In Matthew 14:19, we see the three steps to becoming a blessing to others:
(1) Jesus took ALL the loaves and fish;
(2) He blessed them; and
(3) He broke them.“It is only as you also allow the Holy Spirit to break the strength of your own will that you will become spiritual. “
Then the multitude was fed. This is how the Lord wants to make you a blessing to others too. You have to give Him everything first, as the little lad there did. Then He will bless you with the power of the Holy Spirit. Then He will break you through many trials, frustrations, disappointed hopes, failures, sicknesses, betrayals, etc., humble you, and reduce you to nothing in the eyes of men. Then, He will bless others through you. So, submit to His breaking. The Bible says that Jesus was first crushed and then the Father’s work prospered in His hand (See Isaiah 53:10-12).
Jesus allowed His human self-will to be broken in the different situations in His life. Only thus was He able to offer Himself without spot to His Father. It was for this purpose that the Spirit strengthened Him (Hebrews 9:14). It is only as you also allow the Holy Spirit to break the strength of your own will that you will become spiritual. Your self-will must be broken at the times when you are tempted to do what your own strong self-life would like to do, instead of doing what God wants you to do.
Your cross will be found in those places where the will of God crosses your self-will. There your own will must be crucified. There the Spirit will tell you to die. If you obey the Spirit’s voice consistently, you will remain constantly broken; and God has promised to give continuous revival to those who remain continuously broken in spirit. The Lord says, “I dwell on a high and holy place, and also with the contrite and lowly of spirit in order to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite” (Isaiah 57:15).
It is good to remain at all times with a sense of your own need – “poor in spirit“. But you must also believe that God mightily rewards all who diligently seek Him. All the value of being poor in spirit will be worthless, if you don’t also believe that God will bless you and fill you with His power.
Seek fellowship with the poor and the weak, in every church, and encourage them. Talk to the children and encourage them, because most people neglect the children. Always seek for the low, unnoticed place, and for the unseen ministries in a church. Don’t ever seek prominence in any church, and don’t seek to impress anyone in any way, with your gifts or your talents. But be bold always to testify in every meeting, and to serve in every way possible in the church – whether cleaning the floor or playing the piano. Don’t ever get into any competition with anyone, for any ministry. God Himself will open up the ministry that He has planned for you, at the right time, if you are faithful.
The older women in the church are charged with teaching the younger women and girls the skills and character traits necessary to take care of their homes and families.
A woman that yearns to please God strives to be like this ideal example, but with the understanding that every Christian is a work in progress, brought “to completion in the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).
Proverbs 31 paints the picture of an ideal woman, the best example of a virtuous wife and mother. This final Proverb echoes Proverbs 1:7 — “fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.”
What sort of woman is the wisdom literature talking about, what are her qualities, and do they exclusively apply to wives and mothers?
Commentary from the ESV Study Bible regarding Proverbs 31 tells us that the ideal woman is virtuous, strong, and selfless. She does not wait to be served but rises early, even before sunrise, to delegate tasks and engage in business.
She possesses “a range of manual, commercial, administrative, and interpersonal skills.” This woman “opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy” (v.20). She is loving, dignified, and her virtues increase her husband’s reputation: “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land” (v.23).
She is sharp but honest, engaged in business for the benefit of her household. Above all, she fears the Lord for “a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
What woman can live up to the example given in this Proverb? Every wife and mother looks back at certain events in her life and cringes with painful regret. “But what if I told you that the heart behind Proverbs 31:10-31 is one of celebration, not condemnation?” asks Lysa Terkeurst.
She argues that these words of wisdom, which were read aloud at the Sabbath, are not “meant to tell a woman she is supposed to be more. They are a celebration of who she is.” The Proverb does not describe “a woman with a spotless house” or “with perfectly behaved children wearing matching, designer outfits. Honestly, it’s not even the woman who’s married and has children.”
These words describe “a woman who honors God by seeking Him in everything she does and trusting Him wholeheartedly with her life. She has a heart of reverence that overflows into a life of spiritual maturity and wisdom.”
She is not born this way; she gets there by a process of refinement, which is a work of the Holy Spirit. A woman that yearns to please God strives to be like this ideal example, but with the understanding that every Christian is a work in progress, brought “to completion in the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6).
