Category: discernment

In God’s Will: When Obedience Costs Everything

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What does it truly mean to walk in the will of the Lord? Often, following God means swimming against the current of human expectations, risking rejection, and sacrificing comfort. The Bible is replete with stories of individuals who remained faithful to God’s call, even when they were criticized, misunderstood, or seemingly abandoned. Their examples challenge us to ask: Are we seeking God’s approval or the world’s? Are we willing to serve where He places us, whether in the spotlight or in obscurity?

Living in God’s will isn’t about earthly popularity or personal ambition. It’s about surrender, obedience, and faithfulness—whether our path leads to acclaim or hardship.

1. Obedience Often Invites Opposition

From the earliest pages of Scripture, we see that walking in obedience to God frequently comes at a cost. The world’s values often clash with God’s standards, and His servants are called to choose between human approval and divine allegiance.

• Noah: Noah was asked to build an ark in a time when rain, let alone a flood, seemed implausible. For decades, he endured mockery from a corrupt generation, yet he obeyed God without wavering (Genesis 6:9-22, Hebrews 11:7). Noah’s story reminds us that obedience may isolate us but positions us to receive God’s protection and favor.

• Jeremiah: Known as the “weeping prophet,” Jeremiah was tasked with delivering messages of judgment to a rebellious people. He faced imprisonment, public scorn, and even death threats (Jeremiah 20:1-2, Jeremiah 26:8-9). Despite his suffering, Jeremiah remained faithful, demonstrating that obedience to God sometimes means bearing burdens no one else understands.

• Jesus Christ: The perfect example of obedience, Jesus consistently chose the will of the Father over human approval. He healed the sick, forgave sinners, and preached the kingdom of God, yet He was despised and rejected (Isaiah 53:3, John 1:11). Even in the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, “Not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). His life teaches us that the cost of obedience is worth it because it fulfills God’s ultimate purpose.

2. God’s Ways Are Higher

Scripture reminds us that God’s plans often defy human logic and expectations: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord (Isaiah 55:8). Walking in the will of God requires trust in His sovereignty, even when His path seems counterintuitive or unpopular. Consider the Apostle Paul, who left a promising career as a Pharisee to follow Christ, facing beatings, imprisonment, and ultimately martyrdom (2 Corinthians 11:23-27). His motivation? To please God, not man (Galatians 1:10).

3. Eternal Rewards for Faithfulness

While obedience to God may bring earthly challenges, it also brings eternal rewards. Paul writes in 2 Timothy 4:7-8, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness.” Those who remain faithful to God will be honored by Him, even if they are disregarded by the world.

Staying Faithful Where You Are

1. God Often Prepares Us in Obscurity

Many of God’s servants were shaped by years of quiet preparation before stepping into their ultimate calling.

• Moses: Before leading Israel, Moses spent 40 years tending sheep in Midian (Exodus 3:1). This seemingly mundane task was God’s training ground, teaching him patience, humility, and reliance on divine guidance. When Moses later faced opposition from the Israelites in the wilderness, his years in obscurity had prepared him to lead with perseverance.

• David: Before becoming king, David spent years as a shepherd and later as a fugitive, fleeing from Saul. These years of obscurity taught him to trust God in all circumstances, a lesson reflected in his psalms (Psalm 23, Psalm 27).

2. Faithfulness in Small Things

Jesus emphasized the importance of being faithful in the small, unseen tasks: “Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much” (Luke 16:10). Whether serving as a shepherd like Moses or simply remaining steadfast in prayer, God sees and values our faithfulness.

3. Perseverance Through Rejection

Jesus Himself experienced rejection by His own people: “No prophet is accepted in his hometown” (Luke 4:24). Yet He continued His mission, modeling for us the importance of serving where God places us, regardless of recognition. Similarly, Paul encouraged believers: “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).

Key Takeaways for Us Today

1. God’s Sovereignty Over Popularity

Walking in God’s will requires surrendering our desire for approval and trusting His higher purposes. Whether we are called to stand boldly like Jeremiah or serve quietly like Moses, our focus should be on pleasing Him, not the crowd (Proverbs 29:25).

2. Purpose in Pain

Opposition and obscurity are not signs of failure but of refinement. As James 1:2-4 reminds us: “Consider it pure joy… whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.” God uses difficult seasons to deepen our trust and prepare us for greater assignments.

