulgence—and after realizing that they may end up alone in middle age, they seek to find a woman who is naive and spiritually anchored in faith, believing she will not leave them, no matter how poorly they mistreat her.

As Christians, we are called to live in accordance with God’s commandments and to love one another with purity and respect. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” which means sacrificially, selflessly, and honorably. This principle contradicts the behavior of these predatory types of men who want to dominate, control, and ultimately abuse women. The idea that a woman will stay married to a man despite his neglect, abuse, or sinful behavior, because of the sacredness of marriage, is a tool these men exploit.

These types often claim to have “converted” to Christianity, or they may return to their faith after years of living recklessly. But in many cases, their motivations for converting or returning to Christianity are not born out of a genuine change of heart or love for Christ but rather out of a desire to find a woman they can manipulate. This situation underscores the need for caution, as it’s clear that not everyone who claims to be Christian truly follows Christ in their actions, and are ‘Christian’ in name only, this includes women.

Red Flags: How to Spot a Predatory Man

The Bible encourages us to be discerning, and when it comes to dating, that discernment is vital. Matthew 7:15-20 warns against false prophets, saying, “By their fruits you will recognize them.” Here are some red flags to look out for when considering a potential partner from a Christian dating site:

1. The “Perfect” Facade: At first, a predator may seem charming, kind, and deeply devout, going out of his way to appear virtuous. For example, he might say, “I’ve been praying for someone like you” or “I feel like God brought us together for a reason.” However, inconsistencies in his actions will reveal his true intentions. While he might talk about his faith and commitment to purity, his behavior might not align with what he says. For example, while he might insist on being a gentleman in public, his messages could become increasingly flirtatious, intrusive or inappropriate when you’re alone. These inconsistencies show that his outward charm and devotion are just a facade, designed to manipulate your emotions.

2. Inconsistent Faith: A man who claims to be Christian but never seems to want to talk about the faith, avoids conversations about God, or downplays the importance of living according to biblical principles should raise alarm bells. If he doesn’t truly value God’s teachings, his interest in you might be more about satisfying his own needs than honoring Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it states, we are not to be unequally yoked, stating the importance of sharing the same values, beliefs, and at least the same level of faith in a relationship, if you are devout Christian you don’t want to be with someone who is lukewarm.

3. Boundary Violations: A predator may test your boundaries early on, asking for inappropriate pictures, making lewd jokes, or reacting poorly when you establish limits. They often use manipulation tactics to break down your defences, by using false piety, acting hurt, questioning your faith, try to shame you or misuse Scripture to pressure you into lowering your defences, to make you feel guilty or obligated—clear red flags to watch for and disengage from immediately.

4. Victim Mentality: If a man constantly portrays himself as misunderstood or mistreated by others, it’s often a way to deflect attention from his own harmful behavior and avoid taking responsibility for his actions. For example, he might say, “Everyone always misunderstands me; they just don’t get how much I’ve been through.” He may even blame others for his problems, making it seem like he’s always the victim. This tactic is commonly used by abusers to manipulate your emotions, making you feel sorry for him and guilty for not being more supportive. By focusing on his supposed victimhood, he shifts the narrative away from his own harmful actions, creating an emotional bond that makes it harder for you to recognize or confront his behavior. This manipulation lowers your guard and makes you more likely to overlook red flags in the relationship.

5. Control and Possession: True love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, is not about control but is patient, kind, and honors the freedom of the other person. In a healthy relationship, both individuals are free to make their own choices and grow in their faith, just as God respects our free will. If someone tries to limit your actions or control who you see, especially people who support your faith and care for your well-being, like family, it’s a red flag that their intentions are based on manipulation and possession. A predator might also try to convince you that they know what’s best for you, suggesting that you’re not smart enough to make your own decisions. They may even misquote Scripture to manipulate you into submitting to them, by saying things like, “The Bible says you should submit to your husband”—even though submission is specifically for marriage, not dating. This tactic is designed to make you feel inferior, drop boundaries and give up your independence, whilst they control the relationship.

