I weighed about 300 pounds or more back then. I was a food addict, as Dr. Brown pointed out. If I had continued eating the way I was, I wouldn’t be alive today. My cholesterol was 240, blood pressure was 149 over 103, and I had sleep apnea, which required me to use a machine. At 59, I decided I couldn’t continue living that way.
Life Now
After making what seemed like “radical” changes, I can truthfully say I’m thriving. I’m full of life, and it’s amazing. After addressing my health, I’ve not only lost weight, but I also haven’t had a headache for 9 and a half years, and my lower back pain is gone. My blood pressure is now 100 over 65, my cholesterol is around 135, and I no longer need a breathing machine to sleep.
While I understand that this is not the case for everyone, for me, health is ultimately about stewardship. I believe I have a mission from God, and I want to be able to serve, give, and run until it’s time for me to go home. The same should be true for every believer.
What Scripture Says About Our Bodies
What does 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, which addresses sexual immorality, have to do with how we eat? While it speaks about purity, the verse concludes with the important words, “You were bought with a price, therefore glorify God in your body.” These words are just as true when it comes to our health.
In 1 Corinthians 9:24-27, Paul speaks of discipline in all things, comparing our Christian walk to an athlete’s strict training. Athletes deny themselves to be in optimal health for an earthly crown, but we should strive for spiritual discipline, aiming for a heavenly crown.
Eight Things We Need to Break:
1. Overeating is sin – Understand that overeating is the sin of gluttony and goes against God’s design for us.
2. Fat does not define you – Your value is in Christ, not in your body size.
3. You are an overcomer in Christ – Jesus is greater than any struggle you face, including food addiction.
4. Grace empowers you to live above sin – With God’s grace, you can overcome temptation and live healthfully.
5. Freedom through obedience is a choice – Obeying God leads to freedom, even in matters of health.
6. Spiritual warfare over food is real – Struggles with food may be part of a deeper spiritual battle.
7. With God, all things are possible – Through God’s strength, you can overcome any obstacle, including addiction.
8. Healthy eating is cooperation with the Lord – Choosing to eat healthily is an act of obedience and stewardship.
Ten Key Points for Health Transformation:
1. Don’t diet—get a lifestyle change – Sustainable health comes from permanent lifestyle changes, not temporary diets.
2. Don’t cut back, cut bad foods out entirely – Remove harmful foods instead of just reducing their intake.
3. Recognise food addiction is real and deadly – Understand that addiction to food can harm your body and soul.
4. Learn the difference between toxic hunger and true hunger – Know when your body is truly hungry versus when you are just craving comfort.
5. Don’t snack between meals – Develop discipline by eating only during meals.
6. Recognize unhealthy eating is sin to you – Acknowledge that unhealthy eating habits can be spiritually harmful.
7. Identify the main psychological reasons you eat – Address the emotional triggers behind overeating.
8. Understand food is the fuel of your life, not the reward for your life – View food as nourishment, not a reward for accomplishments.
9. Exercise is not a substitute for healthy eating – Healthy eating is foundational, and exercise supports it, but it cannot replace it.
10. Resolve to change today; tomorrow never comes – Make the decision to change now, because procrastination leads to more harm.
Conclusion
As Christians, we are called to be good stewards of the bodies God has entrusted to us. Our health is not just about us—it’s about fulfilling the purpose God has for us in this life. By practicing discipline in eating, we honor God by caring for our bodies, which are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). The journey to health is not just physical but deeply spiritual, as we align our choices with God’s will, trusting that with Him, we can overcome any challenge, including food addiction. Ultimately, healthy living is an act of worship, demonstrating our gratitude for the life and strength He provides.
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*** Article by Vladimir Savchuk Ministries: Interview with Dr Michael Brown / Photo by Cottonbro at Pexels
Throughout history, women have sought love, commitment, and security in their relationships. In ancient times, society drew clear lines between women who were chosen as wives and those who were simply kept around—often referred to as concubines. These women were valued enough to be close to a man, bear his children, and share parts of his life, but they were never truly prioritized.
Today, this pattern still exists—just without the formal titles. Many women unknowingly find themselves in this role: loyal, supportive, giving, and deeply invested in a man who never truly planned to choose them.
