Category: Relationships

How to T.H.I.N.K. Before You Speak and Not Put Your Foot in Your Mouth

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Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones ~ Proverbs 16:24

Do you remember all the situations where you said something you regretted deeply? All the times where you wished to have thought a little bit better before speaking and avoided the embarrassment you faced. I can surely make a long list for the same and I’m sure you have plenty of those just like me, right? To think before you speak is a much-needed skill and today in this blog, we’ll talk about just that along with tips on how to think before you speak. 

Read on because, by the end of this blog, you’ll know all my top tips and tricks on how to think before you speak and not put your foot in your mouth!

How difficult can it be to think before you speak? 

Thinking before speaking isn’t rare; it’s almost human nature to feel the need to contribute to a conversation. Sometimes, you may feel emotional about a topic and may not think before you talk about it. Hence, it can be pretty hard to stop yourself from blurting out the first thing that pops into your head. There are a variety of reasons that can prevent you from thinking before speaking. So, don’t beat yourself about it if it happens to you. 

That being said, you do need to remember that we as humans are social beings and need to communicate effectively in our everyday lives. Communication is the key to happy and sorted relationships. Hence, it’s important to inculcate the habit of being able to think before you speak with anyone.

Why should you think before you speak?

A colleague once asked me why I should think before speaking? How does it even matter! 

Thinking before speaking is pretty much a life skill. Here are some basic reasons for you to think before you speak:

  • It’s essential for your credibility because if what you communicate isn’t credible or useful, people won’t respect you or your words. Imagine that you are in a group discussion around international relations and you mistakenly mention that the capital of Japan is Beijing in a hurry. If it wasn’t because you didn’t know that Japan’s capital is Tokyo but because you didn’t take the time to process or think before you speak. Such an incident will reduce your credibility but could’ve been easily avoided if you had taken a pause to think.
  • Another reason for you to think before you speak is that if you do not think before you speak, you might end up hurting someone. Sometimes when we get emotional, it’s easy to get carried away and react to everything negatively. This is pretty common when we are arguing with our loved ones and hence, can impact our relationships severely. Hence, the ability to think before you speak can be fruitful in such scenarios.
  • Thinking before speaking can also help you stay out of trouble in several ways.Let’s say you’re in a meeting and your boss asks for a volunteer to take over the operations for your company’s newly acquired venture in Yemen. You say yes, just to please your boss without understanding the whole deal and now, you don’t know how to refuse. Had you listened and thought before speaking, you’d save yourself from the trouble of explaining yourself. 

I hope you got enough reasons to think before you speak now? Great. Now, let’s move on to our next pertinent question. 

  • It’s essential for your credibility because if what you communicate isn’t credible or useful, people won’t respect you or your words. Imagine that you are in a group discussion around international relations and you mistakenly mention that the capital of Japan is Beijing in a hurry. If it wasn’t because you didn’t know that Japan’s capital is Tokyo but because you didn’t take the time to process or think before you speak. Such an incident will reduce your credibility but could’ve been easily avoided if you had taken a pause to think.
  • Another reason for you to think before you speak is that if you do not think before you speak, you might end up hurting someone. Sometimes when we get emotional, it’s easy to get carried away and react to everything negatively. This is pretty common when we are arguing with our loved ones and hence, can impact our relationships severely. Hence, the ability to think before you speak can be fruitful in such scenarios.
  • Thinking before speaking can also help you stay out of trouble in several ways. Let’s say you’re in a meeting and your boss asks for a volunteer to take over the operations for your company’s newly acquired venture in Yemen. You say yes, just to please your boss without understanding the whole deal and now, you don’t know how to refuse. Had you listened and thought before speaking, you’d save yourself from the trouble of explaining yourself. 

I hope you got enough reasons to think before you speak now? Great. Now, let’s move on to our next pertinent question. 

Why does it happen? Why is it so hard to think before you speak? 

The answer to this often has to do with impulse control or to be precise, the lack of it. Impulse control is simply the ability to control an urge to do something or control a reaction to anything. So, it’s possible that you can not think before you speak due to impulse control issues.

I’m sure you’ve asked yourself, “Why can’t I think clearly when talking to people?” or “Why do I always end up saying the wrong things?” Trust me, because I have too. There are many reasons for this but in general, you don’t think before you speak: a lack of patience, the lack of listening skills, or due to impulsiveness.

