Category: Spiritual Growth

Trusting God to Heal the Scars of Sexual Abuse

Published on by Editor

“You need to learn to trust men again.”

When she said this just moments after I admitted I had been sexually abused as a child by a man I trusted, I got mad . . . really mad! She didn’t understand the depth of my fear, disgust, anger, and helplessness. She didn’t even acknowledge my emotional scars.  

As with many women, my scars of abuse felt unique. I was confused about what was normal and used a variety of defense mechanisms to get through life.

If you’ve been sexually abused, you may be coping in one or more of the following ways. You hide or keep people at extreme distances, afraid of being hurt again. You remain numb through adulthood. If married, you find it difficult to respond sexually. You fear biblical submission—afraid of losing control.

You may feel damaged, see yourself as a sex object, flaunt your sexuality, and descend into promiscuity and other sexual sins. Or like me, you pour yourself into being “good” or embrace ministry. You may not understand the power of the gospel and focus instead on pleasing God to gain His favor.

You might respond to your abuse with anxiety, depression, self-loathing, self-harming actions, fear of intimacy, homosexuality, indecisiveness, perfectionism, a need to control, eating disorders, or addictions.

Satan doesn’t care how we react to the sinfulness of sexual abuse . . . as long as we don’t turn to Jesus. The enemy knows that when we find our identity, security, and dignity in Christ, we can live in victory.

Twisted Thinking

It took me awhile to get there, though. For years, I felt the need to protect my abuser and not hurt others who loved him. It was twisted thinking, but the enemy delights in warping thoughts. In high school, I had poor interpersonal skills. By college, I felt suicidal and alone. Abuse distorted my image of God and affected my ability to seek and trust Him. My confidence was shattered.

After college, I joined Life Action Ministries and began a journey with God that changed my heart and life. One day as I was singing “Do You Know My Jesus?” on stage with the team, I suddenly realized I knew all about Jesus, but I didn’t know Him. I left the microphone, went to the prayer room, and placed my life in Jesus’ hands.

The most astounding changes came as I learned to trust Him with my past hurts.

Lessons I Learned

  • God loves me. Deeply and completely. The enemy loves it when I feel shame, condemnation, and self-loathing, but God’s Word says I am precious in God’s sight—accepted and valued (Isa. 43:4).
  • God saw my abuse and did not condone it. Neither should I. I do not have to stay silent or bury the pain and trauma. The Lord hates all wickedness, including my abuser’s sinful actions (Ps. 11:5).
  • I can pray for wisdom and entrust true justice to the righteous heart of God. He always has the last word—He brings justice to the unrepentant and great mercy to the repentant (Ps. 103:6).
  • I know I can forgive others because I have been so greatly forgiven. Bitterness will only make my pain worse and continue to wound others (Heb. 12:15).
  • I can pray for my abuser’s change of heart and repentance—that my abuser will seek the Lord, turn from wickedness, and learn to live a godly life so God will be glorified (Luke 6:28).
  • I do not have to live in fear like a victim. Peace and victory come as I study and rest in who I am in Christ (Eph. 1:3–8).
  • As I run to the Lord who sees, heals, and comforts, I can use what the enemy meant for evil to bring glory and praise to God (Gen. 50:20).
  • I can learn how to communicate clear, pure boundaries in all relationships and speak truth in love (Eph. 4:15).
  • I must be aware of the enemy’s schemes to control my responses and defeat me. I must saturate my life with Scripture and remember God’s grace is greater than the condemnation I feel (1 John 3:20).
  • Knowing my thoughts will control my actions and responses, I must allow God to transform my thinking so I can make daily choices to please Him (Rom. 12:2).
  • I will grow and heal as I rub shoulders with godly women who model how to respond with the pure love of Christ and trust the Lord to help me stand in dignity and strength (1 Peter 3:3–5).
  • I can, as a member of the Body of Christ, be a part of holding abusers accountable—especially within the church (Matt. 18:15–17).
  • I can also encourage those who still struggle toward freedom from the pain and insecurities that arise out of sexual abuse (Gal. 6:2).

Set Free and Healing

Second Peter 1:3 says, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence.” I’ve discovered everything I need to move forward in grace and strength comes from abiding in God’s presence and the Word of God.