Even in biblical times, concubines had certain protections. A man was expected to care for them, and they had legal recognition—though still held a lower status than a wife. But their futures were always uncertain, entirely dependent on the man’s goodwill. Hagar, who bore Abraham a son, was eventually cast out. Bilhah and Zilpah bore children for Jacob but were never truly honored like his wives. Solomon had hundreds of concubines—part of his household, but not part of his heart.
These women were there for convenience, not commitment. That same dynamic plays out in modern relationships. A woman may devote years to a man—giving him loyalty, emotional support, even intimacy—hoping one day he’ll choose her as his wife. But all too often, he never does. Not because she isn’t worthy, but because he was never planning to.
Modern relationships often blur lines. A woman might find herself doing everything a wife does—supporting him through hard times, helping financially, being emotionally available, sharing her body—without ever receiving a true commitment in return. She believes her loyalty will eventually be rewarded. That if she just proves her love, he’ll see her worth and decide to marry her. But the painful truth is, most men don’t need years to decide. When a man is serious about a woman, he makes his intentions clear. When he’s not, he delays, distracts, and avoids.
It’s not that he’s confused—it’s that he’s comfortable. He’s benefiting from the relationship, so he sees no reason to change it. Many men will gladly take the emotional support, sexual access, companionship, and even financial help without offering anything long-term in return. That’s not love. That’s selfishness. It’s using someone’s time and heart while keeping her in a holding pattern.
A man who doesn’t see you as “the one” from the beginning is unlikely to suddenly change his mind after years of taking what he wants. He already knows—you’re just not the one he’s planning to marry.
Signs Your a Placeholder
If you’re unsure where your relationship stands, pay careful attention to these patterns. Each is a strong signal that you may be giving wife-level commitment while he’s giving you only convenience.
1. Years together, marriage is always “someday.” Men who really intend to marry rarely need multiple years to decide; most make up their minds within the first twelve months or so. When the timeline keeps sliding—finances, career, “not ready”—he’s comfortable, not confused.
2. You’re kept on the edge of his life, not in the center. A man who sees a future with you naturally weaves you into it. If you still haven’t met family or close friends, or you’re left out of meaningful decisions, he’s keeping emotional and social distance for a reason.
3. You do everything a wife does—without the title or security. Cooking, cleaning, sharing bills, late-night emotional support, sexual intimacy—yet no clear plan for marriage. That’s not partnership; it’s a one-sided arrangement where he enjoys the benefits while you carry the risk.
4. Serious talk about marriage makes him vague or defensive. When a man wants a woman as his wife, he can talk about it openly. If he diverts, jokes, or offers fuzzy promises with no dates or steps attached, take the dodge at face value: he isn’t planning what you are.
5. After leaving you, he marries someone else quickly. This stings, but it’s common. Commitment was never the obstacle; finding the person he wanted to commit to was. His sudden readiness shows he always knew what he was looking for—he simply didn’t see it with you.
If these signs sound familiar, your relationship may lack real intent. Love yourself enough to step back and make room for a man who will move toward you with clarity, not excuses.
You can’t earn someone’s desire to commit. You can’t force a man to value you by giving more, sacrificing more, or waiting longer. The more you give without receiving commitment, the more you teach him that you’ll tolerate uncertainty.
While not every man who delays is acting with malicious intent, many do know they have no plan to marry—and still keep the relationship going because it benefits them. That’s selfish.
You deserve more than to be someone’s “good enough for now.” You deserve intentional love. If a man truly sees you as his future, he won’t string you along. He won’t leave you guessing. His actions will speak. He will introduce you to the people who matter. He’ll talk about the future with you in it. He will lead with clarity, not confusion.
This isn’t just about emotional health—it’s also about spiritual alignment. If you believe in God’s design for love and marriage, then you know deep emotional and physical intimacy was meant to exist under the covering of commitment. That boundary isn’t about shame—it’s about protection. When we step outside of that design, we often find heartbreak, not fulfillment.
You are not a placeholder. You are not a convenience. You are not a modern-day concubine waiting to be chosen. You are a woman of value—meant to be pursued with intention, loved with integrity, and honored with commitment.
Don’t settle for someone who keeps you in the shadows while waiting for someone else to shine in the light.
Know your worth. Trust God’s timing. And remember: the right man won’t need convincing. He’ll recognize the blessing you are—and treat you like one from the very start.
