Category: love

Handling Disagreements in Marriage

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Key Quotes

“As the ‘head of the household,’ I believe the man should take it upon himself to lead by apologizing for his part first, even if he feels 99.9% of the blame is with his wife.”

” As I have often told newly wedded brothers, spiritual leadership is primarily comprised of being the first person in the relationship to die to yourself. “

“Seeking God individually first, examining my own heart (and asking Him to search my heart and reveal whether there’s any offense there), eagerly resolved to make right anything He reveals to me, is the more productive and fruitful path to restoring my earthly relationship than belaboring various viewpoints and tactics in a discussion.”

Full Article

Disagreements in human relationships are inevitable, even among those who are sincere believers. As Christians, we believe there are certain things which we should never even consider in times of difficulty. For example, when we are upset, we will never even consider killing our opponent. It’s laughable to even think that’s a possibility. In the same way, in marriage, we do not even consider divorce to be an option in resolving our disagreements. Divorce should be as unthinkable an option among spouses in marriage as murder is unthinkable among friends in an argument. 

In addition to knowing what not to do, it’s important to know what TO do in tough times. We should seek for tools to resolve our conflicts in a healthy, constructive manner. 

In my own marriage, remembering the following two things has helped tremendously:

I must be the first to die to myself 

There’s almost never a circumstance where the blame is 100% on one party alone. Both parties own some portion of the responsibility for any disagreement. As the “head of the household,” I believe the man should take it upon himself to lead by apologizing for his part first, even if he feels 99.9% of the blame is with his wife. (It’s incredibly unlikely that this felt proportion reflects reality)

One thing I have learned is that I must not apologize hoping to trigger reciprocity. My goal should not be to get my wife to “apologize back,” but rather to genuinely confess and own up to my responsibility. Sure, I may wish my wife would apologize, but that is a fleshly desire. I need to die to my will and my own desires, and seek instead to only be responsible for and concerned about my own shortcomings in the matter in question.  

There’s a lot of talk about the husband being a “spiritual leader” in the Christian world today. As I have often told newly wedded brothers, spiritual leadership is primarily comprised of being the first person in the relationship to die to yourself. There are all sorts of worldly ideas pervading Christendom about what it means for the man to be the head: about commanding respect, being obeyed, being the ruler of the home, etc. These are all wrong notions. To learn what true spiritual leadership is, we must look to Jesus Christ as our spiritual Head, and the Husband of His Church. Looking to our own Head and seeing how He spiritually led His Church, we see Jesus’s spiritual leadership defined by denying His own will every day, dying to Himself, looking to His Father, depending on the Holy Spirit, carrying His cross, and coming up underneath us in service and love. He never demanded respect, or forced obedience, but rather set the example of humble submission and obedience to the will of God the Father. 

This is what we as men in the home should do as well: set the example of humble submission to God as our spiritual act of leadership. 

Seek restoration of my relationship with God first

One picture that has really helped me think about resolving conflicts/ disagreements in my own marriage is that of the hands playing a piano. These hands can be compared to the husband and wife in a marriage. Think of when a player’s hands play beautifully. They are coordinated not through efforts of their own, time spent together in a kangaroo pocket, etc, but rather simply because they’re both perfectly connected to the player’s head. 

In marriage, I used to think we needed to have lots of long talks to “get on the same page,” etc, which really only amounted to the hands “spending more time together;” it never actually put us in tune! I mistakenly thought that unity was a function of coordination and communication, but more coordination and communication did not result in more unity; often, my own efforts only resulted in greater disunity. 

When I saw that if the hands aren’t coordinated, it means one of them must disconnected from the player’s head, it all made sense! Disconnection is paralysis, and we can’t expect a pianist with a paralyzed hand to play beautifully. Likewise, in marriage, we don’t need to spend more time together as paralyzed members; we need to seek to be restored to perfect connection with our Head! 

Seeking God individually first, examining my own heart (and asking Him to search my heart and reveal whether there’s any offense there), eagerly resolved to make right anything He reveals to me, is the more productive and fruitful path to restoring my earthly relationship than belaboring various viewpoints and tactics in a discussion. 

