I believe that every person goes through a transitional season in life where joy, tears, pain, and even heartbreak can take place. This is especially true when relationships are broken, lost, or at times introduced.
If you find yourself wondering why some people have been removed from your life, these are a few of the most common reasons.
Why They May Have Left
1. Your Season Has Changed
The Bible says that when Moses died and manna stopped, it was time for Joshua to step into the Promised Land (Joshua 1:2). In other words, sometimes a person leaving is God’s way of notifying us that we are stepping into a new season.
2. They (Place or People) Have Become Toxic
In Exodus 1:11, we see that Egypt was a place of provision for Israel at one time, but soon it became a place of pain and as a result, they needed to leave. Similarly, there are times when God will remove people out of your life because the connection you have with them is no longer helpful, or the place you are in is causing more harm than good.
3. You Are Being Pruned for More Fruit
John 15:2 says that we are pruned in order to bear more fruit. Sometimes relationships must be stripped away from us in order for us to be more effective in the area where God is leading us into.
4. They Block Your Vision
A great example of this is found in Genesis 13:14, when Lot separates from Abraham. The word “Lot” actually means veil, and I find it interesting that after the separation, Abraham is able to receive God’s direction clearly. Often, the same can happen with us after we lose certain relationships.
5. They Have Become an Idol
Another reason for the loss of a relationship could be that you came to rely on them more than you relied on God, turning them into an idol in your heart. We see in Judges 7:2 that God didn’t use Gideon until people left.
Some people are like crutches we lean on them more than we do God.
When they leave, it’s time to advance, not retreat.
6. God Has Another Plan For Them
Another example is found in Exodus 4:18. Here we see that Moses left his father-in-law’s house because Moses had an assignment to fulfill that required him to leave the house of Jethro (Exodus 4:18).
Sometimes it is no other reason than God leading them in a different direction and we must be at peace with that.
7. God Wants to Bring Someone Else
Lastly, we see in Scripture that the disciples had become familiar and comfortable with Jesus. They loved being able to talk, walk, and eat with Him. However, in John 16:7 He tells them that it is necessary for Him to leave in order for the Holy Spirit to come.
In the same way, at times it is to our advantage that some people be removed so God can introduce others that are meant to take us further in our walk with Him.
Sometimes people are in our lives for a season, while others for a reason.
I hope these reasons brought some clarity to any questions that you may have been struggling with. May God usher you into your new season with grace and blessing.
It’s through prayer we push back the powers of darkness – Pray until something happens
Every Christian must understand that we live on enemy occupied territory. Our very being is an act of rebellion against the one who is ruling the earth right now (Satan). As Christians, we are called to lead this rebellion not with a sword or with a grenade but rather, with our knees and with our words. This means that we unashamedly preach and proclaim the gospel, no matter the cost.
If you’re praying for a lost one to be saved, understanding these things can help make your prayers more effective as you push back the darkness.
Principles for Breakthrough
1. Stand Your Ground
In Ephesians 6:12, Paul is telling believers that because there is a war, we must stand our ground. Notice that the first thing that we’re called to do is not to fight. Instead, we’re called to stand firm and not retreat.
In other words, no matter what opposition is facing the person you are praying for, stand in what Jesus did on the cross. Stand on who you are in Christ and who you believe they will become. Stand in what He says about this world and the future of this world. Don’t let Satan’s attacks and lies cause you to retreat in doubt or in prayer.
2. Get Suited
As you read Ephesians 6:13-14, you’ll notice that Paul begins to describe the armor of God. Paul encourages believers not to pick up a grenade or to pick up physical weapons. Rather, he tells Christians to equip themselves with spiritual weapons.
Our spiritual armor is not something that we earn through our righteousness or our righteous acts. Instead, it is something God gives us and all we have to do is apply it. If you feel overwhelmed by the lack of change you see in who you’re praying for or are battling doubt and fear, make sure to get suited daily. Take time to put on the armor of God before you face the day.
3. Pray in the Spirit
In Ephesians 6:18-20, Paul tells us that we should be engaging in spiritual warfare by praying in the Spirit. One thing that he encourages believers to pray for is others and opportunities for the gospel to be preached.
