Category: Wisdom

Obedience Is Better Than Sacrifice

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Key Quotes

“If we have a terrible angry heart, God would rather have us focus on being delivered from anger than to set ourselves to read the Bible an hour every day”

“It’s better to pursue humility, than to be a proud evangelist”

“In God’s eyes a pure hearted widow’s penny is worth more, than a proud Pharisee’s bag of money”

“We can joyfully live in the freedom knowing that God is not pressing all these things on us – always telling us “do more, do more, do more, not good enough, not good enough.”  He wants us to spend our energy and our thoughts on obedience in the inward life.”

Full Article

1 Samuel 15:22 “Has the LORD as much delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, And to heed than the fat of rams”

SAUL

1 Samuel 15 explains why the first king of Israel (king Saul) lost his kingdom.  God told him to defeat the Amalekites and “utterly destroy them and all they have” (v3).  He didn’t do that.  Instead, he defeated the Amalekites but spared their king, and spared many nice goods that they had with a plan to sacrifice them to the Lord.  The worst part was, he thought that he was pleasing God by doing this! (v17).  He must have felt so proud with an intention to sacrifice all those nice things to God.  But then Samuel the prophet came along with a surprising rebuke – “obedience is better than sacrifice” (v22).  We go on to read that this is when God decided to take away the kingdom from Saul.

A MISCONCEPTION OF WHAT IT IS TO PLEASE GOD

Like Saul, it’s possible that we can have a wrong concept of what’s pleasing to God and what isn’t.  It’s possible that we are laboring in this Christian life to live for God in a way that isn’t the best and may even be disobedient altogether.  In this Christian “race” we are running, we should be sure we are running toward the right goal.  We should be much more focused on the goal of obeying God (inwardly from the heart), rather than sacrificing many things to Him (externally with many works).

EXAMPLES

Inward obedience is what God wants us to focus on.  If we have a terribly angry heart, God would rather have us focus on being delivered from anger than to set ourselves to read the Bible an hour every day.  How many Christians set themselves to be delivered from anger?  I don’t know the number but I’m pretty sure it’s far less than the number who commit to reading the Bible daily!  There’s no command from God to read the Bible daily, but Ephesians 4:30 tells us to put away all wrath.  That’s an example of God desiring inward obedience over outward sacrifice.

If we have been living this Christian life for any period of time, chances are we’ve attempted to please God in many different ways like this.  And we may have felt for a time that we were pleasing Him by doing many works.  We may have felt very “productive” evangelizing and spreading the gospel, proving unbelievers wrong, tithing, serving five days a week in church, sticking to a prayer list… and many other external things.  And not all these things are bad.  Many of them are good.  But what a pity if for so many years we’ve been most excited about those things and missed the thing that God wants us to focus on most; inward obedience of the heart – where we are progressing in the Christian life and our hearts are becoming more and more to be like Jesus’ heart.  (1 John 3:3). “And everyone who has this hope fixed on Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.”

It’s better to pursue humility, than to be a proud evangelist.  It’s better to seek God for deliverance of a hateful heart toward some brothers and sisters in church than to serve them with a hidden bitterness.  It’s better to give only a little money to the church, but be ‘rejoicing in the Lord always’ than to give a large bag of money every month, but at the same time have constant dissatisfaction with God and the Christian life.

DISTINGUISHING BETWEEN INWARD OBEDIENCE AND OUTER SACRIFICE

I’m not sure why I have so often in the past had a wrong conception of what really pleases God.  The Bible makes it very clear that God is not focused on the external but the internal:

(Romans 14:17) “The kingdom of God is not meat and drink, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Ghost.”

(1 Samuel 16:7) “God does not look on the outward appearance but on the heart.”

(Matthew 23:26) “First clean the inside of the cup and of the dish, so that the outside of it may become clean also.”

(Hosea 6:6) “I desire mercy, not sacrifice”

(1 Samuel 15:22) “To obey is better than sacrifice”

(Psalm 51:16-17) “For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.”

I suppose that for myself it has been very easy to miss it, because in the past I have judged a successful Christian life by what looks ‘productive’ and the concrete results I could see.  But as I am growing in the Lord and getting to know His heart, I am seeing more that what is admirable in His eyes is not what is admirable in the eyes of men (Isaiah 55:8-9).  Men look at ‘results’ (sacrifice), but God looks on the heart (inward obedience).

