Category: Discipleship

What Is the Love Language of Physical Touch?

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Physical touch is more than sex. People who have this as their primary love language express and receive love through hugging, cuddling, holding hands, a back rub, or any other kind of touch that is appropriate in the moment.

Anytime I mention that my love Language is physical touch — it’s assumed that I feel loved through sex. But the love language of physical touch is more than that.

While sex is an important aspect of marriage, physical touch communicates meaningful expressions of love.

In fact, two of my three kids have the same love language I do. Our primary love language is physical touch and quality time together.

What Are Love Languages?

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman became a New York Times #1 bestseller in the early 1990s and has remained popular for its timeless wisdom, practical help, and how it helps us become better at loving those in our family.

Written for married couples, the book and its tips have expanded to help parents understand their children as well.

This book explores the ways people give and receive love. He explains how many of the misunderstandings and problems that arise in marriage is because we don’t know how to communicate love to our spouse.

While words of affirmation may make one spouse feel good, quality time might be the other’s love language. Through his book, individuals in relationships learn to communicate in their partner’s love language, they can strengthen their bond by keeping each other’s “love tank” full of fuel.

These five categories are how we all express our love for another and how we need to receive love. In the book, Chapman suggests that everyone receives love in at least one of five ways:

1. Quality time: Giving your partner your undivided attention like going on a date or going for walks. It’s all about giving the other person your attention.

2. Physical touch: People who have physical touch as their primary love language have a deep-felt need for appropriate touch.

3. Words of affirmation: This love language means these people need to hear how much they are loved, cherished, and appreciated.

4. Acts of service: For these people, the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words,” equals love.

5. Gifts: For some people, what makes them feel loved and cherished is to receive a gift.

The Gift of Physical Touch

Physical touch is more than sex. People who have this as their primary love language express and receive love through hugging, cuddling, holding hands, a back rub, or any other kind of touch that is appropriate in the moment.

Physical touch is the most direct way to communicate love. It is essential for the health and well-being of every human being.

Experts say the first hour of a child’s life is crucial to have skin-to-skin contact. This helps regulate their heart rate, temperature, and breathing. At the same time, a mother’s hormones are regulated as well. As the infant grows, physical touch boosts early child development.

Other studies have proven how detrimental physical touch is through intuitional isolation that is prevalent in orphanages around the world. These children often grow up in environments where touch and emotional engagement are lacking.

Many children who have not had ample physical and emotional attention are at higher risk for behavioral, emotional, and social problems. It’s clear, God created physical touch to be a powerful force of love.

What Is the Love Language of Physical Touch?

Jesus used physical touch often and made it a point even though He could heal people with just His Words. When the children came to Jesus, we see that “he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying hands on them” (Mark 10:15-16).

In Matthew 18:14-15, we read, “He touched her hand and the fever left her.”

When Jesus saw Simon’s mother-in-law lying ill, he “took her by the hand and lifted her up, and the fever left her” (Mark 1:31).

Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him (John 13:5).

In Matthew 17:7, we read, “Jesus came and touched them, saying, “Rise, and have no fear.”

These are just a few passages of Jesus’ time on earth when He chose to use His hands to show His love for the world.

God created us to enjoy skin-to-skin contact because it triggers the release of certain hormones associated with pleasure and bonding as a couple.

Oxytocin is the bonding hormone, and it is released along with the rest of the feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine.

To some degree, we all need physical touch in our marriages but for those whose love language is physical touch — it’s critical.

But this type of love comes down to timing because it is primarily made up of small gestures like having your spouse put his arm around in public. It could be a hug before leaving for work, a kiss when you get home.

How to Love Someone Whose Love Language Is Physical Touch

When you hug, use both arms and your whole body, and linger for a moment in the embrace. A rule of thumb is 30 seconds, 60 is heavenly!

Give them kisses often. Whenever your spouse is feeling blue, holding them closely can make tears disappear. Cuddle in bed together. Snuggle on the couch or hold their hand. Take them dancing for date night.

Make a point of maintaining physical contact when you’re both out for events. Kiss them hello and goodbye. Kiss them in places besides the lips, like her forehead, collarbone, the back of her neck or hand. Rub her shoulders when she is stressed out.

When you hug, use both arms and your whole body, and linger for an extra moment in the embrace. Spontaneously give them a little back rub or back scratch. Always hold hands when you’re out and about. Enjoy the public displays of affection, holding hands, cuddling, and kissing!

If you’re in a marriage or dating someone who has physical touch as their love language, be sure to ask what touch makes them feel most loved and what annoys them.

These physical displays of affection are a gift and matter more than words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, and gifts.

Remember Jesus modeled physical touch and used His hands to heal. In the same way, this is an immense gift to give to your spouse.

————

**By Heather Riggleman at Christianity.com

What Is the Love Language of Words of Affirmation?

