Tag: Narcissism

Walking in Your God-Given Confidence: Overcoming Jealousy, Criticism, and Toxic People

Published on by Editor

How to recognize and navigate jealousy, manipulation, and criticism — without dimming your light or losing your peace.

When you start experiencing strange reactions at work—or in any environment—such as jealousy, unnecessary opposition, people talking behind your back, or being treated like a threat, it’s easy to think something is wrong with you. In reality, it’s a sign of God’s hand on you.

What you’re going through is the same spiritual pattern that affected David, Joseph, and most of all, Jesus. People are reacting to your light, your anointing, and your confidence—not to anything you’ve done wrong.

Confidence Attracts Criticism

Confidence can attract criticism. When you begin to walk in your purpose, stand firm, and reflect true inner strength, your energy naturally exposes the insecurities of others. The reactions you receive often aren’t about you—they are about what your light reveals in them.

If you walk with faith, knowing you carry God’s Holy Spirit, your confidence becomes more than personal pride—it becomes spiritual purpose. In that truth, some people will feel threatened. No one should have to dim their light to accommodate someone else’s darkness. Shine bright, because when you carry the Light of God, your glow pierces through the darkness—and that often agitates hidden demons.

Confidence is a powerful thing. Not the loud, boastful kind that demands attention, but the steady, grounded assurance that comes from knowing who you are, whose you are, and what you carry inside of you. For many, that kind of confidence is inspiring. But for others, it exposes their insecurities—and that’s when certain behaviors begin to emerge…

Biblical Examples

David: Attacked for His Anointing, Not His Actions

David did nothing to Saul.

He honored him. He served him. He played music for him. He killed Goliath for Israel.

And still—Saul hated him. Why? Because Saul felt threatened by David’s favor, confidence, and God-given anointing.

“Saul was afraid of David because the LORD was with David.” — 1 Samuel 18:12

Your coworkers aren’t necessarily threatened by your words or actions. Your presence bothers them. Your confidence exposes their insecurity. Your light irritates their darkness. Just like David.

Joseph: Hated for His Dreams

Joseph’s brothers didn’t hate him because he did something wrong. They hated him because of what God placed in him:

His dreams His favor His calling His confidence His future greatness

Those things stirred jealousy and insecurity in others.

“They hated him even more because of his dream and his words.” — Genesis 37:8

Sometimes people react not to who you are right now, but to who you’re becoming. They can sense potential. They can feel elevation coming. Your destiny bothers their demons.

Jesus: Rejected for His Light

If the perfect Son of God was criticized, attacked, mocked, misunderstood, and plotted against, we can expect to experience the same.

Jesus didn’t dim His light to make others comfortable. He didn’t shrink to ease their insecurity. He walked fully in His calling—even when the religious leaders were irritated by His authority, confidence, and truth.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” — John 1:5

Your confidence and spiritual glow are not arrogance—they are evidence of what you carry. And darkness always reacts to light.

The Truth About What You’re Experiencing

Your confidence threatens their insecurity. Your favor threatens their ego. Your light disturbs their shadows. Your potential makes them uneasy. Your spirit irritates whatever is unhealed or unclean in them.

It’s not personal—it’s spiritual. You’re not the problem. You’re the proof that God’s presence is with you.

Common Reactions When You’re Confident (and Why They Happen)

When Your Presence Disturbs Their Demons

There is a moment when your confidence, peace, and sense of purpose begin to irritate the insecurity in others. You may not be doing anything except existing—but your light naturally exposes their shadows.

Attempts to “Humble” or Undermine You

When someone sees confidence—especially grounded confidence—they may feel threatened. Individuals intimidated by your presence might try to “humble” you: making underhanded comments, subtle put-downs, or dismissive remarks. This often comes not from malice, but from their own lack: they crave the self-assurance you show.

Mislabeling Confidence as Arrogance

There’s a difference between arrogance and grounded confidence. But people who feel insecure may interpret your calm assurance as arrogance or pretension. That mislabeling is less about you, more about their discomfort.

Emotional Withdrawal or Distance

When someone’s insecurity is triggered, they may unconsciously pull away—even without confrontation. Your growth reminds them of stagnation; your light exposes their shadows. That distance isn’t about you changing, but about them feeling exposed.

Passive-Aggressive Behaviour or Criticism

People whose self-worth is shaky may resort to harsh judgments, criticism, or negativity—sometimes subtle, sometimes overt—as a defense mechanism. This kind of reaction is often a projection of their inner fear and jealousy.

Competition, Comparison, or Resentment

Your success or confidence can activate rivalry or envy in those who are still battling their own doubts. Instead of celebrating you, they might compete, compare, or resent you—not because you sought competition, but because your light challenges their comfort zone.

Why You Should Keep Shining — Especially If You’re Rooted in Faith

Your light isn’t vanity—it’s testimony. If your confidence stems from your faith and identity in God, then what you carry is sacred. Your strength and clarity reflect something higher than mere self-worth: they show the power of the Holy Spirit. Your light may irritate darkness. True brightness exposes hidden shadows. That discomfort in others is not your burden—it’s the mirror of what’s inside them. Your path can inspire others to step into their own light. When you stay steadfast, you give others permission to trust their value, walk confidently, and stop dimming their glow out of fear.

What Staying Confident Looks Like in Everyday Life — Without Shame or Conceit

Holding to self-assurance with humility: knowing your worth doesn’t make you better than others—just grounded. Continuing your growth and calling—even when others resist or criticise. Responding to negativity with peace, not defensiveness—because your identity and confidence aren’t rooted in external approval. Using your light to lift—not tear down—others; being a mirror of God’s love, not a source of division.

When Your Confidence Exposes Darkness in Others

Many people don’t realize they are experiencing narcissistic behavior, especially the kind that gets triggered when someone feels threatened by another person’s confidence, competence, or God-given light.