3. Faithfulness Defines Success

Success in God’s kingdom is not measured by numbers, recognition, or worldly accolades but by faithfulness. Jesus’ words in Matthew 25:21 echo this truth: “Well done, good and faithful servant!” Whether leading a nation, building an ark, or caring for sheep, the true measure of our lives is found in our obedience to God.

Conclusion

The most important question for any believer is not, “Am I successful?” or “Am I appreciated?” but “Am I where God wants me to be?” Whether standing firm against popular opinion or serving faithfully in an unseen place, the ultimate goal is to honor God and fulfill His purpose. His rewards are eternal, and His approval is worth far more than the fleeting favor of man. Let us remain steadfast, knowing that our labor in the Lord is never in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).

A Prayer for Faithfulness and Obedience

Heavenly Father,

We come before You with hearts longing to do Your will. Teach us to walk in obedience to Your plans, even when the path is difficult or misunderstood by others. Strengthen us to stand firm in faith when the world opposes us, just as Noah, Jeremiah, and Your Son, Jesus, did.

Lord, help us to seek Your approval above all else. Free us from the need for human recognition, and remind us that Your favor is our greatest reward. When we feel unseen or unappreciated, reassure us of Your presence and Your eternal purposes for our lives.

Father, give us patience in seasons of waiting and courage in moments of opposition. Help us to be faithful in the small things, trusting that You are using them to prepare us for greater things. Teach us to trust Your timing and Your ways, even when they seem unclear.

May we never grow weary in doing good, and may we remain steadfast in our service to You. Let our lives bring glory to Your name, whether we are called to stand boldly in the spotlight or to serve quietly in the background.

Thank You, Lord, for the promise that our labor in You is never in vain. Help us to hear the words “Well done, good and faithful servant” at the end of our race. Until that day, keep our hearts focused on You, our strength rooted in Your Spirit, and our joy anchored in Your love.

In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, we pray.

Amen.

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** Photo by Evelyn Chong at Pexels

Single Mothers Beware: Not Every Man is a Father

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While this warning applies to both single mothers and single fathers, there is a noticeable trend among single mothers that warrants particular attention. Being a single mother is a complex and often challenging journey, but it also requires wisdom and vigilance—especially when navigating new relationships. For many women, after experiencing the loss of a partner, poor relationship choices, or coming from a time before embracing faith, the prospect of a new relationship may seem like a chance for companionship, love, and support. However, it’s crucial for single mothers to recognize that not all men who enter their lives have genuine intentions. Some men may approach with ulterior motives, which can put both the mother and her children at risk.

The “Package Deal” Dynamic

When a single mother enters a relationship, she brings her children into the equation. Some men may view the woman as an individual but fail to acknowledge the responsibility and care her children require. In extreme cases, they may even see the children as obstacles. This mindset can be likened to certain wild predators that eliminate offspring to increase their chances of mating.

Predators Who Target Vulnerable Families

Some men approach single mothers not out of genuine affection but to exploit the situation for their own gain. This includes individuals with pedophilic tendencies who prey on vulnerable families. These predators often manipulate emotionally vulnerable mothers, gaining their trust before revealing their true intentions: access to the children. Their tactics include grooming and isolating the mother from her children to make them more susceptible to abuse.

Manipulation Tactics to Undermine the Family

Predators may mistreat children to create a toxic environment, pushing the mother to choose between the man and her children. They may offer ultimatums, such as suggesting the children leave or the relationship ends, aiming to solidify control over the mother. This manipulative behaviour seeks to break up the family unit, with the ultimate goal of removing the children from the picture.

The Type of Man Who Embraces Another’s Children

A man who truly cares for a woman will also embrace her children as part of the family. Such men understand the responsibility of nurturing, protecting, and supporting the children, viewing them not as obstacles but as part of the family. In contrast, men who struggle with jealousy or resentment towards the children may reveal their lack of respect for the family dynamic over time.

The Danger of Emotional Manipulation

Predators often use emotional manipulation to undermine the mother’s connection to her children, creating a toxic environment that pressures her to choose between the man and her children. This strategy isolates the mother, focusing her attention solely on him and convincing her that life would be easier without her children. Mothers must remain vigilant, trusting their instincts and recognising such manipulation tactics.