Adultery is often equated with physical infidelity, such as engaging in sexual relations outside of a committed relationship. However, adultery can manifest in various forms beyond the physical act. In today’s digital age and evolving relationship dynamics, emotional, mental, and virtual infidelities can be just as damaging as any physical transgression. Understanding these non-physical forms of infidelity is crucial for recognizing the many ways in which trust can be violated within a relationship.
1. Emotional Infidelity
One of the most common forms of non-physical adultery is emotional infidelity. This occurs when a person develops an intimate emotional connection with someone outside of their committed relationship. Friendships with the opposite sex, though often perceived as innocent, can unknowingly foster this type of bond. Emotional infidelity involves sharing deep personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences with someone other than a spouse. While it may not involve physical contact, the emotional closeness formed can lead to feelings of betrayal, especially when the intimacy shared with a friend mirrors or even surpasses the closeness meant for the partner. This shift in emotional focus creates distance in the primary relationship, leading to tension, dissatisfaction, and a slow breakdown of trust.
Many physical affairs begin as emotional infidelity. A strong emotional connection creates a foundation for attraction, making individuals more vulnerable to temptation. Men and women were designed to be attracted to each other, meaning that these so-called “harmless” friendships are often anything but. When a man or woman spends increasing amounts of time with a friend of the opposite sex instead of investing that time in their spouse, it’s not just a misplaced priority—it’s an erosion of the marriage. That time should be strengthening the marital bond, not fostering closeness with someone else.
The danger lies in the fact that, more often than not, one person in the friendship is being dishonest—whether with themselves or their friend. They may claim the relationship is purely platonic, but deep down, they’re waiting for an opportunity. They stay in the wings, hoping that one day a door will open—perhaps when the marriage hits a rough patch or when the emotional bond between the spouses weakens—and they can slide in. This is why emotional infidelity is so deceptive. It doesn’t happen in an instant but through small compromises over time, until the lines between friendship and something more are completely blurred.
Bible Verse:
“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can understand it?” – Jeremiah 17:9 (Emotional attachments can distort the heart and create hidden paths to betrayal.)
2. Online or Virtual Infidelity
With the rise of digital communication, the line between platonic interaction and infidelity has blurred. Online or virtual infidelity refers to engaging in flirtatious or sexual conversations with someone outside the relationship through social media, messaging apps, or online dating platforms. These interactions, while not physically intimate, can form emotional or sexual bonds that undermine trust. Often, this kind of behavior is hidden, which makes it even more damaging. The anonymity and distance provided by digital platforms can also lead to behaviors that would not otherwise occur in person.
Bible Verses:
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” – Matthew 5:28 (This highlights how virtual or emotional acts can be as damaging as physical ones when they involve lust or attraction outside of the marriage.)
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ … – Matthew 5:27
3. Sexual Fantasies about Someone Else
Though often overlooked, sexual fantasies about someone other than a partner can also be considered a form of adultery. While thinking about someone else sexually does not involve direct action, it can signify a lack of emotional and sexual connection with the primary partner. Repeated fantasies about another person can cause emotional distress, especially if they become a focal point of desire or attention. When sexual thoughts stray far from the partner, it leads to a disconnection or dissatisfaction within the relationship, it is also a form of betrayal.
Bible Verses:
“But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” – James 1:14-15 (This verse speaks to how lustful thoughts can lead to destructive actions, even if not physically acted upon.)
“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4
4. Secretive Behavior or Deception
A common way that adultery can occur without physical acts is through secretive behavior or deception. This could involve hiding communications with someone outside the relationship, such as secret text messages, phone calls, or meetings. Even if these interactions are not overtly romantic, the fact that they are kept hidden can breed a sense of dishonesty or betrayal. The lack of transparency can erode trust and make the other partner feel disrespected, as it undermines the integrity of the relationship, even without any physical intimacy.
Bible Verses:
“For nothing is hidden that will not be made manifest, nor is anything secret that will not be known and come to light.” – Luke 8:17 (All secret actions will eventually come to light, and the damage done is often just as harmful as physical acts of infidelity.)