And here’s the important truth: narcissists are most reactive toward people who carry clarity, confidence, peace, and favor — because those traits expose their insecurity and lack of control.

Narcissistic Behavior in the Workplace — Why Your Confidence Triggers It

Narcissistic personalities thrive on:

control, admiration, dominance, feeling superior, keeping others “small.”

So when someone walks in with:

confidence, competence, peace, emotional stability, spiritual grounding and a strong identity… it threatens them deeply.

They respond with behaviors like:

Subtle put-downs, Gossip, competing with you, Trying to undermine you, Getting angry when you don’t fold, Silent treatment, Passive aggression, Triangulation (turning others against you), Acting like you are the problem. That’s textbook narcissistic insecurity. Narcissists can sense strength — and they don’t like it.

The Spiritual Side: Why Narcissists Are Triggered by Light

As stated before: “Your light irritates their demons.”

Narcissistic traits thrive in:

Insecurity, pride, ego, manipulation, control, fear

Light — especially God-given light — threatens that darkness.

People with narcissistic tendencies feel uncomfortable around:

truth, confidence, kindness, emotional maturity, spiritual discernment, genuine peace

Those qualities expose them.

Just like Saul was triggered by David, Joseph’s brothers were triggered by him, and the Pharisees were triggered by Jesus. Narcissists are triggered by people who walk in identity and favor.

The More Confident You Become, the More Their Mask Slips

Narcissists cannot stand when someone:

Who isn’t intimidated, doesn’t seek their approval, doesn’t fold under pressure, stays calm, stays grounded, stays joyful

Your presence reveals everything they try to hide.

The Biblical Pattern + Psychology = The Full Picture

David triggered Saul’s narcissistic jealousy. Joseph triggered his brothers’ envy and inferiority. Jesus triggered the Pharisees’ pride and insecurity.

In every case: The chosen one wasn’t doing anything wrong, the opposition came from insecurity, the behaviour manipulative, controlling, or abusive. Note the chosen person rose anyway. That’s narcissistic behavior in Scripture and today.

What You’re Experiencing: “The Narcissistic Infection Effect”

A single toxic person can shift the entire atmosphere. This happens when they begin:

Gossiping subtly

They plant seeds, not full accusations—just “concerns,” “observations,” or “jokes.” People absorb it without realizing they’ve been influenced.

Turning people against you (Triangulation)

They’ll use phrases like: “Everyone has noticed…” “People have been saying…” “I just thought you should know…” It’s all manipulation.

Playing the victim

They make themselves seem mistreated, threatened, or uncomfortable, so people rally around them.

Acting like the ‘concerned friend’

This masks their jealousy, insecurity, and desire for control.

Slowly isolating you

They want others to see you through THEIR filter.

This is exactly how toxic personalities create an environment where people turn cold, distant, or judgmental—without you doing a single thing wrong.

Why They Chose You as the Target

Narcissistic or insecure people target those who are:

confident skilled liked spiritually grounded independent thinkers not easily manipulated not intimidated

Your presence exposes their insecurity, so their goal becomes: “If I can’t shine, I’ll dim THEIR light.”

But here’s the thing: you can only dim someone’s light if they allow it. You haven’t—and that’s why they’re escalating.

How They “Infect” Others

Weak or insecure people around them become:

Easily influenced — They don’t want to be the next target, so they go along. Afraid to speak up — They would rather join the crowd than stand alone. Emotionally manipulated — They think they’re being loyal, but they’re being used. Pulled into the drama — Because the narcissist makes it seem like YOU are the problem.

This creates a team-vs-you dynamic. It’s spiritual and psychological at the same time.

Joseph: One jealous brother poisoned the others. He didn’t just hate Joseph—he infected the whole group.

David: Saul turned the Israelites against David with lies and fear.

Jesus: The Pharisees convinced crowds who loved Him to turn on Him through influence and manipulation.

One insecure person can change an entire crowd’s perspective—until the truth comes out.

The Good News: The “Infection” Never Lasts

Toxic influence burns out. The truth always reveals itself. People eventually see the manipulator for who they are.

And the one they targeted ends up elevated.

Just like:

Joseph became ruler

David became king

Jesus rose in glory

When One Narcissistic Person Infects a Whole Workplace

A single insecure, narcissistic, or manipulative person begins influencing others. This is a documented psychological pattern known as:

triangulation, flying monkeys, group manipulation, narcissistic projection, smear campaigning.

A narcissist cannot stand someone they cannot control, intimidate, or overshadow. So they use indirect tactics to isolate you:

Planting seeds of doubt — “observations,” “concerns,” or “warnings.”

Gossiping subtly — words dripping with poison disguised as concern.

Recruiting others — not for truth, but fear of your strength.

Playing the victim — acting hurt, threatened, or “uncomfortable.”

Turning people against you — making you appear like the problem.

Before long, people who once treated you warmly act differently—not because of who you are, but because of the lies they’ve absorbed. One toxic individual can contaminate an entire environment.

Psychological Reality Meets Spiritual Truth

Narcissists are drawn to targets who are:

confident, don’t seek approval, can’t be controlled, peaceful, purposeful, spiritually grounded.

Your presence threatens their ego. Your confidence threatens their façade. Your peace threatens their chaos. Your purpose threatens their stagnation.

In other words: Your light irritates everything in them that is dark, unhealed, or insecure. This is both psychological truth and spiritual warfare.

A Pattern Seen in Scripture: David, Joseph, and Jesus

David: Saul hated him not because of wrongdoing, but because he carried God’s favor. He manipulated others, lied, twisted narratives, and attacked David’s character.

Joseph: One jealous brother stirred up the others. They attacked him for what God placed within him—not for anything he did.

Jesus: The Pharisees manipulated crowds, twisted words, and smeared His character.

One insecure person can turn many cold—until truth is revealed.