As we have done this, we have found many disagreements completely fade away entirely, needing no further discussion. When we do desire further conversation, we can engage fruitfully as members that have been restored to health as fully functioning, healthy hands.  Brother Zac Poonen has used the picture of the cross to describe all of our human relationships (the horizontal beam) in the context of our relationship with God (the longer vertical beam), and this picture is definitely true in marriage: no horizontal can thrive with a broken vertical; and almost all broken horizontals are really because of a broken vertical beam. 

God’s will for our marriages is that they would demonstrate the wonder of His redeeming love for us, reconciling us to perfect unity with Himself (Ephesians 5:31-32). These are a couple of ways in which we can personally seek to reflect His love in the disagreements that threaten to divide our marriages

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**By Jeremy Utley © Copyright – Jeremy Utley. No changes whatsoever are to be made to the content of the article without written permission from the author at NCCF Church / Photo by Studio 31 at Pexels

Christian Pre-Marital Counseling: A Comprehensive Guide 

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Christian pre-marital counseling is a thoughtful and intentional process that prepares engaged couples for a lifelong, Christ-centered marriage. It goes beyond mere relationship advice, offering a spiritual, emotional, and practical foundation for a covenant that mirrors God’s love. Through a series of guided sessions, couples explore important topics such as communication, finances, faith, intimacy, and future goals—ensuring they are well-equipped to build a strong, godly marriage before they exchange vows.

Historically, this kind of preparation was the norm in Christian communities. Churches and families understood the weight of the marriage covenant and made it a priority to equip couples spiritually, emotionally, and practically before marriage.

Today, in a world where romanticized love often takes center stage, pre-marital counseling serves as a much-needed reality check. It helps couples take off the rose-tinted glasses and honestly assess the lifelong journey they’re about to begin. Rather than assuming love is enough, it asks the deeper questions:

Are we truly compatible? Are we ready to walk through life’s highs and lows as one? Are we prepared to love sacrificially, forgive quickly, and grow together in Christ?

Done with humility and openness, Christian pre-marital counseling can transform your engagement from a season of planning a wedding into a sacred time of building a marriage—with God at the center.

Who Leads Pre-Marital Counseling?

Pre-marital counseling is often led by:

Church leaders (pastors, elders, marriage mentors) Licensed Christian counselors Certified marriage coaches or mentors

If your church doesn’t offer a program, many excellent Christian-based services are available both online and in person (see resource links at the end).

Key Topics Covered in Christian Pre-Marital Counseling

1. Faith & Spiritual Foundation

Marriage is a spiritual journey that should be rooted in Christ. Christian pre-marital counseling often begins with exploring your individual relationship with God and how that will shape your union. Couples should discuss biblical roles in marriage (Ephesians 5), the importance of prayer, worship, and spiritual disciplines as a couple, and how they will build their faith life together. For many, the question of how to raise children in the faith is an important conversation.

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” – Psalm 127:1

2. Communication & Conflict Resolution

How you communicate and resolve conflict can make or break a marriage. Pre-marital counseling helps couples recognize their communication styles and learn how to listen actively, speak with grace, and resolve conflicts in a healthy way. It also involves addressing common toxic patterns, such as passive-aggressive behavior, silence, and sarcasm. Couples should be equipped to handle disagreements with respect and humility, using biblical principles like Matthew 18 as a guide for resolving conflict.

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” – James 1:19

3. Finances

Financial compatibility is a major area of focus. Couples need to discuss their spending and saving habits, budgeting, and how to handle debt, tithing, and long-term financial planning. Financial transparency is critical, as money is often a point of contention in marriages. Pre-marital counseling offers the space to set financial goals and discuss how to manage money as a team.

“The borrower is slave to the lender.” – Proverbs 22:7

4. Life Goals & Expectations

Where do you see yourselves in 5 or 10 years? Couples should talk through their career paths, education goals, family plans, and lifestyle expectations—including housing, travel, and retirement. Discussing these details ensures that both partners have aligned visions for their future and understand each other’s dreams and ambitions.