The Importance of Boundaries and Discernment

Single mothers must establish strong boundaries to protect their children. Any potential partner who shows disrespect or mistreatment towards the children is a warning sign. A loving partner will demonstrate kindness and patience toward the children, accepting them as part of the family. Pressure to prioritise the relationship over the children’s needs should be taken seriously as a red flag.

Single Motherhood: A Diverse Journey

Single mothers come to their position through various circumstances—loss, poor past choices, or before embracing faith. Regardless of the reason, they must remember that their primary responsibility is to care for their children. A woman’s past should not define her worth or ability to make wise decisions moving forward. The safety, happiness, and well-being of her children must remain her priority.

Protecting the Family Above All Else

Discernment is key for single mothers. Not all men have good intentions, and some may have ulterior motives that endanger the family. A healthy relationship should support the family unit, not tear it apart. A mother’s responsibility is to protect her children, and this sacred duty must never be compromised for any relationship, no matter how tempting.

Single mothers can create and rely on a robust support system that ensures their well-being and that of their children. Here are some key elements of a strong support system:

1. Family and Friends

• Emotional Support: Close relatives and trusted friends can offer encouragement, advice, and understanding during challenging times.

• Practical Help: They may assist with childcare, errands, or household tasks, providing much-needed relief.

2. Church and Faith Communities

• Spiritual Guidance: Many churches provide pastoral counseling, prayer groups, and spiritual mentoring for single mothers.

• Practical Assistance: Faith communities often organize programs like meal trains, child mentoring, and transportation services.

• Small Groups: Joining a single-parent Bible study or support group can provide encouragement and shared experiences.

3. Local Nonprofits and Community Programs

• Many local organizations offer:

• Affordable or free childcare services.

• Parenting workshops to build skills and confidence.

• Emergency financial aid for rent, utilities, or groceries.

4. Professional Counseling and Support Groups

• Therapy or support groups for single mothers can provide a safe space to process emotions, heal, and learn coping mechanisms.

• Online forums and virtual support groups offer connection for those unable to meet in person.

5. School and Educational Resources

• Many schools provide after-school programs or low-cost childcare to help working mothers.

• Teachers and counselors can be valuable allies in supporting children’s emotional and academic needs.

6. Government Assistance Programs

• Programs like SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program), WIC (Women, Infants, and Children), and Medicaid offer financial and healthcare support.

• Subsidized housing or childcare can also provide stability for single mothers.

7. Legal and Advocacy Services

• Single mothers facing custody, child support, or domestic issues can seek help from:

• Legal aid services.

• Family law attorneys specializing in single-parent cases.

• Advocacy groups protecting women and children.

8. Christian and Faith-Based Organizations

• Organizations like Focus on the Family, Safe Families for Children, The Salvation Army (see the resources section below) provide specialized support tailored to single mothers.

• Mentorship programs connect single mothers with experienced women who provide guidance and encouragement.

9. Self-Care and Personal Development

• Regular self-care routines, such as journaling, exercise, and pursuing hobbies, help mothers recharge.

• Seeking opportunities for personal growth, such as job training or education, can build independence and confidence.

By building a network of trusted relationships and accessing community resources, single mothers can navigate their challenges while ensuring their family’s stability and well-being.

Resources for Support

Here are some Christian-based organizations and charities that provide help for single mothers in vulnerable situations:

1. Focus on the Family

A Christian organization offering resources, counseling, and guidance for single mothers, including support for those in difficult or dangerous relationships.

2. Safe Families for Children

A nonprofit providing temporary care for children in crisis, supporting single mothers by offering safe, loving placements for their children.

3. Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO)

An organization that helps strengthen the Church’s efforts in caring for vulnerable children through fostering, adoption, and support services.

4. The Salvation Army

Provides emergency shelter, housing, and support for single mothers and families in need, as well as recovery programs and domestic violence support.

5. National Domestic Violence Hotline

Provides confidential support and resources for women and families affected by domestic violence. It includes information on safe shelter, legal help, and counseling.

6. Christian Domestic Violence Support

A Christian resource offering information and help for women in abusive relationships, including links to counseling and shelter programs.

