Category: Predator

Bullying – A Practical Guide for All Ages

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What is Bullying? Bullying is a harmful behavior that is repeated, intentional, and characterized by a power imbalance. It directly contradicts God’s command to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31). As Christians, we are called to address this behavior with compassion and courage.

Bullying can manifest in various ways:

• Physical bullying: Harming someone’s body or belongings.

• Emotional bullying: Intimidation, exclusion, or shaming.

• Verbal bullying: Teasing, name-calling, or threatening.

• Social bullying: Manipulating friendships, spreading rumors, or cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying, a modern form of bullying, occurs online and can be especially harmful because:

• It is often anonymous.

• It can happen at any time, invading a person’s home and peace.

• Victims may hesitate to report it due to fear or shame.

As Christians, it’s vital to remind ourselves and others that every person is made in God’s image (Genesis 1:27) and deserves dignity and respect.

Warning Signs of Bullying

Bullying can deeply impact individuals emotionally, mentally, and physically. Recognizing the signs allows us to intervene with care.

• Avoidance of specific places like school, work, or social settings.

• Unexplained physical complaints or injuries.

• Changes in mood, withdrawal from friends, or fear of digital devices.

• Significant drops in academic or professional performance.

Jesus teaches us to “carry each other’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). By being attentive, we can help others find healing and hope.

Addressing Bullying at Home, Work, School, and Church

For Parents and Children

Parents are entrusted by God to nurture their children (Proverbs 22:6). Addressing bullying begins at home:

• Encourage open communication: Ask your child about their experiences.

• Questions like “Do you feel safe at school?” or “Has anyone made you feel uncomfortable online?” can open the door to honesty.

• Model Christ-like empathy: Teach your child to “be kind and compassionate to one another” (Ephesians 4:32) and reassure them that bullying is not their fault.

• Equip your child with courage: Share Proverbs 3:26, “For the Lord will be your confidence.” Teach practical strategies like seeking supportive friendships and walking away from bullies.

• Partner with the school: Work collaboratively with educators to address the issue in a way that reflects grace and justice.

For Adults

Bullying is not limited to children—it can occur in workplaces, social groups, and even churches. As adults, we are called to stand firm against injustice (Micah 6:8).

• Confront bullying with truth: Speak firmly but respectfully. Ephesians 4:15 reminds us to “speak the truth in love.”

• Seek support and accountability: Share concerns with trusted colleagues or leaders. Remember that God places us in community for mutual support (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

• Practice self-care through Christ: Turn to prayer, Scripture, and Christian counseling to navigate emotional challenges. Matthew 11:28 invites us to find rest in Christ.

In Schools

Schools should be places of safety and growth. Christian educators and students can make a profound difference:

• Promote kindness and inclusion: Share Proverbs 16:24, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”

• Teach empathy: Help students understand the value of every person as a child of God.

• Address cyberbullying: Encourage respectful digital interactions and emphasize the call to “love one another” even in online spaces (John 13:34).

In Churches

Churches are meant to reflect the love and unity of Christ. However, bullying can happen even in spiritual communities.

• Lead by example: Church leaders must demonstrate respect and kindness, following Jesus’ example of servant leadership (John 13:14-15).

• Foster unity and reconciliation: Address conflicts directly, encouraging dialogue and forgiveness (Matthew 18:15-17).

• Create inclusive ministries: Ensure no one feels excluded by fostering programs that reflect the diversity of God’s kingdom.

What to Do if You or Someone You Know is Being Bullied

The Bible reminds us that God is “a refuge for the oppressed” (Psalm 9:9). Whether you’re experiencing bullying or supporting someone who is, take these steps:

1. Pray for strength and wisdom: Trust in God’s power to protect and guide you (Psalm 46:1).

2. Seek support from trusted individuals: Speak with a parent, teacher, supervisor, or pastor.

3. Avoid harmful situations: Stay in safe, supportive environments and seek godly counsel.

4. Report the behavior: Escalate concerns to appropriate authorities, trusting that God is a God of justice (Isaiah 30:18).

Self-Care and Mental Health: Restoring Hope Through Christ

Bullying can leave deep emotional scars, but God offers healing and hope.

• Find peace in God’s presence: Turn to Scriptures like Philippians 4:6-7 to experience God’s peace in times of distress.

• Seek help from Christian counselors: Don’t hesitate to involve professionals who share a biblical perspective on healing and wholeness.

• Celebrate your worth in Christ: Remember, you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Surround yourself with uplifting people who affirm your value in God’s eyes.

Final Thoughts

As Christians, we are called to confront bullying with love, courage, and faith. By leaning on God’s guidance, we can create environments of kindness, respect, and safety for all.

If you or someone you know is experiencing bullying, reach out for help—and trust that God is working to bring restoration and peace. Together, we can embody the light of Christ in a world that so desperately needs it.