5. Family Background & Boundaries

How does your upbringing influence your expectations of marriage? Exploring family dynamics helps couples identify patterns they want to repeat or break. An essential biblical principle is “leaving father and mother and cleaving to your wife” (Genesis 2:24). Establishing a new, independent family unit means setting boundaries with extended family and ensuring the marriage remains the central priority. Couples should also discuss how to manage family holidays and traditions while focusing on their own union.

6. Sex & Intimacy

Intimacy is an essential part of marriage. Pre-marital counseling offers couples a chance to discuss their views on sexual intimacy and the biblical view of the marriage bed (Hebrews 13:4). Couples will explore their emotional and physical expectations and consider how to protect their intimacy. It’s important to discuss love languages, emotional needs, and any past trauma that might affect intimacy in marriage. It is crucial to approach this topic wisely, focusing on creating a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship in the present day. The emphasis should be on growing together in sexual unity, rather than measuring past histories or creating unnecessary friction, wisdom is required here.

“The two shall become one flesh.” – Genesis 2:24

7. Medical History & Health Awareness

Health plays a significant role in marriage. Couples should be open about their medical history, including any hereditary concerns like sickle cell or thalassemia. It’s also essential to discuss HIV/STI testing, mental health history, and chronic illnesses that may affect daily life or long-term plans. Being proactive in discussing health allows couples to make informed decisions together.

Core Questions to Ask Before Marriage

Spiritual Life

What does your walk with God look like? How will we grow spiritually as a couple? How will we decide on church involvement and spiritual leadership? How will we raise our children in the faith?

Communication & Conflict

What is your typical response in conflict? How do you express frustration or hurt? What makes you feel heard and valued? How do you forgive and move forward?

Finances

What is your current financial situation? How do you handle budgeting and spending? Are you comfortable with debt? What are your financial goals? Will we share bank accounts?

Life Goals

Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? What are your views on career, family, and ministry? What would “success” in marriage look like to you? How do we support each other’s dreams?

Family Dynamics

What was your parents’ marriage like? What family habits do you want to keep or change? How involved will our families be in our lives? How will we manage holidays and family expectations?

Intimacy

What makes you feel emotionally and physically close? Are there any emotional wounds or concerns to work through? What are your boundaries and expectations in this area? How will we protect our intimacy in marriage?

Health & Wellness

Have you had any medical conditions that affect daily life? Are you aware of any hereditary illnesses or risks? Have you been tested for STIs? Are there any mental health concerns to discuss?

Conclusion

Christian pre-marital counseling is a powerful tool to help couples build a marriage that honors God. By addressing these critical topics early, couples can approach marriage with wisdom, understanding, and a shared vision. However, it’s important to remember that while words and promises are vital, actions speak louder than words. As you embark on this journey, take time to observe your partner’s actions and character. Anyone can say the right things, but true commitment, integrity, and compatibility are revealed in how a person lives and responds to challenges. People usually show you who they are—believe them the first time. Ensure that you are not just hearing what your partner says but also seeing how they act, as these actions will be what shape your marriage in the long term.

If your church does not offer a program, there are many Christian-based counseling services available, both online and in person. See the links below for resources:

USA Resources 🇺🇸

Christian Pre-Marital Counseling Online

Marriage and Family Ministry

Prepare/Enrich Marriage Counseling

UK Resources 🇬🇧

Marriage Foundation

Christian Marriage Counseling

The Marriage Course

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** Photo by Cottonbro Studio at Pexels

Marriage: A God-Ordained Ministry, Not a Fairy Tale

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Marriage is one of the most sacred and beautiful institutions created by God. It’s a relationship designed to reflect the love, commitment, and sacrifice seen in Christ’s relationship with the Church. However, marriage is not a fairy tale. It’s not about living in perpetual romance or expecting your spouse to fulfill all your emotional and spiritual needs. Marriage is about partnership, service, and walking through life together, supporting and loving each other.

1. Understanding What Marriage Really Is

Marriage isn’t a quick fix for personal issues, loneliness or dissatisfaction with life. It’s not about having a partner who will complete you in every sense. Only God can truly meet your deepest needs. This is one of the most crucial things to understand before stepping into marriage: a spouse is not your Savior. A healthy marriage doesn’t hinge on the idea that one person will make the other happy all the time. That’s an unrealistic burden to place on any human being, and it’s an unfair expectation to have of your spouse.