7. Christian Women’s Job Corps (CWJC)

A faith-based nonprofit offering job training, mentoring, and support for women, including single mothers, as they work to achieve self-sufficiency.

8. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD)

Supports mothers and families who have been impacted by drunk driving, providing counseling and legal support to those who need it.

9. The National Women’s Law Center

Offers resources, legal information, and advocacy to support women’s rights, including those related to family law, workplace issues, and domestic violence.

10. Lifeline Children’s Services

This organization provides support for children, including adoption services, and family resources, with an emphasis on Christian care for children in need.

11. Family Promise

A nonprofit providing emergency shelter, housing assistance, and case management services for families experiencing homelessness, including single mothers and children.

12. Catholic Charities USA

Offers a wide range of services to single mothers, including counseling, housing assistance, food, healthcare, and other family support services.

13. Hope for the Heart

A Christian organization offering counseling, support, and resources for women facing emotional and relational struggles, including single mothers.

14. The American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)

Provides a directory of Christian counselors and therapists who offer professional support to women, including single mothers dealing with trauma, emotional abuse, and other difficulties.

These organizations offer vital support for single mothers, including counseling, legal assistance, shelter, parenting resources, and more. If you find yourself in need of help, don’t hesitate to reach out to any of these organizations, as they provide confidential and compassionate services.

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*** Photo by PNW Production at Pexels

How to Protect Your Heart from Emotional Manipulation in Relationships – Part 3

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 3 of a 5-part series on guarding your heart in relationships. As women, we are nurturing by nature and referred to in the Bible as the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). This isn’t a reflection of value but a design that calls us to be helpers to men, wired to bring support and care into relationships. Men instinctively know this about us, and while this dynamic can bring balance and beauty, it also leaves room for misuse when not approached with God’s wisdom and guidance.

Navigating relationships as a woman is both rewarding and challenging. The desire for meaningful connection is God-given, but it is essential to protect your heart from those who might exploit your trust and affection. This article will help you recognize emotional manipulation, safeguard your heart, and keep your relationships aligned with God’s design.

Understanding the Issue

In Christian communities, marriage is often emphasized as the goal of relationships. Traditionally, men are seen as leaders in pursuing this commitment. However, some misuse this dynamic, taking advantage of women’s nurturing nature to gain emotional support, companionship or even material benefits without the intention of genuine commitment, dodging the responsibility and accountability God places on the man.

This behavior distorts the biblical model of relationships, which calls for love, mutual respect, and service. Scripture, especially passages like 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5:25, reminds us that relationships should reflect Christ-like love. When someone enjoys the benefits of a relationship—such as emotional support or marital privileges—without accountability, it can leave women feeling devalued and disrespected.

How Women Can Protect Themselves

Guarding your heart requires awareness, boundaries, and trust in God’s plan for your life. Below are practical steps to help you stay vigilant and protect yourself from emotional manipulation.

1. Recognize Red Flags Early On

Understanding warning signs can save you from heartache.

Signs to Watch For:

• He avoids discussing long-term plans or commitment.

• He benefits emotionally, practically, or financially but does not reciprocate.

• He dodges conversations about defining the relationship or its future.

What to Do:

• Trust patterns, not promises. Actions speak louder than words.

• If he consistently avoids clarity, prayerfully consider whether the relationship is aligned with God’s will.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for protecting your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Practical Steps:

• Define your boundaries early and communicate them clearly.

• Avoid giving “marital privileges” without a commitment, such as deep emotional investment, financial support, or physical intimacy.

• Stand firm when someone pressures you to compromise your values.

3. Avoid Rushing into Emotional Investment

Deep emotional connections should develop gradually, based on proven sincerity.

Suggestion:

• Take time to assess his character and intentions.

• Observe his response to your boundaries. Respect is a crucial indicator of genuine love.

• Trust God’s timing and allow relationships to grow organically.

4. Seek Accountability and Godly Counsel

Sometimes emotions can cloud judgment. Trusted counsel can help you see clearly.

Why It’s Important:

• Trusted friends, mentors, or spiritual leaders provide objective insights.

• A godly community helps you stay grounded in biblical principles.

5. Embrace Your Value and Worth in Christ

Your identity is rooted in Christ, not in a relationship or another person’s validation.

Reminders:

• Reflect on Psalm 139:14: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

• When you know your worth in God’s eyes, you won’t settle for less than His best for you.