Going back to the example of king Saul – if we read the chapter carefully we can see that the problems of his inward heart were the cause of his downfall:

(1 Samuel 15:17) Samuel said, “Is it not true, though you were little in your own eyes, you were made the head of the tribes of Israel

(1 Samuel 15:24) Then Saul said to Samuel, “I have sinned; I have indeed transgressed the command of the LORD and your words, because I feared the people and listened to their voice.

Verse 17 makes it clear that king Saul once had humility (he once was little in his own eyes), but then lost it and became proud.  Verse 24 makes it clear that he was a slave to the fear of men.  His inward sins of the heart (pride, and the fear of men) were ultimately caused his downfall.  No outward sacrifice could make up for this.  He would have done much better to judge himself inwardly and work with God on that first, rather than focusing on doing so many things for God.  And we would too.

FREEDOM FROM GUILT

A wonderful benefit I have gained from this truth which has brought much joy to my walk with the Lord is that since God is not as concerned about these outward things, that I don’t have to feel guilty if I am not able to keep them up as I’d like.  I don’t have to condemn myself if I’ve missed my morning time in the Word, or if I forgot to pray for a brother or sister.  What a joy to see that God is so easy on us!  This freedom from guilt and condemnation in these areas helps me to focus with more joy on cleansing myself inwardly.  Unlike Martha, we don’t have to feel like we have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders so that we can be “productive” for the Lord (Luke 10:40-42).  We can joyfully live in the freedom that God is not pressing all these things on us – always telling us “do more, do more, do more, not good enough, not good enough.”  He wants us to spend our energy and our thoughts on obedience in the inward life.

To clarify – it’s not that we should be undisciplined in our devotional time with the Lord, or be unproductive for the Lord.  But in His eyes, if we focus more on cleansing ourselves inwardly then we will actually be much more productive for Him!  How is that possible?  It’s possible because in God’s eyes a pure widow’s penny is worth much more than a proud Pharisee’s bag of money (Luke 21:1-4).  Our small works done for God with the right heart are worth much more to Him than many works done with inward sins – wrong attitudes, pride and such things.

Do your best, but don’t compare yourself to anybody, and don’t see God as looking down on you with disappointment over these things if you fall short.  Jesus came to “set the captives free.” (Luke 4:18)  God meant to set us free from sin, but He also meant to set us free from guilt!  Don’t forget to claim God’s promise of freedom from sin without also claiming freedom from guilt, or you may find the Christian life very burdensome and discouraging.  Jesus said, “Come to me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).  If your walk with God is not restful, then you must be carrying some false weight which God does not want you to carry.

THE CHURCH GOAL

I am thankful that I have been blessed with many brothers and sisters who I believe have this same goal (of cleansing ourselves inwardly), who are in my church.  It helps me to keep focused on this same goal.  And I really didn’t get this goal until I was in fellowship with such people.

I’m not sure if our church family considers ourselves to have a list of ‘church verses’ which define us, but if we did, it would definitely contain Romans 8:29 – “For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son.”

The goal which we are aiming to run toward is cleansing ourselves inwardly so that we will be conformed to the image of Jesus.  We believe that evangelism is good, and helping the poor is good, and serving the church is good, and giving money is good… But we are most excited about inward purity and obedience to God in our hearts.  I believe this is what it means to focus on obedience rather than sacrifice.  I encourage everyone to fellowship with the people who have a passion for this same goal, and not primarily on external things which many churches these days can be occupied with.

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**By Bobby McDonald © Copyright – Bobby McDonald. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at NCCF Church / Photo by Soulwinners at Pexels

Single Mothers Beware: Not Every Man is a Father

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While this warning applies to both single mothers and single fathers, there is a noticeable trend among single mothers that warrants particular attention. Being a single mother is a complex and often challenging journey, but it also requires wisdom and vigilance—especially when navigating new relationships. For many women, after experiencing the loss of a partner, poor relationship choices, or coming from a time before embracing faith, the prospect of a new relationship may seem like a chance for companionship, love, and support. However, it’s crucial for single mothers to recognize that not all men who enter their lives have genuine intentions. Some men may approach with ulterior motives, which can put both the mother and her children at risk.

The “Package Deal” Dynamic

When a single mother enters a relationship, she brings her children into the equation. Some men may view the woman as an individual but fail to acknowledge the responsibility and care her children require. In extreme cases, they may even see the children as obstacles. This mindset can be likened to certain wild predators that eliminate offspring to increase their chances of mating.