This chapter is clear that we are warring against principalities of darkness, but that doesn’t mean we directly confront them. Instead, we become strategic in weakening its hold by praying in the Spirit for the people that are under the enemy’s influence. If you are praying for a loved one that is lost, keep praying that the scales on their eyes would come off. Ask for God to grant them repentance and extend His mercy on them and all the others who are in similar or worse situations. Pray and ask God to send and dispatch angels on behalf of His kingdom.
Remember that the Church didn’t conquer Rome by binding the spirit over Rome but by providing for the poor, loving its enemies, and by praying and fasting for people who didn’t know Jesus. We must remember that while there is no redemption and hope for the enemy, there is hope and redemption available for those that are under his sway as long as there is a praying church.
Keep praying for the lost. Stand your ground in God’s promises, in His saving power, and keep believing that sooner or later you will see them serving God alongside you.
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** By Vladimir Savchuk / Photo by Owen Barker at Pexels
Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones ~ Proverbs 16:24
Do you remember all the situations where you said something you regretted deeply? All the times where you wished to have thought a little bit better before speaking and avoided the embarrassment you faced. I can surely make a long list for the same and I’m sure you have plenty of those just like me, right? To think before you speak is a much-needed skill and today in this blog, we’ll talk about just that along with tips on how to think before you speak.
Read on because, by the end of this blog, you’ll know all my top tips and tricks on how to think before you speak and not put your foot in your mouth!
How difficult can it be to think before you speak?
Thinking before speaking isn’t rare; it’s almost human nature to feel the need to contribute to a conversation. Sometimes, you may feel emotional about a topic and may not think before you talk about it. Hence, it can be pretty hard to stop yourself from blurting out the first thing that pops into your head. There are a variety of reasons that can prevent you from thinking before speaking. So, don’t beat yourself about it if it happens to you.
That being said, you do need to remember that we as humans are social beings and need to communicate effectively in our everyday lives. Communication is the key to happy and sorted relationships. Hence, it’s important to inculcate the habit of being able to think before you speak with anyone.
Why should you think before you speak?
A colleague once asked me why I should think before speaking? How does it even matter!
Thinking before speaking is pretty much a life skill. Here are some basic reasons for you to think before you speak:
It’s essential for your credibility because if what you communicate isn’t credible or useful, people won’t respect you or your words. Imagine that you are in a group discussion around international relations and you mistakenly mention that the capital of Japan is Beijing in a hurry. If it wasn’t because you didn’t know that Japan’s capital is Tokyo but because you didn’t take the time to process or think before you speak. Such an incident will reduce your credibility but could’ve been easily avoided if you had taken a pause to think.
Another reason for you to think before you speak is that if you do not think before you speak, you might end up hurting someone. Sometimes when we get emotional, it’s easy to get carried away and react to everything negatively. This is pretty common when we are arguing with our loved ones and hence, can impact our relationships severely. Hence, the ability to think before you speak can be fruitful in such scenarios.
Thinking before speaking can also help you stay out of trouble in several ways.Let’s say you’re in a meeting and your boss asks for a volunteer to take over the operations for your company’s newly acquired venture in Yemen. You say yes, just to please your boss without understanding the whole deal and now, you don’t know how to refuse. Had you listened and thought before speaking, you’d save yourself from the trouble of explaining yourself.
I hope you got enough reasons to think before you speak now? Great. Now, let’s move on to our next pertinent question.
It’s essential for your credibility because if what you communicate isn’t credible or useful, people won’t respect you or your words. Imagine that you are in a group discussion around international relations and you mistakenly mention that the capital of Japan is Beijing in a hurry. If it wasn’t because you didn’t know that Japan’s capital is Tokyo but because you didn’t take the time to process or think before you speak. Such an incident will reduce your credibility but could’ve been easily avoided if you had taken a pause to think.
Another reason for you to think before you speak is that if you do not think before you speak, you might end up hurting someone. Sometimes when we get emotional, it’s easy to get carried away and react to everything negatively. This is pretty common when we are arguing with our loved ones and hence, can impact our relationships severely. Hence, the ability to think before you speak can be fruitful in such scenarios.
Thinking before speaking can also help you stay out of trouble in several ways. Let’s say you’re in a meeting and your boss asks for a volunteer to take over the operations for your company’s newly acquired venture in Yemen. You say yes, just to please your boss without understanding the whole deal and now, you don’t know how to refuse. Had you listened and thought before speaking, you’d save yourself from the trouble of explaining yourself.
