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Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. ~ Hebrews 13:4

Have you ever wondered what God says about sex inside of marriage and what is allowed and not allowed? Here Pastor Vlad Savchuk answers this question in the video above. He has had to counsel many couples on the subject matter and now brings the topic into the open, as it’s deemed a taboo topic within the church community and hardly ever discussed in the church or in the household, except for to abstain from sexual activity outside of marriage. Sometimes it has been deemed to be a dirty and sinful act, however sex is something that God created to be enjoyed within the marriage covenant and is a beautiful thing to help bond the relationship between a husband and wife. However, as we know what the Lord creates for good the enemy corrupts, clearly seen in the world today. In a day and age where anything goes, even within the church community, the world has polluted our minds, so it’s good to get clarification on what’s permissible and the liberties that one has within the marital covenant.  

If the topic of sex is not discussed within the church community with the biblical truth, then our youth will seek the answers elsewhere and the enemy is always waiting in the wings to provide the information that will corrupt impressionable minds, as well as defile the temple of the holy spirit (i.e., our bodies). As the saying goes, “we cannot continue to send our children to Caesar for their education and be surprised when they come home as Romans.”

Transcript of the video “What Type of Sex is OK in Marriage?” by Pastor Vlad Savchuk:

The Marriage bed. What is allowed? What is not? What is okay to do?

Is it okay do this or is it okay to do that?

Warning! This video is not suitable for all audiences. This is going to be of mature content and please be careful who is listening to it, if you are watching this somewhere in the living room or in the house.

“Marriage bed undefiled” the Greek word here for undefiled is only used in this exact form four times in the New Testament and it means uncontaminated, and set apart. So, what is not okay? What is the defiling of the marriage bed? Let’s look at four things that I believe defile marriage bed.

Number one is adultery.

Now obviously, we know that it is sin. It’s wrong. Matthew 19:9, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4, indicate that adultery is a sin. We see this in the ten commandments. Spouse swapping is also adultery. They have T.V. shows, they have practices today in our culture where adultery is portrayed as good. We are experimenting. We are trying something out something different, and the Bible still calls that adultery. So, adultery is definitely a no, no.

The second thing that’s not good, that’s not okay, and it’s a sin is threesomes.  

Threesomes is when more than two people are engaged in sexual intercourse. And it’s done with permission or it’s done with consent. People are okay doing that. And some people say that hey, it’s completely fine as long as we’re are all on the same boat. Some people even use the Bible to say, “Well, look, Jacob had two sisters that he had sex with.” Well, not really. Yes, polygamy was permitted even though it was not God’s perfect will because Jesus from the beginning stated that divorce and polygamy and all this other stuff; it was not there from the beginning and therefore it’s not God’s will. but it was allowed for that time for the nation of Israel.

But Jacob was not sleeping with Rachael and Leah at the same time. There is not one instance. On the opposite, they would fight so that Jacob would go and sleep with Leah because he was planning to go and spend the night with Rachael. And so, we don’t see one indication or event hint that Jacob slept with both of the two sisters together. And that is wrong and that is not okay and the Bible condemns that.

The third thing is virtual adultery or we call it porn.

Bringing porn into your marriage, Pornography is going to destroy your marriage. I’ve known people who have wanted to spice up their sex life and they brought porn and both of them were I guess okay watching porn. Usually, one person is kind of hesitant, the other person is like super fired up in cases like these. Most of the marriages that I know who did that if they did not repent, their marriages fell apart.

You are inviting demons into your marriage and plus it’s so unfair for marriage to compare to pornography because pornography is acting, and it’s adult acting. It takes days to make a 40-minute porn video and most of those people are on drugs.

They are using drugs to get through this career that they are in. And afterwards a lot of them, they don’t do really well. It really takes a huge toll on their life. There is so much abuse that happens there. And if you watch the testimonies, and I’ve watched quite few testimonies who were in that industry, and they testify of how dark and how horrible that place is. And so, when you take out of that place, which is a place of drugs, which is a place of abuse, which is a place of unrealistic- that’s not even real and you bring that into your marriage bed thinking that’s all we need, very soon those spirits that are operating behind those people and that industry will come into your life through those films and they will destroy your marriage to the ground or your sexual life to the ground.