Predators Who Target Vulnerable Families

Some men approach single mothers not out of genuine affection but to exploit the situation for their own gain. This includes individuals with pedophilic tendencies who prey on vulnerable families. These predators often manipulate emotionally vulnerable mothers, gaining their trust before revealing their true intentions: access to the children. Their tactics include grooming and isolating the mother from her children to make them more susceptible to abuse.

Manipulation Tactics to Undermine the Family

Predators may mistreat children to create a toxic environment, pushing the mother to choose between the man and her children. They may offer ultimatums, such as suggesting the children leave or the relationship ends, aiming to solidify control over the mother. This manipulative behaviour seeks to break up the family unit, with the ultimate goal of removing the children from the picture.

The Type of Man Who Embraces Another’s Children

A man who truly cares for a woman will also embrace her children as part of the family. Such men understand the responsibility of nurturing, protecting, and supporting the children, viewing them not as obstacles but as part of the family. In contrast, men who struggle with jealousy or resentment towards the children may reveal their lack of respect for the family dynamic over time.

The Danger of Emotional Manipulation

Predators often use emotional manipulation to undermine the mother’s connection to her children, creating a toxic environment that pressures her to choose between the man and her children. This strategy isolates the mother, focusing her attention solely on him and convincing her that life would be easier without her children. Mothers must remain vigilant, trusting their instincts and recognising such manipulation tactics.

The Importance of Boundaries and Discernment

Single mothers must establish strong boundaries to protect their children. Any potential partner who shows disrespect or mistreatment towards the children is a warning sign. A loving partner will demonstrate kindness and patience toward the children, accepting them as part of the family. Pressure to prioritise the relationship over the children’s needs should be taken seriously as a red flag.

Single Motherhood: A Diverse Journey

Single mothers come to their position through various circumstances—loss, poor past choices, or before embracing faith. Regardless of the reason, they must remember that their primary responsibility is to care for their children. A woman’s past should not define her worth or ability to make wise decisions moving forward. The safety, happiness, and well-being of her children must remain her priority.

Protecting the Family Above All Else

Discernment is key for single mothers. Not all men have good intentions, and some may have ulterior motives that endanger the family. A healthy relationship should support the family unit, not tear it apart. A mother’s responsibility is to protect her children, and this sacred duty must never be compromised for any relationship, no matter how tempting.

Single mothers can create and rely on a robust support system that ensures their well-being and that of their children. Here are some key elements of a strong support system:

1. Family and Friends

• Emotional Support: Close relatives and trusted friends can offer encouragement, advice, and understanding during challenging times.

• Practical Help: They may assist with childcare, errands, or household tasks, providing much-needed relief.

2. Church and Faith Communities

• Spiritual Guidance: Many churches provide pastoral counseling, prayer groups, and spiritual mentoring for single mothers.

• Practical Assistance: Faith communities often organize programs like meal trains, child mentoring, and transportation services.

• Small Groups: Joining a single-parent Bible study or support group can provide encouragement and shared experiences.

3. Local Nonprofits and Community Programs

• Many local organizations offer:

• Affordable or free childcare services.

• Parenting workshops to build skills and confidence.

• Emergency financial aid for rent, utilities, or groceries.

4. Professional Counseling and Support Groups

• Therapy or support groups for single mothers can provide a safe space to process emotions, heal, and learn coping mechanisms.

• Online forums and virtual support groups offer connection for those unable to meet in person.

5. School and Educational Resources

• Many schools provide after-school programs or low-cost childcare to help working mothers.

• Teachers and counselors can be valuable allies in supporting children’s emotional and academic needs.

6. Government Assistance Programs

• Programs like SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program), WIC (Women, Infants, and Children), and Medicaid offer financial and healthcare support.

• Subsidized housing or childcare can also provide stability for single mothers.

7. Legal and Advocacy Services

• Single mothers facing custody, child support, or domestic issues can seek help from:

• Legal aid services.

• Family law attorneys specializing in single-parent cases.

• Advocacy groups protecting women and children.

8. Christian and Faith-Based Organizations

• Organizations like Focus on the Family, Safe Families for Children, The Salvation Army (see the resources section below) provide specialized support tailored to single mothers.

• Mentorship programs connect single mothers with experienced women who provide guidance and encouragement.

9. Self-Care and Personal Development

• Regular self-care routines, such as journaling, exercise, and pursuing hobbies, help mothers recharge.

• Seeking opportunities for personal growth, such as job training or education, can build independence and confidence.

By building a network of trusted relationships and accessing community resources, single mothers can navigate their challenges while ensuring their family’s stability and well-being.