Seeking Help and Support

If you or someone you know is experiencing bullying, remember that you are not alone. Reach out for help and trust in God’s promise: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). Below are resources to guide you toward safety and healing:

In the USA

• National Bullying Prevention Center (PACER): Offers resources for children, parents, and educators to address bullying. Visit pacer.org/bullying or call 1-952-838-9000.

• StopBullying.gov: A government resource that provides information on how to recognize, prevent, and address bullying. Visit stopbullying.gov.

• National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: If bullying has caused emotional distress, contact 988 (or 1-800-273-TALK) for immediate assistance.

• Christian Counseling Resources: Seek guidance from faith-based counseling services such as Focus on the Family (focusonthefamily.com) or the American Association of Christian Counselors (aacc.net).

In the UK

• National Bullying Helpline: Provides practical advice for individuals dealing with bullying. Call 0300 323 0169 or email help@nationalbullyinghelpline.co.uk.

• Anti-Bullying Alliance: Offers resources and campaigns to help prevent bullying in schools and communities. Visit anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk.

• Childline: A resource for children and young people facing bullying. Call 0800 1111 or visit childline.org.uk.

• Bullying UK (Family Lives): Support for families and individuals dealing with bullying. Call their helpline at 0808 800 2222 or visit bullying.co.uk.

Encourage your church community to support anti-bullying efforts by sharing these resources and fostering environments where individuals feel safe and valued. Remember, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1).

*** Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy at Pexels

Nothing New Under the Sun: Jezebel and the New Age Movements

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“See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.” ~ Colossians 2:8

Wicked women are presented as they truly are in the Bible—without any attempt to sanitize their lives or actions. One such infamous figure is Jezebel, the wife of King Ahab of Israel. She was not a believer in the one true God, and her reign over northern Israel marked the introduction and spread of a false religion—worship of Baal. This religion quickly took hold because Jezebel became a role model for many women of her time. Her religion was rooted in the worship of Baal, or Satan, who is behind all false religions.

To please the queen was politically savvy, so she filled Israel with 850 priests practicing her religion, leading the people further astray. Jezebel’s impact was profound and deeply harmful, as she turned the nation away from the true God.

The Parallels Between Baal Worship and the New Age Movement

“The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.” ~ 2 Corinthians 4:4

Do you want to know what Jezebel’s religion was like? We are witnessing the rise of a similar, swift, and powerful religion sweeping the planet today—the New Age / Golden Age Movement. This belief system, like the false worship of Baal, denies the existence of a personal God who loves His people. Instead, it promotes an impersonal, universal energy force. In the New Age Movement, God can be referred to in many ways— she or he, mother or father, god or goddess, the Earth, the sun, the stars, or even nature itself can be worshipped as God. New Age teachers claim to receive guidance from so-called “spirit guides,” “ascended masters,” “masters of wisdom” “angels,” and “higher beings,” all of whom make up the hierarchy of this movement. They state that some of their guides are angels.

However, Jezebel’s priests, when confronted by the prophet Elijah, were exposed for their reliance on demonic forces – fallen angels, whilst practicing their false religion. Elijah challenged all 850 of them to prove the power of their gods, demonstrating that their supposed deities were powerless before the one true God. When they failed, the false nature of their religion was revealed, along with their demon guides posing as angels.

The New Age Movement bears striking similarities to Jezebel’s worship of Baal. For example, the New Age movement claims that Jesus Christ was merely a reincarnated messenger—not the Son of God. They assert that Christ was sent by the demon hierarchy of angels to provide “spiritually advanced revelations” to their group. In fact, they teach that Jesus is just one of many “Christs,” alongside figures like Buddha, Mohammed, and Confucius. This system accepts anyone who rejects Jesus Christ as the Son of God—whether they are Shintoists, Satanists, Buddhists, secular humanists, witches, or anyone else who doesn’t acknowledge the truth or accept the Christ, and that He is a personal God. They teach that man is not sinful, nor evil, and that Jesus’s sacrifice on the Cross has no meaning, according to them it was meaningless.

Moreover, the New Age Movement denies the existence of sin, judgment, and the need for salvation. Instead, it teaches that humanity has evolved over thousands of years and that there is no need for a savior. This philosophy is the basis of all false religions; rooted in ancient lies, echoing the deceptions of Satan, who hides the reality of judgment, hell, and sin, and all of his followers do the same, because they have been blinded to the truth. It’s no surprise that Jezebel’s actions—her cheating, lying, and murder—were reflections of her allegiance to Satan, the father of lies. Her conscience was so seared with unbelief in the one true God that she had no fear of judgment, she never expected to meet a righteous and holy God one day, who will judge her for things done in the flesh, her thoughts, her deeds and her motives.

Modern Echoes: The Age of Aquarius

Today, the New Age Movement is spreading rapidly, with some even calling it the “Age of Aquarius.” Many people are drawn to its teachings, including secular humanists, witches, Satanists, and celebrities. One prominent TV and movie star has become a spokesperson for the movement, claiming to receive instructions from an ancient being, that tells her things and guides her. This celebrity, like Jezebel, serves as a role model for many, leading others into deception.