Number four is rape.

What’s not allowed. So, we’ve mentioned adultery, threesomes, watching porn, and rape. Colossians 3:19, I want to mention. So, the problem with rape and I had to deal with in my pastoral work I would say, or ministry where some spouses, men in particular feel like it’s not rape because of 1 Corinthians 7:1-5, my wife’s body belongs to me therefore I am entitled, therefore I can demand and I could force sex on my spouse. But– that’s first all, misquoting that Scripture and taking it out of context. Rape is all non-consensual sex within marriage or outside of it. Most people think rape is only outside of marriage. So, if I have non-consensual sex with somebody it’s rape but if I am married to this person, it’s not rape. They owe me. I’m just taking what’s mine. Are you? Is it yours or does that body belong to Jesus?

Are you simply claiming what’s yours or are you being a rapist? Rape is non-consensual sex even within marriage. Forcing it and demanding it is not what the Scripture in 1 Corinthians 7 is talking about. 1 Corinthians 7 is talking about giving satisfaction in sex. Serving the other person in sex. Not demanding and not forcing sex on your spouse. So, if you are using that verse to justify a forced or demanding or you are entitled kind of attitude towards sex as a man, you are misquoting the Bible and that’s not a character of Christ. Because in that verse it’s talking about serving your spouse not making them your slave.

Now what about what’s okay in the marriage bed?

So, we’ve mentioned some things that defile the marriage bed but now let’s look at some things that are honestly, sex Toys, Oral Sex, Different Positions is it okay or is it not okay? Things like oral sex, things like different positions sex toys. So here are concerning these things that I want to bring first of all like a basic framework of how each couple should decide whether oral sex, sex toys or different positions are allowed. Because there is really no one way or the other way in the Bible even though I know some people are very strong set on against oral sex or some people have said “Hey, it’s okay to have oral sex in marriage.” Some people are against sex toys and some people are like “Oh, it’s okay to have sex toys.”

And I’m going to touch on each of them in just a moment but here are the three questions you should ask before you can determine if this is okay for you or not.

• The first question you should ask is if the Scripture condemns it. Is it prohibited in the Scripture? Because if it’s not you can assume it is permitted.

• The second question that we have to ask is, is this beneficial? Is this harming me, or is this harmful or is this helpful? Now, I get these questions from Apostle Paul’s writings. Apostle Paul, 1 Corinthians 6:12 he says: So, the first questions is like is it lawful? Is the Bible against it? If the Bible is silent, okay, maybe it’s permitted.

• Number two, is this harmful? Is this beneficial? Like is there physical harm to this activity or not? And is this going to bring your marriage together or you are going to separate after that? Like, you are going to drift apart.

• And then third one, and this is the big one, this is the biggest deal breaker for any kind of topic that a lot of couples ask about concerning different sex acts or positions. Is the other spouse on board with it? Is there mutual consent? Is this spouse forced into what she’s not comfortable with? If that’s the case then it’s not okay. Even if the Bible is not against it even if you’re like, “Oh, there is no harm in this”, but the other spouse is not consenting to it the other spouse is not comfortable with it then it’s not okay for your marriage.

So, if you can’t deprive yourself from your spouse without consent, you need consent to explore each other in this particular way that you may have a question with your spouse’s permission and their consent. And if they are not comfortable, you can’t push it you can’t force it.

Now few thoughts on oral sex.

The Bible does not condemn oral sex within marriage. We don’t see strong condemnation against it. Outside of marriage, oral sex is still sex and it’s sin. And so, it’s never supposed to be used as an alternative to actually having intercourse for unmarried couples. Sometimes people are like, “Yeah, we are just messing around.”