The Lack of Patience

Talking about the lack of patience, it’s pretty self-explanatory. Our urge to contribute to a conversation or the urge to be an active part of a discussion can sometimes be problematic. The lack of patience in such scenarios can lead to you interrupting others before they’re done and saying something incorrectly. It’s not easy to be patient and take a pause especially while talking about something we’re passionate about and thus, can lead to speaking before thinking.

The Lack of Listening Skills

Listening skills are as important for effective communication, if not more, than speaking skills. It’s nearly impossible to add something of value to a discussion or carry a conversation forward without listening actively. A lack of listening skills can even negatively impact your relationships as you might end up saying something you don’t mean. Hence, listening is essential to think before you speak.

Being Impulsive

Being impulsive is another trait that can be the reason behind your inability to think before you speak. Impulsiveness (or impulsivity) is the tendency to act on a whim, displaying behavior characterized by little or no forethought, reflection, or consideration of the consequences. So, being impulsive can lead to you not thinking before speaking too.

You know enough about why you can’t think before you speak normally now, right? 

But should you always think before speaking? 

I’d say you should mostly think before you speak, it’ll save you a lot of trouble, the Lord gave us two ears and one mouth, to talk less and listen more. But if you’re just hanging out with friends and not really discussing anything specific, it’s okay to just go with the flow as well. Overthinking everything just like underthinking can be problematic. 

So, yes always try to think enough before you speak but don’t venture into the territory of overthinking. 

Now that we’ve covered a bunch of questions about why we can’t think before speaking and why we should, let’s get into the ways to achieve it. I’m going to tell you actionable ways on how to think before you speak. 

The THINK Acronym

  1. The ultimate think before you speak trick is the word THINK itself, an acronym.

Before speaking anything, just THINK; this is to ask yourself five questions: Is what I’m saying True, is it Helpful, is it Inspiring, is it Necessary, and is it Kind enough? 

  • T For True: Always make sure whatever you are saying is true. Don’t try to make something up or add fuel to gossip just to have something to say. Just be honest and your words will immediately be more impactful.
  • H For Helpful: Helpful words are usually appreciated by everyone. So, if you have something to say that can be of help to someone, go ahead. But if you think that your words might be hurtful or mocking, then avoid speaking.
  • I For Inspiring: Saying something that’s encouraging, motivational, or inspiring is always a good idea. It can be anything from giving someone a small compliment on someone’s presentation to inspiring others to achieve their goals with your story.
  • N For Necessary: Speak when necessary or try not to speak. Often we need to warn people before they do something they shouldn’t or even explain a necessary concept to someone. 
  • K For Kind: If you don’t have something positive and kind today, don’t say it. Humans are emotional beings and need reassurance from time to time. So, try not to be harsh with your words and don’t hurt others. It’s important to speak considerably and kind to everyone. 

This is the golden rule on thinking before you speak, once you ask yourself these questions and get yes as the answer. You’re good to go! Because if what you speak passes this method with flying colors, it’s undoubtedly worthy of being said. Also, you can even put up a THINK before you speak poster in your room if you’d like to remember this method.

Wait, that’s not all; we’ve got more tips to assist you.

 The Power of Mental Pause

  1. Next up, utilize the power of your mental pause. In the words of a wise man, “Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace.” 

Simply put, take a breather and compose your thoughts before jumping on the speaking train. Hasty words can trouble you for a long time, even after they have left your mouth. So, learn to press the pause button. Imagine it as a pause button that you use to rewind your thoughts, think of the right response, and finally, press play.

We all have a mental pause button that we can learn to use over time. It’s the time we take to respond and it’s absolutely normal. So, make it a habit to utilize your mental pause button to master how to think before you speak. 

If you find the silence disturbing, just say, “I need a minute to ponder over this, thank you” before speaking. It’s always better to take some time to think before you speak. The pause helps you respond instead of reacting. You can also say, “I don’t think I know enough on this topic,” instead of forcing yourself to speak without knowledge. 

  1. Now on to the third tip, listen and listen carefully. A significant part of effective and thoughtful communication is listening. If you listen to others intently, you’ll be able to converse better and also partake in conversations without saying something awkward. 