5. Inappropriate Touching or Flirting
While not as overt as full physical infidelity, inappropriate touching or flirting with someone outside the relationship can also constitute adultery. This behavior might involve leading someone on, engaging in flirtatious conversations, or even inappropriate physical contact, such as touching that is more intimate than what would be acceptable in a platonic setting. Such actions can erode the boundaries of the relationship, creating confusion. It may not be “cheating” in the traditional sense, but it certainly reflects a disregard for the emotional safety and trust of the partner.
Bible Verse:
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18 (The Bible encourages fleeing from sexual temptation in all forms, whether physical or emotional.)
6. Using Pornography or Seeking Other Sexual Content
In many relationships, seeking out pornography or other forms of sexual content can be viewed as a form of infidelity. For some people, the use of pornography can signify emotional or sexual dissatisfaction in the relationship. If one partner seeks out these materials in secret or uses them as a substitute for intimacy within the relationship, it can create a rift between partners. The partner might feel neglected, replaced, or unimportant, leading to a breakdown in intimacy and trust. In this case, the betrayal is not physical, but the emotional impact can be profound.
Bible Verses:
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.” – Job 31:1 (This verse speaks to the importance of protecting one’s thoughts and avoiding lustful images, which is often the core issue with pornography.)
“For God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” – Hebrews 13:4 (The use of pornography often constitutes sexual immorality, which the Bible warns against.)
Conclusion
While physical infidelity remains the most recognized form of adultery, it is important to understand that betrayal can occur in many other ways. Emotional connections, online interactions, secretive behaviors, and even mental or sexual distractions can all serve to undermine the trust and intimacy of a relationship. In many cases, these actions are forms of emotional betrayal, as they erode the bond between partners and leave lasting scars on the relationship.
A good rule of thumb to remember is this: if you wouldn’t say or do something in front of your spouse, then it’s likely not appropriate. This can serve as a clear boundary to help avoid crossing lines that may hurt your partner emotionally or otherwise. However, some individuals may knowingly disregard these boundaries, which only further damages the relationship.
One of the most overlooked yet dangerous forms of emotional betrayal is developing close friendships with the opposite sex. What starts as an innocent connection can quickly evolve into misplaced emotional intimacy. Time spent confiding in or prioritizing a friend over one’s spouse slowly weakens the marriage. These friendships often involve at least one person who secretly hopes for an opportunity—waiting for a weak moment to slide in when the marriage faces challenges. The reality is that men and women are naturally drawn to one another, and ignoring this truth can lead to dangerous compromises.
To protect a relationship from these hidden forms of infidelity, couples must set firm boundaries. This includes avoiding excessive time alone with friends of the opposite sex, keeping conversations appropriate and transparent, and ensuring that emotional support comes from the marriage rather than outside relationships. Open communication, mutual respect, and clear boundaries are essential in maintaining a healthy, trustworthy partnership. Recognizing these subtler forms of infidelity allows couples to address potential issues early and protect the integrity of their relationship.
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** More on this topic, tangible ways to discern the signs of adultery “discerning adultery” video by Bindi Marc / Photo by Cottonbro studio at Pexels
“…This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Whoever will listen let them listen, and whoever will refuse let them refuse; for they are a rebellious people.” ~ Ezekiel 3:27
In today’s rapidly changing world—where technology, culture, and views on right and wrong are in constant flux—many wonder why they should follow a God who revealed Himself thousands of years ago. They believe that because times have changed, God should change too. However, the Bible clearly tells us that God never changes: “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). While everything around us may pass away, God’s Word remains eternal. As Isaiah 40:8 states, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.” No matter how much the world shifts, God’s truth remains unchanged.
God’s Wisdom is Greater Than Ours
Many today trust in science, human reasoning, and their own opinions, believing themselves wiser than God. Yet, the Bible teaches that God’s ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). The very minds people use to argue against God are gifts from Him. Rather than thanking Him, many reject Him and attempt to convince others to do the same, believing they know better than the Creator. True wisdom begins with respecting the Lord (Proverbs 9:10).
God’s Word is Still Relevant
Despite claims that the Bible is outdated, human nature remains unchanged. The same issues we face today—greed, lust, selfishness, violence, and pride—are the problems we see in Scripture. People are still searching for love, peace, and purpose, just as they always have. The Bible offers timeless wisdom for every generation. The world may change, but people’s need for God remains constant.
Why Do People Reject God?