The Good News: Narcissistic Influence Never Lasts

Though manipulation can poison an environment temporarily, it never stands forever. Truth surfaces. Light wins against darkness. The one targeted rises.

Just like:

Joseph became ruler

David became king

Jesus fulfilled His purpose

You will rise too. Your confidence and identity in God make you unshakeable. Your purpose is too great for their insecurity to destroy. Your light is too bright for their darkness to dim.

Final Word: Keep Shining — Never Dim Your Light for Darkness

What you’re experiencing is not personal—it’s spiritual and psychological.

Confidence exposes insecurity. Light exposes darkness. Purpose exposes jealousy. Favor exposes pride.

Narcissists react to what they feel threatened by, not who you truly are.

So keep shining. Keep walking in your purpose. Keep carrying the Holy Spirit with boldness. Never dim your God-given light to make someone else comfortable in their darkness.

Your rise is coming. Nothing—and no one—can stop what God has ordained.

———————

** By Ricardo Gomez Angel at Unsplash

Spiritual Pride: A Hidden Danger for Believers

Published on by Editor

“Your heart became proud on account of your beauty, and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor.” ~Ezekiel 28:17. The sin that corrupted Lucifer was self-generated pride. He became so impressed with his own beauty, intelligence, power, and position that he began to desire for himself the honor and glory that belonged to God alone, and thus he was cast out of heaven. ~Ezekiel 28:18.

As Christians, we are called to walk in humility, following the example of Jesus Christ. However, as we pursue a life of faith, we may unknowingly face a dangerous pitfall along the way: spiritual pride. Spiritual pride can be difficult to recognize because it often masquerades as a sense of religious conviction or spiritual accomplishment. This form of pride can harm our relationship with God and others, drawing us away from the humility Christ taught. Understanding what spiritual pride is, how it manifests, and how to guard against it can help us live a faith that is truly centered on God’s grace.

What Is Spiritual Pride?

Spiritual pride occurs when a believer begins to take undue pride in their own righteousness, knowledge, or “spiritual achievements.” It can start subtly, creeping in as we grow in our faith, gain biblical knowledge, or feel closer to God. Rather than focusing on God’s grace, we may start to view ourselves as more “holy” or “enlightened” than those around us. While growth in faith is a wonderful thing, the danger of spiritual pride lies in shifting our focus from God to ourselves.

Biblical Warnings About Spiritual Pride

The Bible provides numerous examples of spiritual pride, often contrasting it with humility. Here are some key passages that warn us about the dangers of pride, especially when it enters our spiritual lives:

1. The Pharisee and the Tax Collector (Luke 18:9-14)

Jesus tells the parable of a Pharisee and a tax collector who went to the temple to pray. The Pharisee’s prayer was filled with self-righteousness, thanking God that he was “not like other men.” The tax collector, on the other hand, humbly asked for mercy. Jesus declared that the tax collector, not the Pharisee, went home justified before God. This parable reminds us that God values humility over pride, especially pride based on religious actions.

2. Pride Before a Fall (Proverbs 16:18)

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” When we allow pride to seep into our spiritual lives, it blinds us to our need for God’s grace, making us vulnerable to stumbling. This verse reminds us that humility is essential to walking in alignment with God’s will.

3. Paul’s Teaching on Grace (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Paul emphasizes that salvation is a gift from God, “not of works, lest any man should boast.” If we start to view our faith as something we’ve achieved, we risk boasting in ourselves rather than in the saving grace of Christ. Spiritual pride undermines the foundation of the Gospel, which is based on God’s grace, not our own merit.

Signs of Spiritual Pride in Our Lives

Spiritual pride can be hard to spot, especially since it often comes disguised as faithfulness or dedication. Here are a few signs that spiritual pride may be creeping into our lives:

1. Judgmental Attitude Toward Others

Spiritual pride often manifests as a judgmental attitude. We may find ourselves looking down on others who don’t seem as “mature” in their faith, questioning their sincerity or devotion. This judgment is rooted in pride, not in God’s love. Jesus reminded us not to judge others, as only He can see the heart (Matthew 7:1-5), however we are called to discern the spirit (1 John 4:1).

2. Desire for Recognition

Do we feel a need for others to see or acknowledge our spiritual efforts? Jesus warned against practicing our faith for the sake of appearance. He taught that when we give, pray, or fast, we should do so in secret, so that our reward is from God, not human praise (Matthew 6:1-6).

3. A Sense of “Arrival” in Our Faith

Spiritual pride can make us feel as though we’ve “arrived” at a place of deep understanding or holiness, diminishing our desire for further growth. This mindset blocks the Holy Spirit’s work in our lives, as it blinds us to our own weaknesses. The Christian life is a lifelong journey, and we should always approach it with a teachable spirit.

4. Isolation from Those “Less Mature”

When spiritual pride takes hold, we may avoid those we consider “less mature” in faith, seeing ourselves as above them. Yet Jesus spent time with sinners and outcasts, showing us that true spirituality is marked by compassion and connection, not separation.

Touching God’s Glory: A Warning Against Self-Centered Faith

In Christian teaching, God’s glory is central to everything we do. Isaiah 42:8 reminds us, “I am the LORD; that is my name; my glory I give to no other.” When we take credit for spiritual accomplishments or make faith about our own achievements, we are at risk of “touching” or taking credit for God’s glory. This often happens subtly as we grow in our spiritual lives, especially if we start to feel more “advanced” or “righteous” than others. This desire for recognition or approval, even in matters of faith, can lead us to take ownership of things only God has done.

Spiritual pride, when unchecked, tempts us to claim credit for the growth, insights, and transformations that are truly the work of the Holy Spirit in us. We may forget that any good we do, any understanding we have, and any growth we experience are ultimately God’s gifts to us, not our own achievements. Jesus taught in John 15:5, “Apart from me you can do nothing.” This truth reminds us that the power and goodness in our lives flow from God alone. To take credit for them not only misrepresents the truth but also diminishes our awe and gratitude toward God, who deserves all the glory.