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This love language is also the only category that involves verbal expression. You can spot people whose love language is based on Words of Affirmation because those people don’t hesitate to cheer others on. So, making them feel valued with words is love.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones (Proverbs 16:24).

Scripture has much to say about the power of words. After all, words matter, and when it comes to our relationships, “the power of life and death” is held by the tongue (Proverbs 18:21).

Given the weighty influence of our words, it should come as no surprise that in matters of love, the “Words of Affirmation” category reigns supreme as the most common of the love languages.

What Are Love Languages?

A “love language” is a way that a person emotionally expresses and acknowledges love. Dr. Gary Chapman is a pastor and relationship expert who authored the best-selling book, The Five Love Languages.

In his book, Dr. Chapman identified five love languages that he noticed were being emotionally “spoken” by the married couples he counseled during his extensive career as a marriage counselor.

In particular, Dr. Chapman found that people tend to show affection in the same way that they like to receive it. In other words, the things that one person does to show love are the types of things that that person would like done back to feel loved.

For example, if you feel most in sync with your spouse during a romantic dinner, then Quality Time is your love language. If you’re thrilled by the thoughtfulness of a surprise gift, then you speak the language of Receiving Gifts.

Do you feel the most connected during moments of intimacy? If so, then your love language is Physical Touch. If considerate acts definitely speak louder than words for you, then you’re fluent in the Acts of Service love language.

Lastly, if you enjoy singing your sweetie’s praises and you’re overjoyed when they sing yours, then Words of Affirmation is your love lingo.

For purposes of this article, let’s zero in on the love language of Words of Affirmation, and consider ways in which you can show love through the power of your words.

What Are the ‘Words of Affirmation’ Love Language?

Think back to a time when you were told that you had done a good job on something, or when someone thanked you for your effort. Perhaps it was a boss, a friend, or a parent who recognized your hard work and verbalized their approval.

Those simple words of appreciation may have buoyed you for days or made you feel more connected to the speaker.

When it comes to married couples, Dr. Chapman tells us that words of affirmation make up the most common love language. This love language is also the only category that involves verbal expression.

You can spot people whose love language is based on Words of Affirmation because those people don’t hesitate to cheer others on. These are people who notice other people’s moods, celebrate other people’s accomplishments, and grieve when others grieve.

By the same token, these are the same people who are moved when others express their appreciation for them through words as well.

If your spouse’s primary love language is rooted in words of affirmation, here are four ways you can speak love to your beloved.

1. Call Your Spouse Just to Say, ‘I Love You’

If your loved one is reassured by words of affirmation, a phone call during the workday that may seem like an inconvenience to you may mean the world to them. The phone call doesn’t have to be long or consist of a litany of reasons you love your partner.

Rather, the phone call can simply be a quick “check-in” to make sure your sweetie is doing okay and to let him or her know that you love them.

Keep in mind that if verbal communication is hard for you, your sweetie would be over the moon if you jotted down your I love you in a quick note, email, or text.

Whatever your mode of communication, remember that sincerity is key. The effort you make in letting your loved one know that they are cherished won’t go unnoticed.

2. Speak Love by Being a Cheerleader

You know your spouse better than anyone. You know when they’re insecure or overwhelmed, hurting or just plain bummed out.

Your sweetheart may be having a string of bad days or they may be reeling from some recent bad news. Whatever the case, your words of encouragement may be the fix they need to steady their steps or bring some much-needed light to an otherwise gloomy day.

Whether it’s a simple “you’ve got this” before a big meeting, or a comforting “I’ll wait up to hear all about it” after a long day away from home, your heartfelt words of support go a long way to making your significant other feel loved.

And never underestimate the power of reassuring words on a sticky note smoothed onto a mirror to help your honey start his or her morning with a little more confidence.

3. Stick Up for Your Better Half

When you look at the love of your life, you may not be able to imagine anyone who doesn’t see all of the same qualities in him or her that you see.

Nothing bursts this bubble faster than when someone you know disparages your spouse. This can be especially hurtful when the critic is a friend or relative.

If you want your marriage to thrive, take your cue from longtime, happily married couples who say that the success behind their union is based on their united front. Use your words to show that, no matter how others may criticize your spouse, you are on your spouse’s side.

You don’t have to be rude to your loved one’s critic. But you do have to verbally assert that you love and stand by your spouse, and will not accept anyone’s insulting words pointed in their direction.

This will mean the most to your spouse when they hear you sticking up for them. If that isn’t possible, then be sure to communicate to them how you came to their defense outside of their presence.

4. Thank Your Spouse for What They Do

In a perfect world, couples would go around thanking each other every time they did something to make the other’s life a little easier.

The “thank yous” would flow like water whenever one of you got up with the baby in the middle of the night, drove the kids to their sports meets, or brought home dinner for a surprise date night in.

