Category: Gratitude

Healing from Toxic Relationships: A Guide to Restoring Your Heart and Moving Forward – Part 4

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is the part 4 of the 5 part series. As a Christian woman, navigating relationships can be both fulfilling and challenging. When a relationship becomes toxic, it can leave emotional scars that hinder your ability to move forward. Whether you’ve experienced manipulation, emotional neglect, or disappointment, healing is not only possible but vital. With God’s guidance, a commitment to self-care, and support from others, you can heal and grow stronger in your faith and your sense of self-worth. Here’s a comprehensive guide for healing from toxic relationships.

1. Embrace God’s Love and Forgiveness

The Power of God’s Healing Love

When healing from a toxic relationship, one of the first steps is to embrace the overwhelming love of God. Often, toxic relationships leave us feeling rejected or unworthy. However, as a Christian, you can find solace in the truth that God’s love for you is unconditional and never wavers.

What the Bible Says:

• “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

• “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” — Jeremiah 31:3

These scriptures remind you that God sees your pain and is ready to heal your heart. It’s essential to remind yourself that your identity is not defined by past relationships or negative experiences. You are loved, valued, and cherished by your Creator.

The healing process:

• Spend time in prayer, asking God to heal your heart and restore your emotional well-being.

• Focus on affirming scriptures that remind you of God’s love and forgiveness.

• Reflect on how God’s love has always been constant, and allow that truth to replace feelings of insecurity or hurt.

2. Let Go of Unforgiveness

The Freedom of Forgiveness

A toxic relationship can sometimes leave you holding onto anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness toward the person who hurt you. These feelings can be like a weight on your heart, hindering your ability to heal. As difficult as it may seem, forgiveness is a powerful step toward emotional freedom and restoration.

What the Bible Says:

• “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32

• “Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.” — Luke 11:4

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the wrongs done to you, but it allows you to release control over the situation and surrender it to God. When you forgive, you free yourself from the toxic grip of the past and create space for God to work in your life.

The healing process:

• Ask God for the strength to forgive those who have hurt you, even when it feels impossible.

• Speak out loud or in your heart the words, “I forgive [name] for [hurt]. I release them to You, Lord.”

• Remember that forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. It’s okay to take time and revisit the act of forgiving as you heal.

3. Reconnect with Your Identity in Christ

Rediscovering Who You Are in Christ

Toxic relationships often distort your self-image and cause you to forget who you are in Christ. During the healing process, it’s crucial to reconnect with your true identity — one that is grounded in God’s love, grace, and purpose for your life.

What the Bible Says:

• “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” — Psalm 139:14

• “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” — 1 Peter 2:9

God has a unique purpose for your life, and it’s important to view yourself through His eyes. Healing involves reclaiming the truth of who you are as His beloved daughter, and understanding that your worth doesn’t depend on a relationship, but on God’s design for you.

The healing process:

• Spend time meditating on God’s Word to remind yourself of your identity and worth.

• Write down positive affirmations based on Scripture (e.g., “I am God’s masterpiece” or “I am worthy of love and respect”).

• Surround yourself with Christian community that encourages and reminds you of your value in Christ.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries Going Forward

Learning from the Past

One of the key lessons from a toxic relationship is understanding the importance of boundaries. Toxic relationships often occur when boundaries are not respected or established. As you heal, it’s essential to define and maintain healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being in the future.

What the Bible Says:

• “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” — Luke 6:31

• “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care and stewardship over your heart. They allow you to prioritize your emotional health and ensure that you’re interacting with people who respect you and your needs.

The healing process:

• Reflect on what boundaries were crossed in past relationships and commit to not allowing those behaviors again.

• Be clear with others about your personal limits, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual.

• Practice saying “no” when necessary and ensure that your boundaries align with God’s will for your life.

5. Seek Healing in Community

The Importance of Support

Healing from a toxic relationship doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. As a Christian, leaning on your community can provide the support, wisdom, and encouragement you need during this difficult time. Whether it’s through close friends, a mentor, or a support group, healing is often facilitated by shared experiences and God-centered conversations.

What the Bible Says:

• “Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

• “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” — Galatians 6:2

Your Christian community can offer love, encouragement, and accountability as you heal. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help — God created us for relationships and fellowship, and these connections can help you regain strength.

