Tag: christinity 101

When He Wants Sex Before Marriage – Part 1

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“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” ~ Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)

This is part 1 of a 5 part series. One of the significant struggles for many single Christian women today is dealing with sexual temptation, especially in relationships. In a world that bombards us with messages about sex, it can be incredibly difficult to stand firm in biblical principles. Maybe you’ve been in a situation where your boyfriend has pressured you for sex, or you’ve felt overwhelmed by your own desires. The chemistry between you is undeniable, and the longing for intimacy is natural—but what should guide your decisions: your feelings or God’s Word?

As Christian women, we are called to live according to God’s standards, not the world’s. While culture changes and continues to blur the lines around sexual purity, God remains the same: yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). His Word is the foundation for how we are to live, and this includes our relationships, and no child of God lives in open rebellion.

Dating vs. Courting: God’s Design

Before we discuss sexual pressure, it’s essential to understand that God’s plan for relationships is different from the world’s. Christian women are called not to date casually but to enter into relationships with intentionality—what we call courting. The Bible teaches us that we are to pursue relationships with fellow believers who share our faith. “Do not be unequally bound with non believers. For what partnership can righteousness have with lawlessness? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14). If you are dating someone who doesn’t follow Christ, the pressures to compromise your faith will be much greater.

When we court, we seek to glorify God in our relationships. This means we’re not driven by the desires of the flesh but by the desire to honor Him. Courting, unlike the worldly concept of dating, is not about casual romance or sexual exploration; it’s about seeking a godly partner with the ultimate goal of marriage.

God’s Word is clear about abstaining from sexual immorality. As followers of Christ, we must strive to live according to His commands. “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable” (1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, NIV).

Common Excuses: The World’s Lies

In relationships, some men—even Christian men—may attempt to rationalize why sex before marriage is acceptable. But these arguments are grounded in the world’s way of thinking, not God’s. Let’s examine two common excuses you might hear:

1. “God Understands”

Some men may say, “God understands our struggles,” implying that His grace will cover their desire for premarital sex. Yes, God is merciful and forgiving, but His Word does not change based on our circumstances or struggles. While God understands our temptations, He also provides a way out (1 Corinthians 10:13). We are called to resist temptation and remain holy, as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). God’s standard for purity has not changed, and His grace is meant to empower us to overcome sin, not justify it.

2. “We’re Going to Get Married Anyway”

Another argument you might hear is that sex before marriage is acceptable because you’re planning to get married. The logic is that since you’re committed to each other, you can test your sexual compatibility. But this thinking is rooted in worldly values, not biblical truth. Marriage is a covenant made before God, and sex is a sacred gift that belongs within the confines of that covenant. Engaging in premarital sex is not a test of compatibility—it’s disobedience to God’s Word. “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure” (Hebrews 13:4, NIV).

God’s Call to Purity

Sex before marriage is still fornication, no matter how society tries to redefine or excuse it. God’s command to flee from sexual immorality is as relevant today as it was when Paul wrote to the early churches. In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NKJV), Paul reminds us: “Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”

We cannot afford to compromise on sexual purity. The world may tell us that times have changed and that everyone is doing it, but as believers, we are not called to follow the world. Romans 12:2 (NIV) tells us, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” God’s Word is eternal and unchanging. His design for sex within marriage was established from the beginning, and we are called to honor that.

What to Do When He Wants Sex

If the man you’re courting pressures you to have sex, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship. Remember Joseph in Genesis 39—he literally ran from temptation. You may not need to run physically, but you need to create distance emotionally and mentally. Establish boundaries to protect yourself from compromising your purity.

Before you act, have an honest conversation with him. Make it clear that you are committed to honoring God’s standards, and if he truly loves you, he will respect your boundaries. If he continues to push for sex or tries to manipulate you into thinking it’s not a big deal, it may be time to end the relationship. A man who truly seeks God will also seek to honor you by protecting your purity.

Love Isn’t Manipulation

True love, as defined by Scripture, is patient, kind, and selfless (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). It’s not manipulative or coercive. If a man is using love as an excuse to pressure you into sex, then that love is counterfeit. Real love respects boundaries, honors God, and seeks the best for the other person. Love does not force someone to go against their convictions.