Misplacing Credit: Recognizing the Holy Spirit’s Role and Discernment Against Deception

As we grow in faith, it’s essential to recognize that every good work, every insight, and every blessing in our lives is ultimately from God through the power of the Holy Spirit. Sometimes, however, spiritual pride or a lack of discernment can lead us to give credit for these works elsewhere—perhaps to a revered saint, man of God or even our own strength—rather than acknowledging God’s hand in our lives. While people may honor and seek intercession from saints, Scripture is clear that the power to transform lives, perform miracles, and guide us into truth belongs to the Holy Spirit alone and there is only one intercessor between God and men, Jesus Christ (John 14:26, Acts 1:8, 1 Timothy 2:5). Misplacing this credit, however well-intentioned, can obscure our reliance on God and His truth.

Moreover, the Bible warns us about the enemy’s tactics to deceive through counterfeit signs and miracles. Jesus cautioned in Matthew 24:24 that false prophets and false signs could lead people astray, even those in the faith. Satan’s deceptive works are meant to distract us from the truth, enticing people to give honor where it doesn’t belong. Understanding this reminds us to remain vigilant and discerning, always comparing any spiritual experience to the truth of God’s Word.

When spiritual pride enters, it can make us more vulnerable to these deceptions, as we may become focused on external displays of faith rather than genuine reliance on God. By maintaining humility and giving credit to the Holy Spirit alone, we guard our hearts from both misplaced honor and deception.

How Spiritual Pride Affects Our Relationship with God and Others

Spiritual pride can be extremely damaging, both to our relationship with God and with our fellow believers. Here are some ways it impacts our walk with Christ:

• Weakening Our Dependence on God

Spiritual pride makes us rely more on our own efforts than on God’s grace. When we focus on our accomplishments or knowledge, we lose sight of our continual need for God’s mercy and guidance.

• Creating Barriers in Community

Pride can create walls between us and other believers. The body of Christ is meant to be unified, with each member supporting and learning from one another. Spiritual pride disrupts this unity by fostering a spirit of judgment or competition.

• Preventing Personal Growth

Pride stops us from seeing our own shortcomings. When we’re too focused on what we think we know or have achieved, we close ourselves off to the refining work of the Holy Spirit. True growth requires humility and an openness to God’s correction.

How to Guard Against Spiritual Pride

Guarding against spiritual pride requires a commitment to humility, self-reflection, and a reliance on God’s grace. Here are some practical steps to help us stay on track:

1. Pray for a Humble Heart

Scripture encourages us to “clothe ourselves with humility” (1 Peter 5:5). We can pray that God would reveal any areas of pride in our hearts and give us a humble spirit. Regularly seeking God’s help in maintaining humility keeps us aware of our dependence on Him.

2. Examine Our Motives

It’s essential to check our motives, especially in our acts of faith. Are we seeking to glorify God or to receive approval from others? Taking time for honest self-reflection keeps our hearts aligned with God’s purposes.

3. Focus on Serving Others

Jesus taught us that the greatest among us should be a servant (Matthew 23:11). When we focus on quietly serving others rather than elevating ourselves, we are reminded of Christ’s humility and love. Acts of selfless service without looking for honour can help dismantle pride.

4. Remember Our Need for Grace

Meditating on God’s grace keeps us grounded. Paul wrote, “What do you have that you did not receive?” (1 Corinthians 4:7). Everything we have, including our faith, is a gift from God. By regularly reflecting on our dependence on His grace, we maintain a spirit of gratitude and humility, remembering that our spiritual journey is not one of personal achievement but one of God’s generosity and love.

A Prayer for Humility and Freedom from Spiritual Pride

Heavenly Father,

We come before You with humble hearts, acknowledging that without Your grace, we are nothing. Lord, we confess that pride sometimes creeps into our hearts, leading us to rely on ourselves rather than on You. Help us to see ourselves honestly and to root out any spiritual pride that blinds us to our dependence on You.

Holy Spirit, fill us with a deeper sense of Your presence and Your work in our lives. Remind us that every good thing, every insight, and every blessing comes from You alone. Guard our hearts against deception and any temptation to give glory to anyone or anything other than You. May we recognize the subtle ways the enemy seeks to distract us and remember that true power and goodness come from You alone.

Jesus, teach us to walk in the humility You modeled. Help us to focus not on our own achievements or knowledge but on serving others and bringing glory to Your name. May our lives be a reflection of Your love and grace, shining light not on ourselves but on You, our Lord and Savior.

In Your name we pray Jesus, Amen.

———————-

** Photo by Pixabay at Pexels / Intro by Ron Rhodes from Reasoning from the Scripture ministries

Healing from Toxic Relationships: A Guide to Restoring Your Heart and Moving Forward – Part 4

Published on by Editor

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is the part 4 of the 5 part series. As a Christian woman, navigating relationships can be both fulfilling and challenging. When a relationship becomes toxic, it can leave emotional scars that hinder your ability to move forward. Whether you’ve experienced manipulation, emotional neglect, or disappointment, healing is not only possible but vital. With God’s guidance, a commitment to self-care, and support from others, you can heal and grow stronger in your faith and your sense of self-worth. Here’s a comprehensive guide for healing from toxic relationships.

1. Embrace God’s Love and Forgiveness

The Power of God’s Healing Love

When healing from a toxic relationship, one of the first steps is to embrace the overwhelming love of God. Often, toxic relationships leave us feeling rejected or unworthy. However, as a Christian, you can find solace in the truth that God’s love for you is unconditional and never wavers.

What the Bible Says:

• “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

• “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.” — Jeremiah 31:3

These scriptures remind you that God sees your pain and is ready to heal your heart. It’s essential to remind yourself that your identity is not defined by past relationships or negative experiences. You are loved, valued, and cherished by your Creator.