The healing process:

• Confide in trusted Christian friends, family, or a counselor about your feelings and experiences.

• Join a Bible study, prayer group, or therapy group that focuses on healing and emotional growth.

• Seek mentorship from a mature Christian woman who can offer guidance, wisdom, and support as you navigate the healing process.

6. Focus on Personal Growth and Spiritual Development

Growing in Your Faith and Purpose

While healing from a toxic relationship is important, this time also provides an opportunity for personal growth. Use this period to deepen your relationship with God, discover new passions, and strengthen your faith. Embrace this time of healing as a time to invest in your own spiritual, emotional, and physical growth.

What the Bible Says:

• “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” — Philippians 4:13

• “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” — Jeremiah 29:11

God has a purpose for your life that goes beyond relationships. Take this time to learn, grow, and pursue the calling He has placed on your heart. Your identity is in Christ, and He will guide you to become the woman He created you to be.

The healing process:

• Spend regular time in prayer, seeking God’s direction for your life.

• Read books, take courses, or engage in activities that will help you grow spiritually and emotionally.

• Consider joining ministry opportunities that align with your passions and give you purpose.

Prayer for Healing and Restoration

“Dear Heavenly Father,

I come before You with a heart that has been wounded and a spirit in need of Your healing touch. You know the pain I carry from relationships that have left me feeling unworthy, uncertain, and broken. I ask You to renew my heart and restore my sense of worth, reminding me that I am deeply loved and valued as Your child. Help me to release any bitterness, anger, or guilt that may hold me back from fully experiencing Your peace.

Lord, grant me the wisdom to see relationships as You see them. Help me recognize what is good, pure, and worthy, and give me the strength to walk away from anything that draws me away from Your love and truth. Heal the scars of my past, and lead me toward a future that aligns with the plans You have for me—plans of hope, joy, and purpose.

Surround me with friends and mentors who will support me on this journey of healing and growth. Fill my heart with Your love, so I may extend forgiveness, release what is not mine to carry, and grow in compassion and grace. Thank You for being my refuge and my healer. I place my future in Your hands, trusting that You are guiding me toward wholeness and preparing me for the blessings You have in store.

In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

Conclusion

Healing from a toxic relationship takes time, prayer, and a commitment to self-care. As a Christian woman, you have the ultimate support of God, who promises to restore and strengthen you. Lean into His love, forgive those who have hurt you, and focus on rebuilding your life with a firm foundation in Christ. With time, you’ll not only heal but grow stronger and more equipped for the healthy, fulfilling relationships God has planned for you.

Remember, God’s love for you is unwavering, and He is with you every step of the way in your journey to healing.

Article: 10 Things To Do Whilst Your Single

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*** Photo by Pixabay at Pexels

A Mass Prayer for Nations, Leaders, and Peace

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 “If My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.” ~ 2 Chronicles 7:14 NKJV

As believers, we are called to intercede for our leaders, nations, and for peace, especially in Jerusalem. In times of uncertainty and need, communal prayer is a powerful way to ask God to bring change, guidance, and healing. Below is a structured prayer for anyone who wishes to lift up these petitions over a community, a nation, or even the entire world.

Heavenly Father,

We come before You with humble hearts, united as Your people. You are the Almighty God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, and we honor You, acknowledging Your sovereign power over all nations. We gather in Your holy presence, seeking Your guidance, love, and protection over all people and lands.

Lord, we worship You

For You are good, and Your mercy endures forever. You are the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, worthy of all honor and glory. We lift Your name high above all the earth, praising You for Your greatness, Your compassion, and Your mighty works.

Thank You, Lord,

For the blessings You have poured out upon us and our nations. You have sustained us through every season, and Your provision and protection have been unwavering. We are grateful for Your faithfulness, for hearing our prayers, and for Your unending love that guides us.

Forgive us, Lord,

For any ways we have strayed from Your will. We confess any sins of our nations, communities, and ourselves. We ask for Your cleansing, renewing us and bringing us back into alignment with Your ways. As we turn to You, we seek Your mercy and forgiveness, knowing that You are a gracious and compassionate God.