The New Age Movement teaches that being “born again” is simply a personal transformation or healing of the self. It says that you must “let go” and allow your “inner guide” or “higher self” to direct your life, without any belief or need for the Holy Spirit and Him indwelling you. They speak of something called “kundalini,” a Hindu term meaning “serpent power,” which has clear connections to Satan. This mimics spiritual experiences, but it is a counterfeit of true Christian transformational quality of the Holy Spirit.

Satan, as always, has counterfeited the things of Jesus Christ and Christianity. The New Age Movement, much like the false prophets in Jezebel’s time, speaks of a “Christ-like” figure who will come to establish a utopian Kingdom of peace on Earth, that he will reign over the new age, bringing about a one world religion and consolidating all nations into one government. This is eerily similar to the Antichrist, who will deceive many and promise a one-world government and a counterfeit peace—something the Bible warns will happen before the true return of Jesus Christ.

Distinguishing Truth from Deception

In a nutshell, here is what the New Age Movement teaches:

• God is impersonal; He is not loving, He can be a he or she, but not the sovereign, holy, and righteous God of the Bible.

• Jesus is not the Son of God, not the Christ and someone greater than Jesus will come, not realising there will be an anti-Christ connected to Satan, who will try to imitate the Christ, as we have been forewarned in scriptures.

• There is no need for being born again, as they reject the Holy Spirit and encourage people to follow their demon guides.

• And about the 2nd coming of Jesus Christ that the anti-Christ will rule in Earth and Heaven is the Kingdom of God during the Age of Aquarius and that it is not a real place, but merely an Earthly utopia.

• There is no sin, judgment, evil or hell.

As believers in Christ, we know these claims are false. We have the truth from the Bible, which tells us that God is our loving Father, He is not a she or a goddess, but the supreme being. Jesus is His only begotten Son, the express image of the invisible God, and salvation comes through Him alone. The Holy Spirit, sent by the Father and the Son, dwells within us, guiding and empowering us to live according to God’s will. Heaven is a real, physical place where God the Father and God the Son reign in glory, and hell is a real and horrible place for those who reject the truth of the gospel. Through the Holy Spirit, we are assured of our salvation and strengthened in our faith as we await eternal life with God. He tells us that angels are messengers of God and named in scripture and He tells us to be born again, by the spirit of God by receiving Jesus as our personal Saviour.

A Call to Stand Firm in the Truth

Throughout history, God has warned His people about false religions. From Jezebel’s priests to the builders of the Tower of Babel, we have seen it through the ages. These instances of idolatry and rebellion against God serve as lessons for us today. Even in Noah’s time, when wickedness was rampant, God had to destroy the world with a flood. This, too, is a forewarning for us today. Jesus Himself tells us in Matthew 24 that when we see the same kinds of lawlessness and rebellion happening again, it is a sign that His return is near.

In Matthew 24:29-30, Jesus speaks of the signs preceding His second coming: “Immediately after the distress of those days, the sun will be darkened, and the moon will not give its light; the stars will fall from the sky, and the heavenly bodies will be shaken. Then will appear the sign of the Son of Man in heaven.”

We know that in the end times, false prophets will rise up to deceive even the elect (Matthew 24:24). Deception has led to destruction throughout the ages, and it will culminate in the final days before Jesus’ return. This New Age Movement, like its predecessors, may fade into the background only to be replaced by another. Yet, there is the real possibility that this movement could lead to the rise of the Antichrist, who will deceive many with promises of peace and a one-world government. Scripture warns us that the Antichrist will set up his rule on Earth, even establishing himself in Jerusalem and claiming to be the Christ (2 Thessalonians 2:3-4). However, we who know the Bible recognize this for the lie that it is.

Jesus warned: “If anyone tells you, ‘There he is, out in the wilderness,’ do not go out; or, ‘Here he is, in the inner rooms,’ do not believe it” (Matthew 24:26). His true return will not be secret or localized. We are told in 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 that He will descend from heaven with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. The dead in Christ will rise first, and those who are still alive will be caught up to meet Him in the air. This event, known as the rapture, will take place in an instant, in the twinkling of an eye (1 Corinthians 15:52).

Jesus will gather His elect and take them to be with Him for seven years, during which time the Great Tribulation will unfold on Earth. After this period, He will return with His saints to establish His Kingdom on Earth and reign for a thousand years (Revelation 20:4-6). Unlike the false peace promised by the New Age Movement, this will be the true and lasting reign of the Prince of Peace.

We are warned in Scripture that the Antichrist will bring about a false peace and deceive many. Jesus Himself cautioned us against following these lies. We are also reminded of the lessons of history—Jezebel and her false prophets led Israel into idolatry, and the builders of the Tower of Babel sought to defy God’s sovereignty. These stories serve as warnings for us today. Wide is the gate that leads to destruction, but narrow is the gate that leads to life (Matthew 7:13-14).