What to Look for in a Healthy Relationship

A godly relationship should reflect the principles of love, respect, and mutual commitment. Seek these qualities in a potential partner:

• Respect: He honors your boundaries and values your emotions.

• Clear Intentions: He communicates openly and aligns his actions with his words.

• Sacrificial Love: He demonstrates Christ-like love through selflessness and support.

• Accountability: He welcomes godly counsel and community oversight.

Taking Control of the Situation

If you notice red flags or feel uncertain about someone’s intentions, take proactive steps to protect your heart:

1. Clarify Your Own Needs: Align your relationship expectations with God’s principles.

2. Evaluate Actions Over Words: Look for consistency between what he says and does.

3. Have a Direct Conversation: Express your concerns openly and see how he responds.

4. Be Willing to Walk Away: If he doesn’t respect your boundaries or intentions, trust God’s plan and let go.

Conclusion

Relationships are designed to reflect God’s love—honest, sacrificial, and committed. Emotional manipulation undermines this purpose and can leave women feeling used and devalued. By staying vigilant, setting boundaries, and seeking godly counsel, you can protect your heart and honor both God and yourself in your relationships.

It’s essential to remember that you cannot change a person—only God can transform hearts. Men are not “build-a-bear” projects, and it’s not your responsibility to fix or mold someone into who you hope they could be. Trying to do so often leads to frustration and heartache.

The fear of being alone or not finding someone can make it tempting to settle for less than God’s best. But settling out of fear compromises your values and leads to unfulfilling relationships. Trust God’s timing, knowing that He has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11).

Never forget: your worth is found in Christ, not in a man’s approval. True love reflects God’s design, where respect, integrity, and godliness thrive. Stay rooted in His Word, embrace your identity in Him, and let Him guide you toward relationships that bring joy, growth, and lasting love.

Online Dating: Spotting Predators and Protecting Your Heart – Part 2

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 2 of a 5 part series. In recent times, online dating has become an increasingly popular avenue for meeting potential partners, including for Christian men and women seeking to honor God in their relationships. However, there’s a concerning trend among some men who profess to be Christians, yet their actions contradict the values of Christ. These individuals target virtuous Christian women, misleading them with facades of faith and manipulating them for selfish gain.

The Deception of “Christian” Men

Just because a man claims to be a Christian does not necessarily mean he is one in practice. As believers, we are taught to “test the spirits” (1 John 4:1) and to judge a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:16). When it comes to dating, it’s essential to recognize that some men who profess Christianity may not embody the character and integrity that genuine Christian faith demands. They might use their faith as a tool to gain the trust of unsuspecting women, but their actions may reveal their true intentions.

These characters often try to manipulate and control women by disguising themselves as faithful, virtuous Christians. They may even be skilled at convincing their victims that any objection or concern is overreacting, that it’s “old-fashioned,” or that “everyone is different” now. However, these men are often deeply rooted in sinful behavior, and their actions ultimately seek to exploit the women they pursue.

The Dangerous Pattern of Predatory Behavior

The most troubling aspect of these types of men is how they prey on young, trusting, and virtuous Christian women. Many of these men have a sordid past—filled with sin and indulgence—and after realizing that they may end up alone in middle age, they seek to find a woman who is naive and spiritually anchored in faith, believing she will not leave them, no matter how poorly they mistreat her.

As Christians, we are called to live in accordance with God’s commandments and to love one another with purity and respect. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” which means sacrificially, selflessly, and honorably. This principle contradicts the behavior of these predatory types of men who want to dominate, control, and ultimately abuse women. The idea that a woman will stay married to a man despite his neglect, abuse, or sinful behavior, because of the sacredness of marriage, is a tool these men exploit.

These types often claim to have “converted” to Christianity, or they may return to their faith after years of living recklessly. But in many cases, their motivations for converting or returning to Christianity are not born out of a genuine change of heart or love for Christ but rather out of a desire to find a woman they can manipulate. This situation underscores the need for caution, as it’s clear that not everyone who claims to be Christian truly follows Christ in their actions, and are ‘Christian’ in name only, this includes women.