6. Devaluation and Gaslighting: A common manipulative tactic used by predators is to devaluate and gaslight you, to make you question your worth and sense of reality. They may make you feel like you’re either “too much” or “not enough” by criticizing your appearance, past, or choices. For instance, they might say, “I can’t believe someone like you is still single,” suggesting there’s something wrong with you, or “You’ve been through a lot, huh? That probably explains why you act the way you do,” implying you’re damaged or flawed. These comments are designed to shake your confidence and make you feel insecure. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, making you more reliant on their approval. By planting seeds of doubt, they work to break down your boundaries and make you question your own worth, making it easier for them to control you.

7. Future-Faking: These individuals often string women along by promising an ideal future together, but their promises rarely materialise. This is a common trait of predators who manipulate women into staying in the relationship that serve their selfish interests, by painting an ideal, faith-based future that aligns with the woman’s values and hopes, making her believe that the relationship is part of God’s plan, hoping that you will overlook the bright red flags and your gut instinct with the smooth talk.

8. A Toxic Past: A predator may openly admit to having a troubled or sordid past but, at the same time, demand that the woman be perfect—expecting her to be “virginal” or without any past mistakes or experiences. This double standard is not only unfair, but it also reveals a deep hypocrisy. It shows that he is unwilling to offer the same grace and forgiveness to others that Christ offers to all of us. We are called to show compassion and understanding to others, acknowledging that we all have a past and have made mistakes. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, grace, and forgiveness, not on unrealistic expectations or judgment of one another’s history. If someone is unable to offer this grace, it’s a clear sign of manipulation and an inability to truly love in the way Christ teaches us.

Protecting Yourself: Trusting God and Your Instincts

While dating online can lead to genuine relationships, it’s essential to remain cautious and discerning. God has given us wisdom and the Holy Spirit to guide us, and one of the most important tools for protecting ourselves is our intuition. If something feels off or doesn’t sit right, trust it. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding—this applies to relationships as well.

Remember, you are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If a man displays significant red flags, it’s crucial to walk away. Your value is not determined by whether or not you are in a relationship. You are a daughter of the King, worthy of love, respect, and honor.

Lastly, as Christian women, we must avoid believing that we have to “fix” someone or change their character to fit our standards. Only God can change hearts. Your job is to discern wisely and protect your heart, keeping it pure for the right man who will love you as Christ loves the Church.

Biblical Principles of Dating and Marriage

Christian relationships should reflect the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A key part of evaluating a potential partner is looking at how they display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Some biblical principles that could guide you are:

• Ephesians 5:25-28: Men are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. This should be a benchmark for women to evaluate whether a man truly embodies Christ-like love.

• 2 Corinthians 6:14: Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It is vital that both partners share the same faith and commitment to Christ for a healthy relationship.

Importance of Community and Accountability

Christian dating should never happen in isolation. It’s essential to seek mentorship and accountability from trusted Christian leaders, elders, or friends who know both individuals well. Consider:

• Involving your church community: Let others in your church know about your relationship so they can offer wisdom and discernment.

• Consulting a pastor or mature Christian: A wise Christian mentor can help spot red flags you might miss.

Encouragement of Healthy Boundaries

Set practical boundaries in your relationship to safeguard your emotional, physical, and spiritual health:

• Physical Boundaries: Maintain purity by setting clear limits around physical contact.

• Emotional Boundaries: Respect each other’s emotional well-being, and allow space for personal growth and outside friendships.

• Time and Energy Boundaries: Avoid relationships that drain you or demand excessive control.

The Role of Patience and Discernment in Relationships

Patience is essential in Christian relationships. Psalm 27:14 encourages waiting on God’s timing. Trust in God’s plan and do not rush into relationships based on emotions alone.

Encouragement to Walk in Confidence and Worth

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Embrace your identity in Christ and remember that your value is not tied to your relationship status (Ephesians 2:10). Walk confidently in the truth that God has a purpose for you, regardless of your current relational situation.

Clearer Conclusion with Practical Steps

If you are considering an online relationship or already in one, take these practical steps:

• Pray for discernment.

• Set boundaries early.

• Seek counsel from trusted individuals in your church.

• Maintain purity, both emotionally and physically.

• Walk away if you spot red flags—don’t feel obligated to continue a relationship that doesn’t honor God.