The path to thriving begins with God-focus, not self-focus. If we continue to gaze inward, we will always see our scars, but when we gaze on Jesus, we see His scars and remember He died to make us whole again. We can trust this One who loved us so completely.

I’ve grown in Christ, but it hasn’t always been easy. I’ve had many questions, and my heart screamed for answers. Satan wants us to believe God is not good and does not care, but our Father God is never blind to the sins that hurt His people. He grieves over all sin and hates it. Sometimes the Lord deals directly with others’ sinful behavior against us; other times, it’s just not time yet. In mercy, God gives even the most evil among us opportunities to turn to Him and repent.

My great comfort is that Jesus understands abuse. He suffered great abuse and even death to give us life (see Isa. 53). He brings hope for today and tomorrow and, most certainly, hope for dealing in victory with hurtful past circumstances.

I am free to love others sincerely and allow the Lord to work in my life and my abuser’s life now that I have been set free from the bondage that chained me for so many years,

Although Jesus said He came to give me abundant life (John 10:10), sometimes I resort to survival mode when I allow myself to feel ashamed. In those moments, I forget who I am—or rather, whose I am. Jesus bore my shame on the cross; I don’t need to bear it for one moment.

Though scars remain, God gives healing grace.

Father God, I ask You to bring victory and healing to those who suffer. Surround them with Your presence, help them see You as You really are, and show them the overcoming power in Your Word. Amen.

If you are struggling, you might also want to watch this video about a young woman who was sexually abused.

—————

*** By Dawn Wilson © 2001–2023 Revive Our Hearts, an outreach of Life Action Ministries.ECFA Member

Popular Articles

A Clear Gospel Message

The Abortion Debate

Human Trafficking / Child Abuse

The True Gift

True or False Conversion

Once Saved Always Saved?

The Judge – Upholding what is right comes at a cost

What is a True Christian or Believer

Prayer Speaking to God

Forgiving Others as God has Forgiving you

Prayer for forgiving others

Living Right Today

Forgiving Others as God Has Forgiven Us

Published on by Editor
But if you don’t forgive others, your Father will not forgive your offenses. ~ Matthew 6:15

God is rich in mercy (Ephesians 2:4). The very first characteristic of the Divine nature that every one of us encountered when we were converted was His mercy. That should also be the very first impression that others have when they encounter us, if indeed we have partaken of the Divine nature.

There is no mercy found in hell and no mercy found in our flesh either. Our flesh is naturally hard towards others and it is easy to deceive ourselves that such hardness is part of the Divine severity. Such is the deceitfulness of sin.

If we could look into Heaven right now, we would find that God is constantly forgiving others. From every part of this world, believers and unbelievers are constantly crying out to Him asking for forgiveness for their sins and their failures. And He is always forgiving them – 24 hours of every day. Some may be asking for forgiveness for a sin that they have committed for the 1000 th time. He still forgives, for that is His nature. Jesus said that we were to forgive others in exactly the same way (Matthew 18:35)

Jesus also said that we were to forgive our brothers seven times in a single day (Luke 17:4). A day was reckoned as 12 hours. This meant that if your brother sinned against you at 6 a.m. one morning, and asked for your forgiveness at 7 a.m. you were to forgive him. If he committed the same sin against you at 8 a.m. and asked for your forgiveness at 9 a.m. you were to forgive him again. Then at 10 a.m. he does the same thing a third time, and asks for your forgiveness at 11 a.m. You are to forgive him. He repeats exactly the same sin at 12 noon and at 2 p.m. and at 4 p.m. and comes back each time, an hour later and asks for forgiveness. Each time, you are to forgive him, without keeping any record of the number of times you have forgiven him already, the same day. Some who are legalistically minded may say that Jesus did tell us to keep a record up to seven times. That is exactly what Peter once said to Jesus, and he was told that he was to forgive his brother 490 times (Matthew 18:21,22)

That is what God’s nature is like. And the good news of the new covenant is that we can partake of His nature. It is easier to speak about this than to actually partake of it. We all know that from experience. But “the kingdom of God is not in words but in power” (1 Corinthians 4:20)

The glory of Christ is radiated through us, not by our mouthing so many wonderful “truths” and doctrines, but by our manifesting the love of God to others.