Red Flags: How to Spot a Predatory Man

The Bible encourages us to be discerning, and when it comes to dating, that discernment is vital. Matthew 7:15-20 warns against false prophets, saying, “By their fruits you will recognize them.” Here are some red flags to look out for when considering a potential partner from a Christian dating site:

1. The “Perfect” Facade: At first, a predator may seem charming, kind, and deeply devout, going out of his way to appear virtuous. For example, he might say, “I’ve been praying for someone like you” or “I feel like God brought us together for a reason.” However, inconsistencies in his actions will reveal his true intentions. While he might talk about his faith and commitment to purity, his behavior might not align with what he says. For example, while he might insist on being a gentleman in public, his messages could become increasingly flirtatious, intrusive or inappropriate when you’re alone. These inconsistencies show that his outward charm and devotion are just a facade, designed to manipulate your emotions.

2. Inconsistent Faith: A man who claims to be Christian but never seems to want to talk about the faith, avoids conversations about God, or downplays the importance of living according to biblical principles should raise alarm bells. If he doesn’t truly value God’s teachings, his interest in you might be more about satisfying his own needs than honoring Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it states, we are not to be unequally yoked, stating the importance of sharing the same values, beliefs, and at least the same level of faith in a relationship, if you are devout Christian you don’t want to be with someone who is lukewarm.

3. Boundary Violations: A predator may test your boundaries early on, asking for inappropriate pictures, making lewd jokes, or reacting poorly when you establish limits. They often use manipulation tactics to break down your defences, by using false piety, acting hurt, questioning your faith, try to shame you or misuse Scripture to pressure you into lowering your defences, to make you feel guilty or obligated—clear red flags to watch for and disengage from immediately.

4. Victim Mentality: If a man constantly portrays himself as misunderstood or mistreated by others, it’s often a way to deflect attention from his own harmful behavior and avoid taking responsibility for his actions. For example, he might say, “Everyone always misunderstands me; they just don’t get how much I’ve been through.” He may even blame others for his problems, making it seem like he’s always the victim. This tactic is commonly used by abusers to manipulate your emotions, making you feel sorry for him and guilty for not being more supportive. By focusing on his supposed victimhood, he shifts the narrative away from his own harmful actions, creating an emotional bond that makes it harder for you to recognize or confront his behavior. This manipulation lowers your guard and makes you more likely to overlook red flags in the relationship.

5. Control and Possession: True love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, is not about control but is patient, kind, and honors the freedom of the other person. In a healthy relationship, both individuals are free to make their own choices and grow in their faith, just as God respects our free will. If someone tries to limit your actions or control who you see, especially people who support your faith and care for your well-being, like family, it’s a red flag that their intentions are based on manipulation and possession. A predator might also try to convince you that they know what’s best for you, suggesting that you’re not smart enough to make your own decisions. They may even misquote Scripture to manipulate you into submitting to them, by saying things like, “The Bible says you should submit to your husband”—even though submission is specifically for marriage, not dating. This tactic is designed to make you feel inferior, drop boundaries and give up your independence, whilst they control the relationship.

6. Devaluation and Gaslighting: A common manipulative tactic used by predators is to devaluate and gaslight you, to make you question your worth and sense of reality. They may make you feel like you’re either “too much” or “not enough” by criticizing your appearance, past, or choices. For instance, they might say, “I can’t believe someone like you is still single,” suggesting there’s something wrong with you, or “You’ve been through a lot, huh? That probably explains why you act the way you do,” implying you’re damaged or flawed. These comments are designed to shake your confidence and make you feel insecure. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, making you more reliant on their approval. By planting seeds of doubt, they work to break down your boundaries and make you question your own worth, making it easier for them to control you.

7. Future-Faking: These individuals often string women along by promising an ideal future together, but their promises rarely materialise. This is a common trait of predators who manipulate women into staying in the relationship that serve their selfish interests, by painting an ideal, faith-based future that aligns with the woman’s values and hopes, making her believe that the relationship is part of God’s plan, hoping that you will overlook the bright red flags and your gut instinct with the smooth talk.

8. A Toxic Past: A predator may openly admit to having a troubled or sordid past but, at the same time, demand that the woman be perfect—expecting her to be “virginal” or without any past mistakes or experiences. This double standard is not only unfair, but it also reveals a deep hypocrisy. It shows that he is unwilling to offer the same grace and forgiveness to others that Christ offers to all of us. We are called to show compassion and understanding to others, acknowledging that we all have a past and have made mistakes. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, grace, and forgiveness, not on unrealistic expectations or judgment of one another’s history. If someone is unable to offer this grace, it’s a clear sign of manipulation and an inability to truly love in the way Christ teaches us.