Resources for Support

Here are some Christian-based organizations and charities that provide help for single mothers in vulnerable situations:

1. Focus on the Family

A Christian organization offering resources, counseling, and guidance for single mothers, including support for those in difficult or dangerous relationships.

2. Safe Families for Children

A nonprofit providing temporary care for children in crisis, supporting single mothers by offering safe, loving placements for their children.

3. Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO)

An organization that helps strengthen the Church’s efforts in caring for vulnerable children through fostering, adoption, and support services.

4. The Salvation Army

Provides emergency shelter, housing, and support for single mothers and families in need, as well as recovery programs and domestic violence support.

5. National Domestic Violence Hotline

Provides confidential support and resources for women and families affected by domestic violence. It includes information on safe shelter, legal help, and counseling.

6. Christian Domestic Violence Support

A Christian resource offering information and help for women in abusive relationships, including links to counseling and shelter programs.

7. Christian Women’s Job Corps (CWJC)

A faith-based nonprofit offering job training, mentoring, and support for women, including single mothers, as they work to achieve self-sufficiency.

8. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD)

Supports mothers and families who have been impacted by drunk driving, providing counseling and legal support to those who need it.

9. The National Women’s Law Center

Offers resources, legal information, and advocacy to support women’s rights, including those related to family law, workplace issues, and domestic violence.

10. Lifeline Children’s Services

This organization provides support for children, including adoption services, and family resources, with an emphasis on Christian care for children in need.

11. Family Promise

A nonprofit providing emergency shelter, housing assistance, and case management services for families experiencing homelessness, including single mothers and children.

12. Catholic Charities USA

Offers a wide range of services to single mothers, including counseling, housing assistance, food, healthcare, and other family support services.

13. Hope for the Heart

A Christian organization offering counseling, support, and resources for women facing emotional and relational struggles, including single mothers.

14. The American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)

Provides a directory of Christian counselors and therapists who offer professional support to women, including single mothers dealing with trauma, emotional abuse, and other difficulties.

These organizations offer vital support for single mothers, including counseling, legal assistance, shelter, parenting resources, and more. If you find yourself in need of help, don’t hesitate to reach out to any of these organizations, as they provide confidential and compassionate services.

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*** Photo by PNW Production at Pexels

How to Protect Your Heart from Emotional Manipulation in Relationships – Part 3

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 3 of a 5-part series on guarding your heart in relationships. As women, we are nurturing by nature and referred to in the Bible as the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). This isn’t a reflection of value but a design that calls us to be helpers to men, wired to bring support and care into relationships. Men instinctively know this about us, and while this dynamic can bring balance and beauty, it also leaves room for misuse when not approached with God’s wisdom and guidance.

Navigating relationships as a woman is both rewarding and challenging. The desire for meaningful connection is God-given, but it is essential to protect your heart from those who might exploit your trust and affection. This article will help you recognize emotional manipulation, safeguard your heart, and keep your relationships aligned with God’s design.

Understanding the Issue

In Christian communities, marriage is often emphasized as the goal of relationships. Traditionally, men are seen as leaders in pursuing this commitment. However, some misuse this dynamic, taking advantage of women’s nurturing nature to gain emotional support, companionship or even material benefits without the intention of genuine commitment, dodging the responsibility and accountability God places on the man.

This behavior distorts the biblical model of relationships, which calls for love, mutual respect, and service. Scripture, especially passages like 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5:25, reminds us that relationships should reflect Christ-like love. When someone enjoys the benefits of a relationship—such as emotional support or marital privileges—without accountability, it can leave women feeling devalued and disrespected.

How Women Can Protect Themselves

Guarding your heart requires awareness, boundaries, and trust in God’s plan for your life. Below are practical steps to help you stay vigilant and protect yourself from emotional manipulation.

1. Recognize Red Flags Early On

Understanding warning signs can save you from heartache.

Signs to Watch For:

• He avoids discussing long-term plans or commitment.

• He benefits emotionally, practically, or financially but does not reciprocate.

• He dodges conversations about defining the relationship or its future.

What to Do:

• Trust patterns, not promises. Actions speak louder than words.

• If he consistently avoids clarity, prayerfully consider whether the relationship is aligned with God’s will.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for protecting your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Practical Steps:

• Define your boundaries early and communicate them clearly.

• Avoid giving “marital privileges” without a commitment, such as deep emotional investment, financial support, or physical intimacy.

• Stand firm when someone pressures you to compromise your values.

3. Avoid Rushing into Emotional Investment

Deep emotional connections should develop gradually, based on proven sincerity.

