Father, I know that all my life is portioned out for me, And the changes that are sure to come I do not fear to see; But I ask Thee for a present mind intent on pleasing Thee.
I ask Thee for a thoughtful love, through constant watching wise, To meet the glad with joyful smiles, and to wipe the weeping eyes; And a heart at leisure from itself, to soothe and sympathize.
I would not have the restless will that hurries to and fro, Seeking for some great thing to do or secret thing to know; I would be treated as a child, and guided where I go.
Wherever in the world I am, in whatso’er estate, I have a fellowship with hearts to keep and cultivate; And a work of lowly love to do for the Lord on whom I wait.
So I ask Thee for the daily strength, to none that ask denied, And a mind to blend with outward life while keeping at Thy side; Content to fill a little space, if Thou be glorified.
And if some things I do not ask in my cup of blessing be, I would have my spirit filled the more with grateful love to Thee, More careful, not to serve Thee much, but to please Thee perfectly.
There are briers besetting every path that call for patient care; There is a cross in every lot, and an earnest need for prayer; But a lowly heart that leans on Thee is happy anywhere.
In a service which Thy will appoints there are no bonds for me; For my inmost heart is taught “the truth” that makes Thy children “free” And a life of self-renouncing love is a life of liberty.
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**By Anna Letitia Waring – 1850 / Photo by Lori McPherson
In pastor and author Voddie Baucham’s book, “What He Must Be,” he states that the man must lead in the Word. To do so, he himself must be deeply rooted in the Word before he can lead his wife in this area. I have outlined this book for single women to use as a reference guide for choosing a Godly mate and for men to strive for as God’s standard for them to follow.
The information detailed in this outline is not written by me, but was extracted from the book “What He Must Be,” written by Voddie Baucham Jr. There are also additional notes I have added from his video series “Love and Marriage” on Youtube, the links are below.
I am adding this to my blog to help raise my sisters’ standards in the men they consider as future husbands. And to set the standard for brothers to live by and strive for as they prepare to be husbands to my sisters in Christ!
Ephesians 5:25-31 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for herto make her holy,cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Biblical Love
An act of the will, accompanied by emotion, that leads to action on behalf of its object; not led by emotion, nor is it void of emotion, that demonstrates itself by actions on behalf of its object
Marriage is a Ministry
1 – It was God’s first command, “Be fruitful and multiply…”
2 – A Training Ground for Church Leaders
3 – An Illustration for a Lost World
4 – The Preferred State
a) Be Prepared
b) Two States, One Standard
c) Jesus-Our Ultimate Guide
“Marriage is the God–appointed and legitimate union of man and woman in the hope of having children or at least for the purpose of avoiding fornication and sin and living to the glory of God. The ultimate purpose is to obey God, to find aid and counsel against sin; to call upon God; to seek, love, and educate children for the glory of God; to live with one’s wife in the fear of God and to bear the cross.” — Martin Luther
1 – He Must Be a Follower of Christ
a) A True Believer is Regenerate
a. He must be born again
b. There is an infallible connection between regeneration and salvation
b) A True Believer is Repentant
a. Repentance is at the core of the gospel message. A man cannot claim regeneration if he shows no evidence of repentance.
b. True repentance is the result of an accurate understanding of the significance and gravity of sin, coupled with an overwhelming desire for the remission of that sin through the person and work of Christ.
c) A True Believer is Reformed
a. Consistent, perpetual, undeniable, evidence proceeding from his mouth and life on a daily basis.
b. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister. (1 John 3:9-10)
2 – He Must Be Prepared to Lead
a) He must lead like Christ
a. Lead in Love
A man who loves like Christ will protect his heart
A man who loves like Christ will protect her heart
b. Lead in the Word
Leading in the word requires personal time in the word
Leading in the word requires a grasp of the word
Leading in the word requires a Plan for Growth
Leading in the word requires patient instruction
VIDEO: If he is not a man who can mentor you in the scriptures, he not worthy of being your husband.
Can he disciple and mentor you in the Word of God?
He has to be equipped to mentor and disciple your children in The Word.
He MUST be this before you even think about him!!
c. Lead in Righteousness
He must be marked with an upright life
He must nurture holiness in his bride
He must influence his family in righteousness
Video: A man who ensures your purity.
What he’s saying if he wants to get physical: “I want to use you and I want to dishonor you.”
He must be a man who desires for me to be Pure.
A guy who wants you to move in with him is saying, “I want all the benefits with none of the responsibilities.”
“Sex is like Fire. You put fire in a fireplace and it warms the whole room. You let fire out of the fireplace, it will consume and destroy everything in its path. It must be in the proper context…and biblically, the only proper context is Marriage.” — Voddie Baucham Jr.
d. Lead in Selflessness
He will show restraint and patience throughout the courtship process
He must show Christlike selflessness
He must demonstrate his willingness and desire to put her needs above his own
VIDEO: He must be a man who understands what it means to put others before himself. If he’s more interested in what he can take from you than what he can give to you, then he’s not the kind of man who leads in selflessness. If he doesn’t treat you like a delicate flower, keep stepping. Cause what you’re looking for biblically is a man who nourishes you as he would his own flesh.
e. Lead in Intimacy
External Intimacy
Internal Intimacy
VIDEO: Intimacy happens when I let someone into a part my life that is not readily available to everyone.