Father, we intercede for the leaders of every nation,

Grant them wisdom, courage, and integrity as they make decisions that impact millions. May they lead with righteousness, justice, and compassion, promoting peace and unity. Let Your justice prevail in all nations, and let truth and fairness guide every action and law.

We pray for peace among all people, especially in Jerusalem.

You have asked us to pray for its peace, and we humbly lift this city and its people to You. Bring harmony and understanding to regions marked by conflict, and heal the divisions that have separated us. Surround every nation with Your protection, Lord, shielding the innocent and vulnerable from harm.

Lord, we ask for a spiritual awakening across the world.

Pour out Your Spirit on every land and community, that hearts may turn toward You. Bring about a revival in faith, hope, and love, so that we may see Your Kingdom come and Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

As Your Word declares,

“If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land” (2 Chronicles 7:14). We stand on this promise, believing that as we humble ourselves, You will hear and bring healing and restoration.

Lord, we also pray for specific needs among the nations:

For those suffering from poverty and hunger, may You provide. For those impacted by natural disasters, may You bring comfort and relief. For the sick, may You bring healing, and for those who mourn, may You bring peace.

We trust in You, Lord,

Believing that You can do exceedingly and abundantly more than we ask or imagine. We thank You for hearing our prayers and for the answers that are already on the way. May Your will be done, Lord, and may Your name be glorified in all nations.

In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen 🙏

May this prayer bring unity and strength, inviting God’s presence, protection, and guidance over all people and nations.

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** Photo by Hugo Magalhaes at Pexels

Out Of the Mouth of Babes

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One day a very wealthy father took his son on a trip to the country for the sole purpose of showing his son how it was to be poor. They spent a few days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

After their return from the trip, the father asked his son how he liked the trip. “It was great, Dad,” the son replied. “Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Oh Yeah,” said the son.

“So what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father. The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

“We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.”

“We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.” The boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, “It showed me just how poor we really are.”

Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don’t have. What is one person’s worthless object is another’s prize possession. It is all based on one’s perspective.

Sometimes it takes the perspective of a child to remind us of what’s important.

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*** Story shared By Dan Asmussen on Facebook

Are the 5 Love Languages in a Marriage Biblical?

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These five categories are how we all give and receive love, which can greatly affect relationships. When we understand the love language of another person, we can more effectively communicate our respect and affection.

A year into joining a church, my husband and I were sitting in a small couple’s group when the leader asked what our love languages were. Perplexed, we had no idea. The leader went on to explain the book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman.

The 5 Love Languages became a New York Times #1 bestseller in the early 1990s and has remained popular for its timeless wisdom and practical help.

This book explores the ways people give and receive love. In the book, Chapman suggests that everyone receives love in at least one of five ways: Quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and gifts.

The way we love our spouse is how we naturally express it but if our loved one does not receive love in the same way we do, he or she can feel unloved.

These five categories are how we all give and receive love, which can greatly affect relationships. When we understand the love language of another person, we can more effectively communicate our respect and affection to our spouse.

What Are the 5 Love Languages?

1. Words of affirmation. Some people are more attuned than others to hear both positive and negative words from those whose opinions they cherish.

While negative, critical words can tear them down, positive, encouraging words make them flourish. According to Chapman, people with this love language need to hear their partner say, “I love you.”

Even better is including the reasons behind the love through leaving them a voice message or a written note or talking to them directly with sincere words of kindness and affirmation.

2. Quality time. This language, says Chapman, is all about giving your partner your undivided attention. That means dropping everything to give them your full attention, in other words, no chores, no TV, no cell phone, etc.

Other ways to spend time together could include, going for a walk, preparing dinner together and talking while preparing and eating it, sharing plans for the future, making love, and/or creating something together.

Take time every day to do this to fill up their love tank.

3. Acts of service. When acts of service is a person’s primary language, he or she interprets help as a sign of someone’s love.

This language includes anything you do to ease the burden of responsibility, like picking kids up from school, vacuuming, running errands, going grocery shopping, or filling up the car with gas.

4. Receiving gifts. The person who loves this language thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. In short, actions speak louder than words.