To give you an example, once at a social gathering, I was talking to a bunch of vegans. One of them probably mentioned that they do not think it’s okay to eat animal products, but I was busy using my phone and misunderstood because I didn’t listen properly and blurted out “Of course, non-vegetarian food is great.” And went on to talk about non-vegetarian food. I didn’t realize right away but it got awkward pretty quickly. So, it’s better to just listen and avoid such a blunder. Make sure you listen with your ears open if you’d like to think before you speak.

How to get into the habit of thinking before I speak?

One way of honing this habit is to have practice conversations with friends or peers about some impromptu topics. This will challenge you to think on the spot and you can then think before you give each response. First, start by taking as much time as you need and measure each response time. After a while, you can start running an actual or mental timer of a few seconds to think of a proper response before the time runs out. This will not only help you practice how to think before you speak but will also help you hone the skill of quick thinking on the spot. Such skills are very helpful in personal and professional situations in which you are required to think on the spot and showcase your intelligence or responsiveness. There are other ways to become a better quick thinker as discussed below.

Becoming A Quick Thinker

The sure-shot way of mastering thinking before speaking is becoming a quick thinker and improving your responses over time. Becoming a quick thinker makes your impression on people around you better and helps you perform well in unpredictable situations when you are required to speak. Many times you might have come across situations in your personal and professional life where you had to think on your feet but you could not come up with a proper response because you spent too much time thinking before you speak. Here are a few tips on how you can tackle such situations better:

1. Note down some responses you would like to give in these situations in the future.

2. Plan some generic positive remarks, comments, or stories you can use when asked to speak up without notice.

3. Think of some questions you can ask to change the conversation topic or deflect the conversation to another person.

These handy tips can help you go a long way in saving time when thinking before speaking and make you come off as intelligent and quick but still thoughtful. 

So, I’m sure you understand how important it is to think before we speak. It’s a life skill that can help us grab opportunities and excel professionally and personally. Refer to the above table to get a quick glance at everything we’ve discussed and worked on your mental pause. I hope that I could help you with some useful tips! 

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**By Prageet Goel at Orai / Photo at Pexels

“Where Was God In All Of This?”

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Many times, unexplainable circumstances, death, or sickness visits us or the people close to us. And the reality is that life is not always good. It’s during these difficult trials that a lot of people lose their faith in God. The question is: what do you do when you can’t make sense of things? 

I hope to help you shed some light on how God desires us to go through these unexplainable times.

Seasons In Everyone’s Life

There are seasons where we walk through the valley of the shadow of death (Pslams 23:4), and face the tribulations mentioned in John 16:33, but the Lord says to “be of good cheer,” not because it won’t hurt but because He has overcome the world.

God wants to teach us not only to celebrate our victories but learn to walk through things without them destroying our faith. Hebrews 11:6 says “it is impossible to please God,” not without understanding, but “without faith” (Ephesians 1:18, 4:18).

Truths About Suffering

There are four truths about suffering that I want to share with you. 

  1. Sin brought suffering, not God.
  2. God used suffering to bring salvation.
  3. God will end all suffering on the earth.
  4. God uses suffering to refine us and if we do not refuse it, to define us. 

Suffering is unavoidable because of sin. 

As Christians, we have the promise that one day it will end. While we are here, however, we must learn how God teaches us to deal with suffering. His way will ensure healing and growth. 

What To Do When You Don’t “Understand”

Hebrews 11:3 says that it’s “by faith we understand.” The starting point for our “understanding” as Christians is not in trying to understand the situation first, but in trusting God. God is asking you today, through your situation, “Can you trust Me?”

The world tries to understand things before understanding who God is. That’s why their understanding gets darkened and they think things like, “God doesn’t love me”, “God must be mean because He didn’t stop something from happening.”

You can’t dwell with God based on your understanding. You could only do that if He was just like you. But He is not like anything He created. What is the point of worshipping someone like you? Why trust somebody who has your limitations, weaknesses, and strengths?

Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and lean not on your own understanding.” Until I settle into the seat of trust, His understanding cannot lead me.

My friend, if you try and understand the “why” and the “how” of every unfortunate circumstance, you will be left confused and clouded, doubting the goodness of God. But, if you settle in God’s truth, His understanding will guide your life.

Trust Him. Trust that He loves you and died on the cross for your salvation. And even if things in this world don’t turn out the way you planned, prayed, or asked, God is still in control and in the end, God will settle the score.