People often reject God, not because of a lack of evidence, but because they want to live according to their own desires. They are aware that their actions are sinful, but instead of seeking change, they refuse to turn to God. As John 3:20 says, “Everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed.” Lust and sexual immorality are some of the most powerful forces that drive people away from God. Sin causes spiritual blindness, leading individuals to choose darkness over the light of God.
The Rejection of Jesus and Mocking His Name
An important aspect of rejecting God today is the casual use of Jesus’ name as a swear word. Many people use His name in vain, as though doing so diminishes His power or significance. However, Jesus is the One who gave us salvation—He is the only mediator between God and man (1 Timothy 2:5). To mock His name is not merely an attempt to trivialise Him, but an effort to justify sinful lifestyles. People who use Jesus’ name in this way aim to defy His authority and reject the truth of His gospel, which calls them to turn away from sin and embrace righteousness. Instead of respecting Him, they try to diminish who He is in their minds, hoping to justify their behaviours. This is not just disrespect—it’s a rejection of the only One who offers forgiveness and eternal life.
Leading Others into Sin
Not only do some reject God, but they also try to lead others into sin. They mock God, mislead others, and present His truth as irrelevant. Jesus warned against such hypocrisy in Matthew 23:13: “You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to.” People who mislead others know their actions are wrong but try to justify their rebellion by convincing others that living according to God’s Word is foolish. This deception leads others away from the truth and towards destruction.
Why Doesn’t God Punish Those Who Mock Him?
Some question why God doesn’t punish those who mock Him. The answer is simple: God is patient. As 2 Peter 3:9 explains, “The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise… Instead, He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.” God is offering everyone time to repent. His patience reflects His mercy, but one day, judgment will come, and everyone will have to answer for their actions. As Philippians 2:10-11 reminds us, “Every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.”
Pray for Those Who Are Blinded
The rejection of God, especially by those who actively try to turn others away, stems from spiritual blindness. As 2 Corinthians 4:4 states, “The god of this world has blinded the minds of unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ.” Rather than harbouring anger, we must pray for those who are lost. Their blindness is not entirely their fault, as they are under the enemy’s influence. Just as Jesus prayed for His persecutors (Luke 23:34), we too must pray for God to open their eyes to the truth.
Stand Strong in Your Faith
In a world that rejects God’s truth, we must remain firm in our faith. Though the world may call us outdated or foolish, God’s Word never changes. As Hebrews 4:12 tells us, the Bible is alive and powerful. Regardless of the world’s changes, God’s love, power, and truth remain the same. As Christians, we are called to be salt and light in a world that needs the gospel. Even when others reject God, we must stand firm in His truth and pray for those who are lost, asking God to open their hearts to the message of salvation. For Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
This is part 2 of a 5 part series. In recent times, online dating has become an increasingly popular avenue for meeting potential partners, including for Christian men and women seeking to honor God in their relationships.However, there’s a concerning trend among some men who profess to be Christians, yet their actions contradict the values of Christ. These individuals target virtuous Christian women, misleading them with facades of faith and manipulating them for selfish gain.
The Deception of “Christian” Men
Just because a man claims to be a Christian does not necessarily mean he is one in practice. As believers, we are taught to “test the spirits” (1 John 4:1) and to judge a tree by its fruit (Matthew 7:16). When it comes to dating, it’s essential to recognize that some men who profess Christianity may not embody the character and integrity that genuine Christian faith demands. They might use their faith as a tool to gain the trust of unsuspecting women, but their actions may reveal their true intentions.
These characters often try to manipulate and control women by disguising themselves as faithful, virtuous Christians. They may even be skilled at convincing their victims that any objection or concern is overreacting, that it’s “old-fashioned,” or that “everyone is different” now. However, these men are often deeply rooted in sinful behavior, and their actions ultimately seek to exploit the women they pursue.
The Dangerous Pattern of Predatory Behavior
The most troubling aspect of these types of men is how they prey on young, trusting, and virtuous Christian women. Many of these men have a sordid past—filled with sin and indulgence—and after realizing that they may end up alone in middle age, they seek to find a woman who is naive and spiritually anchored in faith, believing she will not leave them, no matter how poorly they mistreat her.