I hope you got enough reasons to think before you speak now? Great. Now, let’s move on to our next pertinent question.
Why does it happen? Why is it so hard to think before you speak?
The answer to this often has to do with impulse control or to be precise, the lack of it. Impulse control is simply the ability to control an urge to do something or control a reaction to anything. So, it’s possible that you can not think before you speak due to impulse control issues.
I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “Why can’t I think clearly when talking to people?” or “Why do I always end up saying the wrong things?” Trust me, because I have too. There are many reasons for this but in general, you don’t think before you speak: a lack of patience, the lack of listening skills, or due to impulsiveness.
The Lack of Patience
Talking about the lack of patience, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Our urge to contribute to a conversation or the urge to be an active part of a discussion can sometimes be problematic. The lack of patience in such scenarios can lead to you interrupting others before they’re done and saying something incorrectly. It’s not easy to be patient and take a pause especially while talking about something we’re passionate about and thus, can lead to speaking before thinking.
The Lack of Listening Skills
Listening skills are as important for effective communication, if not more, than speaking skills. It’s nearly impossible to add something of value to a discussion or carry a conversation forward without listening actively. A lack of listening skills can even negatively impact your relationships as you might end up saying something you don’t mean. Hence, listening is essential to think before you speak.
Being Impulsive
Being impulsive is another trait that can be the reason behind your inability to think before you speak. Impulsiveness (or impulsivity) is the tendency to act on a whim, displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences. So, being impulsive can lead to you not thinking before speaking too.
You know enough about why you can’t think before you speak normally now, right?
But should you always think before speaking?
I’d say you should mostly think before you speak, it’ll save you a lot of trouble, the Lord gave us two ears and one mouth, to talk less and listen more. But if you’re just hanging out with friends and not really discussing anything specific, it’s okay to just go with the flow as well. Overthinking everything just like underthinking can be problematic.
So, yes always try to think enough before you speak but don’t venture into the territory of overthinking.
Now that we’ve covered a bunch of questions about why we can’t think before speaking and why we should, let’s get into the ways to achieve it. I’m going to tell you actionable ways on how to think before you speak.
The THINK Acronym
The ultimate think before you speak trick is the word THINK itself, an acronym.
Before speaking anything, just THINK; this is to ask yourself five questions: Is what I’m saying True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, and is it Kind enough?
T For True: Always make sure whatever you are saying is true. Don’t try to make something up or add fuel to gossip just to have something to say. Just be honest and your words will immediately be more impactful.
H For Helpful: Helpful words are usually appreciated by everyone. So, if you have something to say that can be of help to someone, go ahead. But if you think that your words might be hurtful or mocking, then avoid speaking.
I For Inspiring: Saying something that’s encouraging, motivational, or inspiring is always a good idea. It can be anything from giving someone a small compliment on someone’s presentation to inspiring others to achieve their goals with your story.
N For Necessary: Speak when necessary or try not to speak. Often we need to warn people before they do something they shouldn’t or even explain a necessary concept to someone.
K For Kind: If you don’t have something positive and kind today, don’t say it. Humans are emotional beings and need reassurance from time to time. So, try not to be harsh with your words and don’t hurt others. It’s important to speak considerably and kind to everyone.
This is the golden rule on thinking before you speak, once you ask yourself these questions and get yes as the answer. You’re good to go! Because if what you speak passes this method with flying colors, it’s undoubtedly worthy of being said. Also, you can even put up a THINK before you speak poster in your room if you’d like to remember this method.
Wait, that’s not all; we’ve got more tips to assist you.
The Power of Mental Pause
Next up, utilize the power of your mental pause. In the words of a wise man, “Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.”
Simply put, take a breather and compose your thoughts before jumping on the speaking train. Hasty words can trouble you for a long time, even after they have left your mouth. So, learn to press the pause button. Imagine it as a pause button that you use to rewind your thoughts, think of the right response, and finally, press play.
We all have a mental pause button that we can learn to use over time. It’s the time we take to respond and it’s absolutely normal. So, make it a habit to utilize your mental pause button to master how to think before you speak.