Marriage is about coming together to fulfill God’s purposes. It’s a partnership where both people are called to love, serve, and support each other, and above all, serve God. The Bible teaches that marriage is a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church (Ephesians 5:32). The goal is not personal happiness alone, but to glorify God through your relationship, sharing love, sacrifice, and growth together.

2. Marriage as a Ministry

In a biblical sense, ministry is about serving others to fulfill God’s plan. While the Bible doesn’t explicitly call marriage “ministry,” the concept is deeply embedded in its teachings. Marriage is God-ordained and meant to reflect His love and purposes. Both the husband and wife are called to serve one another and, in doing so, serve God’s kingdom.

Ephesians 5:25-33 compares the relationship between husband and wife to Christ’s love for the Church. Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved the Church, while wives are called to respect and support their husbands. This mutual relationship shows that marriage is about serving one another, loving and honoring each other, and, ultimately, serving God.

Genesis 2:18 tells us that God created the woman to be a “helper” to the man. This does not suggest inferiority or subordination, but rather highlights a complementary role in which both spouses help, support, and serve each other. In this partnership, the wife is called to respect and submit to her husband’s leadership as he fulfills his God-given role (Ephesians 5:22-24), while the husband is called to lead her with selfless, sacrificial love (Ephesians 5:25-28). This mutual service and submission are not about dominance or control, but about working together to fulfill God’s purposes for their lives.

This makes marriage a ministry in the sense that both partners are working together to glorify God, reflect Christ’s love for the Church, and serve His kingdom. As both the husband and wife live out their roles in love, sacrifice, and respect, their relationship becomes a living testimony of God’s love and His redemptive work.

3. Coming into Marriage Emotionally and Spiritually Ready

Marriage is not the place to look for emotional fulfillment, healing from past wounds, or validation. While a spouse can provide support and encouragement, your primary source of identity and fulfillment must come from God. Before entering marriage, it’s important to be emotionally and spiritually secure in your relationship with God.

This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, but it does mean you should be actively working on your relationship with God and striving for emotional maturity. Marriage isn’t about finding someone to “fix” you—it’s about two individuals, each grounded in Christ, coming together to serve one another and fulfill God’s purposes.

Practical Tip: Before entering into marriage, invest in your relationship with God. Spend time in prayer, study the Bible, and work on emotional maturity. Cultivate good habits for communication and conflict resolution. Be prepared to bring your best self into the relationship, knowing that your fulfillment ultimately comes from God.

4. The Reality of Roles and Expectations: Talking It Out

Before marriage, it’s crucial to have honest, open conversations about what you both expect in marriage. This goes beyond just the fun stuff like vacations and date nights—it involves discussing practical matters like finances, work, children, and household roles. Understanding each other’s expectations will help prevent misunderstandings later.

One area where many couples face tension is around roles in marriage, especially when it comes to work. Some men may want their wives to stay at home, while others may expect their wives to continue their careers. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer here. The key is clear communication and mutual respect.

If the wife wants to work but the husband prefers that she stays home, it’s important to have a respectful conversation about each person’s desires, financial needs, and long-term goals. The goal is to come to an understanding and make decisions together, ensuring that both spouses are happy and fulfilling their roles as partners in ministry.

Practical Tip: Before marriage, talk about your roles and expectations. Discuss finances, career goals, children, and household responsibilities. Clear communication will help prevent surprises and set you up for a healthy, cooperative partnership.

5. The Gift of Singleness vs. Marriage

It’s essential to recognize that both singleness and marriage are gifts from God. 1 Corinthians 7 teaches that some are called to singleness, which offers a unique opportunity to serve God without the responsibilities of marriage. But for others, marriage is God’s calling, and it provides the chance to glorify Him through companionship and mutual service.

You shouldn’t rush into marriage thinking it will fix loneliness or make you feel fulfilled in ways that are better left to God. Similarly, singles shouldn’t feel incomplete or less than because they’re not married. God has a perfect plan for everyone, whether that’s a season of singleness or a lifelong marriage.