Creates a hedge of protection around the marriage relationship that says this relationship is prioritized above all others.
3 – He Must Be Committed to Children
a) Committed to having children
b) Committed to investing in children
c) Committed to supporting children
4 – He Must Practice the 4 P’s
He must be a Protector
He must possess personal strength, wisdom, and courage
He must be a Provider (Dependence on others is a perversion of biblical manhood)
He must have a job
He must have a work ethic
He must have a plan
He must be a Prophet/Priest
A man must Pray for his family
A man must Preach to his family
A Priest is an intercessor who represents his people before God
A Prophet is one who instructs his people in God’s truth
God has given husbands the responsibility of washing their wives in the water of the Word; Diligently teaching the Law to their children; and bringing them up in the discipline and instruction in the Lord
Love and Marriage Video Series, Voddie Baucham
Love and Marriage, Part 1 (sermon starts at 32min:50sec)
***By Nina Andres author of the book, “God Ordained Relationship”
***More sermons to do with Christian relationships can be found HERE! Covering all stages of a Christian relationship for men and women: single, courting / dating, marriage, home, bringing up children and all the bits in-between.
Most people know the difference between lust and love so what are they? What does the Bible define as love and as lust?
A Definition of Lust
Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body and it can take nearly any form such as the lust for knowledge, the lust for sex or the lust for power. It is an overwhelming self-absorbed desire or craving for an object, person, or experience that might be good but in most cases, is not. For example, a man or a woman can lust after their spouse and since they are legally married, there is no sin in this, however lusting after someone else’s spouse or someone who’s not married is sin, so clearly, lust and love aren’t the same at all and in many ways, they are actually opposites of one another, for example we can lust after riches, for drugs, for alcohol, and for any number of things that are detrimental to our wellbeing.
A Definition of Love
The way the world defines love and the way that God defines love are not even close to the same thing. As far as the world sees, love is a strong and warm affection that someone has for another or others or for something. It could be like that of a parent for a child or a spouse for their mate or it could be a love for reading, eating, drugs, alcohol, or even shopping. Some of these are good and well, but others can lead to ruin. Love can certainly be a strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising from a kinship or close friendship, which I have for my own spouse and children and grandchildren and even for my friends but from the biblical standpoint, love and lust are no co-equals since one can be good, while the other can lead to harm.
A Biblical Definition of Lust
I like what C.S. Lewis wrote many years ago. He wrote “If you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart.” This is a very good, biblical definition of lust in the heart. If you covet something or someone, that is lusting in the heart. Exodus 20:17 lists the tenth commandment as “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” so lust is not just about looking at someone of the opposite sex, or for some, looking at someone with lust of the same sex, it is coveting what you don’t have. It is a passionate desire to have what someone else has.
What Lust Can Lead To
David let his lust carry him away as “One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful” (2nd Sam 11:2) and so he lusted after her in his heart. This led to adultery and later, to the murder of Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah. This is why James wrote that “after desire (or lust) has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (1:15). The proverbs say “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes” (6:25). Jesus said that it was “out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander” (Matt 15:19). Solomon understood this connection, writing that as a man “thinks within himself, so he is” (23:7a). You can commit adultery without ever committing the physical act. Jesus said that “that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28) and of course the same thing applies to women.
A Biblical Definition of Love
There are so many places that define love in the Bible that it will be hard to select only a few. Paul writes that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1st Cor 13:4-7). The love of God is not about feelings or words but “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). Love is a verb; it is what you do more than what you say or what you think. We know that Jesus did not feel like taking on all of the sins of humanity, but His great love for us on the cross proved what the love of God is like. He died for us while we were still wicked sinners and His enemies (Rom 5:8, 10).
Conclusion
The differences between love and lust are that we don’t covet what we don’t have. We shouldn’t covet (lust after) our neighbor’s spouse or their goods (Ex 20:17). Love, on the other hand, “does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom 13:10) and this means “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 19:19) but above all “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matt 22:37). The difference for believers is that we are told “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt 5:44). The greatest display of love was not what Jesus felt or what God feels but it was revealed at Calvary. Jesus said “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13) and that’s just what He did. Lust harms, love sacrifices.
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**By Jack Wellman at what Christians wat to know / Photo by Mark Stebnicki at Pexels
Once it was the blessing, Now it is the Lord; Once it was the feeling, Now it is His Word. Once His gifts I wanted, Now the Giver own; Once I sought for healing, Now Himself alone.
Once ’twas painful trying, Now ’tis perfect trust; Once a half salvation, Now the uttermost. Once ’twas ceaseless holding, Now He holds me fast; Once ’twas constant drifting, Now my anchor’s cast.
Once ’twas busy planning, Now ’tis trustful prayer; Once ’twas anxious caring, Now He has the care. Once ’twas what I wanted, Now what Jesus says; Once ’twas constant asking, Now ’tis ceaseless praise.
Once it was my working, His it hence shall be; Once I tried to use Him, Now He uses me. Once the power I wanted, Now the Mighty One; Once for self I laboured, Now for Him alone.
Once I hoped in Jesus, Now I know He’s mine; Once my lamps were dying, Now they brightly shine. Once for death I waited, Now His coming hail; And my hopes are anchored, Safe within the vail.
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