The healing process:

• Spend time in prayer, asking God to heal your heart and restore your emotional well-being.

• Focus on affirming scriptures that remind you of God’s love and forgiveness.

• Reflect on how God’s love has always been constant, and allow that truth to replace feelings of insecurity or hurt.

2. Let Go of Unforgiveness

The Freedom of Forgiveness

A toxic relationship can sometimes leave you holding onto anger, bitterness, or unforgiveness toward the person who hurt you. These feelings can be like a weight on your heart, hindering your ability to heal. As difficult as it may seem, forgiveness is a powerful step toward emotional freedom and restoration.

What the Bible Says:

• “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32

• “Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.” — Luke 11:4

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the wrongs done to you, but it allows you to release control over the situation and surrender it to God. When you forgive, you free yourself from the toxic grip of the past and create space for God to work in your life.

The healing process:

• Ask God for the strength to forgive those who have hurt you, even when it feels impossible.

• Speak out loud or in your heart the words, “I forgive [name] for [hurt]. I release them to You, Lord.”

• Remember that forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. It’s okay to take time and revisit the act of forgiving as you heal.

3. Reconnect with Your Identity in Christ

Rediscovering Who You Are in Christ

Toxic relationships often distort your self-image and cause you to forget who you are in Christ. During the healing process, it’s crucial to reconnect with your true identity — one that is grounded in God’s love, grace, and purpose for your life.

What the Bible Says:

• “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” — Psalm 139:14

• “You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” — 1 Peter 2:9

God has a unique purpose for your life, and it’s important to view yourself through His eyes. Healing involves reclaiming the truth of who you are as His beloved daughter, and understanding that your worth doesn’t depend on a relationship, but on God’s design for you.

The healing process:

• Spend time meditating on God’s Word to remind yourself of your identity and worth.

• Write down positive affirmations based on Scripture (e.g., “I am God’s masterpiece” or “I am worthy of love and respect”).

• Surround yourself with Christian community that encourages and reminds you of your value in Christ.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries Going Forward

Learning from the Past

One of the key lessons from a toxic relationship is understanding the importance of boundaries. Toxic relationships often occur when boundaries are not respected or established. As you heal, it’s essential to define and maintain healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being in the future.

What the Bible Says:

• “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” — Luke 6:31

• “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

Setting boundaries is a form of self-care and stewardship over your heart. They allow you to prioritize your emotional health and ensure that you’re interacting with people who respect you and your needs.

The healing process:

• Reflect on what boundaries were crossed in past relationships and commit to not allowing those behaviors again.

• Be clear with others about your personal limits, whether emotional, physical, or spiritual.

• Practice saying “no” when necessary and ensure that your boundaries align with God’s will for your life.

5. Seek Healing in Community

The Importance of Support

Healing from a toxic relationship doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. As a Christian, leaning on your community can provide the support, wisdom, and encouragement you need during this difficult time. Whether it’s through close friends, a mentor, or a support group, healing is often facilitated by shared experiences and God-centered conversations.

What the Bible Says:

• “Two are better than one…If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” — Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

• “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” — Galatians 6:2

Your Christian community can offer love, encouragement, and accountability as you heal. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help — God created us for relationships and fellowship, and these connections can help you regain strength.

The healing process:

• Confide in trusted Christian friends, family, or a counselor about your feelings and experiences.

• Join a Bible study, prayer group, or therapy group that focuses on healing and emotional growth.

• Seek mentorship from a mature Christian woman who can offer guidance, wisdom, and support as you navigate the healing process.

6. Focus on Personal Growth and Spiritual Development

Growing in Your Faith and Purpose

While healing from a toxic relationship is important, this time also provides an opportunity for personal growth. Use this period to deepen your relationship with God, discover new passions, and strengthen your faith. Embrace this time of healing as a time to invest in your own spiritual, emotional, and physical growth.

What the Bible Says:

• “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” — Philippians 4:13

• “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” — Jeremiah 29:11

God has a purpose for your life that goes beyond relationships. Take this time to learn, grow, and pursue the calling He has placed on your heart. Your identity is in Christ, and He will guide you to become the woman He created you to be.

The healing process:

• Spend regular time in prayer, seeking God’s direction for your life.

• Read books, take courses, or engage in activities that will help you grow spiritually and emotionally.

• Consider joining ministry opportunities that align with your passions and give you purpose.

Prayer for Healing and Restoration

“Dear Heavenly Father,

I come before You with a heart that has been wounded and a spirit in need of Your healing touch. You know the pain I carry from relationships that have left me feeling unworthy, uncertain, and broken. I ask You to renew my heart and restore my sense of worth, reminding me that I am deeply loved and valued as Your child. Help me to release any bitterness, anger, or guilt that may hold me back from fully experiencing Your peace.

Lord, grant me the wisdom to see relationships as You see them. Help me recognize what is good, pure, and worthy, and give me the strength to walk away from anything that draws me away from Your love and truth. Heal the scars of my past, and lead me toward a future that aligns with the plans You have for me—plans of hope, joy, and purpose.

Surround me with friends and mentors who will support me on this journey of healing and growth. Fill my heart with Your love, so I may extend forgiveness, release what is not mine to carry, and grow in compassion and grace. Thank You for being my refuge and my healer. I place my future in Your hands, trusting that You are guiding me toward wholeness and preparing me for the blessings You have in store.

In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.”

Conclusion

Healing from a toxic relationship takes time, prayer, and a commitment to self-care. As a Christian woman, you have the ultimate support of God, who promises to restore and strengthen you. Lean into His love, forgive those who have hurt you, and focus on rebuilding your life with a firm foundation in Christ. With time, you’ll not only heal but grow stronger and more equipped for the healthy, fulfilling relationships God has planned for you.

Remember, God’s love for you is unwavering, and He is with you every step of the way in your journey to healing.