As believers, we look forward to the Lord’s return. By God’s grace, we will not be caught up in the ecumenical movement or New Age ideologies that attempt to unify all religions and philosophies into one deceptive system. This “Age of Aquarius” promises enlightenment and unity but leads people to follow the Antichrist instead of Christ. The Bible is clear: there can be no lasting peace on Earth until Jesus Himself returns to set up His Kingdom.

We must stand firm in the truth, remembering Jesus’ words and promises. Let us choose the narrow path that leads to life. Choose wisely—choose Christ!

Conclusion: Lessons from Jezebel and the Bible

God’s sovereignty remains unshaken; He knows the beginning from the end. The warnings drawn from Jezebel’s life and scripture provide us with timeless clarity. As Ecclesiastes 1:9 reminds us, “There is nothing new under the sun.” Satan’s methods of deception have not changed, and false religions like the New Age / Golden Age Movement are modern manifestations of these ancient lies. These deceptions, cloaked in promises of enlightenment, peace, and unity, echo the spiritual rebellion seen in Jezebel’s time, the Tower of Babel, and countless other moments in history.

Even those movements that claim to acknowledge Christ often compromise truth, embracing all religions in the name of an ecumenical ‘unity and peace.’ This push toward a one-world religion is yet another ploy by Satan, setting the stage for the rise of the Antichrist, who will seek to establish his rule over a one-world government. Scripture warns us of this, and as believers, we are called to be vigilant.

Our anchor is the Word of God. We must remain grounded, discerning, and uncompromising in our faith. The false promises of movements like the New Age and the allure of unity at the expense of truth must be rejected. Instead, we fix our eyes on Christ, awaiting His glorious return when He will establish His eternal Kingdom—a Kingdom of true peace and righteousness.

Let us hold fast to God’s promises, stand firm in His truth, and keep our hearts prepared for the day when the Prince of Peace will reign forever.

The free gift of salvation

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“Nothing New Under the Sun” is adapted from Eleanor Page’s talk on ‘Jezebel’ in the ‘Women in the Bible’ series, broadcasted on BBN Radio / Photo by RDNE Stock at Pexels.

Single Mothers Beware: Not Every Man is a Father

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While this warning applies to both single mothers and single fathers, there is a noticeable trend among single mothers that warrants particular attention. Being a single mother is a complex and often challenging journey, but it also requires wisdom and vigilance—especially when navigating new relationships. For many women, after experiencing the loss of a partner, poor relationship choices, or coming from a time before embracing faith, the prospect of a new relationship may seem like a chance for companionship, love, and support. However, it’s crucial for single mothers to recognize that not all men who enter their lives have genuine intentions. Some men may approach with ulterior motives, which can put both the mother and her children at risk.

The “Package Deal” Dynamic

When a single mother enters a relationship, she brings her children into the equation. Some men may view the woman as an individual but fail to acknowledge the responsibility and care her children require. In extreme cases, they may even see the children as obstacles. This mindset can be likened to certain wild predators that eliminate offspring to increase their chances of mating.

Predators Who Target Vulnerable Families

Some men approach single mothers not out of genuine affection but to exploit the situation for their own gain. This includes individuals with pedophilic tendencies who prey on vulnerable families. These predators often manipulate emotionally vulnerable mothers, gaining their trust before revealing their true intentions: access to the children. Their tactics include grooming and isolating the mother from her children to make them more susceptible to abuse.

Manipulation Tactics to Undermine the Family

Predators may mistreat children to create a toxic environment, pushing the mother to choose between the man and her children. They may offer ultimatums, such as suggesting the children leave or the relationship ends, aiming to solidify control over the mother. This manipulative behaviour seeks to break up the family unit, with the ultimate goal of removing the children from the picture.

The Type of Man Who Embraces Another’s Children

A man who truly cares for a woman will also embrace her children as part of the family. Such men understand the responsibility of nurturing, protecting, and supporting the children, viewing them not as obstacles but as part of the family. In contrast, men who struggle with jealousy or resentment towards the children may reveal their lack of respect for the family dynamic over time.

The Danger of Emotional Manipulation

Predators often use emotional manipulation to undermine the mother’s connection to her children, creating a toxic environment that pressures her to choose between the man and her children. This strategy isolates the mother, focusing her attention solely on him and convincing her that life would be easier without her children. Mothers must remain vigilant, trusting their instincts and recognising such manipulation tactics.

The Importance of Boundaries and Discernment

Single mothers must establish strong boundaries to protect their children. Any potential partner who shows disrespect or mistreatment towards the children is a warning sign. A loving partner will demonstrate kindness and patience toward the children, accepting them as part of the family. Pressure to prioritise the relationship over the children’s needs should be taken seriously as a red flag.

Single Motherhood: A Diverse Journey

Single mothers come to their position through various circumstances—loss, poor past choices, or before embracing faith. Regardless of the reason, they must remember that their primary responsibility is to care for their children. A woman’s past should not define her worth or ability to make wise decisions moving forward. The safety, happiness, and well-being of her children must remain her priority.