How To Deal With Suffering

We have to enlighten our understanding with the truth of God’s Word. 

After Jesus’ resurrection, He enlightened the disciples’ minds by explaining the Scriptures. The problem happens when we take our theology from what we want to happen, instead of from the truth the Bible reveals to us.Instead of your mind creating an idea about God based on the current circumstances, allow the Word of God to show you the truth about who He is.

For example, if you ask yourself, “How do I know that He loves me?” the answer is because He did not allow sin to take its final course. “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son” (John 3:16). Jesus loves you; He never stops loving you. That’s what the Truth says. 

What Suffering Produces

If you are suffering, take refuge in the truth of this Scripture found in Romans 5:3-5, “…But we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” 

When you learn to glory in your tribulation, you begin to grow in God more. Not only in your character but in your hope. This hope will be what leads unbelievers to Christ, “be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15).

Word of Advice 

The Bible says, “In all this, you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

I encourage you when God removes the suffering, praise Him. But if suffering doesn’t end, if there are things you have to learn to live with – I am not saying to stop praying or give up trusting in God, but learn to suffer well. When the apostle Paul pleaded with the Lord three times to take ‘the thorn in the flesh’ away from him, the Lord told him in 2 Corinthians 12:8-10, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I (Paul) will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

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*** *** By Vladimir Savchuk © Copyright – Vladimir Savchuk. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at HungryGen

Understanding the Healing of Soul Wounds

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Christians get confused when they feel depressed, offended, rejected, or have other negative feelings. “Why am I experiencing this after I accepted Jesus into my heart by faith?” In truth, the answer is both simple and yet, challenging. Your spirit is 100% regenerated upon believing in Christ and His cross. But, something more is often needed, the healing of soul wounds.

Types of Spiritual Wounds

What exactly are soul wounds and how do they affect us?

The answer is this: We have experiences all through our lives. Sometimes, the actions of others hurt us.  And, we too, do things that are wrong. Our own sins can leave wounds in us. Additionally, there may be recurring, damaging behaviors from our families. Alcoholism is an example. Those generational behaviors cause pain. Cumulatively, each of these things can leave a mark behind or a measure of damage in your soul.

What is the Soul?

So, what is the soul? It is your mind, will and emotions, the source of your thoughts, decisions, and feelings. As mentioned, when you experience or participate in negative things in your life, imprints are left on your soul. For example, if a parent left home while you were growing up – in divorce, abandonment, or death, the pain you experienced as a child may remain in your mind as a “wound.”

As a result, when people seem to be leaving or not accepting you in some way in the present, your reaction to them may actually be an overreaction born out of retained pain. Having been “rejected” before, it can seem reasonable, even self-protective to not trust and be suspicious now. However, the current situation may not truly be abandonment or rejection, but the wound in you causes it to be perceived as such.

Imagine having been tremendously put down as a child, always made to feel inferior and lacking. As an adult, carrying this wound of criticism makes thinking well of yourself difficult. Compliments or praise can be hard to accept. Additionally, celebrating others’ successes is a struggle. “Everyone is doing better than I am” thoughts may eat away at peace – and not be true.

All of these (and more) are wounded ways of thinking that destroy quality of life. Relationships are affected. You don’t feel safe making intimacy difficult as the world is viewed through wound “lenses.”

Soul Wounds Affect Your Relationship with God

Most of all, because of soul wounds, your relationship with God and capacity to really flourish as a Christian person are diminished. Being preoccupied with wounds keeps you inwardly focused in repetitive, turbulent, negative thinking. Rather than fully encountering God and receiving all the blessing He has for you, you remain caught up in your ongoing pain and misconceptions.

But, do not worry.

All of us go through this to some degree. God so wants for you to be healed once and for all. Truly, He wants you healed in spirit, soul, and body.

How to Receive the Healing of Soul Wounds

Now, if any of this is sounding familiar to you; if you have times of repeatedly feeling blue, offended, lonely, or “different from everyone else,” it may be that some inner healing is needed.

Where do you start?

At times, we’re embarrassed as Christians if we appear not to have it all together. For example, you may say, “I don’t want to admit that I am jealous often.” Or, that, “I feel lonely and like I don’t fit in.” We often think Christianity is a “stiff upper lip” lifestyle where you must appear that you have it altogether even if you’re “dying” inside. This is nonsense. On the contrary, healing and maturing are part of this life like no other. Jesus can heal all things.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” 2 Corinthians 5:17 NIV

You do not have to tolerate feeling emotionally out of sorts again and again. Besides, the enemy loves this “doorway.” When you are struggling with thoughts and emotions, he will throw “fuel on the fire” with whispered lies, exaggerating those moods, and then bringing shame because of them.