Practical Tip: Embrace your current season, whether married or single. Trust that God has a purpose for you and will use either marriage or singleness to shape you and fulfill His plan.

6. Marriage: A Lifelong Journey of Service

Marriage is not just about personal happiness. It’s about serving one another and fulfilling God’s kingdom purposes together. This means that marriage involves sacrifice, service, and ministry. It’s not just about what you can get from the relationship, but what you can give. As a husband or wife, you’re called to love and serve your spouse selflessly, just as Christ loved the Church.

In marriage, both the husband and wife are helpers to each other (Genesis 2:18), fulfilling complementary roles that reflect God’s design. Marriage is meant to be a team effort, where both partners are committed to each other and to serving God together.

Practical Tip: Keep God at the center of your marriage. Your relationship is not just about you and your spouse—it’s about glorifying God. Look for ways to serve each other, pray together, and use your marriage as a platform to minister to others.

How God Prepares a Woman to Be a Godly Wife

Many women desire to be a godly wife to a godly man, but what does that actually mean? How does God prepare a woman for marriage in a way that aligns with His will? The truth is, preparation isn’t just about finding the right man—it’s about becoming the right woman. Before God entrusts someone with a marriage, He often takes them through a season of growth, refinement, and preparation.

Here are some key ways God prepares a woman to be a godly wife:

1. Strengthening Her Relationship with Him First

Before marriage, a woman’s first priority should be her relationship with God. A strong marriage requires a foundation in Christ, and that begins long before saying, “I do.”

Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” God teaches a woman to depend on Him first, so she doesn’t expect a husband to fill a role only God can.

This season of preparation is about learning to trust, listen, and obey God, which will later help her support and encourage her husband spiritually.

2. Developing Her Character and Heart

Marriage is not just about romance—it’s about selflessness, patience, and grace. A woman who desires to be a godly wife must first allow God to shape her heart.

Proverbs 31:10-12 describes a virtuous woman as someone who brings good to her husband all the days of her life—not just after marriage. God often refines a woman’s patience, humility, and kindness through everyday life experiences, relationships, and even trials.

If a woman struggles with pride, impatience, or resentment, marriage will only magnify those issues. God prepares her by teaching her how to love, serve, and forgive before she ever steps into marriage.

3. Healing from Past Wounds and Finding Wholeness in Christ

Many people enter relationships hoping their partner will “fix” them or make them feel whole. But true wholeness comes from Christ, not a spouse.

Psalm 147:3 says, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” If a woman has past wounds from relationships, family struggles, or insecurities, God may take her through a healing process before leading her into marriage.

This might involve letting go of past hurts, setting healthy boundaries, and learning to see herself through God’s eyes. A healthy marriage is built on two whole individuals, not two broken people looking for completion in each other.

4. Teaching Her Wisdom and Discernment

Not every relationship is from God, and not every man is a godly man. A woman must learn to recognize the difference between a relationship that aligns with God’s will and one that only serves temporary desires.

Proverbs 4:7 says, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” God often teaches discernment through past experiences, the guidance of His Word, and wise counsel from mentors or spiritual leaders.

This preparation helps her recognize a man who genuinely seeks after God rather than one who just plays the part.

5. Growing in Her Purpose and Calling

A woman is not just called to be a wife—she has her own God-given purpose. Before marriage, God may lead her to grow in her personal calling, whether that’s in ministry, career, or serving others.

Jeremiah 29:11 reminds us that God has a plan for each of us, even before marriage. A woman who walks confidently in her calling is more prepared to complement and support her future husband in his calling.

Marriage is about two people serving God together, not one person losing themselves in the other.

6. Learning the Skills Needed for a Godly Marriage

While love is important, practical skills are just as necessary for a strong marriage. God may prepare a woman by teaching her:

Communication skills – Knowing how to express thoughts and feelings in a way that builds, not breaks. Conflict resolution – Learning how to handle disagreements with grace and patience. Serving with love – A godly wife serves her family, not out of obligation, but out of love (Mark 10:45). Financial wisdom – Managing resources wisely to build a strong household (Proverbs 31:16-18).