Protecting the Family Above All Else

Discernment is key for single mothers. Not all men have good intentions, and some may have ulterior motives that endanger the family. A healthy relationship should support the family unit, not tear it apart. A mother’s responsibility is to protect her children, and this sacred duty must never be compromised for any relationship, no matter how tempting.

Single mothers can create and rely on a robust support system that ensures their well-being and that of their children. Here are some key elements of a strong support system:

1. Family and Friends

• Emotional Support: Close relatives and trusted friends can offer encouragement, advice, and understanding during challenging times.

• Practical Help: They may assist with childcare, errands, or household tasks, providing much-needed relief.

2. Church and Faith Communities

• Spiritual Guidance: Many churches provide pastoral counseling, prayer groups, and spiritual mentoring for single mothers.

• Practical Assistance: Faith communities often organize programs like meal trains, child mentoring, and transportation services.

• Small Groups: Joining a single-parent Bible study or support group can provide encouragement and shared experiences.

3. Local Nonprofits and Community Programs

• Many local organizations offer:

• Affordable or free childcare services.

• Parenting workshops to build skills and confidence.

• Emergency financial aid for rent, utilities, or groceries.

4. Professional Counseling and Support Groups

• Therapy or support groups for single mothers can provide a safe space to process emotions, heal, and learn coping mechanisms.

• Online forums and virtual support groups offer connection for those unable to meet in person.

5. School and Educational Resources

• Many schools provide after-school programs or low-cost childcare to help working mothers.

• Teachers and counselors can be valuable allies in supporting children’s emotional and academic needs.

6. Government Assistance Programs

• Programs like SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program), WIC (Women, Infants, and Children), and Medicaid offer financial and healthcare support.

• Subsidized housing or childcare can also provide stability for single mothers.

7. Legal and Advocacy Services

• Single mothers facing custody, child support, or domestic issues can seek help from:

• Legal aid services.

• Family law attorneys specializing in single-parent cases.

• Advocacy groups protecting women and children.

8. Christian and Faith-Based Organizations

• Organizations like Focus on the Family, Safe Families for Children, The Salvation Army (see the resources section below) provide specialized support tailored to single mothers.

• Mentorship programs connect single mothers with experienced women who provide guidance and encouragement.

9. Self-Care and Personal Development

• Regular self-care routines, such as journaling, exercise, and pursuing hobbies, help mothers recharge.

• Seeking opportunities for personal growth, such as job training or education, can build independence and confidence.

By building a network of trusted relationships and accessing community resources, single mothers can navigate their challenges while ensuring their family’s stability and well-being.

Resources for Support

Here are some Christian-based organizations and charities that provide help for single mothers in vulnerable situations:

1. Focus on the Family

A Christian organization offering resources, counseling, and guidance for single mothers, including support for those in difficult or dangerous relationships.

2. Safe Families for Children

A nonprofit providing temporary care for children in crisis, supporting single mothers by offering safe, loving placements for their children.

3. Christian Alliance for Orphans (CAFO)

An organization that helps strengthen the Church’s efforts in caring for vulnerable children through fostering, adoption, and support services.

4. The Salvation Army

Provides emergency shelter, housing, and support for single mothers and families in need, as well as recovery programs and domestic violence support.

5. National Domestic Violence Hotline

Provides confidential support and resources for women and families affected by domestic violence. It includes information on safe shelter, legal help, and counseling.

6. Christian Domestic Violence Support

A Christian resource offering information and help for women in abusive relationships, including links to counseling and shelter programs.

7. Christian Women’s Job Corps (CWJC)

A faith-based nonprofit offering job training, mentoring, and support for women, including single mothers, as they work to achieve self-sufficiency.

8. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD)

Supports mothers and families who have been impacted by drunk driving, providing counseling and legal support to those who need it.

9. The National Women’s Law Center

Offers resources, legal information, and advocacy to support women’s rights, including those related to family law, workplace issues, and domestic violence.

10. Lifeline Children’s Services

This organization provides support for children, including adoption services, and family resources, with an emphasis on Christian care for children in need.

11. Family Promise

A nonprofit providing emergency shelter, housing assistance, and case management services for families experiencing homelessness, including single mothers and children.

12. Catholic Charities USA

Offers a wide range of services to single mothers, including counseling, housing assistance, food, healthcare, and other family support services.

13. Hope for the Heart

A Christian organization offering counseling, support, and resources for women facing emotional and relational struggles, including single mothers.

14. The American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC)

Provides a directory of Christian counselors and therapists who offer professional support to women, including single mothers dealing with trauma, emotional abuse, and other difficulties.

These organizations offer vital support for single mothers, including counseling, legal assistance, shelter, parenting resources, and more. If you find yourself in need of help, don’t hesitate to reach out to any of these organizations, as they provide confidential and compassionate services.