Article: 10 Things To Do Whilst Your Single

—————

*** Photo by Pixabay at Pexels

Online Dating: Spotting Predators and Protecting Your Heart – Part 2

Published on by Editor

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 2 of a 5 part series. In recent times, online dating has become an increasingly popular avenue for meeting potential partners, including for Christian men and women seeking to honor God in their relationships. However, there’s a concerning trend among some men who profess to be Christians, yet their actions contradict the values of Christ. These individuals target virtuous Christian women, misleading them with facades of faith and manipulating them for selfish gain.

The Deception of “Christian” Men

Just because a man claims to be a Christian does not necessarily mean he is one in practice. As believers, we are taught to “test the spirits” (1 John 4:1) and to judge a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:16). When it comes to dating, it’s essential to recognize that some men who profess Christianity may not embody the character and integrity that genuine Christian faith demands. They might use their faith as a tool to gain the trust of unsuspecting women, but their actions may reveal their true intentions.

These characters often try to manipulate and control women by disguising themselves as faithful, virtuous Christians. They may even be skilled at convincing their victims that any objection or concern is overreacting, that it’s “old-fashioned,” or that “everyone is different” now. However, these men are often deeply rooted in sinful behavior, and their actions ultimately seek to exploit the women they pursue.

The Dangerous Pattern of Predatory Behavior

The most troubling aspect of these types of men is how they prey on young, trusting, and virtuous Christian women. Many of these men have a sordid past—filled with sin and indulgence—and after realizing that they may end up alone in middle age, they seek to find a woman who is naive and spiritually anchored in faith, believing she will not leave them, no matter how poorly they mistreat her.

As Christians, we are called to live in accordance with God’s commandments and to love one another with purity and respect. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” which means sacrificially, selflessly, and honorably. This principle contradicts the behavior of these predatory types of men who want to dominate, control, and ultimately abuse women. The idea that a woman will stay married to a man despite his neglect, abuse, or sinful behavior, because of the sacredness of marriage, is a tool these men exploit.

These types often claim to have “converted” to Christianity, or they may return to their faith after years of living recklessly. But in many cases, their motivations for converting or returning to Christianity are not born out of a genuine change of heart or love for Christ but rather out of a desire to find a woman they can manipulate. This situation underscores the need for caution, as it’s clear that not everyone who claims to be Christian truly follows Christ in their actions, and are ‘Christian’ in name only, this includes women.

Red Flags: How to Spot a Predatory Man

The Bible encourages us to be discerning, and when it comes to dating, that discernment is vital. Matthew 7:15-20 warns against false prophets, saying, “By their fruits you will recognize them.” Here are some red flags to look out for when considering a potential partner from a Christian dating site:

1. The “Perfect” Facade: At first, a predator may seem charming, kind, and deeply devout, going out of his way to appear virtuous. For example, he might say, “I’ve been praying for someone like you” or “I feel like God brought us together for a reason.” However, inconsistencies in his actions will reveal his true intentions. While he might talk about his faith and commitment to purity, his behavior might not align with what he says. For example, while he might insist on being a gentleman in public, his messages could become increasingly flirtatious, intrusive or inappropriate when you’re alone. These inconsistencies show that his outward charm and devotion are just a facade, designed to manipulate your emotions.

2. Inconsistent Faith: A man who claims to be Christian but never seems to want to talk about the faith, avoids conversations about God, or downplays the importance of living according to biblical principles should raise alarm bells. If he doesn’t truly value God’s teachings, his interest in you might be more about satisfying his own needs than honoring Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it states, we are not to be unequally yoked, stating the importance of sharing the same values, beliefs, and at least the same level of faith in a relationship, if you are devout Christian you don’t want to be with someone who is lukewarm.

3. Boundary Violations: A predator may test your boundaries early on, asking for inappropriate pictures, making lewd jokes, or reacting poorly when you establish limits. They often use manipulation tactics to break down your defences, by using false piety, acting hurt, questioning your faith, try to shame you or misuse Scripture to pressure you into lowering your defences, to make you feel guilty or obligated—clear red flags to watch for and disengage from immediately.

4. Victim Mentality: If a man constantly portrays himself as misunderstood or mistreated by others, it’s often a way to deflect attention from his own harmful behavior and avoid taking responsibility for his actions. For example, he might say, “Everyone always misunderstands me; they just don’t get how much I’ve been through.” He may even blame others for his problems, making it seem like he’s always the victim. This tactic is commonly used by abusers to manipulate your emotions, making you feel sorry for him and guilty for not being more supportive. By focusing on his supposed victimhood, he shifts the narrative away from his own harmful actions, creating an emotional bond that makes it harder for you to recognize or confront his behavior. This manipulation lowers your guard and makes you more likely to overlook red flags in the relationship.

5. Control and Possession: True love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, is not about control but is patient, kind, and honors the freedom of the other person. In a healthy relationship, both individuals are free to make their own choices and grow in their faith, just as God respects our free will. If someone tries to limit your actions or control who you see, especially people who support your faith and care for your well-being, like family, it’s a red flag that their intentions are based on manipulation and possession. A predator might also try to convince you that they know what’s best for you, suggesting that you’re not smart enough to make your own decisions. They may even misquote Scripture to manipulate you into submitting to them, by saying things like, “The Bible says you should submit to your husband”—even though submission is specifically for marriage, not dating. This tactic is designed to make you feel inferior, drop boundaries and give up your independence, whilst they control the relationship.

6. Devaluation and Gaslighting: A common manipulative tactic used by predators is to devaluate and gaslight you, to make you question your worth and sense of reality. They may make you feel like you’re either “too much” or “not enough” by criticizing your appearance, past, or choices. For instance, they might say, “I can’t believe someone like you is still single,” suggesting there’s something wrong with you, or “You’ve been through a lot, huh? That probably explains why you act the way you do,” implying you’re damaged or flawed. These comments are designed to shake your confidence and make you feel insecure. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, making you more reliant on their approval. By planting seeds of doubt, they work to break down your boundaries and make you question your own worth, making it easier for them to control you.