As Christians, we are called to live in accordance with God’s commandments and to love one another with purity and respect. Ephesians 5:25 tells men to “love your wives, as Christ loved the church,” which means sacrificially, selflessly, and honorably. This principle contradicts the behavior of these predatory types of men who want to dominate, control, and ultimately abuse women. The idea that a woman will stay married to a man despite his neglect, abuse, or sinful behavior, because of the sacredness of marriage, is a tool these men exploit.
These types often claim to have “converted” to Christianity, or they may return to their faith after years of living recklessly. But in many cases, their motivations for converting or returning to Christianity are not born out of a genuine change of heart or love for Christ but rather out of a desire to find a woman they can manipulate. This situation underscores the need for caution, as it’s clear that not everyone who claims to be Christian truly follows Christ in their actions, and are ‘Christian’ in name only, this includes women.
Red Flags: How to Spot a Predatory Man
The Bible encourages us to be discerning, and when it comes to dating, that discernment is vital. Matthew 7:15-20 warns against false prophets, saying, “By their fruits you will recognize them.” Here are some red flags to look out for when considering a potential partner from a Christian dating site:
1. The “Perfect” Facade: At first, a predator may seem charming, kind, and deeply devout, going out of his way to appear virtuous. For example, he might say, “I’ve been praying for someone like you” or “I feel like God brought us together for a reason.” However, inconsistencies in his actions will reveal his true intentions. While he might talk about his faith and commitment to purity, his behavior might not align with what he says. For example, while he might insist on being a gentleman in public, his messages could become increasingly flirtatious, intrusive or inappropriate when you’re alone. These inconsistencies show that his outward charm and devotion are just a facade, designed to manipulate your emotions.
2. Inconsistent Faith: A man who claims to be Christian but never seems to want to talk about the faith, avoids conversations about God, or downplays the importance of living according to biblical principles should raise alarm bells. If he doesn’t truly value God’s teachings, his interest in you might be more about satisfying his own needs than honoring Christ. In 2 Corinthians 6:14 it states, we are not to be unequally yoked, stating the importance of sharing the same values, beliefs, and at least the same level of faith in a relationship, if you are devout Christian you don’t want to be with someone who is lukewarm.
3. Boundary Violations: A predator may test your boundaries early on, asking for inappropriate pictures, making lewd jokes, or reacting poorly when you establish limits. They often use manipulation tactics to break down your defences, by using false piety, acting hurt, questioning your faith, try to shame you or misuse Scripture to pressure you into lowering your defences, to make you feel guilty or obligated—clear red flags to watch for and disengage from immediately.
4. Victim Mentality: If a man constantly portrays himself as misunderstood or mistreated by others, it’s often a way to deflect attention from his own harmful behavior and avoid taking responsibility for his actions. For example, he might say, “Everyone always misunderstands me; they just don’t get how much I’ve been through.” He may even blame others for his problems, making it seem like he’s always the victim. This tactic is commonly used by abusers to manipulate your emotions, making you feel sorry for him and guilty for not being more supportive. By focusing on his supposed victimhood, he shifts the narrative away from his own harmful actions, creating an emotional bond that makes it harder for you to recognize or confront his behavior. This manipulation lowers your guard and makes you more likely to overlook red flags in the relationship.
5. Control and Possession: True love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, is not about control but is patient, kind, and honors the freedom of the other person. In a healthy relationship, both individuals are free to make their own choices and grow in their faith, just as God respects our free will. If someone tries to limit your actions or control who you see, especially people who support your faith and care for your well-being, like family, it’s a red flag that their intentions are based on manipulation and possession. A predator might also try to convince you that they know what’s best for you, suggesting that you’re not smart enough to make your own decisions. They may even misquote Scripture to manipulate you into submitting to them, by saying things like, “The Bible says you should submit to your husband”—even though submission is specifically for marriage, not dating. This tactic is designed to make you feel inferior, drop boundaries and give up your independence, whilst they control the relationship.
6. Devaluation and Gaslighting: A common manipulative tactic used by predators is to devaluate and gaslight you, to make you question your worth and sense of reality. They may make you feel like you’re either “too much” or “not enough” by criticizing your appearance, past, or choices. For instance, they might say, “I can’t believe someone like you is still single,” suggesting there’s something wrong with you, or “You’ve been through a lot, huh? That probably explains why you act the way you do,” implying you’re damaged or flawed. These comments are designed to shake your confidence and make you feel insecure. Over time, this can erode your self-esteem, making you more reliant on their approval. By planting seeds of doubt, they work to break down your boundaries and make you question your own worth, making it easier for them to control you.