Seeking Help for Healing

Do you need to seek someone else’s help to heal your soul wounds? Can you fix this on your own?

It may be helpful to share your struggle with a trusted, mature Christian friend, with a counselor, or a pastor. They can pray and meet with you until you feel improvement.

How can their prayers be phrased in order to be helpful?

They can command the jealousy, loneliness, or offense to be gone in Jesus’ name. Prayer may include asking Jesus to show you how He was present in situations in the past. These helpers can also pray for the opposite feelings (feelings of positivity to flood your mind and replace the wounded feelings.) And, Holy Spirit can be asked to come and restore those painful places.

You may need to be led in prayers of repentance – if you need to forgive someone, forgive yourself, trust God or seek Him more. Perhaps your spiritual life has lapsed.

In this way, the wounded places will be identified. You will be delivered from them. And, by the power and healing of the Holy Spirit your life will be renewed.

It is not always necessary for others to be involved. In fact, if you identify a weak place in your thinking and feelings – a recurring way of looking at the world or reacting to people that seems to be unhealthy, you can also pray by yourself for your healing. You can command the wounded feelings to go in Jesus’ name.

Then, pray for healthy and God-oriented feelings to replace the wounds.

Healing of Soul Wounds Scriptures

Finally, one of the most important things to do is to pray and declare scriptures full of truth over yourself In this way, you push drive out the negative and distorted thoughts and moods.

“Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.” 3 John 2 NKJV

The passage above is so fundamental. God wants you to feel safe and whole in your mind and emotions. He wants you to be able to concentrate and to live with joy, not constant preoccupation and heaviness. God wants your soul to prosper.

Here are some other scriptures about our souls and God’s desire to give us minds free of fear, depression, and dark thoughts.

Scriptures to Pray and Declare

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. Whoever fears is not perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18 NIV

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7 NIV

“For I [satiate] the weary soul, and I [replenish] every sorrowful soul.” Jeremiah 31:25 NKJV

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.” Psalm 23:1-3 ESV

“The Lord … gathers together the outcasts of Israel. He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:2-3 NKJV

Finally, there are so many more verses like this to grab hold of and take as the truth of God’s desire for you. Brooding, being moody, being fearful, feeling small and unwanted, etc. – those things are not of God. In God’s transformation of you, He includes the healing of soul wounds.

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** By Pamela Morrison / Photo by Jessica Lewis at Pexels

8 Steps To True Forgiveness and Learning How to Forgive

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“But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” ~ Matthew 6:15

What is forgiveness?

The definition of forgiveness is essentially the act of pardoning an offender. In the Bible, the Greek word translated “forgiveness” literally means “to let go”, as when a person does not demand payment for a debt. Jesus used this comparison in his parable of the unmerciful slave (Matthew 18:23-35) as well as when he taught his followers to pray “Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves also forgive everyone who is in debt to us” (Luke 11:4).

The Bible teaches that unselfish love is the basis for true forgiveness, since “it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Forgiving others means letting go of resentment and giving up any claim to be compensated for the hurt or loss we have suffered.

Why do we need to forgive?

Forgiveness is at the very heart of the gospel. Colossians 3:13 states, “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.” We were born sinners against God, but He loved us enough to send Christ, His Son to die for us.

In the same way, we are commanded to forgive those who do wrong to us, not just those who are asking for forgiveness, or those who are first-time offenders or whose wrongs seem forgivable. Jesus famously told Peter in Matthew 18 to forgive someone “seventy times seven” times and he makes the sobering statement that if we do not forgive others, our Father in Heaven will not forgive us (Matthew 6:15).

First and foremost, forgiving others is obedience, however, we also need to forgive others so that we don’t grow bitter. Resentment is a very unhealthy emotion; it hurts us far more than those who have affronted us or anyone else.

The Bible states this in Hebrews 12:15, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it, many become defiled.” As we release unforgiveness and all the bitterness and anger that comes with it, we are freed to live and serve with real peace and joy and to grow in spiritual maturity.