7. Future-Faking: These individuals often string women along by promising an ideal future together, but their promises rarely materialise. This is a common trait of predators who manipulate women into staying in the relationship that serve their selfish interests, by painting an ideal, faith-based future that aligns with the woman’s values and hopes, making her believe that the relationship is part of God’s plan, hoping that you will overlook the bright red flags and your gut instinct with the smooth talk.

8. A Toxic Past: A predator may openly admit to having a troubled or sordid past but, at the same time, demand that the woman be perfect—expecting her to be “virginal” or without any past mistakes or experiences. This double standard is not only unfair, but it also reveals a deep hypocrisy. It shows that he is unwilling to offer the same grace and forgiveness to others that Christ offers to all of us. We are called to show compassion and understanding to others, acknowledging that we all have a past and have made mistakes. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, grace, and forgiveness, not on unrealistic expectations or judgment of one another’s history. If someone is unable to offer this grace, it’s a clear sign of manipulation and an inability to truly love in the way Christ teaches us.

Protecting Yourself: Trusting God and Your Instincts

While dating online can lead to genuine relationships, it’s essential to remain cautious and discerning. God has given us wisdom and the Holy Spirit to guide us, and one of the most important tools for protecting ourselves is our intuition. If something feels off or doesn’t sit right, trust it. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding—this applies to relationships as well.

Remember, you are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If a man displays significant red flags, it’s crucial to walk away. Your value is not determined by whether or not you are in a relationship. You are a daughter of the King, worthy of love, respect, and honor.

Lastly, as Christian women, we must avoid believing that we have to “fix” someone or change their character to fit our standards. Only God can change hearts. Your job is to discern wisely and protect your heart, keeping it pure for the right man who will love you as Christ loves the Church.

Biblical Principles of Dating and Marriage

Christian relationships should reflect the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A key part of evaluating a potential partner is looking at how they display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Some biblical principles that could guide you are:

• Ephesians 5:25-28: Men are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. This should be a benchmark for women to evaluate whether a man truly embodies Christ-like love.

• 2 Corinthians 6:14: Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It is vital that both partners share the same faith and commitment to Christ for a healthy relationship.

Importance of Community and Accountability

Christian dating should never happen in isolation. It’s essential to seek mentorship and accountability from trusted Christian leaders, elders, or friends who know both individuals well. Consider:

• Involving your church community: Let others in your church know about your relationship so they can offer wisdom and discernment.

• Consulting a pastor or mature Christian: A wise Christian mentor can help spot red flags you might miss.

Encouragement of Healthy Boundaries

Set practical boundaries in your relationship to safeguard your emotional, physical, and spiritual health:

• Physical Boundaries: Maintain purity by setting clear limits around physical contact.

• Emotional Boundaries: Respect each other’s emotional well-being, and allow space for personal growth and outside friendships.

• Time and Energy Boundaries: Avoid relationships that drain you or demand excessive control.

The Role of Patience and Discernment in Relationships

Patience is essential in Christian relationships. Psalm 27:14 encourages waiting on God’s timing. Trust in God’s plan and do not rush into relationships based on emotions alone.

Encouragement to Walk in Confidence and Worth

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Embrace your identity in Christ and remember that your value is not tied to your relationship status (Ephesians 2:10). Walk confidently in the truth that God has a purpose for you, regardless of your current relational situation.

Clearer Conclusion with Practical Steps

If you are considering an online relationship or already in one, take these practical steps:

• Pray for discernment.

• Set boundaries early.

• Seek counsel from trusted individuals in your church.

• Maintain purity, both emotionally and physically.

• Walk away if you spot red flags—don’t feel obligated to continue a relationship that doesn’t honor God.

In conclusion, while there are many genuine Christian men on dating websites, the rise of predators masquerading as Christians is a growing concern. Stay vigilant, trust in the Lord’s guidance, and above all, never forget that your value comes from God alone. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, as Christ would treat His Church.

——————-

*** Photo by Cottonbro Studios

Stonewalling: The Art of Smokescreen

Published on by Editor

Why Stonewalling Is Harmful and Manipulative

Stonewalling is more than just giving someone “the silent treatment.” In this day and age, it has become a calculated and harmful tactic used not only by individuals but also by media, governments, and other institutions, undermining healthy communication and relationships. While some people may disengage temporarily to process emotions, stonewalling as a control mechanism is a deliberate act designed to silence a person and a people, frustrating or demeaning them in the process. When employed systematically, it becomes a tool of manipulation and, arguably, a form of psychological abuse.

What Is Stonewalling?

Stonewalling occurs when someone refuses to engage in meaningful communication. Instead of addressing a concern or issue, they shut down the conversation, leaving the other party feeling unheard, invalidated, and often helpless. When paired with gaslighting—a tactic where someone denies or distorts the truth to make you doubt your perception—it becomes even more damaging. Victims of this behavior might be told:

• “You’re overreacting.”

• “You’re putting words in my mouth.”

• “That didn’t happen.”

These responses can make you question your feelings, your memory, and even your sense of reality.

Common Stonewalling Tactics

Stonewalling isn’t limited to silence. It manifests in a variety of behaviors that signal an unwillingness to engage, including:

• Abruptly stopping responses: They may cut off mid-conversation, refusing to acknowledge your words.

• Turning away: Physically turning their body or looking away as if to dismiss you.

• Feigning busyness: Pretending to be occupied with something else to avoid the conversation.

• Avoiding questions: Refusing to give direct answers or dodging accountability.

• Interrupting: Preventing you from completing your thoughts or sentences.

• Repetition: Using dismissive or one-word replies like “fine” or “okay” no matter what you say.