In conclusion, while there are many genuine Christian men on dating websites, the rise of predators masquerading as Christians is a growing concern. Stay vigilant, trust in the Lord’s guidance, and above all, never forget that your value comes from God alone. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, as Christ would treat His Church.

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*** Photo by Cottonbro Studios

Do You Cause Another To Stumble?

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“If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” ~ Matthew 18:6, NASB

The Responsibility of Encouraging Others in Faith

The Bible warns believers about the critical responsibility of not causing others to stumble in their faith. As followers of Christ, we are called to support and strengthen each other on our spiritual journeys. However, our actions and beliefs can sometimes unintentionally hinder others. God’s Word addresses this responsibility in examining how our conduct can either build others up or lead them astray.

Leading Others Astray

Idolatry—whether it involves prioritizing worldly desires, personal achievements, or even religious practices over genuine faith—can mislead those who are weaker in faith. The Apostle Paul cautions us about actions that might affect less spiritually mature individuals: “But take care that this liberty of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if someone sees you, who have knowledge, dining in an idol’s temple, will not his conscience, if he is weak, be strengthened to eat things sacrificed to idols? For through your knowledge the one who is weak is ruined, the brother or sister for whose sake Christ died” (1 Corinthians 8:9-11, NASB). Paul’s words remind us that even permissible actions can lead others into confusion or compromise, compelling us to reflect on whether our behaviors could inadvertently cause someone to stumble.

Honoring God’s Commandments

In Matthew 5:19, Jesus warns against disregarding God’s commandments: “Whoever then annuls one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever keeps and teaches them, he shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:19, NASB). Disregarding even the smallest commandment can weaken the faith of others. Conversely, by honoring God’s Word, we inspire others to do the same, thereby strengthening the community’s faith. Moreover, we must be cautious about adopting the ways of the world and the traditions of men that may conflict with Scripture. Following societal norms or customs that contradict God’s Word can create confusion and lead others away from the truth.

The Importance of Integrity in Conduct

One area where we must be particularly vigilant is in our honesty and integrity. Lying or stealing, no matter how small, is still stealing. This includes taking office supplies, time, or anything from work simply because “everyone else is doing it.” Justifying theft based on others’ actions does not make it right. Our faith calls us to uphold honesty in all areas of our lives, setting an example for those around us. By living with integrity, we not only honor God but also encourage others to do the same. This integrity extends beyond work to encompass all aspects of life, including our interactions in society and our commitment to ethical living.

Revealing Truth to the Humble

In Luke 10:21, Jesus speaks about God’s revelation to those with humble hearts: “At that very time He rejoiced greatly in the Holy Spirit, and said, ‘I praise You, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants. Yes, Father, for this way was well-pleasing in Your sight’” (Luke 10:21, NASB). Jesus highlights that God’s truths are often hidden from those who rely on their own wisdom and instead revealed to those who approach with humility, like “infants.” This reinforces that spiritual understanding isn’t about intellectual superiority but rather a sincere, open heart. When we humble ourselves and live according to God’s Word, we set an example that can attract others to the faith instead of pushing them away.

Humility in Spiritual Leadership

Jesus warns against self-exaltation in spiritual roles, encouraging humility rather than titles: “Do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher… Do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven… Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted” (Matthew 23:8-12, NASB). Jesus’ instruction here warns us not only against the spiritual titles themselves but also against the implications that often come with them. Titles such as “Rabbi” or “Father” can create a perception of spiritual superiority, subtly implying that these leaders hold an authority or seniority in faith above even Christ Himself. Such titles risk positioning human leaders as intermediaries between believers and God, a role meant for Jesus alone. True greatness, as Jesus teaches, lies in humility and servanthood rather than in positions or titles that might elevate one believer over others. Embracing humility ensures that others are drawn to God rather than to individuals.