***Prayer for forgiving others

————

***Copyright – Zac Poonen. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at CFC India.com. / Photo at Pexels

Popular Articles

A Clear Gospel Message

The Abortion Debate

Human Trafficking / Child Abuse

Trusting God to Heal the Scars of Sexual Abuse

The True Gift

True or False Conversion

Once Saved Always Saved?

The Judge – Upholding what is right comes at a cost

What is a True Christian or Believer

Prayer Speaking to God

Forgiving Others as God has Forgiving you

Prayer for forgiving others

Living Right Today

It is Not about Doctrine but Life

Published on by Editor

Paul speaks about “the holiness which is no illusion” (Ephesians 4:24 – J.B. Philips translation). This does not come through understanding doctrine but through Jesus Himself living His life through us. The secret of godliness mentioned in 1 Timothy 3:16 is not the doctrine of Jesus having come in our flesh, but Jesus Himself Who came in our flesh. It is by looking unto Jesus and not at any doctrine that we are going to be transformed into His likeness (2 Corinthians 3:18). Remember this all your life.“Church is like a hospital, where the worst cases are welcome. They can all be cured. No-one need feel that he or she is too wretched to be helped.”

Every doctrine can lead you astray: (1) if you don’t keep your eyes on the Lord Himself, and (2) if you do not love all who love Him, whichever group they are in, and whatever doctrine they may hold. Jesus Himself is the Head of the church which is His Body. But if a doctrine becomes the Head, then people will become Pharisees – and the purer the doctrine, the greater the Pharisees that will be produced! Remember the words of the hymn: “Once it was the blessing, now it is the Lord”.

The image we present as a church must be consistent with the image Jesus presented of the Father – especially what we see in John 8:1-12, where He was on the side of the repentant adulteress against the religious Pharisees. Jesus preached the highest standard of holiness ever preached on earth, and yet He mingled with the worst of sinners (e.g., Mary Magdalene, who was given the privilege to be the first to see the risen Lord). He never once criticised such sinners or reminded them about their past. This is our calling as a church too – to preach the same standard of holiness that Jesus preached, and yet to be warm to the worst of sinners and backsliders, to draw them to Him.

Our church is like a hospital, where the worst cases are welcome. They can all be cured. No-one need feel that he or she is too wretched to be helped. Some churches are like clubs where the rich and the self-satisfied meet together. But we want to be a hospital for the worst of sinners.

Seek the kingdom of God and His righteousness first at all times (Matthew 6:33). Then you will prosper in everything you do, and God will work on your behalf like a Mighty Champion (Jeremiah 20:11). This is what I have experienced all through my life.

Seeking God’s kingdom does not refer primarily to evangelism or missionary work. It means to make God the Ruler of your life, to live at all times under God’s authority, and to allow His heavenly values to take precedence over the pull of money, earthly pleasures, and man’s honour.

To seek God’s righteousness first means to long for His nature to be manifested in your inner life and in every part of your external behaviour.

May this truth grip you all your days! And when you have children, you must teach your children also this truth, so that they too can find the same result in their lives. Thus, generation after generation the Lord will have a witness on earth until He returns.

———————-

**By Zac Poonen © Copyright – Zac Poonen. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author. https://www.cfcindia.com/ / Photo by pexels

The North Wind and the Sun

Published on by Editor

The North Wind and the Sun had a quarrel about which of them was the stronger. While they were disputing with much heat and bluster, a Traveler passed along the road wrapped in a cloak.

“Let us agree,” said the Sun, “that he is the stronger who can strip that Traveler of his cloak.”

“Very well,” growled the North Wind, and at once sent a cold, howling blast against the Traveler.

With the first gust of wind the ends of the cloak whipped about the Traveler’s body. But he immediately wrapped it closely around him, and the harder the Wind blew, the tighter he held it to him. The North Wind tore angrily at the cloak, but all his efforts were in vain.

Then the Sun began to shine. At first his beams were gentle, and in the pleasant warmth after the bitter cold of the North Wind, the Traveler unfastened his cloak and let it hang loosely from his shoulders. The Sun’s rays grew warmer and warmer. The man took off his cap and mopped his brow. At last he became so heated that he pulled off his cloak, and, to escape the blazing sunshine, threw himself down in the welcome shade of a tree by the roadside.