Suggestion:

• Take time to assess his character and intentions.

• Observe his response to your boundaries. Respect is a crucial indicator of genuine love.

• Trust God’s timing and allow relationships to grow organically.

4. Seek Accountability and Godly Counsel

Sometimes emotions can cloud judgment. Trusted counsel can help you see clearly.

Why It’s Important:

• Trusted friends, mentors, or spiritual leaders provide objective insights.

• A godly community helps you stay grounded in biblical principles.

5. Embrace Your Value and Worth in Christ

Your identity is rooted in Christ, not in a relationship or another person’s validation.

Reminders:

• Reflect on Psalm 139:14: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

• When you know your worth in God’s eyes, you won’t settle for less than His best for you.

What to Look for in a Healthy Relationship

A godly relationship should reflect the principles of love, respect, and mutual commitment. Seek these qualities in a potential partner:

• Respect: He honors your boundaries and values your emotions.

• Clear Intentions: He communicates openly and aligns his actions with his words.

• Sacrificial Love: He demonstrates Christ-like love through selflessness and support.

• Accountability: He welcomes godly counsel and community oversight.

Taking Control of the Situation

If you notice red flags or feel uncertain about someone’s intentions, take proactive steps to protect your heart:

1. Clarify Your Own Needs: Align your relationship expectations with God’s principles.

2. Evaluate Actions Over Words: Look for consistency between what he says and does.

3. Have a Direct Conversation: Express your concerns openly and see how he responds.

4. Be Willing to Walk Away: If he doesn’t respect your boundaries or intentions, trust God’s plan and let go.

Conclusion

Relationships are designed to reflect God’s love—honest, sacrificial, and committed. Emotional manipulation undermines this purpose and can leave women feeling used and devalued. By staying vigilant, setting boundaries, and seeking godly counsel, you can protect your heart and honor both God and yourself in your relationships.

It’s essential to remember that you cannot change a person—only God can transform hearts. Men are not “build-a-bear” projects, and it’s not your responsibility to fix or mold someone into who you hope they could be. Trying to do so often leads to frustration and heartache.

The fear of being alone or not finding someone can make it tempting to settle for less than God’s best. But settling out of fear compromises your values and leads to unfulfilling relationships. Trust God’s timing, knowing that He has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11).

Never forget: your worth is found in Christ, not in a man’s approval. True love reflects God’s design, where respect, integrity, and godliness thrive. Stay rooted in His Word, embrace your identity in Him, and let Him guide you toward relationships that bring joy, growth, and lasting love.

Online Dating: Spotting Predators and Protecting Your Heart – Part 2

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 2 of a 5 part series. In recent times, online dating has become an increasingly popular avenue for meeting potential partners, including for Christian men and women seeking to honor God in their relationships. However, there’s a concerning trend among some men who profess to be Christians, yet their actions contradict the values of Christ. These individuals target virtuous Christian women, misleading them with facades of faith and manipulating them for selfish gain.

The Deception of “Christian” Men

Just because a man claims to be a Christian does not necessarily mean he is one in practice. As believers, we are taught to “test the spirits” (1 John 4:1) and to judge a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:16). When it comes to dating, it’s essential to recognize that some men who profess Christianity may not embody the character and integrity that genuine Christian faith demands. They might use their faith as a tool to gain the trust of unsuspecting women, but their actions may reveal their true intentions.

These characters often try to manipulate and control women by disguising themselves as faithful, virtuous Christians. They may even be skilled at convincing their victims that any objection or concern is overreacting, that it’s “old-fashioned,” or that “everyone is different” now. However, these men are often deeply rooted in sinful behavior, and their actions ultimately seek to exploit the women they pursue.

The Dangerous Pattern of Predatory Behavior

The most troubling aspect of these types of men is how they prey on young, trusting, and virtuous Christian women. Many of these men have a sordid past—filled with sin and indulgence—and after realizing that they may end up alone in middle age, they seek to find a woman who is naive and spiritually anchored in faith, believing she will not leave them, no matter how poorly they mistreat her.

As Christians, we are called to live in accordance with God’s commandments and to love one another with purity and respect. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” which means sacrificially, selflessly, and honorably. This principle contradicts the behavior of these predatory types of men who want to dominate, control, and ultimately abuse women. The idea that a woman will stay married to a man despite his neglect, abuse, or sinful behavior, because of the sacredness of marriage, is a tool these men exploit.