Living as a Guide, Not a Stumbling Block

Each believer has a role in encouraging others on their spiritual journey. Whether through our words, actions, or attitudes, we have the power to guide others toward God or potentially lead them away. This is a serious responsibility and one that requires careful reflection. Are there areas in our lives where we might be causing others to stumble, even unintentionally? In the end, living a life that honors God’s teachings, seeks humility, and serves others strengthens our own faith and provides a positive example for others. Jesus taught that greatness in God’s Kingdom is found not in titles or self-exaltation but in humility, obedience, and servanthood. Let us strive to live in a way that lifts others up, helping them grow in faith, rather than becoming a stumbling block in their journey toward God.

The Call to Action

We must also be vigilant about the sins that may not be overtly addressed in Scripture but can lead ourselves and others astray. Consider the following examples of behaviors that could lead to spiritual compromise:

• Encouraging Unethical Behavior: Engaging in unethical acts or covering up wrongdoing sends a message that ethical boundaries can be compromised. Things like bribing or covering up wrongdoing harms individuals and contributes to a culture of lawlessness. Such actions send a message that ethical boundaries can be compromised for convenience or personal gain.

• Coercing Others to Compromise: Pressuring individuals to act against their conscience. A common example is a boss demanding inappropriate behavior from a subordinate, showing how authority can be abused to lead others into compromise. Even subtle pressure to agree with ungodly standards or engage in dishonest practices undermines integrity and can cause spiritual harm.

• Immodest Behavior and Negative Role Modeling: Dressing indecently, promoting sexual promiscuity, or using God’s name in vain and profanity can have negative effects on others. In a society that often celebrates immodesty, these behaviors can lead others into inappropriate thoughts or actions. Social media frequently glamorizes such behavior, misleading many to believe it’s desirable or acceptable, distracting them from God’s call to purity. When individuals, especially those who profess faith, live in a way that contradicts biblical teachings, it creates confusion and weakens their witness. Additionally, religious idolatry—placing traditions of men or false doctrines above God’s Word—can steer others away from the true Gospel.

• Misleading Others in Faith: Preaching doctrines that contradict the Gospel leads many away from true teachings. The rise of the “prosperity gospel” and similar messages that twist scripture to justify lavish lifestyles distorts followers’ understanding of faith, emphasizing material gain over spiritual growth. When the traditions of men or false doctrines are given precedence over God’s Word, it further misleads people, as they begin to value human interpretations over God’s truth as revealed in the Bible.

• Neglecting Responsibilities: Being irresponsible in relationships—whether by failing to provide for family, abandoning children, or neglecting elderly parents—harms those directly affected and can influence others to act similarly. In a society that often prioritizes individual freedom over commitment, such neglect can have far-reaching effects on families and communities.

• Disrespecting the Body as a Temple: Behaviors like excessive drinking, smoking, overeating, or other actions that harm the body show disregard for the teaching that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. By damaging one’s physical health, these actions not only harm the individual but also suggest to others that caring for the body isn’t necessary. Living in a way that honors God includes taking care of one’s body as an act of respect and worship, modeling that our lives should glorify God in all aspects.

As followers of Christ, we must heed the warning found in Matthew 18:6: “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18:6, NASB). Such a fate underscores the serious consequences of leading others astray. While temptation is rampant, each individual is called to strive against these influences and uphold God’s commandments. As we grow in faith and knowledge, let us encourage one another to seek humility, holiness, and integrity. Overcoming sin and living a life that reflects God’s love and truth is only possible through His grace and intervention. As Jesus reminds us, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26).

Prayer

Heavenly Father, we come before You in humility and sincere repentance. We acknowledge that our actions and words may have caused others to stumble or even turn away from You. We confess that, at times, our behavior has not reflected the holiness and love You call us to live by. Forgive us, Lord, for every instance where we have failed to be a true example of Christ to others.

Lord, we recognize that our unchristlike actions might have led others astray. For each person we may have harmed in their journey, we ask that You bring healing and restoration. Draw them back to Your heart, Father, and redeem every situation where we may have been a stumbling block. By Your mercy, erase the damage caused by our shortcomings and rekindle their faith, drawing them closer to You.

Cleanse us from our sins, and give us a new heart that seeks only to honor You in all we say and do. Holy Spirit, we invite You to dwell within us, guiding us and empowering us to live righteously as Your ambassadors here on earth. Grant us the strength to overcome our weaknesses, and help us to walk in holiness and humility, as You are holy.