These people thrive on gift-giving, and when they are given a gift, it fills their love tank. A single rosebud, a candle, or a note can go a long way toward filling the love tank of someone who understands love as giving gifts.

The act of giving a gift tells your spouse you cared enough to think about him or her in advance and go out of your way to get something to make your partner smile

5. Physical touch. People who speak this love language thrive on any type of physical touch: Handholding, hugs, and snuggling. It is not about sex.

Those actions spell love to those with this primary language. Physical touch is the most direct way to communicate love. It is crucial for the health and well-being of every human being.

Are Love Languages Biblical?

What makes the love languages unique is that they are one of the few methods of extending love that is not self-serving because the giver isn’t looking for anything in return.

It simply means they’ve studied their partner and they want them to feel loved, but if you’re looking for the term love languages in the Bible, you’re not going to find it.

But the concepts are there, and Jesus did an incredible job demonstrating how we are to use them.

1. Acts of service: Jesus’ first love language. “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, because I am. So if I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I’ve given you an example, that you should do just as I have done to you. . . If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them” (John 13:12-15,17).

2. Quality time. Jesus lived with his disciples for three years when he began his ministry. They traveled together, ate together, worshiped together. Do you get the picture?

They were together for daily life. Not only did he spend time with the 12 disciples, but he also often spent even more quality time with Peter, James, and John (Matthew 17:1-9).

The quality time was even broken down to one on one quality time with Peter. A look at Mark 9:30-31 shows that Jesus carefully guarded his time.

3. Words of affirmation. Jesus often spoke words of affirmation over individuals. We first see this when he spoke about his cousin, John the Baptist when he said that John was “more than a prophet,” and “among those born of women there has arisen no one greater.” These words are powerful because they are indirect words of affirmation.

Other examples of this love language happen in Matthew 12:49 when Jesus outstretches his hand toward his disciples and tells the crowd they are his family or in the book of Mark when Jesus tells a dinner party that the questionable woman “has done a beautiful thing” when she anointed his feet with her tears and expensive perfume.

He also said, “Wherever the gospel is proclaimed in the whole world, what she has done will be told in memory of her” (Mark 14:6-9).

4. Giving gifts. Perhaps this one was one of Jesus’ favorites. We see throughout the New Testament Jesus loved to give good things to his people.

  • Jesus gave the 4,000 the gift of food to eat in Matthew 15.
  • Jesus gave the 5,000 the gift of bread and fish in Luke 9.
  • Jesus gives sight to a blind man in John 9. 
  • Jesus gave the gift of healing and a new name to the woman who bled for years in Mark 5. 
  • He gave children to women who suffered from infertility like Hannah, Sarah, and even Samson’s mother. 

This list could go on and on. Jesus was a giver of gifts but the biggest gift he gave us was our salvation through his death on the cross. This was his ultimate love language and gift.

5. Physical touch. Jesus touched often and he made it a point, even though he never needed to touch anyone, to heal them or offer comfort as we see in Luke 7 when the centurion asked for healing for one of his servants.

We see in Mark 1:31, Jesus took Simon’s mother-in-law by the hand “and lifted her up and the fever left her.”

When the children came to Jesus, we see that “he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying hands on them.” (Mark 10:15-16).

What Does This Mean?

Jesus used all five love languages and undoubtedly, he was a master at matching them with people appropriately.

He is the creator of all things and he teaches us how to love well by example throughout the Old and New Testaments.

Most of us pick up Chapman’s book and think, “If I get this right for my spouse, maybe he will love me how I want to be loved.” But a word of caution, learning someone’s love language is sacrificial like Christ.

He never asked for anything in return, even as he poured out his life. He gave freely with no strings attached. We are to follow his example and love well.

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** By Heather Riggleman at Christianity Today / Website: http://www.heatherriggleman.com/

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7 Attitudes That Will Kill Your Gratitude

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While ingratitude comes naturally to us, gratitude is something that we must consciously cultivate and grow in our hearts. Unfortunately, there are are several “attitudes” that will smother, annihilate, and otherwise kill our gratitude.

Here are 7 attitudes that will kill your gratitude:

  1. Comparison

When I hand my children each a pile of goldfish crackers for a snack, their first inclination is to start counting their goldfish. Why? Because they want to BE SURE that the piles are distributed equally. In their selfish little hearts, their first inclination is to test for “fairness” rather than being grateful for the gift that they have been given.