These skills can be developed in everyday life, long before marriage, through friendships, work, and church involvement.

7. Trusting in God’s Timing

Perhaps the hardest part of preparation is waiting. Many women wonder, “When will it be my turn?” But God’s timing is always perfect.

Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” Rushing into marriage out of impatience can lead to heartache, while waiting on God ensures His best.

In this waiting season, God teaches a woman to trust Him fully, finding joy and contentment in the present rather than worrying about the future.

Final Thoughts

Being prepared for marriage isn’t just about waiting for the right man—it’s about becoming the right woman. God’s process of preparation isn’t always easy, but it’s always purposeful. He strengthens faith, builds character, brings healing, teaches wisdom, and aligns a woman’s heart with His.

If marriage is in His plan, He will bring the right person at the right time. Until then, the best thing any woman can do is grow in her relationship with God, embrace the season she’s in, and trust that His plan is always better than her own.

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** Photo by Jonathan Borba at Pexels

The Modern-Day Concubine: A Hard Truth About Relationships Many Women Ignore

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Throughout history, women have sought love, commitment, and security in their relationships. In ancient times, society drew clear lines between women who were chosen as wives and those who were simply kept around—often referred to as concubines. These women were valued enough to be close to a man, bear his children, and share parts of his life, but they were never truly prioritized.

Today, this pattern still exists—just without the formal titles. Many women unknowingly find themselves in this role: loyal, supportive, giving, and deeply invested in a man who never truly planned to choose them.

Even in biblical times, concubines had certain protections. A man was expected to care for them, and they had legal recognition—though still held a lower status than a wife. But their futures were always uncertain, entirely dependent on the man’s goodwill. Hagar, who bore Abraham a son, was eventually cast out. Bilhah and Zilpah bore children for Jacob but were never truly honored like his wives. Solomon had hundreds of concubines—part of his household, but not part of his heart.

These women were there for convenience, not commitment. That same dynamic plays out in modern relationships. A woman may devote years to a man—giving him loyalty, emotional support, even intimacy—hoping one day he’ll choose her as his wife. But all too often, he never does. Not because she isn’t worthy, but because he was never planning to.

Modern relationships often blur lines. A woman might find herself doing everything a wife does—supporting him through hard times, helping financially, being emotionally available, sharing her body—without ever receiving a true commitment in return. She believes her loyalty will eventually be rewarded. That if she just proves her love, he’ll see her worth and decide to marry her. But the painful truth is, most men don’t need years to decide. When a man is serious about a woman, he makes his intentions clear. When he’s not, he delays, distracts, and avoids.

It’s not that he’s confused—it’s that he’s comfortable. He’s benefiting from the relationship, so he sees no reason to change it. Many men will gladly take the emotional support, sexual access, companionship, and even financial help without offering anything long-term in return. That’s not love. That’s selfishness. It’s using someone’s time and heart while keeping her in a holding pattern.

A man who doesn’t see you as “the one” from the beginning is unlikely to suddenly change his mind after years of taking what he wants. He already knows—you’re just not the one he’s planning to marry.

Signs Your a Placeholder

If you’re unsure where your relationship stands, pay careful attention to these patterns. Each is a strong signal that you may be giving wife-level commitment while he’s giving you only convenience.

1. Years together, marriage is always “someday.” Men who really intend to marry rarely need multiple years to decide; most make up their minds within the first twelve months or so. When the timeline keeps sliding—finances, career, “not ready”—he’s comfortable, not confused.

2. You’re kept on the edge of his life, not in the center. A man who sees a future with you naturally weaves you into it. If you still haven’t met family or close friends, or you’re left out of meaningful decisions, he’s keeping emotional and social distance for a reason.

3. You do everything a wife does—without the title or security. Cooking, cleaning, sharing bills, late-night emotional support, sexual intimacy—yet no clear plan for marriage. That’s not partnership; it’s a one-sided arrangement where he enjoys the benefits while you carry the risk.