Lord, we thank You for Your unfailing grace and forgiveness. We trust that, as we confess our sins and turn from them, You are faithful to forgive and restore us. Shape us into vessels of love, compassion, and truth, that we may uplift those around us and bring honor to Your name.

In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen!

Let us be blessed as we live as examples of Christ’s love, lifting each other up on our journey toward faith.

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** Based on article by Musawenkosi Dube at Holiness Advocate

Why Jealousy and Envy are Soul Destroyers

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One of the Ten Commandments is “You shall not covet.” Proverbs 27:4 reminds us of the destructive power of envy: “Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?” Envy and jealousy are not fleeting emotions—they can erode relationships, cloud judgment, and separate us from God’s peace.

A person’s attitude in life is all-important. Much of the work of counseling involves helping people accept their reality and reshape their attitudes. Many people harbor poor attitudes about themselves, others, and even God. Unfortunately, it is human nature to compare ourselves to others. Jealousy and envy are often the toxic results of this comparison, combining anger, insecurity, fear, and greed.

Jealousy, like its cousin envy, is a silent and destructive force. It can hide for years, silently scheming, until it strikes through slander, gossip, or even violence. Jealousy involves desiring what others have, while envy resents others for their blessings. Both attitudes are the opposite of love and aim to see others fail. They stem from an inability to recognize God’s provision in our lives and a lack of gratitude. James 3:16 warns us that “where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.”

Comparison, low self-esteem, and a desire for status or attention fuel jealousy and envy. Social media and a lack of meaningful relationships can amplify these feelings, as can a lack of intimacy with God. Life is not about possessions or status. Coveting what others have is idolatry, as it places material things or success above God. God promises to provide for our needs, and He calls us to store up treasures in heaven by living generously and faithfully.

To overcome jealousy and envy, we must first acknowledge their presence in our hearts. We need to humble ourselves before God, asking Him to reveal the motives and feelings behind these emotions. Once we’ve confessed these sins to Christ, we can begin the process of transformation.

  1. Cultivate Gratitude.
    Gratitude is a powerful antidote to envy. Reflect on the blessings in your life and thank God daily, even for the small things. The Psalms are a wonderful resource for turning thankfulness into prayer. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what God has already provided.
  2. Avoid Comparison Traps.
    Social media often paints a false picture of people’s lives, fueling unhealthy comparisons. Instead, focus on activities that nourish your soul and draw you closer to God. Remember that God does not judge us by outward appearances, wealth, or accomplishments—He looks at the heart.
  3. Focus on Jesus.
    When we fix our eyes on Jesus, our perspective changes. Jesus modeled humility and selflessness, and He reminds us that eternal treasures matter more than worldly possessions or status. Living to please God brings peace and joy, knowing that we are saved by grace, not by our achievements.
  4. Understand the Root Causes.
    Analyze the triggers for jealousy and envy in your life. Why do certain people or situations provoke these feelings? Talking with trusted friends, counselors, or pastors can help uncover underlying issues and past wounds. Healing often begins when we confront these root causes and surrender them to God.
  5. Pray for Others and Yourself.
    Praying for the people you envy transforms your heart. Genuine prayer moves us from resentment to love and helps us see others through God’s eyes. It also deepens our relationship with God, who has given us unique talents and opportunities to serve others. True growth happens when we embrace these gifts and use them to glorify God.

Contentment is key to overcoming envy and jealousy. When we trust God as our provider, we stop striving for things that don’t truly satisfy. Hebrews 13:5 reminds us to “keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.’”

By cultivating gratitude, avoiding comparison, focusing on Jesus, addressing the root causes of envy, and growing through prayer, we align ourselves with God’s truth. These steps free us from the bondage of jealousy and lead to a life of peace, joy, and love.

Life is not about possessions, status, or recognition. It is about walking faithfully with God, trusting His plan, and rejoicing in His provision. As you surrender your struggles to God, remember His promise in Philippians 1:6: “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Seek Him first, and He will replace jealousy with peace, envy with love, and fear with contentment.