These types often claim to have “converted” to Christianity, or they may return to their faith after years of living recklessly. But in many cases, their motivations for converting or returning to Christianity are not born out of a genuine change of heart or love for Christ but rather out of a desire to find a woman they can manipulate. This situation underscores the need for caution, as it’s clear that not everyone who claims to be Christian truly follows Christ in their actions, and are ‘Christian’ in name only, this includes women.

Red Flags: How to Spot a Predatory Man

The Bible encourages us to be discerning, and when it comes to dating, that discernment is vital. Matthew 7:15-20 warns against false prophets, saying, “By their fruits you will recognize them.” Here are some red flags to look out for when considering a potential partner from a Christian dating site:

1. The “Perfect” Facade: At first, a predator may seem charming, kind, and deeply devout, going out of his way to appear virtuous. For example, he might say, “I’ve been praying for someone like you” or “I feel like God brought us together for a reason.” However, inconsistencies in his actions will reveal his true intentions. While he might talk about his faith and commitment to purity, his behavior might not align with what he says. For example, while he might insist on being a gentleman in public, his messages could become increasingly flirtatious, intrusive or inappropriate when you’re alone. These inconsistencies show that his outward charm and devotion are just a facade, designed to manipulate your emotions.

2. Inconsistent Faith: A man who claims to be Christian but never seems to want to talk about the faith, avoids conversations about God, or downplays the importance of living according to biblical principles should raise alarm bells. If he doesn’t truly value God’s teachings, his interest in you might be more about satisfying his own needs than honoring Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it states, we are not to be unequally yoked, stating the importance of sharing the same values, beliefs, and at least the same level of faith in a relationship, if you are devout Christian you don’t want to be with someone who is lukewarm.

3. Boundary Violations: A predator may test your boundaries early on, asking for inappropriate pictures, making lewd jokes, or reacting poorly when you establish limits. They often use manipulation tactics to break down your defences, by using false piety, acting hurt, questioning your faith, try to shame you or misuse Scripture to pressure you into lowering your defences, to make you feel guilty or obligated—clear red flags to watch for and disengage from immediately.

4. Victim Mentality: If a man constantly portrays himself as misunderstood or mistreated by others, it’s often a way to deflect attention from his own harmful behavior and avoid taking responsibility for his actions. For example, he might say, “Everyone always misunderstands me; they just don’t get how much I’ve been through.” He may even blame others for his problems, making it seem like he’s always the victim. This tactic is commonly used by abusers to manipulate your emotions, making you feel sorry for him and guilty for not being more supportive. By focusing on his supposed victimhood, he shifts the narrative away from his own harmful actions, creating an emotional bond that makes it harder for you to recognize or confront his behavior. This manipulation lowers your guard and makes you more likely to overlook red flags in the relationship.

5. Control and Possession: True love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, is not about control but is patient, kind, and honors the freedom of the other person. In a healthy relationship, both individuals are free to make their own choices and grow in their faith, just as God respects our free will. If someone tries to limit your actions or control who you see, especially people who support your faith and care for your well-being, like family, it’s a red flag that their intentions are based on manipulation and possession. A predator might also try to convince you that they know what’s best for you, suggesting that you’re not smart enough to make your own decisions. They may even misquote Scripture to manipulate you into submitting to them, by saying things like, “The Bible says you should submit to your husband”—even though submission is specifically for marriage, not dating. This tactic is designed to make you feel inferior, drop boundaries and give up your independence, whilst they control the relationship.

6. Devaluation and Gaslighting: A common manipulative tactic used by predators is to devaluate and gaslight you, to make you question your worth and sense of reality. They may make you feel like you’re either “too much” or “not enough” by criticizing your appearance, past, or choices. For instance, they might say, “I can’t believe someone like you is still single,” suggesting there’s something wrong with you, or “You’ve been through a lot, huh? That probably explains why you act the way you do,” implying you’re damaged or flawed. These comments are designed to shake your confidence and make you feel insecure. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, making you more reliant on their approval. By planting seeds of doubt, they work to break down your boundaries and make you question your own worth, making it easier for them to control you.

7. Future-Faking: These individuals often string women along by promising an ideal future together, but their promises rarely materialise. This is a common trait of predators who manipulate women into staying in the relationship that serve their selfish interests, by painting an ideal, faith-based future that aligns with the woman’s values and hopes, making her believe that the relationship is part of God’s plan, hoping that you will overlook the bright red flags and your gut instinct with the smooth talk.