Adults are not immune to this behavior! We are constantly comparing ourselves with other people, afraid that God has shorted us and given somebody else more. All too often, we do not even pause to thank God for all of the amazing, undeserved blessings that He has showered us with.

Antidote: If you struggle with comparisons, try reaching out to people who have less than you do. You WILL come away counting your blessings.

  1. Entitlement

The moment that we start to think that we deserve something is the moment that we cease to feel thankful for it. If I feel that I deserve roses on Valentine’s Day, than I will not feel very grateful when my husband presents me with roses on Valentine’s Day. After all, I deserved them!

The problem with this thinking is that we don’t deserve anything. Every good gift that God gives us is undeserved and should elicit joy and thanksgiving in our hearts.

Antidote: Take a moment to read Philippians 2:1-18. When we pause to remember the judgement that we truly deserve, and the forgiveness that God has given to us through the life and death of His perfect Son Jesus Christ, entitlement is replaced with true gratitude.

  1. Busyness

It is hard to slow down to be grateful when we are so busy we can hardly breathe. If we are so consistently busy that we have no time left to feel and express gratitude, than something is terribly, horribly wrong in our lives.

Jesus told Martha that, in spite of all Martha’s busyness with “good works”, Mary had chosen the better thing – time spent building a relationship with God. (Luke 10:38-42)

God is calling us to first of all have a relationship with Him, and part of this relationship includes gratitude. If we are too busy to be grateful to God, than we are not walking in His will, despite all the “wonderful” things that we might be doing “for” Him.

  1. Worry

Worry about the future quickly saps the energy out of present gratitude. Worry accomplishes nothing but to rob us of joy and gratitude in this present moment and to demonstrate our lack of trust in our Heavenly Father.

Antidote: Read Matthew 6:25-34. Worship is the perfect antidote to worry. Worry says, “My house might burn down to the ground! What am I going to do? AGHHH!” Worship says, “Yes, my house may burn down to the ground, but God is still in control. God has promised me a better home in heaven anyway. May God be glorified in my life regardless of what happens.”

  1. Perfectionism

This one is ugly. It is hard to be thankful when all we can focus on are the negatives and faults of the people and things around us.

Antidote: Imagine what life would be like if that one “imperfect” thing that you are focusing on were completely removed from your life. (For example, your husband may have some quirks that drive you crazy. But can you imagine life without your husband?) Then, take some time to thank God for the imperfect blessings that surround you. Thank God that He does not discard you even with all of your “imperfections”. Ask God to help you really see the good blessings that He has given you.

  1. High Expectations

How would your kids respond if they got up on Christmas morning and discovered that there was just one shoe box for each of them under the tree filled with a couple of small toys, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and a box of crayons? Would their faces mirror the delight and excitement of the faces of these children who are ecstatic to receive this same box? What is the difference?
I believe the difference lies in two words: High Expectations. When our lives revolve around high expectations, we will be disappointed. When we have low expectations, we are likely to be thrilled and grateful when reality exceeds our expectations.

Antidote: Remember that we are living in a sin cursed, fallen world. This life guarantees us nothing. Let’s place our high expectations in the life to come. Thank God that, because of His beautiful plan of salvation, this world is not our only hope. Take time to be thankful for the things in life that you have now, remembering that there is no guarantee that you will still have them tomorrow.

  1. Exhaustion

I know that many of you reading this right now are exhausted. Perhaps you have a newborn baby, are experiencing insomnia because of hormonal changes, or are working non-stop just to make ends meet.

If you are in any of these situations, my heart goes out to you. It is difficult to be grateful when we are physically spent.

Antidote: If at all possible, you may need to set some things aside to allow yourself more time to rest. Prioritize a couple of minutes a day to read God’s Word and thank Him for His good gifts. If you have a hard time praying because you fall asleep, try writing your prayers to God in a small journal, including thanksgivings.

Gratitude is a state of heart that we need to be consciously cultivating.
We need to be protecting our gratitude from these seven attitudes that will kill our gratitude.

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By Anna Joy / Picture by Pixabay