4. Serious talk about marriage makes him vague or defensive. When a man wants a woman as his wife, he can talk about it openly. If he diverts, jokes, or offers fuzzy promises with no dates or steps attached, take the dodge at face value: he isn’t planning what you are.

5. After leaving you, he marries someone else quickly. This stings, but it’s common. Commitment was never the obstacle; finding the person he wanted to commit to was. His sudden readiness shows he always knew what he was looking for—he simply didn’t see it with you.

If these signs sound familiar, your relationship may lack real intent. Love yourself enough to step back and make room for a man who will move toward you with clarity, not excuses.

You can’t earn someone’s desire to commit. You can’t force a man to value you by giving more, sacrificing more, or waiting longer. The more you give without receiving commitment, the more you teach him that you’ll tolerate uncertainty.

While not every man who delays is acting with malicious intent, many do know they have no plan to marry—and still keep the relationship going because it benefits them. That’s selfish.

You deserve more than to be someone’s “good enough for now.” You deserve intentional love. If a man truly sees you as his future, he won’t string you along. He won’t leave you guessing. His actions will speak. He will introduce you to the people who matter. He’ll talk about the future with you in it. He will lead with clarity, not confusion.

This isn’t just about emotional health—it’s also about spiritual alignment. If you believe in God’s design for love and marriage, then you know deep emotional and physical intimacy was meant to exist under the covering of commitment. That boundary isn’t about shame—it’s about protection. When we step outside of that design, we often find heartbreak, not fulfillment.

You are not a placeholder. You are not a convenience. You are not a modern-day concubine waiting to be chosen. You are a woman of value—meant to be pursued with intention, loved with integrity, and honored with commitment.

Don’t settle for someone who keeps you in the shadows while waiting for someone else to shine in the light.

Know your worth. Trust God’s timing. And remember: the right man won’t need convincing. He’ll recognize the blessing you are—and treat you like one from the very start.

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** Photo by Philip Justin Mamelic at Pexels

How To Strengthen Your Marriage and Build a Relationship That Lasts

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Marriage is a beautiful journey of companionship, love, and growth. Yet, like any relationship, it requires ongoing effort to stay strong. While physical infidelity is often the most recognized form of betrayal, there are many other ways that a marriage can be tested and weakened. Fortunately, just as there are pitfalls that can threaten a relationship, there are also proactive ways to build a marriage that stands the test of time. Through mutual respect, communication, and a shared commitment to each other and to God, couples can strengthen their bond and deepen their connection.

In marriage, it’s important to remember that men and women have unique needs that can help foster a thriving relationship. The Bible speaks to this dynamic in Ephesians 5:33, where it highlights the importance of respect for husbands and love for wives: “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” While both partners need love and respect, these needs are expressed differently in the relationship. Understanding and nurturing these needs is key to building a strong, enduring marriage.

1. Prioritise Communication

Communication is the foundation of any strong relationship. Open, honest, and respectful communication fosters understanding, trust, and emotional intimacy. Make time for meaningful conversations, where both partners actively listen to each other. Speak with kindness, and approach difficult conversations with love and patience.

“Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” – James 1:19

2. Build Trust

Trust is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. It requires transparency, consistency, and reliability. Be honest with one another, keep your promises, and show your commitment through your actions. If trust has been damaged, work together to rebuild it with patience and understanding.

“The one who walks in integrity will experience a strong shelter, but the one who walks in crooked paths will suddenly fall.” – Proverbs 10:9

3. Show Appreciation

Small acts of kindness and regular expressions of gratitude can go a long way in strengthening your marriage. Take time to recognize each other’s efforts and express your appreciation for the little things. Showing appreciation helps build positivity and reinforces the love you share.

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:11

4. Serve Each Other

Marriage is a partnership that thrives when both partners are committed to serving and supporting each other. Whether it’s helping with household responsibilities, offering emotional support, or simply being there for each other in times of need, service strengthens the bond between partners and fosters a selfless love.

“Serve one another in love.” – Galatians 5:13

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” – Philippians 2:3

5. Nurture Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is just as vital as physical intimacy in marriage. Create a safe space where both partners feel seen, heard, and understood. Share your dreams, your fears, and your desires with each other, and always offer emotional support when needed. The emotional bond between spouses is a source of strength and connection.