Prayer to Overcome Jealousy and Embrace Contentment

Heavenly Father,
We come before You with humble hearts, acknowledging that jealousy and envy can creep into our lives and cloud our vision of Your goodness. Lord, search our hearts and reveal any sinful attitudes that hinder our walk with You. Help us to surrender these feelings to You, trusting in Your abundant grace and provision.

Teach us to be content with what You have given us and to trust that Your plans for our lives are good. Fill us with gratitude for Your blessings, both great and small, and remind us daily of Your steadfast love and faithfulness.

Lord, protect us from the traps of comparison and the lies of the enemy that tell us we are not enough. Instead, let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. Help us to find joy in serving You and others with the unique gifts You have entrusted to us.

Give us the strength to love those around us genuinely, even when envy tries to take root. Teach us to celebrate the successes of others and to pray for their well-being with sincere hearts. May our lives reflect Your love, which does not envy but rejoices in the truth.

Father, remind us that true joy and peace are found in Your presence, not in earthly possessions or status. Guide us to store up treasures in Heaven and to seek first Your Kingdom and righteousness.

We thank You for Your promise that You will never leave us nor forsake us. Fill us with Your Spirit, transforming our hearts and minds to be more like Christ. May we walk in freedom, contentment, and the joy that comes from knowing You.

In Jesus’ name, we pray,
Amen.

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** By Fritz Chery at Bible reasons + Michael Linn a licensed professional counsellor, Resolute Counseling.com + Quote by Dr. Bill Edgar former president of Geneva Edu and pastor of the Reformed Presbyterian Church / Photo by Brett Jordan at Pexels

10 Ways We Grieve The Holy Spirit

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In Ephesians 4:30-32, we are shown three things that grieve the Holy Spirit.

The word grieve in this text means to throw somebody into sorrow and to affect somebody with sadness. That tells us that the Holy Spirit is not a ghost, force, power, wind, oil, or a dove without a personality. He is a Person who lives within us, and we, as Christians, have the ability to have a relationship with Him. We also have the ability to cause Him deep heartbreak.

10 Things To Watch Out For

1. Toxic Emotions

We grieve the Holy Spirit when we hold on to toxic emotions. Bitterness, wrath, and clamor all describe toxic emotions. The closer we get to the Lord, the more we’ll become aware of these emotions and let them go. 

2. Grudges

The reason many of us love to hold onto a grudge is that it takes time and energy to build, and we are unsure of who we are without it. People believe that harboring resentment stops them from getting hurt again. These things all make sense to our hurting minds, but the Bible warns against such choices. You cannot host the Holy Ghost and harbour a grudge.

You can have the Holy Spirit and harbor a grudge, but you cannot host Him. When you host somebody in your home, they get your attention and respect. 

We cannot host the Holy Ghost properly if we harbor things in our hearts.

3. Offense

Offense is like an automatic weapon – once you pull the trigger, it keeps firing. It is always tied to pride and control. Your offense might give you an excellent, logical reason why you should feel or act that way, but as you yield to it, the sweet grace of the Holy Spirit is withdrawing.

Jesus said we will be offended in this world (Luke 17:1). We will get offended and hurt. But what hurts the Holy Spirit’s feelings is when we hold onto our hurt feelings and develop theories, gossip, switch churches, and become people who hold on to toxic emotions. When we allow these toxic emotions in our hearts, they become deep-seated bitterness.

4. Bitterness

Bitterness is different from offense:

• Betrayal is what people do to you; bitterness is what you do to yourself. 

• Bitterness is internal, and betrayal is external. 

• Anybody can be betrayed, but bitterness is optional. 

When you are not a believer in Christ, it is so easy to fall into that choice. A Spirit-filled believer needs to understand that it breaks the Holy Spirit’s heart when we hold on to bitterness.

5. Unforgiveness

When you release forgiveness to someone who wronged you, you are not setting them free; you are setting your future free. When you stay in that state of bitterness and unforgiveness, the person hurt is actually you. Holding unforgiveness is like drinking rat poison and hoping a rat dies from it.