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*** Photo by PNW Production at Pexels

How to Protect Your Heart from Emotional Manipulation in Relationships – Part 3

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 3 of a 5-part series on guarding your heart in relationships. As women, we are nurturing by nature and referred to in the Bible as the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). This isn’t a reflection of value but a design that calls us to be helpers to men, wired to bring support and care into relationships. Men instinctively know this about us, and while this dynamic can bring balance and beauty, it also leaves room for misuse when not approached with God’s wisdom and guidance.

Navigating relationships as a woman is both rewarding and challenging. The desire for meaningful connection is God-given, but it is essential to protect your heart from those who might exploit your trust and affection. This article will help you recognize emotional manipulation, safeguard your heart, and keep your relationships aligned with God’s design.

Understanding the Issue

In Christian communities, marriage is often emphasized as the goal of relationships. Traditionally, men are seen as leaders in pursuing this commitment. However, some misuse this dynamic, taking advantage of women’s nurturing nature to gain emotional support, companionship or even material benefits without the intention of genuine commitment, dodging the responsibility and accountability God places on the man.

This behavior distorts the biblical model of relationships, which calls for love, mutual respect, and service. Scripture, especially passages like 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 5:25, reminds us that relationships should reflect Christ-like love. When someone enjoys the benefits of a relationship—such as emotional support or marital privileges—without accountability, it can leave women feeling devalued and disrespected.

How Women Can Protect Themselves

Guarding your heart requires awareness, boundaries, and trust in God’s plan for your life. Below are practical steps to help you stay vigilant and protect yourself from emotional manipulation.

1. Recognize Red Flags Early On

Understanding warning signs can save you from heartache.

Signs to Watch For:

• He avoids discussing long-term plans or commitment.

• He benefits emotionally, practically, or financially but does not reciprocate.

• He dodges conversations about defining the relationship or its future.

What to Do:

• Trust patterns, not promises. Actions speak louder than words.

• If he consistently avoids clarity, prayerfully consider whether the relationship is aligned with God’s will.

2. Set Healthy Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for protecting your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Practical Steps:

• Define your boundaries early and communicate them clearly.

• Avoid giving “marital privileges” without a commitment, such as deep emotional investment, financial support, or physical intimacy.

• Stand firm when someone pressures you to compromise your values.

3. Avoid Rushing into Emotional Investment

Deep emotional connections should develop gradually, based on proven sincerity.

Suggestion:

• Take time to assess his character and intentions.

• Observe his response to your boundaries. Respect is a crucial indicator of genuine love.

• Trust God’s timing and allow relationships to grow organically.

4. Seek Accountability and Godly Counsel

Sometimes emotions can cloud judgment. Trusted counsel can help you see clearly.

Why It’s Important:

• Trusted friends, mentors, or spiritual leaders provide objective insights.

• A godly community helps you stay grounded in biblical principles.

5. Embrace Your Value and Worth in Christ

Your identity is rooted in Christ, not in a relationship or another person’s validation.

Reminders:

• Reflect on Psalm 139:14: “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

• When you know your worth in God’s eyes, you won’t settle for less than His best for you.

What to Look for in a Healthy Relationship

A godly relationship should reflect the principles of love, respect, and mutual commitment. Seek these qualities in a potential partner:

• Respect: He honors your boundaries and values your emotions.

• Clear Intentions: He communicates openly and aligns his actions with his words.

• Sacrificial Love: He demonstrates Christ-like love through selflessness and support.

• Accountability: He welcomes godly counsel and community oversight.

Taking Control of the Situation

If you notice red flags or feel uncertain about someone’s intentions, take proactive steps to protect your heart:

1. Clarify Your Own Needs: Align your relationship expectations with God’s principles.

2. Evaluate Actions Over Words: Look for consistency between what he says and does.

3. Have a Direct Conversation: Express your concerns openly and see how he responds.

4. Be Willing to Walk Away: If he doesn’t respect your boundaries or intentions, trust God’s plan and let go.

Conclusion

Relationships are designed to reflect God’s love—honest, sacrificial, and committed. Emotional manipulation undermines this purpose and can leave women feeling used and devalued. By staying vigilant, setting boundaries, and seeking godly counsel, you can protect your heart and honor both God and yourself in your relationships.

It’s essential to remember that you cannot change a person—only God can transform hearts. Men are not “build-a-bear” projects, and it’s not your responsibility to fix or mold someone into who you hope they could be. Trying to do so often leads to frustration and heartache.

The fear of being alone or not finding someone can make it tempting to settle for less than God’s best. But settling out of fear compromises your values and leads to unfulfilling relationships. Trust God’s timing, knowing that He has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11).

Never forget: your worth is found in Christ, not in a man’s approval. True love reflects God’s design, where respect, integrity, and godliness thrive. Stay rooted in His Word, embrace your identity in Him, and let Him guide you toward relationships that bring joy, growth, and lasting love.