Letting Go When Necessary

Letting go of a relationship is hard, especially when you’ve invested time, energy, and emotions. But no relationship is worth compromising your walk with God. Continuing in sin for the sake of keeping a relationship intact is a sign of misplaced priorities. Trust that God knows what’s best for you, and He will provide the right person in His time.

For the Woman Already Engaging in Premarital Sex

If you’re already having sex in your relationship, it’s not too late to change course. God’s mercy is always available to those who repent. Stop, set new boundaries, and ask God for the strength to remain pure moving forward. Acts 3:19 (NIV) encourages us: “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” It may be difficult, but God will bless your obedience. His forgiveness and grace are always available to those who turn back to Him.

You’re Not Alone

The journey toward sexual purity in a relationship is not easy, but you’re not alone. God is faithful, and He will give you the strength to stand firm. Surround yourself with a community of believers who can encourage and hold you accountable. Pray for wisdom and strength as you navigate your relationships, always keeping in mind that God’s ways are higher than the world’s ways.

There is hope, healing, and freedom in Christ, and together, we can walk this path of purity for God’s glory.

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*** Part 1 by Chioma Oparadike / Photo by Pexels

5 Ways to Pray for Israel and Gaza

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Here’s how Christians can use the scriptures to pray for people on all sides of this conflict.

These are some of the darkest day in Jewish history since the end of the Holocaust. More Jews have been killed in a single day than any other period since the concentration camps.

It isn’t just the numbers that are shocking – 1,200 lives lost and rising. It’s the horrific details. Hamas terrorists stormed a music festival in southern Israel, firing indiscriminately. Reports of teenagers gunned down came amid the news that an elderly Holocaust survivor was among the hostages. And then, as if it were possible, everything got worse. I won’t repeat the details of the massacre at Kfar Aza, it’s too harrowing. But if you want to know, you can see here.

I’ve visited the region many times. Spoken to people on both sides of the divide. And every time, I’ve come away with the realisation that this conflict is far more complicated than I’d thought before.

But some things aren’t complicated, and that’s why Western governments have rightly flown the flag for Israel. This is not because they have no sympathy with the Palestinian cause, as some have mistakenly thought. Just as the civilized world were united in their condemnation of the Islamist hatred that led to 9/11, so the atrocities committed by Hamas have rightly been condemned.

As Christians, we are called to pray for everyone in these lands. The Bible says the God of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps (Psalm 121). Here’s how we can use the scriptures to call on him:

1. Pray for the peace of Jerusalem

“Pray for the peace of Jerusalem. ‘May those who love you be secure. May there be peace within your walls and security within your citadels.’” (Psalm 122:6-7)

Jerusalem is the only city in scripture which God’s people are specifically instructed to pray for by name. There are historical reasons for this (the Bible was written almost entirely by Jewish people, who had and have a natural love for the holy city). But today, when we pray for Jerusalem, we are praying for those on allsides of the conflict. Jews, Christians and Muslims live in Jerusalem, with Palestinians and Israelis alike calling this city home. We are to pray there would be “peace within [its] walls”. That peacebuilding initiatives which bring Jews and Arabs together would flourish. Pray that the next generation will not be taught to hate the other, but to love.

2. Pray for the protection of innocent civilians

“A voice is heard in Ramah, weeping and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children and refusing to be comforted, because they are no more.” (Matthew 2:18)

We have already seen heartbreaking images of innocent families in Gaza who have lost loved ones. The strip is densely populated, and Hamas use human shields, often basing themselves in mosques, schools and hospitals. We must therefore pray for Palestinians – whether Muslim or Christian – that their families will be protected from what is about to unfold. We must pray that even in their just anger, Israel’s army will make wise and godly decisions, so that innocent Palestinians will be allowed to live in safety. Pray that Israel would heed the Old Testament command: “The foreigner residing among you must be treated as your native-born. Love them as yourself” (Leviticus 19:34). Civilian Palestinians are not the enemy, and must be protected.

3. Pray that evil ideologies will be exposed and gospel truth will prevail

“For there is nothing covered that will not be revealed, nor hidden that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have spoken in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have spoken in the ear in inner rooms will be proclaimed on the housetops.” (Luke 12:2-3) 

The evil ideology of Hamas (“Israel will exist until Islam obliterates it”) must be exposed and confronted.