If you find the silence disturbing, just say, “I need a minute to ponder over this, thank you” before speaking. It’s always better to take some time to think before you speak. The pause helps you respond instead of reacting. You can also say, “I don’t think I know enough on this topic,” instead of forcing yourself to speak without knowledge.
Now on to the third tip, listen and listen carefully. A significant part of effective and thoughtful communication is listening. If you listen to others intently, you’ll be able to converse better and also partake in conversations without saying something awkward.
To give you an example, once at a social gathering, I was talking to a bunch of vegans. One of them probably mentioned that they do not think it’s okay to eat animal products, but I was busy using my phone and misunderstood because I didn’t listen properly and blurted out “Of course, non-vegetarian food is great.” And went on to talk about non-vegetarian food. I didn’t realize right away but it got awkward pretty quickly. So, it’s better to just listen and avoid such a blunder. Make sure you listen with your ears open if you’d like to think before you speak.
How to get into the habit of thinking before I speak?
One way of honing this habit is to have practice conversations with friends or peers about some impromptu topics. This will challenge you to think on the spot and you can then think before you give each response. First, start by taking as much time as you need and measure each response time. After a while, you can start running an actual or mental timer of a few seconds to think of a proper response before the time runs out. This will not only help you practice how to think before you speak but will also help you hone the skill of quick thinking on the spot. Such skills are very helpful in personal and professional situations in which you are required to think on the spot and showcase your intelligence or responsiveness. There are other ways to become a better quick thinker as discussed below.
Becoming A Quick Thinker
The sure-shot way of mastering thinking before speaking is becoming a quick thinker and improving your responses over time. Becoming a quick thinker makes your impression on people around you better and helps you perform well in unpredictable situations when you are required to speak. Many times you might have come across situations in your personal and professional life where you had to think on your feet but you could not come up with a proper response because you spent too much time thinking before you speak. Here are a few tips on how you can tackle such situations better:
1. Note down some responses you would like to give in these situations in the future.
2. Plan some generic positive remarks, comments, or stories you can use when asked to speak up without notice.
3. Think of some questions you can ask to change the conversation topic or deflect the conversation to another person.
These handy tips can help you go a long way in saving time when thinking before speaking and make you come off as intelligent and quick but still thoughtful.
So, I’m sure you understand how important it is to think before we speak. It’s a life skill that can help us grab opportunities and excel professionally and personally. Refer to the above table to get a quick glance at everything we’ve discussed and worked on your mental pause. I hope that I could help you with some useful tips!
Many times, unexplainable circumstances, death, or sickness visits us or the people close to us. And the reality is that life is not always good. It’s during these difficult trials that a lot of people lose their faith in God. The question is: what do you do when you can’t make sense of things?
I hope to help you shed some light on how God desires us to go through these unexplainable times.
Seasons In Everyone’s Life
There are seasons where we walk through the valley of the shadow of death (Pslams 23:4), and face the tribulations mentioned in John 16:33, but the Lord says to “be of good cheer,” not because it won’t hurt but because He has overcome the world.
God wants to teach us not only to celebrate our victories but learn to walk through things without them destroying our faith. Hebrews 11:6 says “it is impossible to please God,” not without understanding, but “without faith” (Ephesians 1:18, 4:18).
Truths About Suffering
There are four truths about suffering that I want to share with you.
Sin brought suffering, not God.
God used suffering to bring salvation.
God will end all suffering on the earth.
God uses suffering to refine us and if we do not refuse it, to define us.
Suffering is unavoidable because of sin.
As Christians, we have the promise that one day it will end. While we are here, however, we must learn how God teaches us to deal with suffering. His way will ensure healing and growth.
What To Do When You Don’t “Understand”
Hebrews 11:3 says that it’s “by faith we understand.” The starting point for our “understanding” as Christians is not in trying to understand the situation first, but in trusting God. God is asking you today, through your situation, “Can you trust Me?”
The world tries to understand things before understanding who God is. That’s why their understanding gets darkened and they think things like, “God doesn’t love me”, “God must be mean because He didn’t stop something from happening.”
You can’t dwell with God based on your understanding. You could only do that if He was just like you. But He is not like anything He created. What is the point of worshipping someone like you? Why trust somebody who has your limitations, weaknesses, and strengths?
Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” Until I settle into the seat of trust, His understanding cannot lead me.
My friend, if you try and understand the “why” and the “how” of every unfortunate circumstance, you will be left confused and clouded, doubting the goodness of God. But, if you settle in God’s truth, His understanding will guide your life.
Trust Him. Trust that He loves you and died on the cross for your salvation. And even if things in this world don’t turn out the way you planned, prayed, or asked, God is still in control and in the end, God will settle the score.
How To Deal With Suffering
We have to enlighten our understanding with the truth of God’s Word.
After Jesus’ resurrection, He enlightened the disciples’ minds by explaining the Scriptures. The problem happens when we take our theology from what we want to happen, instead of from the truth the Bible reveals to us.Instead of your mind creating an idea about God based on the current circumstances, allow the Word of God to show you the truth about who He is.
For example, if you ask yourself, “How do I know that He loves me?” the answer is because He did not allow sin to take its final course. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son” (John 3:16). Jesus loves you; He never stops loving you. That’s what the Truth says.
What Suffering Produces
If you are suffering, take refuge in the truth of this Scripture found in Romans 5:3-5, “…But we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
When you learn to glory in your tribulation, you begin to grow in God more. Not only in your character but in your hope. This hope will be what leads unbelievers to Christ, “be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15).
Word of Advice
The Bible says, “In all this, you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Peter 1:6-7).
I encourage you when God removes the suffering, praise Him. But if suffering doesn’t end, if there are things you have to learn to live with – I am not saying to stop praying or give up trusting in God, but learn to suffer well. When the apostle Paul pleaded with the Lord three times to take ‘the thorn in the flesh’ away from him, the Lord told him in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I (Paul) will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer ~ Psalm 19:14
In the book of Proverbs we have a very stark statement as to what God hates. So let us take a look…
1. Haughty eyes: Haughty eyes deals with pride and God hates pride. The eyes are the windows into pride. The phrase, “That person looks down on me!” That’s the haughty eye and its full of pride. Pride is the original sin that goes all the way back to the Garden of Eden. Man wanted to be like God (notice the pride) more than he wanted to be with God. He looked down on God.
2. A lying tongue: A lying tongue is a reminder that all words count. All words have consequences and that all our words will be judged by God. This is why in Proverbs 18:21 we are warned: life and death are in the power of the tongue. When we lie, we trample on the greatness and dignity that God has placed in all humans.
3. Hands that shed innocent blood: Innocence does not imply sinlessness. But to shed innocent blood is to take the life of one who has done nothing worthy of death. God loves and wants us to protect the innocent.
4. A heart that devises wicked schemes: Throughout Scripture, God reminds us that He alone searches the heart. God knows what we think and he sees the plans and purposes that are conceived in the souls of all people.
5. Feet that are quick to rush into evil: To rush into evil is to demonstrate a great delight and enjoyment of evil and an eagerness to participate in it. God hates the enjoyment of evil. A lot of people like to witness evil and yet they would never think of doing it themselves. God says no.
6. A false witness who pours out lies: This deals with perjury. But when the Proverbs writes about a false witness, the principle is so much deeper than the mere avoidance of lying. This is talking about making right confession. The word confession is a word that literally means to speak truth that is revealed by God.
7. A person who stirs up conflict in the community: The climax of wickedness is the one who purposefully causes division. It is the kind of conflict that is done in secret and done by one who won’t appeal through proper channels and who does not submit to proper authority. It is someone who stirs up conflict for the sole purpose of stirring up conflict.
Now, if God hates these things in this passage (and He does!), then it stands to reason He loves just the opposite. In other words, if God hates haughty eyes that means He loves the eyes of humility. If God hates a lying tongue what does He love? A tongue of integrity. If God hates those who shed innocent blood, He loves those who defend the innocent. If He hates the heart that devises wicked schemes, how much more does He love the one who works towards virtue? If God hates feet that rush to evil, how much does He love feet that run towards goodness? If He hates a false witness, He must love a true witness! If He hates those who sow discord, how much more does He love those who sow unity and peace? At the end of the day, the Proverbs writer is asking us to consider: What kind of people are we striving to be? May we strive to be those who practice what God loves!
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***By Dr Dave Lescalleet at Pruit Cares Foundation
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