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32

6. Keep God at the Center

A marriage grounded in faith is a marriage that can withstand life’s challenges. Make God the center of your relationship by praying together, reading Scripture together, and seeking His guidance in all things. When both partners are committed to honoring God, their relationship will be strengthened, and their love will reflect the selfless, sacrificial love of Christ.

“A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” – Galatians 5:22-23

7. Practice Forgiveness

In every marriage, there will be moments of hurt, disappointment, and misunderstanding. Practicing forgiveness is key to overcoming these challenges. When you forgive your spouse, you release bitterness and allow for healing to take place. Remember, God forgives us, and we are called to extend that same forgiveness to one another.

“Forgive one another, as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” – Ephesians 4:32

8. Make Time for Each Other

Life can get busy, but it’s important to spend quality time together as a couple. Whether it’s going on regular date nights, taking walks, or just sitting together in silence, making time for each other helps keep the relationship strong and prevents it from feeling neglected.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9

9. Encourage Each Other’s Growth

A strong marriage supports the personal growth and development of both partners. Encourage each other to pursue individual goals, dreams, and passions. By supporting your spouse’s personal growth, you help them become the person God has created them to be, and you celebrate each other’s successes together.

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.” – Hebrews 10:24

10. Practice Patience

Patience is a virtue that every marriage requires. Be patient with your spouse’s flaws, mistakes, and the natural growth that happens over time. Practicing patience helps to foster understanding, respect, and a deeper connection. Remember, marriage is a lifelong journey of learning, growing, and loving.

“Love is patient, love is kind.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2

11. Be Loyal to One Another

Loyalty is fundamental to a lasting marriage. Being loyal means being faithful, not only physically but also emotionally and mentally. Your spouse should know that you are dedicated to them and that you will support them through the good times and the challenging ones. A loyal spouse builds a secure foundation for the relationship and ensures that trust remains intact.

“But the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children’s children.” – Psalm 103:17

“Let your yes be yes, and your no be no.” – Matthew 5:37

12. Walk Away from Temptation and Set Boundaries with the Opposite Sex

One of the best ways to protect your marriage is to avoid situations where temptation may arise. Setting clear boundaries with the opposite sex is essential. This can include being mindful of what kind of personal conversations you have, avoiding private meetings or messages, and keeping physical interactions appropriate. When you walk away from temptation and maintain boundaries, you safeguard the integrity of your marriage and honor the trust between you and your spouse.

“Flee from sexual immorality.” – 1 Corinthians 6:18

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” – Proverbs 4:23

13. Nurture the Sexual Relationship Within Your Marriage

A healthy and vibrant sexual relationship is an important part of a strong marriage. In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, the Bible emphasizes the mutual responsibility spouses have toward each other in meeting their physical and emotional needs. The sexual bond between a husband and wife is sacred and should not be neglected. It’s important for both partners to remain attentive to each other’s desires and needs, nurturing their physical intimacy as an expression of love, commitment, and unity.

“The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” – 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

In marriage, men especially have a need for physical intimacy, and it’s essential that both spouses remain open and responsive to each other’s desires. Additionally, maintaining a level of physical attractiveness for your spouse is important. This doesn’t mean trying to meet society’s beauty standards, but rather taking care of your body and appearance in a way that honors your spouse and your marriage. This effort to remain attractive shows your spouse that they are valued and cherished.

Remember that physical intimacy is not only about sex but also about affection, touch, and emotional connection. When both partners feel loved and desired, it strengthens the bond between them and contributes to a fulfilling marriage.

Conclusion

Strengthening your marriage is not a one-time effort but an ongoing journey. By prioritizing communication, trust, appreciation, service, emotional intimacy, loyalty, and healthy boundaries, and by placing God at the center, couples can build a relationship that withstands challenges and grows deeper over time. Remember that marriage is about mutual respect, love, and the willingness to work together to nurture the bond you share. Keep in mind that with open communication, patience, prayer, and a commitment to guard your hearts, you can strengthen your marriage and make it more resilient.

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** Photo by Samet Korkmaz at Pexels