In reality, it’s easy to fall into a daily routine of checking off boxes on your to-do list and forget to express gratitude for all that your spouse does to keep your household running smoothly. Yet, gratitude matters, and telling your spouse how thankful you are for all they do can go a long way in making them feel valued.

For some people who speak the Words of Affirmation love language, a blanket “thank you for everything you do,” will make their heart swell. For others, they’ll appreciate your attention to detail in highlighting the specific things they did that you’re grateful for.

What Does This Mean?

For many couples, expressing words of affirmation can mean the difference between an evening spent enjoying each other’s company or an evening spent trying to figure out what triggered your sweetheart’s cold shoulder.

When you take the time to build up your spouse with words that resonate most in his or her heart, you’ll be doing your part to improve communication between you and your beloved. You’ll also be bolstering your marital bond in a way that will help stand the test of time. God bless your union!

———-

***By Dolores Smyth at Crosswalks

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Stop Hurrying Away from Service

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“But as for me, I have not hurried away from being a shepherd after You…”
‭‭~ Jeremiah‬ ‭17:16‬

My recent experience at a major tech conference highlighted the vast difference between the ways of this world, the tendencies of the flesh, and the ways of God’s kingdom.

One of the things that has blessed and challenged me most in the last decade of church life is seeing brothers and sisters who are willing to give, and give, and keep giving, to build up the church.

In the world, folks are always thinking of the end of the shift, of when they can clock out; and I’ve noticed that attitude can creep into the church as well: there can be a subtle tendency to think in terms of enough, or “I’ve done my part.” And in my heart, I begin “hurrying away,” as the verse in Jeremiah above says.

We have heard of the tremendous difference between the minimum Christian, who thinks of “what’s the least I can do to be a member in good standing,” and the maximum Christian, who says, “what else can I do to show my gratitude to the Lord for all He’s done for me?”

Especially when the pressures of this life weigh upon me, I have found that it’s good to consider the verse above: “Am I hurrying away from the church, in my heart?”

Jesus Is Our Example of Not Hurrying Away

We find an illuminating incident in the life of the Lord, when He heard about His cousin being murdered in Matthew 14. At the very time of mourning, He is called upon to serve. And rather than hurry away from the crowds who ignored His grief, Jesus faithfully healed the many who interrupted his time of mourning (Matthew 14:13-14).

Understandably, given all they knew of the situation, the disciples were ready for a break.

“When it was evening, the disciples came to Him and said, ‘This place is desolate and the hour is already late; so send the crowds away, that they may go into the villages and buy food for themselves.’”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:15‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

They were ready to clock out! But Jesus wasn’t.

“But Jesus said to them, ‘They do not need to go away; you give them something to eat!’”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:16‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

It’s at this inconvenient time — when Jesus was serving amidst life’s challenges, when the disciples were ready to call it a day and hurry away — that we see one of the greatest miracles Jesus performed: the feeding of the five thousand.

Jesus Calls Disciples to Keep Working With Him

What’s remarkable is how deeply Jesus required the participation of His disciples in the miracle. They had to pass out food by hand to several thousand people! And then, even after the meal, the disciples had work to do:

“When the crowds were filled, Jesus told His disciples, ‘Gather up the leftover fragments so that nothing will be lost.’”
‭‭John‬ ‭6:12‬ ‭‬‬

It challenged me to see that there’s no command to the crowd. They just got to enjoy the Lord’s bounty. The crowd may recline. Those only interested in healing and a meal may relax.

But Jesus calls His disciples to keep serving until the job is done.

Jesus Always Goes Above And Beyond

It’s easy to read this story and begin to think that the disciples were somehow disadvantaged or burdened by their service. Far from it! They were the ones with front row seats to His power and love!

And furthermore, lest we ever think that we are the ones working longest or hardest, may we never forget that Jesus works longest.

After challenging the disciples to “not hurry away,” and asking for them to work beyond the window of convenience, Jesus dismisses them from duty, but He keeps working:

“Immediately He made the disciples get into the boat and go ahead of Him to the other side, while He sent the crowds away.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭14:22‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Jesus, not the disciples, took responsibility for dispatching the crowd! Having just attended a large conference, I have renewed appreciation for this statement. I watched a lot of noteworthy presenters end their presentations only to be whisked away through a back door, never to be seen again or troubled by questions of the adoring crowd. One of the most generous of the famous speakers I observed did sign one book, “but this is the only one!” she said, even while she did it.

Crowds were regularly requested to remain seated until after the presenters left, so as to not inconvenience them, handlers working the crowd and helping them find exits.

Imagine how the scene must have been that day on the shores of Galilee. Approximately 15,000 people, who have not only been healed, but have also just been miraculously fed, surely didn’t disperse easily.