Online Dating: Spotting Predators and Protecting Your Heart – Part 2

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 2 of a 5 part series. In recent times, online dating has become an increasingly popular avenue for meeting potential partners, including for Christian men and women seeking to honor God in their relationships. However, there’s a concerning trend among some men who profess to be Christians, yet their actions contradict the values of Christ. These individuals target virtuous Christian women, misleading them with facades of faith and manipulating them for selfish gain.

The Deception of “Christian” Men

Just because a man claims to be a Christian does not necessarily mean he is one in practice. As believers, we are taught to “test the spirits” (1 John 4:1) and to judge a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:16). When it comes to dating, it’s essential to recognize that some men who profess Christianity may not embody the character and integrity that genuine Christian faith demands. They might use their faith as a tool to gain the trust of unsuspecting women, but their actions may reveal their true intentions.

These characters often try to manipulate and control women by disguising themselves as faithful, virtuous Christians. They may even be skilled at convincing their victims that any objection or concern is overreacting, that it’s “old-fashioned,” or that “everyone is different” now. However, these men are often deeply rooted in sinful behavior, and their actions ultimately seek to exploit the women they pursue.

The Dangerous Pattern of Predatory Behavior

The most troubling aspect of these types of men is how they prey on young, trusting, and virtuous Christian women. Many of these men have a sordid past—filled with sin and indulgence—and after realizing that they may end up alone in middle age, they seek to find a woman who is naive and spiritually anchored in faith, believing she will not leave them, no matter how poorly they mistreat her.

As Christians, we are called to live in accordance with God’s commandments and to love one another with purity and respect. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” which means sacrificially, selflessly, and honorably. This principle contradicts the behavior of these predatory types of men who want to dominate, control, and ultimately abuse women. The idea that a woman will stay married to a man despite his neglect, abuse, or sinful behavior, because of the sacredness of marriage, is a tool these men exploit.

These types often claim to have “converted” to Christianity, or they may return to their faith after years of living recklessly. But in many cases, their motivations for converting or returning to Christianity are not born out of a genuine change of heart or love for Christ but rather out of a desire to find a woman they can manipulate. This situation underscores the need for caution, as it’s clear that not everyone who claims to be Christian truly follows Christ in their actions, and are ‘Christian’ in name only, this includes women.

Red Flags: How to Spot a Predatory Man

The Bible encourages us to be discerning, and when it comes to dating, that discernment is vital. Matthew 7:15-20 warns against false prophets, saying, “By their fruits you will recognize them.” Here are some red flags to look out for when considering a potential partner from a Christian dating site:

1. The “Perfect” Facade: At first, a predator may seem charming, kind, and deeply devout, going out of his way to appear virtuous. For example, he might say, “I’ve been praying for someone like you” or “I feel like God brought us together for a reason.” However, inconsistencies in his actions will reveal his true intentions. While he might talk about his faith and commitment to purity, his behavior might not align with what he says. For example, while he might insist on being a gentleman in public, his messages could become increasingly flirtatious, intrusive or inappropriate when you’re alone. These inconsistencies show that his outward charm and devotion are just a facade, designed to manipulate your emotions.

2. Inconsistent Faith: A man who claims to be Christian but never seems to want to talk about the faith, avoids conversations about God, or downplays the importance of living according to biblical principles should raise alarm bells. If he doesn’t truly value God’s teachings, his interest in you might be more about satisfying his own needs than honoring Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it states, we are not to be unequally yoked, stating the importance of sharing the same values, beliefs, and at least the same level of faith in a relationship, if you are devout Christian you don’t want to be with someone who is lukewarm.

3. Boundary Violations: A predator may test your boundaries early on, asking for inappropriate pictures, making lewd jokes, or reacting poorly when you establish limits. They often use manipulation tactics to break down your defences, by using false piety, acting hurt, questioning your faith, try to shame you or misuse Scripture to pressure you into lowering your defences, to make you feel guilty or obligated—clear red flags to watch for and disengage from immediately.

4. Victim Mentality: If a man constantly portrays himself as misunderstood or mistreated by others, it’s often a way to deflect attention from his own harmful behavior and avoid taking responsibility for his actions. For example, he might say, “Everyone always misunderstands me; they just don’t get how much I’ve been through.” He may even blame others for his problems, making it seem like he’s always the victim. This tactic is commonly used by abusers to manipulate your emotions, making you feel sorry for him and guilty for not being more supportive. By focusing on his supposed victimhood, he shifts the narrative away from his own harmful actions, creating an emotional bond that makes it harder for you to recognize or confront his behavior. This manipulation lowers your guard and makes you more likely to overlook red flags in the relationship.