Just a Wife, or All Women?
One reason a woman might skip past Proverbs 31 is that not all women marry, and not all who marry become parents. Should an unmarried woman, or a wife with no children, still aspire to the qualities of a Proverbs 31 woman?
Marriage is an especially intimate relationship, yet aspects of an intimate relationship are not mentioned by the writer in this piece of wisdom literature. His greatest concern has to do with the woman’s character and how she interacts with people.
The writer is hopeful that the young men of his community will seek out this sort of wife, and that the young girls will aspire to her ideal. But even if they never marry, every female who sincerely loves the Lord is developing the characteristics of a Proverbs 31 woman.
At many times and in many locations around the world (even now), professing faith in Christ has been risky for women. They have had to truly love the Lord in order to endure the ridicule and isolation they sometimes face(d).
One historian wrote that, in his opinion, the church was attended by the “silly and mean and stupid,” and “disproportionately populated by women.” Certainly, the church attracted individuals who needed to be cared for — sheltering vulnerable people has always been a function of the church.
But it took great courage to be a Christian woman. For one thing, many of them attended Christian fellowship without their husbands; they “often converted to Christianity while their male relatives remained pagans, lest they lose their senatorial status.”
One might argue that any woman with a sincere Christian faith is well on her way to becoming the ideal example of Proverbs 31.
Proverbs 31 describes an ideal woman, but also the ideal bride: The church. “God created marriage to be a metaphor of Christ’s relationship to the church,” wrote John Piper.
As such, the selfless, hard-working, considerate, pleasing woman of this Old Testament passage represents everyone who makes up the body of the Christian church. “The union of man and woman in marriage” contains “a truth about Christ and the church,” which is that “God ordained a permanent union between His Son and the church.”
Marriage between a man and a woman should reflect this: The man is the head, giving his life for the woman; the woman submits to the man who lays his life down for her. “Human marriage is the copy, not the original” (Piper).
Taken as a metaphor, Proverbs 31 is not simply describing wives and mothers, but also husbands and fathers; unmarried men and women; couples without children; and those who have survived their spouses.
Anyone who calls himself or herself a Christian is a bride of Christ through the Spirit, which unites the global church. Each person and each fellowship have responsibilities such as spreading the good reputation of the bridegroom (v.23) and caring for the poor (v.20).
Chad Ashby comments: “The church ought to be characterized by […] single-hearted devotion to her Bridegroom,” which is embodied by the Proverbs 31woman. “After all, John Gill reiterates, she is ‘a woman actually married to Christ.’”
Final Words from the New Testament
“Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves” (1 Peter 3:4-5).
God wants his bride to love him, to submit to him, and then he will give his bride discernment. He will increase her courage and soften her heart, so she is disposed to give generously; to act charitably.
He will ensure that when “she opens her mouth with wisdom, […] the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (v.26). His bride is his treasure. We, the church, are his bride.
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** By Candice Lacey at Christianity.com / Picture created by Mike Waters at Joyful Toons
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Genesis 1:27).
Millions of men around the world faithfully strive to honor God in all their vocations in life. Here are ten wonderful responsibilities God has given to men:
1. To Work
The LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. (Genesis 2:15)
2. To Be Courageous
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)
3. To Be Strong
Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13)
4. To Love
And he [Jesus] said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. (Matthew 22:37-39)
5. To Be a Husband
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)
6. To Be the Head of His Wife
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:23-24)
7. To Serve Sacrificially
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (Ephesians 5:25)
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)
8. To Be a Father
The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him. (Proverbs 23:24)
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? (Hebrews 12:7)
9. To Be Compassionate
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)
As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. (Psalms 103:13)
10. To Provide
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)
11. To Be Accountable
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)
12. To Be Honorable
The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him! (Proverbs 20:7)
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8)
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**By Beautiful Christian Life / Picture created by Mike Waters at Joyful Toons
Contrary to what some people think, being single is not a curse.
The time you spend single – which may be a temporary life stage, or could be your whole life – is actually a gift, if you treat it as such. It gives you the opportunity to do some things that would become more difficult after marriage, and properly prepare for marriage – if that is your goal.
So how do you get the most out of your singleness?