No! You are committing fornication if you are having oral sex with your girlfriend or with your boyfriend. Period! Now within marriage oral sex is free from sin as long as there is mutual consent. In fact, some people go as far as to say that there are verses in the Bible that indicate or speak of oral sex in Song of Solomon. In Song of Solomon 2:3 where the fruit represents the male genitals and in Song of Solomon 4:16 where the garden throughout the Book of Song of Solomon is speaking or is used for vagina. And so, if you read those verses, you can get pretty much the implication that this is referring to oral sex. But again, each marriage bed is going to be different depending on what each person is comfortable with. When it comes to oral sex, I would really encourage because usually it’s the guys who are like, “Yeah, I want to do it. I want my wife to do it.” But are those desires fuelled and created because you watched pornography? Or they are just godly desires to explore your spouse in an intimate way?

And a lot of times in the area of marriage, one of the spouses feels very grossed out by this idea because of the abuse or because of the way they grew up where the idea of sex in marriage was very gross. I remember I heard a testimony of one guy, he was a prophet actually he’s still alive. I think he has like 17 kids and he claimed that he has never seen his wife naked. And they have 17 kids. I don’t know how they did it but they did it somehow.

And some of the religious upbringing have this very very strict idea on marriage bed where like, God is there watching or God is just leaving the room like come on, get it done with quickly. You know, move on with your life. But God created sex and He wants us to have joy and enjoy it and have pleasure and explore each other and get to know each other as long as it is done in a way that does not bring another person into that marriage bed whether virtually or physically. As long as you are not bringing fantasies also about somebody else onto your spouse and as long as there is consent to that. And so it will depend on each couple and it’s a liberty that each couple has to exercise. There is really no rule against or for it when it comes to oral sex.

Now sex toys.

And I reached out to our marriage ministry, kind of asked them of this also advice on this. I think that people don’t need sex toys in their marriage bed but I’m going to read something that they sent to me. It’s a conversation that they had with one person who said this: The same thing as can people masturbate outside of marriage? It’s something that is wrong, I believe. And so, I think that when it comes to this, when it comes to sex toy even though the Bible does not explicitly say anything against it or for it, I think that if it replaces your spouse or if you can no longer satisfy your spouse that you need a toy now, then you really are already kind of adding some foxes in your vineyard. And you should examine what is happening really in your heart and what’s happening with the quality of your marriage. Because sex is not really– it’s really like a revealer of what’s happening in your marriage. It’s not necessarily a deal breaker like where it makes your marriage, as much as it reveals if your marriage is doing good or is broken. So my stance on this I think that couples should abstain from it.

Anal sex.

I know that in our culture it’s portrayed now as it’s okay and it’s something that people push for and go for especially because of pornography that it’s being pushed in our culture. Now I want to mention something about that, what it’s not. Some people misuse the Scripture in the Old Testament to say that anal sex is bad because of those Scriptures. I think anal sex is bad and I don’t think you should practice it but not because of those Scriptures.

So let me read to you from Gotquestions.org, I honestly agree with that. And so, I think that it’s– you might not find a Scripture that it’s wrong but I do think it’s unhealthy, it’s not safe and I think the couple should abstain from it. And those ones who are really eager to experiment some of this little craziness should really maybe get delivered from pornography or effects of pornography because a lot of it is watching porn in your past that can affect and give you ideas and fantasies on how you should have or explore your spouse in your marriage.

Conclusion

The more your eyes are pure, the more your heart is pure the more the pleasure will be pure in your marriage. And you don’t need to do anything to add to it from the world or from the practices of adult stars or practice all of this kind of immorality.

I hope that this brought some clarity. I do know that this a very sensitive topic. If some of you are going to unsubscribe after this, it’s completely fine but I do know that not a lot of people are brave to mention or even talk about this. I was kind of hesitant about it. I asked my wife for permission and also had our marriage ministry to kind of go through my notes as well so that I could bring some clarity on this topic. There is a book I read after I got married called, “Sheet Music” by Kevin Leman. I think that what’s the book was about. It deals with sexual relationship from a medical point of view. He is a Christian guy. Even though I don’t agree on some things, but it also brought also a lot of clarity to me and we even recommend it to married couples. And so that’s something that I would leave as a resource to you.

God bless you. Thank you very much for watching this video.

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***By Pastor Vladimir Savchuk of Hungrygen Church / Photo by Pexels