7. Future-Faking: These individuals often string women along by promising an ideal future together, but their promises rarely materialise. This is a common trait of predators who manipulate women into staying in the relationship that serve their selfish interests, by painting an ideal, faith-based future that aligns with the woman’s values and hopes, making her believe that the relationship is part of God’s plan, hoping that you will overlook the bright red flags and your gut instinct with the smooth talk.
8. A Toxic Past: A predator may openly admit to having a troubled or sordid past but, at the same time, demand that the woman be perfect—expecting her to be “virginal” or without any past mistakes or experiences. This double standard is not only unfair, but it also reveals a deep hypocrisy. It shows that he is unwilling to offer the same grace and forgiveness to others that Christ offers to all of us. We are called to show compassion and understanding to others, acknowledging that we all have a past and have made mistakes. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, grace, and forgiveness, not on unrealistic expectations or judgment of one another’s history. If someone is unable to offer this grace, it’s a clear sign of manipulation and an inability to truly love in the way Christ teaches us.
Protecting Yourself: Trusting God and Your Instincts
While dating online can lead to genuine relationships, it’s essential to remain cautious and discerning. God has given us wisdom and the Holy Spirit to guide us, and one of the most important tools for protecting ourselves is our intuition. If something feels off or doesn’t sit right, trust it. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding—this applies to relationships as well.
Remember, you are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. If a man displays significant red flags, it’s crucial to walk away. Your value is not determined by whether or not you are in a relationship. You are a daughter of the King, worthy of love, respect, and honor.
Lastly, as Christian women, we must avoid believing that we have to “fix” someone or change their character to fit our standards. Only God can change hearts. Your job is to discern wisely and protect your heart, keeping it pure for the right man who will love you as Christ loves the Church.
Biblical Principles of Dating and Marriage
Christian relationships should reflect the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). A key part of evaluating a potential partner is looking at how they display love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Some biblical principles that could guide you are:
• Ephesians 5:25-28: Men are called to love their wives sacrificially, as Christ loved the Church. This should be a benchmark for women to evaluate whether a man truly embodies Christ-like love.
• 2 Corinthians 6:14: Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers. It is vital that both partners share the same faith and commitment to Christ for a healthy relationship.
Importance of Community and Accountability
Christian dating should never happen in isolation. It’s essential to seek mentorship and accountability from trusted Christian leaders, elders, or friends who know both individuals well. Consider:
• Involving your church community: Let others in your church know about your relationship so they can offer wisdom and discernment.
• Consulting a pastor or mature Christian: A wise Christian mentor can help spot red flags you might miss.
Encouragement of Healthy Boundaries
Set practical boundaries in your relationship to safeguard your emotional, physical, and spiritual health:
• Physical Boundaries: Maintain purity by setting clear limits around physical contact.
• Emotional Boundaries: Respect each other’s emotional well-being, and allow space for personal growth and outside friendships.
• Time and Energy Boundaries: Avoid relationships that drain you or demand excessive control.
The Role of Patience and Discernment in Relationships
Patience is essential in Christian relationships. Psalm 27:14 encourages waiting on God’s timing. Trust in God’s plan and do not rush into relationships based on emotions alone.
Encouragement to Walk in Confidence and Worth
You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Embrace your identity in Christ and remember that your value is not tied to your relationship status (Ephesians 2:10). Walk confidently in the truth that God has a purpose for you, regardless of your current relational situation.
Clearer Conclusion with Practical Steps
If you are considering an online relationship or already in one, take these practical steps:
• Pray for discernment.
• Set boundaries early.
• Seek counsel from trusted individuals in your church.
• Maintain purity, both emotionally and physically.
• Walk away if you spot red flags—don’t feel obligated to continue a relationship that doesn’t honor God.
In conclusion, while there are many genuine Christian men on dating websites, the rise of predators masquerading as Christians is a growing concern. Stay vigilant, trust in the Lord’s guidance, and above all, never forget that your value comes from God alone. You deserve to be treated with respect and love, as Christ would treat His Church.
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