Use time wisely. You’ll never have more free time than you do right now, as a single person. If you’re tired of hearing that over and over from married people, it’s because it’s true. They’re all speaking from experience. So how will you use this time? (1 Timothy 4:12)
Go somewhere difficult. You can always travel, but you can’t always travel anywhere. Marriage, kids, and even older age can make many trips more difficult and complicated. But right now, you can travel pretty much anywhere that your car or an airline will take you. So see the world. Go somewhere that needs Jesus and share Him there. (Romans 10:15)
Work to learn, not just to earn. Having things like a family and a mortgage do cost money, requiring a reliable income and somewhat limiting your job options. If you’re single and relatively young, you can prepare for that now by learning the skills you’ll need to get the job you really want. Look for a job that will actually pay you to learn those skills – it may not pay much, but that’s OK, because you only have one mouth to feed. (Proverbs 22:29)
Get to know the Bible. Continuing on the “learning” topic, the best time to learn your Bible is now. Again, you’ll never have more time to study, and you’ll never have more years to benefit from learning it and putting it into practice. There’s no better “skill” to learn than to know how to navigate and utilize the Word of God. You’ll learn who God is and what He desires for you, and be able to give Godly counsel to others when they are in need. (2 Timothy 3:16)
Pursue purity. One of the greatest gifts you can give your future spouse is to limit the amount of baggage and bad habits you bring into the marriage. And there is no better time than now to learn how to be faithful in a relationship. If you practice blindly following your sexual urges, you’ll develop the habit of always following your sexual urges – even if they lead you outside your future marriage. (1 Corinthians 6:18)
Pray for your future spouse. Pray how? Well, you can start by praying this list for them. Pray that they would be using their singleness well and preparing for marriage. Pray that they would know God and walk faithfully with Him. Pray that you both would trust His timing and not get derailed by “shortcuts.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
Join a church and serve there. This seems like a no-brainer, but I had to put it in the list because for some crazy reason singles seem slow to join and get involved at a church. I don’t get it. If you’re a Christian and part of the body of Christ, you’re not meant to live outside the body – it would be like your pancreas trying to survive outside your own body. God made you to be alive in His church. So find some imperfect church that teaches the Bible and join there. Come under the elders’ authority. Serve and give there. Share your talents there so that you might experience life as it was given to you to experience. (Hebrews 10:24-25)
Get a roommate. Nothing will prepare you for marriage better than having a really dysfunctional roommate. I’m serious. Some single people say “I like living by myself.” Well, then you are going to HATE marriage. I’d practice living with roommates now. Work through conflict with them. Practice communicating well with them. (In case you think I am talking about someone of the opposite sex: I am not. Read this.) (Proverbs 27:17)
Build healthy habits. Taking care of your body gets more and more difficult. At some point in life your metabolism slams on the brakes, but your eating habits and exercise habits continue as before. So train them well now. Scripture says your body is a temple. It doesn’t need to be a chiseled temple that you stare at in the mirror, but it should remain a healthy temple. (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Look for a spouse. Disregard this one if you don’t want to be married. If you do, however, you can be sure that a spouse will not fall through the ceiling into your lap. (If they did, go back to number 4.) To find a spouse, you need to be where future spouses are – see also number 7. (Proverbs 18:22)
What’s the best way you’ve spent your single years?
In many parts of the world today, it can be easy to live a comfortable life as a Christian. Certainly where I live—in Orange County, California—this is the case. But is that a good thing?
I’d like to suggest that the Christian faith is inherently uncomfortable. To be a disciple of Jesus is to deny oneself (Matt. 16:24), to take up a cross (Luke 14:27), to be subject to persecution (John 15:20; 2 Tim. 3:12), to give up the creature comforts of home (Luke 9:58), to forsake the priority of family (Luke 9:59–62; 14:26), to be willing to give up all material possessions (Matt. 19:21; Luke 14:33), to be crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20). And this is just the beginning.
C. S. Lewis once said, “I didn’t go to religion to make me happy. I always knew a bottle of Port would do that. If you want a religion to make you feel really comfortable, I certainly don’t recommend Christianity.”