Jesus took that job Himself.

He did not employ handlers to do the job; not even His disciples. After asking much of them, Jesus is the One Who stuck around, who went above and beyond.

Jesus Christ is so completely opposite to what we see in this world.

“But Jesus called them to Himself and said, ‘You know that the rulers of the Gentiles Lord it over them, and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not this way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant, and whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.’”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭20:25-28‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

May the Lord enable us as disciples to follow His example of overflowing service, and give us strength by the power of the Holy Spirit to deny the worldly, fleshly tendency to “hurry away” from being poured out on behalf of His body.

———-

**By Jeremy Utley © Copyright – Jeremy Utley. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at NCCF Church / Picture at pexels

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Everyone Is A Christian Until It Gets Biblical!

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If you love me, obey my commands, and my commands are not burdensome… Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves the father loves his child as well. This is how we know that we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. ~ 1 John 5:1-5

Everyone is a Christian until it gets Biblical. What do I mean?

Everyone claims to be a Christian until you start preaching the Biblical teachings from the word of God that shakes you to the core. The real substance, the real stuff. The things that Jesus said and showed his disciples that was scary. People get mad when you present their God as powerful and someone to fear when that’s who he is!

We are supposed to love God and fear God, but all we want to do is love God and believe some of the washed up teachings of some of today’s church, who teach you that, the God that destroys cities for sinning and who is coming back to destroy the world, is not the god you serve because He loves, and is too merciful to do that.

Our God is righteous and doesn’t change! Some churches teaches you its okay to sin, just repent when you do. My Saviour said my people take my grace as a license to sin and will perish for a lack of knowledge! Be sure you serve the GOD of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob! That you serve the GOD of the Bible! NOT another god that grants your every wish and desire like a genie in a bottle, or some celestial santa clause, who you rub the right way and he will grant you your every desire, that is a deception! You cannot trust ANY other man to teach you the true Word! You must read it for yourself and ask the Lord for understanding, if you’re born again you have the Holy Spirit as your teacher! He will always teach you the RIGHT word! The RIGHT understanding! The RIGHT interpretation! Put all your faith in the Lord and put on the FULL ARMOUR of God for the enemies fiery darts are flying fast and hit hard.

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** Random Christian at Reddit / Picture by Wendy V Zyl at Pexels

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The Need for Revelation and Power

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In Ephesians 1:17, 18, Paul had prayed that the Christians at Ephesus might receive revelation from the Holy Spirit. At the end of this first half of Ephesians, in chapter 3:16, Paul prays that they might receive power from the Holy Spirit. These are our two greatest needs – revelation and power. The Holy Spirit alone can give us both. The entire Christian life is dependent on the Holy Spirit. First of all, the Spirit gives us revelation on what God has done for us in Christ. Then, He gives us power to walk in a manner worthy of our calling, obeying all that the Lord has taught us.

In Ephesians 3: 18 & 19, we see that we can experience the breadth and length and height and depth of the love of Christ (there are four dimensions there and that itself goes beyond human knowledge!!) – only along with ALL the saints. We can never grasp the love of Christ all by ourselves. We need the other members of Christ’s Body. And further, we need ALL the members of Christ’s Body, not just those in our own little group. That is why our hearts should always be open to ALL believers, even to those who don’t agree with us, and even to those whom we would consider a bit extreme. We may not be able to work with all of them, and we certainly will not be able to meet all of them on this earth. But our hearts should be open to all of God’s children. Our hearts must have room for as many brothers and sisters as God has children – both barbarian and cultured.

That is why we need to be open to read the writings of ALL godly people – and not just to the writings of our favourite authors. Let me warn you, in advance, that in my lifetime, I have found very, very few believers who have such an open heart. But those are the few who are truly spiritually wealthy. The remainder carry on with their poverty-stricken, sectarian attitudes and live and die as Pharisees, missing out on the wealth that could have been theirs if they had been humble enough to accept all whom God had accepted.

Let us meditate carefully on the first three chapters of Ephesians and ask the Holy Spirit to give us revelation on these glorious truths. Once you have got revelation, you will be ready to seek the Spirit for His power to live an overcoming life, full of purity, humility and love. Then we will be able to put away ALL unwholesome words from our speech, and ALL anger and ALL bitterness from our hearts (Eph.4:29, 31).

Then wives will be able to submit to their husbands as the church is to Christ, and husbands will be able to love their wives as Christ loved the church (Eph.5:22, 25). Then we will be able to overcome Satan at all times (Eph.6:11-13). And then we will have the power to “become imitators of God” (Eph.5:1).

God is able to do far more in us and through us than we can ask or think.

To Him alone be all the glory (Eph.3:20, 21).

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** Copyright – Zac Poonen. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at CFC India.com / Photo by Avery Nielsen-Webb at Pexels