But as the West has discovered during past conflicts, bombs don’t work when it comes to destroying ideologies. That’s why we must pray that the truth of the gospel will break into hard hearts.

On the road to Damascus, a violent man full of hate was overwhelmed by the love of God. The same God who saved Saul and turned him into Paul is able to reach today’s terrorists.

4. Pray for the Church

“For [Jesus] himself is our peace, who has made the two groups [Jew and Gentile] one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility…His purpose was to create in himself one new humanity out of the two, thus making peace, and in one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility.” (Ephesians 2:14-16)

This scripture explains how Jesus’ death on the cross has ended the ethnic hostility between Jews and Gentiles. This is apparent today in churches where Israelis and Palestinians worship alongside one another in peace.

Whether predominantly Messianic, Arab, or mixed, these churches need our prayers. Pray for their leaders, that they would model the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5), especially love, peace and goodness. Pray that the unity of these churches would be protected. Pray that forgiveness would flow and justice would roll on like a river (Amos 5:24).

5. Pray for the Jewish community in the UK and around the world

“The Lord is a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” (Psalm 9:9)

In the aftermath of Hamas’ terror attack, a Jewish bakery in north London was smashed, and the word “free Palestine” strewn across it. Reports of anti-semitic incidents in the UK have trebled. Videos have circulated online of a Palestinian activist in Manchester saying, in response to the Hamas atrocities: “we are full of pride and joy for what has happened”.

Such events, not to mention similar scenes in Australia (chants of “gas the Jews”) and the US, mean our Jewish friends are deeply worried for their own safety. British Synagogues and Jewish schools have long had airport-style security on their doors, and tensions will be running high.

As Christians, we must be aware of our history. Many of our past leaders were anti-semitic, and their theology paved the way for the Holocaust. We must not commit the same crimes of our forbearers. We must not hesitate when it comes to standing up for our Jewish brothers and sisters. Pray that their places of worship and education will be protected. Pray that justice will prevail, and those guilty of religious hate crimes will be brought to swift justice.

And ultimately, as our hearts break for the people of Gaza and the people of Israel, you may wish to pray the last prayer we find in scripture. Revelation 21:20. “Come, Lord Jesus.”

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*** Sam Hailes is the editor of Premier Christianity, the UK’s leading Christian magazine / Alamy Stock Photo: Source Daniren

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Father I Know That All My Life

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Father, I know that all my life is portioned out for me,
And the changes that are sure to come I do not fear to see;
But I ask Thee for a present mind intent on pleasing Thee.

I ask Thee for a thoughtful love, through constant watching wise,
To meet the glad with joyful smiles, and to wipe the weeping eyes;
And a heart at leisure from itself, to soothe and sympathize.

I would not have the restless will that hurries to and fro,
Seeking for some great thing to do or secret thing to know;
I would be treated as a child, and guided where I go.

Wherever in the world I am, in whatso’er estate,
I have a fellowship with hearts to keep and cultivate;
And a work of lowly love to do for the Lord on whom I wait.

So I ask Thee for the daily strength, to none that ask denied,
And a mind to blend with outward life while keeping at Thy side;
Content to fill a little space, if Thou be glorified.

And if some things I do not ask in my cup of blessing be,
I would have my spirit filled the more with grateful love to Thee,
More careful, not to serve Thee much, but to please Thee perfectly.

There are briers besetting every path that call for patient care;
There is a cross in every lot, and an earnest need for prayer;
But a lowly heart that leans on Thee is happy anywhere.

In a service which Thy will appoints there are no bonds for me;
For my inmost heart is taught “the truth” that makes Thy children “free”
And a life of self-renouncing love is a life of liberty.

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**By Anna Letitia Waring – 1850 / Photo by Lori McPherson

Lust Verses Love A Biblical Perspective

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Most people know the difference between lust and love so what are they? What does the Bible define as love and as lust?

A Definition of Lust

Lust is an emotion or feeling of intense desire in the body and it can take nearly any form such as the lust for knowledge, the lust for sex or the lust for power. It is an overwhelming self-absorbed desire or craving for an object, person, or experience that might be good but in most cases, is not. For example, a man or a woman can lust after their spouse and since they are legally married, there is no sin in this, however lusting after someone else’s spouse or someone who’s not married is sin, so clearly, lust and love aren’t the same at all and in many ways, they are actually opposites of one another, for example we can lust after riches, for drugs, for alcohol, and for any number of things that are detrimental to our wellbeing.