But comfort-seeking is our default mode in a consumerist society, so we often find ourselves in “comfortable Christianity” without even knowing it. What are some indicators that our Christianity has become too cozy, more like a pleasant bottle of port than the uncomfortable, sharpening faith the New Testament envisions?
Here are eight signs that your Christianity might be too comfortable:
1. There’s absolutely no friction between your Christianity and your partisan politics.
If you’re all-in with one political party and never feel any tension whatsoever with your Christian faith, it probably means your faith is too comfortable. Whether you’re a lifelong Democrat or a diehard Republican, a robust Christian faith should create dissonance with politics at various points.
A faith that aligns perfectly with one political party is suspiciously convenient and lacks prophetic witness.
A faith that aligns perfectly with one political party is suspiciously convenient and lacks prophetic witness.
2. There are no paradoxes, tensions, or unresolved questions.
If you never ponder or wrestle with the mind-boggling tenets of Christian theology (e.g., the Trinity, the incarnation, God’s sovereignty coexisting with human action, the Holy Spirit’s presence, to name just a few), your faith is probably too comfortable.
A healthy, uncomfortable faith constantly rocks you, prods you, and blows your mind. It’s a faith that leaves you restless to want to know more, not satisfied you’ve grasped all there is to grasp about God.
3. Your friends and coworkers are surprised to learn you’re a churchgoing Christian.
A sure sign your faith is too comfortable is if nothing in your life sets you apart as a Jesus follower, to the point that even those who know you well can’t tell you’re a Christian.
A comfortable Christian is one who easily blends in, looking and talking and acting just like his or her lost neighbors.
4. You never think about or even remember the Sunday sermon on Monday.
If Sunday sermons at your church are so forgettable (or you’re so disengaged) that you rarely recall them after you leave church, your Christianity is probably too comfortable.
Biblical preaching shouldn’t leave us apathetic or unchallenged. The Word of God is “living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Heb. 4:12).
5. No one at your church ever annoys you.
If you go to church with people who are always easy to talk to, always fun to be around, and always closely aligned with your opinions, tastes, and preferences, your Christianity is too comfortable.
One of the glorious things about the gospel is that it creates a new community out of disparate types of people who, in many cases, wouldn’t otherwise choose to spend time together.
6. You never feel challenged, only affirmed.
If your Christian faith never confronts your idols and challenges your sinful habits—but only ever affirms you as you are—this is a sure sign of a too-comfortable faith.
Healthy faith doesn’t just celebrate you as you are, but relentlessly molds and refines you into the likeness of Christ.
Healthy faith doesn’t just celebrate you as you are but relentlessly molds and refines you into the likeness of Christ, which is a beautiful but necessarily uncomfortable process.
7. You’ve never had to have a ‘truth-in-love’ conversation with a fellow Christian.
It’s always more comfortable to just “live and let live” when there’s an offense or sin that needs to be called out. It’s more comfortable to just shrug when we see others in our community making unhealthy decisions.
But this isn’t true Christian love.
Love isn’t opposed to truth, and if your faith doesn’t include the capacity to speak hard truths in love, it’s too comfortable.
8. No one in your church could comment on any area of growth they’ve seen in you.
To believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ is to believe in change. Though not always linear, the Christian life should be marked by growth, forward momentum, and change for the better.
If you’re a Christian who’s grown so little that no one in your church could identify any area of improvement, your faith is too comfortable.
Why is it important that we avoid falling into comfortable Christianity? Because comfortable Christianity is far from the costly, inconvenient, idol-crushing, cross-shaped path for disciples of Jesus. Comfortable Christianity has little prophetic to say to a comfortable, consumerist world. Comfortable Christianity has little urgency in mission and little aptitude for growth.
Uncomfortable Christianity, however, leads to life and transformation. It leads us to rely on God and not on ourselves; to serve rather than be served; to live lives marked by sacrifice. It leads us to do hard things, to embrace hard truths, to do life with hard people for the sake and glory of the One who did the hardest thing. It may be uncomfortable, but it will be worth it. On the other side of discomfort is delight in Christ.
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**Editors’ note: This is an adapted excerpt from Brett McCracken’s book, Uncomfortable: The Awkward and Essential Challenge of Christian Community, Uncomforta, and is published in partnership with Crossway / Photo Francesco Ungaro at Pexels
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