Protecting Yourself: Trusting God and Your Instincts

While dating online can lead to genuine relationships, it’s essential to remain cautious and discerning. God has given us wisdom and the Holy Spirit to guide us, and one of the most important tools for protecting ourselves is our intuition. If something feels off or doesn’t sit right, trust it. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding—this applies to relationships as well.

Remember, you are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If a man displays significant red flags, it’s crucial to walk away. Your value is not determined by whether or not you are in a relationship. You are a daughter of the King, worthy of love, respect, and honor.

Lastly, as Christian women, we must avoid believing that we have to “fix” someone or change their character to fit our standards. Only God can change hearts. Your job is to discern wisely and protect your heart, keeping it pure for the right man who will love you as Christ loves the Church.

Biblical Principles of Dating and Marriage

Christian relationships should reflect the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A key part of evaluating a potential partner is looking at how they display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Some biblical principles that could guide you are:

• Ephesians 5:25-28: Men are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. This should be a benchmark for women to evaluate whether a man truly embodies Christ-like love.

• 2 Corinthians 6:14: Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It is vital that both partners share the same faith and commitment to Christ for a healthy relationship.

Importance of Community and Accountability

Christian dating should never happen in isolation. It’s essential to seek mentorship and accountability from trusted Christian leaders, elders, or friends who know both individuals well. Consider:

• Involving your church community: Let others in your church know about your relationship so they can offer wisdom and discernment.

• Consulting a pastor or mature Christian: A wise Christian mentor can help spot red flags you might miss.

Encouragement of Healthy Boundaries

Set practical boundaries in your relationship to safeguard your emotional, physical, and spiritual health:

• Physical Boundaries: Maintain purity by setting clear limits around physical contact.

• Emotional Boundaries: Respect each other’s emotional well-being, and allow space for personal growth and outside friendships.

• Time and Energy Boundaries: Avoid relationships that drain you or demand excessive control.

The Role of Patience and Discernment in Relationships

Patience is essential in Christian relationships. Psalm 27:14 encourages waiting on God’s timing. Trust in God’s plan and do not rush into relationships based on emotions alone.

Encouragement to Walk in Confidence and Worth

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Embrace your identity in Christ and remember that your value is not tied to your relationship status (Ephesians 2:10). Walk confidently in the truth that God has a purpose for you, regardless of your current relational situation.

Clearer Conclusion with Practical Steps

If you are considering an online relationship or already in one, take these practical steps:

• Pray for discernment.

• Set boundaries early.

• Seek counsel from trusted individuals in your church.

• Maintain purity, both emotionally and physically.

• Walk away if you spot red flags—don’t feel obligated to continue a relationship that doesn’t honor God.

In conclusion, while there are many genuine Christian men on dating websites, the rise of predators masquerading as Christians is a growing concern. Stay vigilant, trust in the Lord’s guidance, and above all, never forget that your value comes from God alone. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, as Christ would treat His Church.

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*** Photo by Cottonbro Studios

The Traditions of Men Versus the Word of God

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In Mark 7:8, Jesus speaks with profound clarity: “You disregard and neglect the commandment of God, and cling [faithfully] to the tradition of men.” This verse cuts to the heart of an ongoing tension that has existed since the days of Christ: the elevation of human traditions over the divine Word of God. Jesus’ confrontation with the Pharisees reveals a dangerous practice where man-made traditions overshadow and even invalidate God’s commandments.

Traditions: A Challenge in Jesus’ Time

Mark 7:2-9 paints a vivid picture of this confrontation. The Pharisees and scribes, having observed Jesus’ disciples eating with unwashed hands, found fault with them. They weren’t just concerned with hygiene, but with the breaking of religious customs—the “tradition of the elders”—which had become a cornerstone of Jewish religious practice. They viewed this tradition as equal to, or even above, God’s commandments.