What forgiveness isn’t

A well-known pastor explained that many people are reluctant to show mercy because they don’t understand the difference between trust and forgiveness. Forgiving others must be immediate, whether or not a person asks for it.

Trust, on the other hand, has to do with future behavior and it will likely take time to build or rebuild. Warren  explains, “If someone hurts you repeatedly, you are commanded by God to forgive them instantly, but you are not expected to trust them immediately, and you are not expected to continue allowing them to hurt you.”

Forgiveness isn’t sweeping things under the rug and saying what the other person did or said was okay. Forgiveness is also not necessarily forgetting what happened. Depending on the situation, it may require a time of healing.

But if you hold on to the transgression like a trump card and play it every chance you get, you can be sure that unforgiveness is still present. This goes against Jesus’ command to forgive “seventy times seven” times.  After all, remember that God has forgiven you more times than you will ever have the opportunity to forgive someone else.

How to forgive

How then do we achieve this “letting go,” which can feel like an impossible task? Even if we desire it; our emotions can rise up at the least expected time and overwhelm us with anger and pain.

In our own strength, forgiving others in the way we have received God’s forgiveness is impossible, but with God, nothing is impossible, and with His Spirit inside us we can go through a process that leads to true forgiveness.

Here are eight steps to help you truly forgive and have freedom in your life. If you have been significantly hurt by someone’s actions or words, working through these stages with a Christian counselor can be immensely helpful. Having someone to whom you can reveal your internal feelings and who will gently nudge you towards God’s word, can guard against stagnation, and those bitter roots which Hebrews 12 warns about.

8 Steps to True Forgiveness

1. Acknowledge the pain.

Working through pain can only happen once you admit you’ve been hurt. And acknowledging this can intensify the feelings. Tears, feelings of resentment and ruminating thoughts are a good indicator that something’s wrong. Don’t numb yourself or “stuff” the emotion down, as that cuts off the process of forgiving others before it’s even begun.

2. Think through things.

Try writing down what happened in a journal, or share with a trusted friend. Admit that what happened makes you feel sad or angry, and be honest about what emotions are rising up in you, even if it epitomizes unforgiveness and you think you shouldn’t feel that way.

3. Imagine being on the other side.

Think about a time when you have had to ask for forgiveness; how did it make you feel? When have you wronged another person, and did they extend forgiveness to you, or withhold it? The Bible directs us to do to others what we would have them do to us (Matthew 7:12) and so it can be helpful to put ourselves in their shoes for a moment.

4. Remember God’s forgiveness.

Reminding ourselves of the debt that God forgave us in Christ when we certainly didn’t deserve it, can help us forgive others. If we have been forgiven so much, how then can we hold onto grievances committed against us? This is another step in the process and doesn’t mean that you must be ready at this point to voice your forgiveness to your offender. This may not ever be possible, as the person may no longer be living. You can still forgive someone without that forgiveness being accepted.

5. Reflect on our Biblical command.

Jesus stressed the importance of forgiving others on many occasions and even included it in the Lord’s prayer, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” Pray that this would hit home in your heart and that your decision to obey would force your emotions to catch up.

6. Let go of the hurt.

The devil is an expert at getting a foothold when we have made a choice to forgive but the wound is still sensitive. Don’t allow yourself to replay the offense over and over; let go of the pain and determine that you are going to choose to move forward. This is where prayer is essential as on our own we are tempted to wander back to unforgiveness.

7. Continue to forgive.

Forgiveness is more than just saying a prayer and moving on. It’s a serious decision that you make over and over again. The process will most likely be uncomfortable and painful, but it will always be worth it in the end.

8. Pray for the person who hurt you.

In Matthew 5:44 Jesus commands us “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Ask God to reveal his love to your offender in your heart, and for him to dissolve negative emotions. Is there any more powerful witness of God’s transforming grace than someone who can display true forgiveness to the “unforgivable”?

With promises found in Scriptures like Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all this through Him who gives me strength”) and Romans 12:21 (“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good”), we know that we can depend on God to give us the grace to live out forgiveness. Make the right choice – start a journey of forgiveness today, praying for the Lord to equip you for this difficult but eternally rewarding task.

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**By Jessica Oberreuter at LA Christian Counselling

3 Reasons People Come Into Our Lives

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People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . . Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.

They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

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Author Unknown / Photo by Pexels