A Definition of Love

The way the world defines love and the way that God defines love are not even close to the same thing. As far as the world sees, love is a strong and warm affection that someone has for another or others or for something. It could be like that of a parent for a child or a spouse for their mate or it could be a love for reading, eating, drugs, alcohol, or even shopping. Some of these are good and well, but others can lead to ruin. Love can certainly be a strong feeling of affection and concern toward another person, as that arising from a kinship or close friendship, which I have for my own spouse and children and grandchildren and even for my friends but from the biblical standpoint, love and lust are no co-equals since one can be good, while the other can lead to harm.

But-I-say-to-you-that

A Biblical Definition of Lust

I like what C.S. Lewis wrote many years ago. He wrote “If you look upon ham and eggs and lust, you have already committed breakfast in your heart.” This is a very good, biblical definition of lust in the heart. If you covet something or someone, that is lusting in the heart. Exodus 20:17 lists the tenth commandment as “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” so lust is not just about looking at someone of the opposite sex, or for some, looking at someone with lust of the same sex, it is coveting what you don’t have. It is a passionate desire to have what someone else has.

What Lust Can Lead To

David let his lust carry him away as “One evening David got up from his bed and walked around on the roof of the palace. From the roof he saw a woman bathing. The woman was very beautiful” (2nd Sam 11:2) and so he lusted after her in his heart. This led to adultery and later, to the murder of Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah. This is why James wrote that “after desire (or lust) has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (1:15). The proverbs say “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes” (6:25). Jesus said that it was “out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander” (Matt 15:19). Solomon understood this connection, writing that as a man “thinks within himself, so he is” (23:7a). You can commit adultery without ever committing the physical act. Jesus said that “that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28) and of course the same thing applies to women.

A Biblical Definition of Love

There are so many places that define love in the Bible that it will be hard to select only a few. Paul writes that “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1st Cor 13:4-7). The love of God is not about feelings or words but “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom 5:8). Love is a verb; it is what you do more than what you say or what you think. We know that Jesus did not feel like taking on all of the sins of humanity, but His great love for us on the cross proved what the love of God is like. He died for us while we were still wicked sinners and His enemies (Rom 5:8, 10).

Conclusion

The differences between love and lust are that we don’t covet what we don’t have. We shouldn’t covet (lust after) our neighbor’s spouse or their goods (Ex 20:17). Love, on the other hand, “does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law” (Rom 13:10) and this means “You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 19:19) but above all “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matt 22:37). The difference for believers is that we are told “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matt 5:44). The greatest display of love was not what Jesus felt or what God feels but it was revealed at Calvary. Jesus said “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13) and that’s just what He did. Lust harms, love sacrifices.

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**By Jack Wellman at what Christians wat to know / Photo by Mark Stebnicki at Pexels

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Prisoner of His Appetite

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During the fourteenth century Raynald III, was a duke in what is now Belgium. As the result of a violent quarrel, Raynald’s younger brother Edward successfully revolted against him. When Edward captured Raynald he built a room around him featuring windows and a door and promised him that the day he left the room his title and property would be returned to him.

This would not have been difficult for most people since the room had several windows and a door of near-normal size, and none was locked or barred. The problem was Raynald’s size, he was seriously overweight.

In order to regain his freedom, Raynald needed to lose weight. But Edward knew his older brother, and each day he sent a variety of delicious foods. Instead of dieting his way out of prison, Raynald grew fatter.

Anytime someone accused Duke Edward of treating Raynald cruelly he said: “My brother is not a prisoner. He may leave when he so wills.”

Raynald stayed in that room for ten years and wasn’t released until after Edward died in battle. By then his health was so ruined he died within a year… He was a prisoner of his own appetite.

Just as Raynald was enslaved by his appetite, sin will enslave all those who yield to it. What enslaves you? The things you are struggling with today could be avoided if you stopped giving in to them. Pray and ask the Lord to help you be an overcomer in areas that you’re struggling with. Fasting is a great way to discipline one self and exercise self control, in buffeting the body.

1 John 2:16 ~ For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.

Hebrews 12:1~ Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

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** The three Edwards by Thomas B Costain / Picture by Jimmy Chan at Pexels