We all encounter these feelings but when we permit them to stay and grow, they push away intimacy with the Holy Spirit. You may still read the Bible and go to church but if you are holding onto the past, the Holy Spirit cannot be released to flow freely in your life. I encourage you today to let go and let God. The Holy Spirit wants to inhabit you so powerfully, but He cannot inhabit a vessel that is filled with toxic emotions. You need to keep your heart pure for the Holy Spirit.

6. Evil Speaking

The Holy Spirit is grieved when our speech is morally rotten (Ephesians 4:29). What is the first thing the Holy Spirit does when He fills us – we speak in other tongues. If your tongue is not cleansed, the Holy Spirit is grieved. When Isaiah came into the presence of God, the first thing he noticed was that his tongue was unclean.

7. Cursing

The Bible says when Peter denied Jesus, he cursed and swore. That was the state of somebody who denied Jesus. Anybody who allows cursing to come out of their mouths already has something broken in their relationship with God. No Christian should be guilty of such unbecoming talk. Abort those thoughts quickly in your head and don’t give birth to them by speaking them out of your mouth.

8. Lying And Exaggerating

Lying is deceit. Deceit often requires sufficient truth to make something seem realistic, valid, or appear true, while in reality, it is not. Partial truth is not truth but a little lie. Exaggeration is not a mistake; it is a lie. When you exaggerate or present a half-truth, you align yourself with the father of lies. Remember, the Holy Spirit’s name is the Spirit of Truth. He honors and loves the truth.

9. Harsh Speech

Christians should speak with a sense of the grace of God in our words (Colossians 4:6). “The way it is” often hurts – we should give more grace than that. Even if we are correcting or reproving somebody, we cannot do it raw; it must be correctly seasoned with grace. The person might have messed up but they are not a mess. That is grace.

10. Rudeness To People

We grieve the Holy Spirit when we are rude to people (Ephesians 4:32).

The Scriptures say Jesus did not break a bruised reed. That is talking about people, not plants. You encounter people who are ‘bruised’ as the Scripture describes them. They vent on you. They act out of their brokenness and can be harsh to you unfairly. Instead of replying harshly and breaking them down, you can come with understanding that they are hurting. For the Holy Spirit to remain upon us, there has to be a pursuit of kindness, humility, goodness and forgiveness.

The Holy Spirit is deeply affected by how we treat people. He loves people so much. When He sees injustice or that somebody becomes harsh and loses tenderness in their heart, He is grieved.

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*** By Vladimir Savchuk © Copyright – Vladimir Savchuk. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at HungryGen / Photo Pixabay

7 Ways Pride Grows in Our Hearts

Published on by Editor

In his excellent book, Humility, Andrew Murray states that “pride is the beginning of every sin.” The puritan Thomas Watson said of pride, “It is a spiritual drunkenness; it flies up like wine into the brain and intoxicates it. It is idolatry; a proud man is a self-worshiper.” The Bible states, “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18). Pray that God will place the mi

Pride is universal—something we all deal with, ancient as Adam and relevant as the morning news. Yet we don’t always see it, for it grows like weeds around our lives.

Oh, we see it in the obvious ways, but we can be blind to its deceptive, subversive presence in our hearts. We know the disease, but we don’t recognize the symptoms. And that’s why we need the insight of our Great Physician to reveal its symptoms and release us from its grip.

Here are seven symptoms of pride I’ve been seeing in God’s Word as the Spirit works in my own life.

1. Fear

Pride is at the root of fear and anxiety when we refuse to humbly rest in God’s sovereign care. Fear simultaneously reveals our lack of trust and our poisonous self-reliance. We fear because we don’t have faith in the Lord, are enormously preoccupied with ourselves, and lack self-control.

When Peter stepped out on the stormy sea to come to Jesus, he was walking in humble faith. But when his gaze shifted to his circumstances and to self-preservation, he trusted in himself, became afraid, and began to sink. Jesus saved him while admonishing him: “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” (Matt. 14:31).

2. Entitlement

Self-sacrifice stems from a humble heart. Entitlement is rooted in a prideful heart.

The core of the gospel is that we are not entitled to anything except just punishment for our sins (Rom. 3:23; 6:23). Yet we deceive ourselves into thinking we’re better than we are, and deserve better than we have. We think we deserve God’s mercy. We think we deserve people’s praise. We think we deserve love, success, comfort, accolades. We certainly don’t think we deserve suffering, heartbreak, or discipline.