8. A Toxic Past: A predator may openly admit to having a troubled or sordid past but, at the same time, demand that the woman be perfect—expecting her to be “virginal” or without any past mistakes or experiences. This double standard is not only unfair, but it also reveals a deep hypocrisy. It shows that he is unwilling to offer the same grace and forgiveness to others that Christ offers to all of us. We are called to show compassion and understanding to others, acknowledging that we all have a past and have made mistakes. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, grace, and forgiveness, not on unrealistic expectations or judgment of one another’s history. If someone is unable to offer this grace, it’s a clear sign of manipulation and an inability to truly love in the way Christ teaches us.

Protecting Yourself: Trusting God and Your Instincts

While dating online can lead to genuine relationships, it’s essential to remain cautious and discerning. God has given us wisdom and the Holy Spirit to guide us, and one of the most important tools for protecting ourselves is our intuition. If something feels off or doesn’t sit right, trust it. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding—this applies to relationships as well.

Remember, you are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If a man displays significant red flags, it’s crucial to walk away. Your value is not determined by whether or not you are in a relationship. You are a daughter of the King, worthy of love, respect, and honor.

Lastly, as Christian women, we must avoid believing that we have to “fix” someone or change their character to fit our standards. Only God can change hearts. Your job is to discern wisely and protect your heart, keeping it pure for the right man who will love you as Christ loves the Church.

Biblical Principles of Dating and Marriage

Christian relationships should reflect the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A key part of evaluating a potential partner is looking at how they display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Some biblical principles that could guide you are:

• Ephesians 5:25-28: Men are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. This should be a benchmark for women to evaluate whether a man truly embodies Christ-like love.

• 2 Corinthians 6:14: Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It is vital that both partners share the same faith and commitment to Christ for a healthy relationship.

Importance of Community and Accountability

Christian dating should never happen in isolation. It’s essential to seek mentorship and accountability from trusted Christian leaders, elders, or friends who know both individuals well. Consider:

• Involving your church community: Let others in your church know about your relationship so they can offer wisdom and discernment.

• Consulting a pastor or mature Christian: A wise Christian mentor can help spot red flags you might miss.

Encouragement of Healthy Boundaries

Set practical boundaries in your relationship to safeguard your emotional, physical, and spiritual health:

• Physical Boundaries: Maintain purity by setting clear limits around physical contact.

• Emotional Boundaries: Respect each other’s emotional well-being, and allow space for personal growth and outside friendships.

• Time and Energy Boundaries: Avoid relationships that drain you or demand excessive control.

The Role of Patience and Discernment in Relationships

Patience is essential in Christian relationships. Psalm 27:14 encourages waiting on God’s timing. Trust in God’s plan and do not rush into relationships based on emotions alone.

Encouragement to Walk in Confidence and Worth

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Embrace your identity in Christ and remember that your value is not tied to your relationship status (Ephesians 2:10). Walk confidently in the truth that God has a purpose for you, regardless of your current relational situation.

Clearer Conclusion with Practical Steps

If you are considering an online relationship or already in one, take these practical steps:

• Pray for discernment.

• Set boundaries early.

• Seek counsel from trusted individuals in your church.

• Maintain purity, both emotionally and physically.

• Walk away if you spot red flags—don’t feel obligated to continue a relationship that doesn’t honor God.

In conclusion, while there are many genuine Christian men on dating websites, the rise of predators masquerading as Christians is a growing concern. Stay vigilant, trust in the Lord’s guidance, and above all, never forget that your value comes from God alone. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, as Christ would treat His Church.

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*** Photo by Cottonbro Studios

How to Put on the Whole Armor of God Daily

Published on by Editor

The “Armor of God” is a powerful metaphor that helps us Christians prepare for spiritual battles. Found in Ephesians 6:10-18, the apostle Paul describes this armor as a vital tool to withstand evil forces in our lives. This passage reminds us that our struggle is not merely against human opposition but against the unseen spiritual powers of darkness. In this article, we’ll break down each piece of the armor and explain how you can apply them in your daily life.

1. The Belt of Truth

“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist.” (Eph 6:14)

The belt was essential for Roman soldiers because it held their armor together. In the same way, truth is foundational for Christians. To put on the belt of truth, we must live in honesty, integrity, and align ourselves with God’s truth found in Scripture. It means rejecting lies and deception, both from the world and from the enemy.

Application: Daily, remind yourself of God’s truth, whether it’s reading Scripture, speaking the truth to others, or being truthful in your actions. Know that standing firm in truth keeps your spiritual life intact.