5. Control and Possession: True love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, is not about control but is patient, kind, and honors the freedom of the other person. In a healthy relationship, both individuals are free to make their own choices and grow in their faith, just as God respects our free will. If someone tries to limit your actions or control who you see, especially people who support your faith and care for your well-being, like family, it’s a red flag that their intentions are based on manipulation and possession. A predator might also try to convince you that they know what’s best for you, suggesting that you’re not smart enough to make your own decisions. They may even misquote Scripture to manipulate you into submitting to them, by saying things like, “The Bible says you should submit to your husband”—even though submission is specifically for marriage, not dating. This tactic is designed to make you feel inferior, drop boundaries and give up your independence, whilst they control the relationship.

6. Devaluation and Gaslighting: A common manipulative tactic used by predators is to devaluate and gaslight you, to make you question your worth and sense of reality. They may make you feel like you’re either “too much” or “not enough” by criticizing your appearance, past, or choices. For instance, they might say, “I can’t believe someone like you is still single,” suggesting there’s something wrong with you, or “You’ve been through a lot, huh? That probably explains why you act the way you do,” implying you’re damaged or flawed. These comments are designed to shake your confidence and make you feel insecure. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, making you more reliant on their approval. By planting seeds of doubt, they work to break down your boundaries and make you question your own worth, making it easier for them to control you.

7. Future-Faking: These individuals often string women along by promising an ideal future together, but their promises rarely materialise. This is a common trait of predators who manipulate women into staying in the relationship that serve their selfish interests, by painting an ideal, faith-based future that aligns with the woman’s values and hopes, making her believe that the relationship is part of God’s plan, hoping that you will overlook the bright red flags and your gut instinct with the smooth talk.

8. A Toxic Past: A predator may openly admit to having a troubled or sordid past but, at the same time, demand that the woman be perfect—expecting her to be “virginal” or without any past mistakes or experiences. This double standard is not only unfair, but it also reveals a deep hypocrisy. It shows that he is unwilling to offer the same grace and forgiveness to others that Christ offers to all of us. We are called to show compassion and understanding to others, acknowledging that we all have a past and have made mistakes. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, grace, and forgiveness, not on unrealistic expectations or judgment of one another’s history. If someone is unable to offer this grace, it’s a clear sign of manipulation and an inability to truly love in the way Christ teaches us.

Protecting Yourself: Trusting God and Your Instincts

While dating online can lead to genuine relationships, it’s essential to remain cautious and discerning. God has given us wisdom and the Holy Spirit to guide us, and one of the most important tools for protecting ourselves is our intuition. If something feels off or doesn’t sit right, trust it. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding—this applies to relationships as well.

Remember, you are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If a man displays significant red flags, it’s crucial to walk away. Your value is not determined by whether or not you are in a relationship. You are a daughter of the King, worthy of love, respect, and honor.

Lastly, as Christian women, we must avoid believing that we have to “fix” someone or change their character to fit our standards. Only God can change hearts. Your job is to discern wisely and protect your heart, keeping it pure for the right man who will love you as Christ loves the Church.

Biblical Principles of Dating and Marriage

Christian relationships should reflect the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A key part of evaluating a potential partner is looking at how they display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Some biblical principles that could guide you are:

• Ephesians 5:25-28: Men are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. This should be a benchmark for women to evaluate whether a man truly embodies Christ-like love.

• 2 Corinthians 6:14: Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It is vital that both partners share the same faith and commitment to Christ for a healthy relationship.

Importance of Community and Accountability

Christian dating should never happen in isolation. It’s essential to seek mentorship and accountability from trusted Christian leaders, elders, or friends who know both individuals well. Consider:

• Involving your church community: Let others in your church know about your relationship so they can offer wisdom and discernment.

• Consulting a pastor or mature Christian: A wise Christian mentor can help spot red flags you might miss.

Encouragement of Healthy Boundaries

Set practical boundaries in your relationship to safeguard your emotional, physical, and spiritual health:

• Physical Boundaries: Maintain purity by setting clear limits around physical contact.

• Emotional Boundaries: Respect each other’s emotional well-being, and allow space for personal growth and outside friendships.

• Time and Energy Boundaries: Avoid relationships that drain you or demand excessive control.

The Role of Patience and Discernment in Relationships

Patience is essential in Christian relationships. Psalm 27:14 encourages waiting on God’s timing. Trust in God’s plan and do not rush into relationships based on emotions alone.

Encouragement to Walk in Confidence and Worth

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Embrace your identity in Christ and remember that your value is not tied to your relationship status (Ephesians 2:10). Walk confidently in the truth that God has a purpose for you, regardless of your current relational situation.

Clearer Conclusion with Practical Steps

If you are considering an online relationship or already in one, take these practical steps:

• Pray for discernment.

• Set boundaries early.

• Seek counsel from trusted individuals in your church.

• Maintain purity, both emotionally and physically.

• Walk away if you spot red flags—don’t feel obligated to continue a relationship that doesn’t honor God.

In conclusion, while there are many genuine Christian men on dating websites, the rise of predators masquerading as Christians is a growing concern. Stay vigilant, trust in the Lord’s guidance, and above all, never forget that your value comes from God alone. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, as Christ would treat His Church.

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*** Photo by Cottonbro Studios