Jesus’ response is striking. He calls them hypocrites, quoting Isaiah: “This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me.” He condemns their practices, stating, “For laying aside the commandment of God, you hold the tradition of men.” This indictment is as relevant today as it was then. The Pharisees placed their traditions on a pedestal, and in doing so, lost sight of the heart of God’s law. They honored God with outward rituals, but their hearts were far from Him.

The Danger of Tradition Today

In the present age, many Christians find themselves at a similar crossroads. The traditions of men can still creep into our faith, subtly undermining the pure Word of God. Colossians 2:8 warns us to be vigilant: “Beware lest anyone cheat you through philosophy and empty deceit, according to the tradition of men, according to the basic principles of the world, and not according to Christ.” Tradition, when unchecked by Scripture, can lead us into a form of religion that has the appearance of wisdom but lacks the power to transform.

One of the greatest dangers of these traditions is that they often seem harmless or even beneficial. After all, they may have been passed down for generations and become ingrained in our communities and culture. But as 1 Peter 1:17-19 reminds us, we were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, “from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ.” Our salvation is not found in human traditions but in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

The Pharisees’ Blindness: An Ongoing Struggle

When Jesus rebuked the Pharisees for their traditions, He pointed to the deeper issue of the heart. The Pharisees had developed a system of religion that was all about outward appearances, with rules about washing hands and cleaning vessels (Mark 7:4). But their focus on external purity blinded them to the internal transformation that God desires. As Romans 10:3 states, “They being ignorant of God’s righteousness, and seeking to establish their own righteousness, have not submitted to the righteousness of God.”

This is a profound warning for believers today. If we are not careful, we can also fall into the trap of relying on human traditions or self-imposed practices to define our righteousness. But no amount of religious ritual can make us right with God—only faith in Jesus Christ, submission to His Word, and His finished work on the Cross can do that. No amount of external works or accolades will suffice, for obedience is better than sacrifice.

God’s Commandments are Sufficient

Deuteronomy 12:29-32 gives a stern warning: “Whatever I command you, be careful to observe it; you shall not add to it nor take away from it.” God’s Word is complete and sufficient. We are not to add to it with human traditions, nor are we to take away from it through selective obedience. The Scripture is clear: anything that detracts from the purity of God’s Word is not to be followed.

Traditions often evolve over time and may start with good intentions, but they can lead us away from the truth of the Gospel. In Matthew 15:1-9, Jesus again confronts the Pharisees, accusing them of transgressing the commandments of God in favor of their traditions. Their interpretation of the law had become twisted, allowing them to bypass God’s true commands—such as honoring father and mother—while upholding human rules that seemed religious.

Direct Access to God Through Christ

One of the most beautiful gifts that Christians have is direct access to God through Jesus Christ. As believers, we are not bound by the traditions of men that create barriers between us and God. The veil has been torn (Matthew 27:51), and we can approach the throne of grace with confidence (Hebrews 4:16). Through the sacrifice of Jesus, we have the privilege of a personal relationship with God. We no longer need a human intermediary to offer sacrifices or perform rituals on our behalf.

Because Jesus is our mediator, we have the incredible privilege of direct communication with God through prayer. He intercedes for us (Romans 8:34), making our prayers effective and heard by the Father. This divine access reminds us that our relationship with God is intimate and unbroken, secured through Christ’s finished work on the cross, as He alone died for our sins.

Conclusion: Cling to God’s Word, Not Man’s Tradition

The Word of God is living and powerful (Hebrews 4:12). It is our guide, our light, and our foundation. We must be careful not to allow human traditions—however well-meaning they may seem—to overshadow the authority of Scripture. Galatians 1:8 gives a sobering warning: “But even if we, or an angel from heaven, preach any other gospel to you than what we have preached to you, let him be accursed.” This shows the seriousness with which we must guard the purity of God’s Word, for Jesus Himself warned, “Get away from Me; I never knew you, you who practice disobedience” (Matthew 7:23). To neglect the truth of Scripture and substitute it with human traditions is to risk eternal separation from God.

As born-again believers, our allegiance is to Christ alone, not to any denomination, human traditions, or rituals. Let us examine our hearts and lives to ensure that we are following the Word of God rather than the traditions of men. Only by doing so can we worship God in spirit and truth (John 4:24), honoring Him with our lives and not just our lips. Our faith must be rooted in a personal relationship with Jesus, guided by His Word, and not defined by external affiliations or practices.