Prayer: “Lord, wrap me in Your truth and help me to discern and speak the truth in every situation. Let Your truth be the foundation of my life, guiding me in all my decisions, in Jesus’s name I pray.”

2. The Breastplate of Righteousness

”…with the breastplate of righteousness in place.” (Eph 6:14)

The breastplate protects the heart and other vital organs. Righteousness—right standing with God through faith in Christ—guards our hearts from attacks like guilt and condemnation. It’s important to understand that this righteousness is not our own but is given to us through Christ.

Application: Live righteously by following God’s commands and trusting in His forgiveness. When you are attacked by guilt or shame, remember that your righteousness comes from Christ, not from your performance.

Prayer: “Heavenly Father, protect my heart with the breastplate of righteousness. Let my life reflect Your righteousness, and guard me from any attacks that seek to lead me into sin or despair, in Jesus’s name I pray.”

3. The Shoes of the Gospel of Peace

”…with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.” (Eph 6:15)

Roman soldiers wore sturdy shoes to keep their footing in battle. As Christians, the gospel gives us peace and readiness to face trials. The good news of Christ’s work on the cross enables us to stand firm in difficult situations and to share that peace with others.

Application: Reflect on the peace you have with God through Christ. Share this peace with those around you, knowing that it keeps you steady even when the world feels chaotic.

Prayer: “Lord, equip me with the shoes of the gospel of peace. Help me to walk in Your peace wherever I go, and use me to spread Your good news to those in need of Your saving grace, in Jesus’s name I pray.”

4. The Shield of Faith

“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” (Eph 6:16)

The shield is vital for deflecting attacks. Faith in God is our shield—it blocks and extinguishes the “flaming arrows” of doubt, fear, and temptation that the enemy launches at us. A strong faith will help us trust in God’s promises when life’s circumstances feel overwhelming.

Application: Strengthen your faith daily by trusting God’s promises. When you feel attacked by negative thoughts or fears, use Scripture and prayer to remind yourself of God’s faithfulness.

Prayer: “Father, strengthen my faith so that I can extinguish every fiery dart the enemy sends my way. Help me to trust in You completely, knowing that my faith in You is my greatest defence, in Jesus’s name I pray.”

5. The Helmet of Salvation

“Take the helmet of salvation…” (Eph 6:17)

The helmet protects the head, the center of our thoughts. Salvation through Jesus Christ guards our minds against doubt, confusion, and discouragement. Our assurance of salvation gives us confidence and hope in difficult times.

Application: Keep your thoughts focused on the assurance of your salvation. When your mind is filled with worries or negative thoughts, replace them with the truth of your eternal security in Christ.

Prayer: “Lord, protect my mind with the helmet of salvation. Keep my thoughts focused on You and remind me of the assurance of my salvation in Christ Jesus. Let Your saving grace guide my mind and decisions, in Jesus’s name I pray.”

6. The Sword of the Spirit

”…and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (Eph 6:17)

The sword is the only offensive weapon mentioned in the armor of God. It represents the Word of God—Scripture—which is alive and powerful. Just as Jesus used Scripture to combat Satan’s temptations, we must rely on the Word of God in our battles.

Application: Memorize and meditate on Scripture regularly. When you face temptation, confusion, or spiritual attacks, use the truth of God’s Word to stand against the enemy.

Prayer: “Father, I take up the sword of the Spirit, which is Your Word. Teach me to wield it with wisdom and power against the enemy’s lies and attacks. Let Your Word be alive and active in my life, in Jesus’s name I pray.”

7. Prayer in the Spirit

“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.” (Eph 6:18)

Prayer is not a piece of armor, but it is essential in spiritual warfare. By praying in the Spirit, we invite God’s strength and guidance into every situation we face. Continuous, Spirit-led prayer ensures that we stay connected to God and vigilant against the enemy’s schemes.

Application: Cultivate a habit of prayer throughout your day. Whether you’re thanking God, asking for guidance, or praying for others, keep communication with God open and ongoing.

Conclusion

To “put on the whole armor of God” is to intentionally live out our faith every day. This armor equips us for the spiritual battles we face and helps us stand firm in the face of opposition. Each piece of the armor—truth, righteousness, peace, faith, salvation, the Word of God, and prayer—is a powerful tool in God’s hands. By putting on this armor daily, we stand strong in His power and resist the attacks of the enemy.

May we always be vigilant, prepared, and clothed in God’s armor as we walk through life in His strength.

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*** Prayers by Vlad Savchuk / Photo by Timeline Photos