• Declaring the conversation “over”: Abruptly ending discussions without resolution.

• Ignoring outright: Acting as though they don’t hear you, treating you as invisible.

• Deflecting blame: Turning the issue back on you instead of taking responsibility.

• Walking away: Leaving without indication of when—or if—they’ll return.

• Ghosting: Ignoring texts, calls, or other communication entirely.

Additionally, stonewallers often employ “word salad”—rambling, incoherent, or evasive speech that avoids addressing the real issue. They may talk over someone to prevent them from expressing the truth, deliberately take statements out of context, or spin the conversation in a way that stirs division, fear, and mistrust. These tactics are frequently used by manipulative individuals, but they are also employed by institutions like the media and politicians to silence dissent or control narratives.

All these behaviors signal a disregard for the other person’s thoughts and feelings, often leaving the victim feeling isolated and powerless.

Stonewalling Beyond Personal Relationships

While stonewalling is most commonly discussed in personal relationships, it is a tactic increasingly used in broader societal and political contexts. Governments, organizations, and ideological groups have been observed using stonewalling to silence dissent, avoid accountability, and maintain control.

When governments engage in stonewalling, it is particularly harmful, as it undermines trust and accountability. Citizens often find their voices dismissed or ignored, with governments deploying these tactics to sidestep responsibility and evade questions.

For example:

• Avoiding transparency: Officials may refuse to provide clear answers or respond to legitimate public concerns.

• Deflecting blame: Shifting responsibility to others rather than addressing systemic issues.

• Ignoring demands for accountability: Stonewalling inquiries from citizens, journalists, or watchdog groups.

• Labelling dissent as extreme or irrelevant: Marginalizing opposition by dismissing it as unworthy of engagement.

• Silencing criticism: Using censorship, regulatory barriers, or social pressure to stifle opposing voices.

This deliberate refusal to engage creates frustration, confusion, and mistrust, ultimately alienating the very people the government is supposed to serve. When combined with misrepresentation, sensationalism, or fearmongering by media outlets, this behavior becomes a powerful tool of division and control, further eroding public trust.

Signs You’re Experiencing Stonewalling

If you suspect you’re being stonewalled—whether in a relationship, workplace, or community—check in with yourself. Ask:

• Do I feel heard and understood?

• Do I hesitate to voice concerns for fear of punishment or conflict?

• Am I holding back because I’m afraid the other person won’t listen or will escalate the situation?

• Do I feel like I constantly need to convince or “win over” the other person?

If the answer is “yes” to any of these, you might be dealing with stonewalling.

Why Stonewalling Is “Satanic”

Some may describe stonewalling as “satanic” because it embodies traits often associated with deceit, manipulation, and oppression. It fosters division, breeds confusion, and undermines trust and understanding—essentially creating chaos where there could be harmony. In personal relationships, this destruction of connection and mutual respect is devastating. When used by governments or institutions, it becomes a weapon of control that erodes freedom, trust, and democracy.

Stonewalling denies the humanity of the person being silenced, treating them as though their thoughts, feelings, and existence are insignificant. This is why many view it as fundamentally immoral and harmful—a tactic that perpetuates harm and isolates individuals or entire communities.

How to Address Stonewalling

Whether in personal relationships, social settings, or government interactions, combating stonewalling requires courage, clarity, and boundaries:

• Acknowledge it: Recognize when stonewalling is happening and name it for what it is.

• Set boundaries: Clearly communicate that such behavior is unacceptable and enforce consequences if necessary.

• Seek support: Turn to trusted friends, family, or professionals for guidance and affirmation.

• Engage with others who listen: Focus your energy on constructive conversations and relationships.

At a societal level, addressing stonewalling means encouraging accountability, transparency, and open dialogue from governments, organizations, and leaders. Christians are called to engage society in ways that reflect Christ’s example of truth, justice, and love. The prophetic voices of Isaiah and Amos offer biblical examples of standing against corruption and oppression, while Jesus Himself confronted societal hypocrisy and lifted up the marginalized. However, He did so with humility, wisdom, and a focus on personal transformation, not through rebellion or force.

The Bible instructs Christians to respect governing authorities (Romans 13:1-7), yet it also prioritizes obedience to God over human authority (Acts 5:29). This balance calls believers to thoughtfully address injustice, always pursuing peace and righteousness. Advocacy for justice—when conducted with humility and integrity—aligns with Jesus’ teaching to be the “salt of the earth” and the “light of the world” (Matthew 5:13-16).

While peaceful protests, petitions, or dialogue may serve as tools to challenge injustice, these actions must reflect Christ’s spirit of love, not division. True engagement happens when believers focus on sharing truth with grace and trust in God’s power to bring change. In Matthew 10:14, Jesus advised His disciples to leave those who rejected the message, emphasizing that Christians are not called to force dialogue or resolution but to faithfully stand in truth and peace.

When dealing with stonewalling—whether in relationships, workplaces, or societal issues—Christians should:

• Recognise the Signs of Manipulation: Understand when someone is purposefully evading responsibility or avoiding meaningful dialogue.

• Pursue Peace, But Set Boundaries: Seek reconciliation and peace where possible, but do not enable abusive behavior or passively submit to those who use tactics like stonewalling to control or silence others.

• Call Out Wrongdoing: Jesus did not hesitate to call out injustice or hypocrisy. As His followers, we are called to stand firm for truth and righteousness, even when it is uncomfortable or unpopular.

• Shake the Dust Off: If someone consistently refuses to engage in honest dialogue, it may be necessary to walk away from the situation, not out of bitterness, but to avoid being complicit in their manipulation or deceit.

By doing so, Christians can foster healthy, respectful relationships without tolerating harmful or controlling behaviors. We must always strive for peace, but also stand firm in our commitment to truth, justice, and the integrity of our faith.

———————-

*** Photo by Jiarong Deng at Pexels