But when we experience these things, we grow bitter, frustrated, and disturbed because we believe we’re entitled to more. We forget that apart from Jesus we are rebels who deserve only condemnation.

The disciples regularly wrestled with entitlement. On one occasion, they were arguing about who was the greatest. Jesus’s response was a rebuke: “Let the greatest among you become as the youngest, and the leader as one who serves” (Luke 22:26).

3. Ingratitude

Our proud hearts say that we’re good, that we should get what we want, and if we don’t, that we’re justified in our ingratitude. If we’re somehow uncomfortable or inconvenienced, we can complain. It’s our right. Humility, meanwhile, recognizes that God is good and gives us what we need, so we have no reason to be ungrateful. We lack nothing (Deut. 2:7; Ps. 34:9).

The Israelites grumbled in the wilderness, though God fed, clothed, and led them through it (Ex. 16:2; Deut. 8:2). Their stubborn hearts rejected God’s daily mercies out of self-idolization. But God’s Word rebukes our whining: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent” (Phil. 2:14–15).

4. People-Pleasing

Pride is self-worship and self-preservation at all costs—and people-pleasing is the direct result. Some think people-pleasing is a positive trait because they’re so clearly concerned with serving others. But that’s nothing more than a sneaky sheepskin we put over a wolfish habit. People-pleasing is all about self-satisfaction—fearing man more than God—and seeking the fleeting happiness that comes from man’s approval.

The apostle Paul knew human approval was a pointless and prideful pursuit. Thus he could say, “Am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ” (Gal. 1:10).

5. Prayerlessness

Pride deceives us into thinking we can “do life” on our own—we’re capable, independent, unstoppable, self-reliant. We think that we don’t need God every hour, that we don’t need his help, grace, mercy, courage, and hope. So, surely, we don’t need to pray.

But a humble heart submits itself to God in prayer because it knows it can do nothing without him.

When God called Jonah to go to Nineveh, Jonah’s response was not to go to God in prayer. Instead, he fled, his heart furiously and arrogantly silent (Jonah 1:3). Only when God humbled him in the fish’s belly did Jonah finally cry out in prayer (2:1).

6. Hypocrisy

When you’re proud, you elevate your status, forgetting the mercy God has shown you. You think you’re better than everyone else, so you easily find fault with others. Pride produces a hypocritical spirit.

The Pharisees’ hypocritical pride blinded them both to their sin and to God’s mercy—which made them cold-hearted and cruel toward others. Jesus had harsh words for them:

Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. (Matt. 23:27)

7. Rebellion

Rebellion against God manifests itself in resistance to God’s Word and God-ordained spiritual leaders. It’s the reflex of a prideful heart. It also shows itself in a lack of submission—wives to husbands, children to parents, employees to bosses, citizens to government. Rebellion says, I know better than you, God, when I don’t.

Even though Adam and Eve had all they needed for life and joy, they pridefully rebelled against God’s good decree, thinking they knew better than him. And this ancient rebellion brought untold pain, suffering, and death—for them and us.

Humbled for Us

Yet there is hope for the proud heart in the incarnation of humility, Jesus Christ. Immanuel—God with us—condescended to live among us, die for us, and raise us to new life. He never had a shred of sinful pride—no fear, no entitlement, no ingratitude, no people-pleasing, no prayerlessness, no hypocrisy, no rebellion (Phil. 2:4–6).

The God-man emptied himself of all he deserved to save us from all we deserve. He who was entitled to the highest honor forfeited it for our eternal good.

Because of his humility, we can be forgiven of our pride. That’s both the sting and the joy of the gospel. It deals with our pride by destroying it, reminding us that life is not about us, and that we deserve only the wrath of God. Jesus also deals with our pride by taking the just punishment for it on himself, that we might be renewed in the image of our Creator (Col. 3:10) and made humble like our Savior.

Being humbled is not smooth or painless, but it’s the daily rescue we need. Hallelujah to the Redeemer we have.

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*** By Jaquelle Crowe at The Gospel Coalition + Missionary Rob Jackson / Photo at Pexels