The moral of the story is that gentleness and kind persuasion achieve what force and bluster cannot. The lesson here is that it is more effective to warm someone’s heart with love than to try to control them with anger or force.

Is our Heavenly Father like the wind or the sun? The Bible tells us that it is God’s love that draws us to Him (1 John 4:19), and His kindness that leads us to repentance (Romans 2:4). I believe this principle also applies in our relationships with others. When we love others with patience and selflessness, we foster unity and understanding, rather than engaging in conflict or trying to force them to agree with us or treat us a certain way.

————-

**Parable By Aesop and conclusion by Bobby McDonald at NCCF Church based on article: Difficult People / Pictures by Library of Congress

Popular Articles

A Clear Gospel Message

The Abortion Debate

Human Trafficking / Child Abuse

Trusting God to Heal the Scars of Sexual Abuse

The True Gift

True or False Conversion

Once Saved Always Saved?

The Judge – Upholding what is right comes at a cost

What is a True Christian or Believer

Prayer Speaking to God

Forgiving Others as God has Forgiving you

Prayer for forgiving others

Living Right Today

Not I, But Christ

Published on by Editor

“Lord, bend that proud and stiffnecked “I,”
Help me to bow the neck and die,
Beholding Him on Calvary,
Who bowed His Head for me.”

The following are some of the features and manifestations of the self-life. The Holy Spirit alone can interpret and apply this to your individual case. As you read, examine yourself in the very presence of God. Are you ever conscious of:

A secret spirit of pride-an exalted feeling in view of your success or position; because of your good training or appearance; because of your natural gifts and abilities. An important, independent spirit?

Love of human praise; a secret fondness to be noticed; love of supremacy, drawing attention to self in conversation; a swelling out of self when you have had a free time in speaking or praying?

The stirrings of anger or impatience, which, worst of all, you call nervousness or holy indignation; a touchy, sensitive spirit; a disposition to resent and retaliate when disapproved of or contradicted; a desire to throw sharp, heated flings at another?

Self-will; a stubborn, unteachable spirit; an arguing, talkative spirit; harsh, sarcastic expression; an unyielding, headstrong disposition; a driving, commanding spirit; a disposition to criticize and pick flaws when set aside and unnoticed; a peevish, fretful spirit; a disposition that loves to be coaxed and humored?

Carnal fear; a man-fearing spirit; a shrinking from reproach and duty; reasoning around your cross; a shrinking from doing your whole duty by those of wealth or position; a fearfulness that someone will offend and drive some prominent person away; a compromising spirit?

A jealous disposition, a secret spirit of envy shut up in your heart; an unpleasant sensation in view of the great prosperity and success of another; a disposition to speak of the faults and failings, rather than the gifts and virtues of those more talented and appreciated than yourself?

A dishonest, deceitful disposition; the evading and covering of the truth; the covering up of your real faults; leaving a better impression of yourself than is strictly true; false humility; exaggeration; straining the truth?

Unbelief; a spirit of discouragement in times of pressure and opposition; lack of quietness and confidence in God; lack of faith and trust in God; a disposition to worry and complain in the midst of pain, poverty, or at the dispensations of Divine Providence; an overanxious feeling whether everything will come out all right?

Formality and deadness; lack of concern for lost souls; dryness and indifference?

Selfishness; love of ease; love of money?

These are some of the traits which generally indicate carnality in the heart. By prayer, hold your heart open to the searchlight of God. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: and see if there be any wicked way in me” (Psalms 139:23-24).

The Holy Spirit will enable you, by confession and faith, to bring your “self-life” to the death (Romans 8:12-13). Do not patch over, but go to the bottom. It alone will pay.

Oh, to be saved from myself, dear Lord,
Oh, to be lost in Thee;
Oh, that it might be no more I,
But Christ that lives in me. “Create in me a clean heart, O God;
and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).

~ Poem by Roy Hession author of ‘The Calvary Road’

—————-

Copyright © Christian Communicators Worldwide Unknown.
Permission granted for reproduction in exact form. All other uses require written permission.
Find more free articles at http://www.BulletinInserts.org, a ministry of Christian Communicators Worldwide: http://www.CCWtoday.org